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    Meet The Team Videos 
  • "...Oh my God, who touched Sasha? (beat) ...Alright. WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?"
  • One of the most hilarious ones is the Meet the Sandvich video, in which our Heavy, after munching on a Sandvich, beats the Scout and the Soldier offscreen, complete with such lines as "MY BLOOD! HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD!". The video is topped off with the Heavy watching the enemy team being decimated while happily chewing his Sandvich with a "Nom nom nom nom" sound.
    The Soldier: You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if you- (crrUNCH) OWW, MY SPIIIIIINE!!
    • Even better, lines cut from said Meet the Sandvich video have surfaced. The Scout and the Soldier come up with some hilarious reactions to getting beat down by the Heavy...
      The Scout: Gimme back my leg bone! (thwack) Hey! (thwack thwack) DON'T HIT ME WIT' IT!
      The Scout: PAIN, PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN! I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!
      The Soldier: Don't throw your life away, son! You only get one! Or...depending on your religious affiliation, several! Either way, it is a finite number, so think it through!
      The Soldier: There is a checkbook in the left rear pocket of my fatigues; I will pay you all of my money to stop!
      The Soldier: You do not frighten me! Pain does not hurt! (crrUNCH) I-I-I stand corrected! Aaaaaah!
      The Soldier: You can not hurt me! I do not have time to bleed! (squishCRUNCH) M-m-my schedule has just opened up! OWWWOOOH MY GOD!
      The Scout: He's-he's like a bear! He's like a big, shaved bear that hates people!
    • Usually, Meet the Team videos have their title card play either right at the beginning or after an introductory scene. Here, it just shows the Sandvich inside the fridge for a few seconds, with nothing else going on, before the title card suddenly pops up.
  • Excellent competition for the above is the Meet the Soldier video, where the Soldier delivers a bizarre, heavily non-sequitur-laden Rousing Speech with a little bit of Insane Troll Logic for flavor to the severed heads of the people he's just killed.
    RED Soldier: Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one!
    • This is made even better by the fact that he's using a pair of grenades to act out the story, and when he gets to "beat the crap out of every single one," he proceeds to SLAM THEM TOGETHER repeatedly.
    • Another moment is the realization that he was talking about Sun Tzu, hence: "And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are gathered together in one place, it's called a ZOO. ...Unless it's a FARM!"
  • Meet the Sniper; apart from the dialogue, when the Sniper shoots at the Heavy on his list, the bullet goes through the Heavy's head and hits a Demoman in his bottle, which (naturally) goes through his good eye. Afterwards, the now completely-blind Demoman desperately fires his grenades in random directions... before both he and his projectiles fall into and detonate a stack of explosives.
  • The Spy's video has a great one, where the characters discuss their base being infiltrated. When the Scout notices how much praise the BLU Spy is giving the RED one (and the best part, the BLU Scout is the RED Spy):
    BLU Scout: What're ya, the president of his fanclub?
    BLU Spy: No. Zhat would be your mother!
    (whips out a file full of dirty pictures of the Scout's mom and RED Spy)
    BLU Scout: (noises of horror)
    BLU Spy: Indeed. And now he's here to f-(bleep) us! So listen up, boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.
    • Also:
      BLU Spy: He could be any one of us. He could be in this very room! It could be you. It could be me! It could even b*BANG*
      BLU Scout: Whoa, whoa, whoooooa!
      BLU Soldier: What? It was obvious! (ejects empty shotgun shell) He's the RED Spy! Watch, he'll turn red any second now. (Beat) (nudges corpse with shotgun barrel) Aaaaanny second now... see! Red! Oh wait, that's blood...
    • The BLU Heavy's reaction after bursting into the locked intelligence room ready to kill the Spy, only to find the briefcase still there: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaalrightthen."
    • When the BLU Soldier is trying to enter the access code on the door, he types in "1, 1, 1, ummm... 1!"
      • And just to clarify, when he finishes, you can clearly hear something being unlocked before Heavy shows up, meaning that they did indeed put "1111" as their password.
      • Even better: notice how the "1" key is the only one that shows any dirt or wear. The code was set to be insanely easy to remember — and yet it takes the Soldier a moment to recall the last digit.
    • When the Team Fortress 2 logo/group shot comes on near the end of the video, you can hear the Spy stabbing his victims in time to the music.
    • The huge 'Alarm-O-Tron' board at the beginning. Quite apart from having ALL 18 playable characters, there are phrases like "On Toilet," "Is Drunk," "Stole Car," "Needs A Ride," "Smells," "Is Fired," "Found Dracula" and "Lost Dracula." And the word "Again."
    • Under "Red Pyro" are the words "Is A Man" and "Is A Woman." The words "Is A Robot" are also up there.
  • From the Demoman's video: "I'm a black Scottish cyclops! They got more *lengthy Sound-Effect Bleep* than they got the likes of me!"
  • From Meet the Medic:
    • Medic's Noodle Incident and the look on Heavy's face when he finds out Medic doesn't have a medical license anymore while he's operating on him.
    • In the background are X-ray charts of what appears to be Heavy with a bomb or rocket in his stomach
    • Medic: (affixes Heavy's heart to a device) "Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage, but I'm fairly certain your heart..." (places the heart under the med-beam. It immediately explodes and a piece of it knocks Archimedes off his perch)
      Heavy: What was noise?
      Medic: The sound of progress, my friend (swipes off the last bit of Heavy's heart off the device).
      Medic: (opens a refrigerator to grab a new heart for the Heavy) Ahh, perfect.
      BLU Spy's Head: Kill me.
      Medic: Later.
    • The Spy's severed head is stuck in a fridge fully conscious and unable to die. His reaction is a mildly annoyed "kill me".
    • The new, larger heart the Medic uses is from a Mega-Baboon. Next to it is the heart from a "Loch Ness Hamster".
    • The fact that the Spy's head is still somehow smoking his cigarette makes it even funnier. And the Medic is kind enough to keep an ashtray next to him!
      • Heavy's various annoyed and worried expressions the whole time Medic is operating on him are pretty funny.
    • When the Medic "operates":
      Heavy: Should I be awake for this?
      Medic: Ha ha. Vell, no. But as long as you are, could you hold your ribcage open a bit?
    • Then the Heavy pulls too hard and breaks a rib. The Medic tells him not to be a baby, that ribs grow back. Then he quietly confesses to one of his doves "No they don't!" note  Even though the Medigun should make that a moot point to begin with...
    • Archimedes is later seen back on his perch after being knocked off, none the worse for wear other than being covered in blood and chunks of Heavy's (old) heart. As the Medic exposes Heavy's new Mega-Baboon heart to the Med-Beam, Archimedes leans forward expectantly, clearly enjoying the medical procedure — though in the background, the other two doves back away nervously.
    • Also:
      Heavy: What happens now?
      Medic: Now? Let's go practice medicine!
    • The fact that the Medic conducts all of his surgery bare-handed, but he suits up in his lab coat and surgical gloves before he strides out onto the battlefield.
    • The Scout's missing tooth growing back and gleaming when the Medic heals him.
    • When the two are out on the battlefield and about to Ubercharge for the first time:
      Heavy: Doctor! Are you sure this vill vork?
      Medic: HA HA HA! (brandishes his Quick-Fix gun) I have no idea!
    • A quick one, but the look on the Sniper and Engie's faces when they see the invulnerable Heavy go charging past. They clearly weren't expecting that.
    • I AM BULLETPROOF!!!
    • There's also the end of the video. The Scout walks out of the operating room after having an UberCharged-heart operation with his chest glowing, and then...
      Scout: Oh, MAN! You would not believe...how much this hurts! (chest pulsates, followed by a dove cooing from within his chest)
      (Cut to black.)
      Medic: Archimedes!?
      • A fan version managed to raise the ante even further. Instead of Archimedes, we hear, "You SUCK!" The BLU Spy's head was sewn into Scout's chest
    • The previous scene with Archimedes is also hilarious — after the Medic irritably waves him away out of the Heavy's open chest wound, his issue with a dove being inside someone's chest is not the danger to the patient, but because "it's filthy in there!"
    • Even the outtakes of the video were hilarious. Special mention goes to Spy's accidental revival:
      Spy: Kill me!
      Medic: WAAARGH! (shoots on reflex)
      Spy: Kill me!
      Medic: (continues shooting)
      Spy: KILL ME!
      Medic: (repeatedly shooting the Spy) I'M TRYING! BUT YOU'RE INVINCIBLE! Ah... (realization dawns, and with a smile, he shoots the Spy one last time) Oooh!
      Spy: (off camera, in pain) Mon Dieu!
    • There's a moment of spot-on Black Comedy that Valve admits they wish they could've kept: Medic pumping blood out of one person's body into another person's body, by stepping on the unhappy donor like a foot bellows full of hemoglobin.
    • Later on, the Spy's head using his cigarette to try and reach for a bottle of pills.
    • And later still, the Medic uses the Spy's head to hold bolts and a light bulb in the only way he can... while simultaneously evoking the infamous 'Gentlemen?' meme.
    • This became doubly hilarious when Surgeon Simulator 2013 added Meet the Medic as a playable level.
  • Meet the Pyro. The whole damn thing might as well be this or Nightmare Fuel, depending on your sense of humour.
  • "Meet the Scout":
    • The interview portion begins with Scout suddenly walking in front of the title card, which is usually isolated from the action in most of the other trailers. In-between cuts to his match at Granary, he's still standing in front of it as he talks himself up. Clearly, the Scout wants as much recognition and screen time as possible for his introduction.
    • In the other videos, the mercenaries are shown downing a large number of foes to show off their prowess. Scout tries to sell himself as the toughest of the bunch... but the brief, intermittent cuts to the battlefield show him struggling against a single Heavy, all while he screams uncontrollably.
    • At one point, Scout flexes and grins at his (almost literally) nonexistent bicep.
    • When Scout is sitting on Heavy, triumphantly eating Heavy's Sandvich. You can see Heavy's still breathing and his finger is twitching. Scout still wasn't able to kill him, he just knocked him out with great difficulty.
    • As he continues to wax lyrical about how tough he is, Scout prods the camera to punctuate his speech. The fingerprint remains on the camera lens during the rest of his time addressing the camera in the video.
    • The whole fight with Heavy was actually unnecessary because Heavy was on a Sandvich break when Scout attacked him. In the final fight scene, Heavy is actually more interested in the Sandvich than Scout's attack as he is seen trying to grab it before the final blow.
    • When Scout is giving a Badass Boast, it always cuts to him making his own sound effects as he hits Heavy with his bat.
      • BONK!

    "Expiration Date" 
  • This exchange.
    Soldier: Hello, Miss Pauling, we killed everybody and took a briefcase!
    Pauling: Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven witnesses, guys.
    [A hand slowly rises from the bottom of the screen, Miss Pauling casually shoots the person]
    Pauling: Six.
  • The brief Freeze-Frame Bonus in the truck confirms, yes, even the code for that is 1111.
  • Spy walking by the truck as Scout tries and fails to work up the nerve to ask out Miss Pauling:
  • Medic's attitude throughout the movie; he approaches new medical advances with a kind of wild-eyed excitement, emphasising his insanity. He also enjoys messing with Scout.
    Scout: What the hell is that?!
    Medic: ...Tumors!
  • As the Medic explains the bread mutation, the Heavy listens in on the conversation — while he just so happens to be eating a Sandvich. He stops mid-bite and gazes worriedly at the Sandvich's possibly tainted bread... but he continues eating it anyway.
  • When the mercenaries find out that bread gets tumors from teleportation, implying that they might die due to using teleportation themselves, the Soldier has something entirely different on his mind.
    Argh! *grabs Scout and slams him against a table* We can not teleport bread anymore! *raises his fist as if to punch Scout*
  • The Demoman appears from a teleporter — carrying a crate of beer, wearing a sombrero and martini-shades, and his grenades are replaced with beer bottles.
    Demo: WOOOOO! Wooooooooooooooo!...Woo. What?
    • So either Engineer or Demo (or both) had a teleport set up for the sole reason of going to the store to buy beer.
      • Demo comes back wearing a Sombrero so presumably they set up a teleporter to Mexico just to buy beer.
    • Take a close look at the shot when Scout walks out of the van. Demo's in the background, and he has his normal playermodel instead of the one with the beer bottles on his chest. That implies that he went to the store, bought so much beer he needed a crate to hold all of it, and took a look at his bandolier and thought, "hey, I could use this to hold more beer," before proceeding to leave his grenades at the store just to carry six extra beer bottles.
  • When the Spy collects the bucket filled with dying wishes, its content is actually crudely-drawn pictures created by the Scout. After the first one, they all consist of Spy in a romantic relationship with the Eiffel Tower. In order, they consist of a picture of Spy with stink lines getting splattered by a car, a picture of Spy having sex with the Eiffel Tower, the Eiffel Tower having sex with Spy, and a post-coital picture of Spy and the Eiffel Tower (except Spy is crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines now). Also, the Demoman's confused reaction to the Spy using the term "coitus."
    • Scout's chuckling in the background after Spy reads each card.
    • What's even better is the exchange that follows it.
      Spy: I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it... DID ANYONE BESIDES SCOUT PUT A CARD INTO THE BUCKET!?
      Scout: (already laughing so hard he can barely speak) Oh man, classic Scout...
      Spy: Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.
      Soldier: You did not read mine. (lifts up a card with "Soldier" written on the outside)
      Spy: *sigh* Does it say you want the buc-?
      Soldier: Yes.
      Spy: (gives it to Soldier)
    • Plus, when he goes through the whole Eiffel Tower joke, he has a somewhat amused look on his face. Could the Spy think that Scout's drawings were Actually Pretty Funny?
    • At first, Spy doesn't know what the waves above his head in the picture mean.
      Scout: Those are stink lines! (aside, to Heavy) That's why the car hit him, 'cause he smells...!
      • Pay attention to Heavy’s face throughout the whole ordeal, he’s clearly amused by Scout’s drawings.
  • Pyro looks at a magazine called "Man Man." Pyro likes gay porn, which in the end does nothing for narrowing down the options because with Pyro being Pyro, who knows what's being seen?
  • When the Soldier demonstrates the inability to speak without hamming it up.
    Spy: This... is a bucket.
    Soldier: Dear God.
    Spy: There's more.
    Soldier: No...
    • Spy takes a beat to stare incredulously at Soldier before continuing the meeting.
  • When someone knocks on Spy's door, his first reaction is to tell them to go away. When he finds out who it is:
    "Oh, Scout! Please, go f**k yourself!"
  • After Spy relents and lets him inside his room, Scout distinguishes "girls" from "ladies" in the ensuing conversation. He notes that he's excellent with the former category of women, which he demonstrates with a quick flashback:
    Scout: We both got buckets of chicken. You wanna do it?
    Girl: Eh, okay.
  • Spy basically forces Scout to admit that the Spy is better than him, by implying that he won't help unless the Scout admits it. Before he admits that Spy is better than him, Scout insists that this "can never leave this room", so the Spy agrees to help him with his date... On one condition.
    Spy: (pulls out the base intercom microphone and taps it, sending feedback across the base and getting every mercenary's attention) Say that again.
  • This gem of a conversation:
    Spy: Seduce me.
    Scout: You?
    Spy: Seduce me.
    Scout: What? I ain't gonna-
    Spy: SEDUCE ME!
    • Scout does exactly what he did in the flashback — he just steps forward and says "I got a bucket of chicken-"
  • Scout's gentleman training montage. Highlights include him drawing pictures of Spy being shot in the head in his notebook and Scout attempting to look fancier by extending his pinkie finger at dinner.... holding a piece of fried chicken.
  • The final bit of Scout's dating training.
    Spy: Final question: You have a dinner date for seven. What time do you arrive?
    Scout: Seven. AM. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I gotta kill him, dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30.
    Spy: ...You're ready!
    Scout: Really!?
    Spy: No. Everything you just said was insane, and we are out of time. Congratulations! You're a failure.
  • The bread monster jumping at Medic and them struggling with it.
  • When Scout is trying to seduce Pauling. The Spy's expression says it all.
    Scout: You look, you look... ahhhh...
    Demo: Drunk!
    Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round!
    Demo: Blurry!
  • The way the climax gets kicked off. The Engineer and the Medic reveal that the tumors they were worried about only develop in "an environment of pure wheat"; in other words, the self-aware tumors only develop inside bread loaves, and the mercs are perfectly fine. All seems well... until a slightly sheepish Soldier reveals exactly how he decided to spend what he believed were his last days on Earth:
    Engineer: So we're fine! As long as nobody teleports any bread!
    Soldier: Question.
    Engineer: What's your question, Soldier?
    Soldier: I teleported bread.
    Engineer: ...What?
    Soldier: You told me to.
    Engineer: How... much...?
    Soldier: ...I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.
  • During the bread monster rampage, Spy has one thing to say for Scout.
    Spy: "I think it's going pretty well! *cue explosion in the distance* Now go!"
  • Pyro is chasing down a mutated loaf of bread as a pet. Of course, we have no idea what it is they're seeing...
  • The Medic shaking the bottle he put the self-aware bread in, and the delight in his voice when he exclaims, "Oh look! It hates me so much!"
    • He then throws it to the floor in fury and grabs Soldier by the lapels when he finds out Soldier has been teleporting bread.
      • A very quick gag, but when he throws the bread jar on the floor, Soldier, rather joyfully, goes to pick it up before Medic grabs him.
  • This:
    Soldier: GOOD NEWS! WE ARE NOT DYING! WE ARE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!
    Medic: I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with tumors!
  • Everything about Spy training Scout becomes Hilarious in Hindsight (well, even more) when you realize that Spy is Scout's father.
  • The implication that it took The Medic and The Engineer, two of the smartest people in the entire base, three days to think of using examples of organic matter other than loaves of bread to test the teleporters.

    "End of the Line" 
  • In the beginning, the days since the last shipment is 73, and the seven is orientated to resemble a lambda sign. Half Life 3 Confirmed(?)
  • The RED Pyro having a pool party with duckies. According to the Taunt, the pool's filled with gasoline.
  • The BLU Pyro decorating one of the trains with a painting of Pyroland. And BLU Pyro filled it up with rubber duckies too.
  • The BLU Pyro skips up towards Heavy and holds up a hand for a high-five, which goes unreturned.
  • The RED Heavy and Medic playing chess, and the Medic's look when the Heavy knocks one of his [Medic] pieces out.
    • To clarify, the Heavy takes the Medic's pawn with his King. This is his first move. He doesn't know how to play chess.
  • Mann Co. building their explosives storage next to a kitten store. And an orphanage. And a kitten orphanage.
    • Soldier's increasingly horrified face as he looks at all of these.
    • Appropriately enough, the explosive barrels inside the storage building are arranged by color to look like a large bullseye.
  • RED Scout is disarming the bomb and it asks him to press one of two "yes" buttons. He picks the green one. It works. Then he switches the light on and notices the dozen other bombs in the car.
    • Even funnier if you remember that Scout is one of the characters who is illiterate.
    • When trying to unlock the deactivation panel, he realizes he doesn't have the key. As he slumps down, dejected, he notices it underneath a nearby welcome mat that says "GO AWAY."
  • One of the orphans, a young lame boy with crutches, is smoking. As Soldier comes to inspect him, he hurriedly throws away his cigarette... and his cat's cigarette.
  • RED Heavy and RED Medic resuming their chess game at the end. Heavy takes so long deciding a move that Medic flips the board.
  • The piece RED Medic was carrying at the end was a Queen.

    The Sound Of Medicine 
  • At the end, Medic tells everybody to get behind him. When the missiles hit the shield, we then see Pyro standing with their hands over their eyes in a terrified-slash-cute kind of way, then they take them off for a peek, see all is well, and grab their flamethrower.
    • Look at Soldier when Medic's shield is revealed. The others are covering their faces. Soldier covered his crotch.
  • Sniper and Scout pretty much strolling along behind as Heavy, Soldier, and Pyro carve the way forward. They bro-fist each other because they have nothing to do.

    "Jungle Inferno" 
  • As the teams split up, Scout messages the other team via walkie talkie to see if they found anything yet. The other team has Pyro on communications duty. Scout is visibly annoyed.
  • Scout muttering "Please let there be pants" over and over as he sees some bare legs standing in the middle of a blood covered floor. Thankfully, there are... in the form of short shorts.
  • After they hear the Soldier scream, Saxton reacts with near-manic glee. Scout—who is trapped in Saxton's headlock—reacts more subtly with...a quivering lip.
  • EVERYTHING SAXTON HALE does. In no particular order:
    • He jumps through a wall, leaving an Australia-shaped hole!
    • He punches the Yeti so hard it EXPLODES!
    • He uses the Scout as a WEAPON! Fans of the tie-in comics might hear "SCOUT!" in their heads.
    • He uses Scout as a springboard just to punch the Yeti, leading to the aforementioned explosion!
    • After he kills the Yeti, Hale casually reveals that he has driven the species EXTINCT! And doesn't seem to want to acknowledge the fact that means he won't get another.
  • Scout's reaction to pretty much everything Saxton does is one of sheer terror.
    Scout, realizing he's going to be swung at the yeti again: "Please no."
    • After being swung almost straight into the yeti's face, Scout gives a nervous little chuckle. When the yeti roars, Scout proceeds to scream in the highest pitch he's ever been heard using.
  • Saxton Hale recounts everything others said to discourage him from building Yeti Park, which amounted to how life will find a way and the creatures will eventually break free. Saxton laughs at such claims and declares "That was the whole bloody POINT!"
  • The Spy runs away in the beginning and doesn't reappear until the action is over. It's not like he's going off to do anything brave either; he just runs away.
  • Soldier's spine being broken again, which he somehow manages to walk off.
  • Update Day Three has a picture of Pyro hugging Hale thank-you for the new weapons in a cutesy, super-girly way. It adds to it that Pyro is significantly shorter than Hale. In the text, Valve once again dodges the question of Pyro's gender.

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