Almost anything out of Roger Sterling's mouth is a CMOF.
Roger's declaration of love for Joan after his heart attack:
"Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides."
Also a Tear Jerker if you look at it from Joan's perspective.
"I hate it when that happens."
"You know, Don, when God closes a door, he opens a dress."
"My name is on the building - they can wait for me."
"At some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage."
"Oysters Rockefeller, beef Wellington, Napoleons? We leave this lunch alone for much longer, it's going to take over Europe."
"I didn't think you had it in you. And I mean that."
"Believe me, somewhere in this business, this has happened before."
"Chicago. Small-time.... Sorry, maybe you're from there."
"I can't wait until that girl is another man's problem."
"Is it just me or is the lobby full of Negroes?"
"I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?"
"I don't know about you but I had Lane."
"Hey look, it's a handsome prince! Nah, it's just Campbell."
"You're a mean drunk. I'm getting you a Shirley Temple, you're cut off."
Actually, all of his interactions with Sally are flat out hilarious for both of them. They play off each other brilliantly.
Pretty much anything Dumb Blonde secretary Meredith says.
Any time John Slattery (Roger Sterling) does a DVD Commentary. He, Jon Hamm and Robert Morse (Bert Cooper) riffing on the season three finale has to be seen to be believed. The same goes for the team of Vincent Kartheiser and Alison Brie (Pete and Trudy Campbell).
Peggy delivering a spectacularly backhanded compliment to her roommate (about her taste in men). "I think it's good that you're being picky finally."
Bertram Cooper's paleo-conservative leanings on things like Medicare and Civil Rights.
"I don't get to go home until Bert and Jeff figure out a way to take food from children."
When Harry Crane isn't sure about helping form Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, Bert kindly informs him that if he refuses, they'll have to lock him in the supply closet until Monday morning.
Don and Roger getting a long-winded Lee Garner off the phone: "Oh my god, there's some sort of fire!"
Joey on Trudy Campbell - "I would get her so pregnant".
In the episode with the solar eclipse, Sally's class is doing the make-a-camera-obscura-out-of-a-cardboard-box thing. Chatting with Don, Carlton grumbles about how he doesn't believe this is really necessary because he stares at the sun all the time and nothing's ever happened. Don's like, "You stare at the sun all the time?"
When Peggy puts up a very stuffy and formal ad looking for a roommate, the Jerk Ass SC guys decide to prank call her about it. You try to sympathize with Peggy but the whole thing is Actually Pretty Funny and you can't help but laugh.
One that could only be a CMOF on this show: Pete and Trudy have his brother Bud over for lunch, and they're talking about their mother. Bud says he was on the phone with her the other day, "and you were all she talked about." Pete says, "Really?" and Bud says, "No. I'm kidding." And they both laugh about it! (While Trudy frowns and says she doesn't know what's funny about that.)
The whole scene with Pete and the Chip-N-Dip, culminating with the revelation that he exchanged the Chip-N-Dip for a gun.
Roger introducing himself to representatives of Richard Nixon's presidential campaign after walking up 23 floors of stairs, by puking his oyster and vodka lunch.
Pete unexpectedly picking a fight with Ken in the office over unflattering remarks at Peggy...while Roger casually offers Don a ride to the train station as they leave nonchalantly.
The Sterling Cooper production of "Death Is My Client: A Play in One Act by Paul Kinsey."
Sal (as Peter Talison): I can't control my genius! I'm not some boorish natural like that hack, Cosgrove!
Made even funnier by later revelations that Ken is seemingly more prolific and accomplished a creative writer than Paul.
Once Pete has uncovered Don's secret, he basically blackmails Don with it in exchange for a promotion; Don freaks out, even contemplating running away, before deciding to suck it up to face Bert Cooper dramatically along with Pete. Don promotes someone else, Pete instantly outs Don as Dick Whitman, and they hold their breath for Cooper's response...
Cooper: Mr. Campbell... who cares?
Sally's comment to Joan: "You have big ones. My mommy has big ones. When I grow up, I'm gonna have big ones too."
Jimmy Barret's first appearance.
Pete has to give a sperm sample to a maternity clinic - he's in the private room, trying to choose a dirty magazine to look at...cut to Roger, playing with a toy bat-and-ball in his office. Perfect cut!
His line about it is pretty good, too, when Joan tells him they can hear that outside: "No one knows what I'm doing. It's good for mystique."
And among the magazines Pete gets to choose...is a fairly mundane news magazine.
Freddy Rumsen inexplicably playing Mozart using his pants zipper in plain sight of Jane, right after Joan calls her out for her indecent mannerism.
Ken's attempt to hit on Jane. It falls very flat.
"My title? I'm Ken!... Cosgrove... Accounts."
Freddy Rumsen pissing himself and then passing out before a meeting. Or rather, Sal's reaction, which is to laugh hysterically as everybody else stares, then gradually stop and ask, in a hushed voice, "Is he dead?"
Harry Crane's response to Peggy getting Freddie Rumsen's old office:
You have your own office? You? I'm the Head of Television and I have to spend the day looking at an orangutan.
They're doing the voices from comedian Stan Freberg's hit novelty song "John and Marsha" (the moaning sounds in the voices simulate orgasm even though the two names are the only words on the entire record - scandalous for its day); Freberg, by the way, was also a famous pioneer of comedic advertising, including bits that are still regarded as classics - as an interesting parallel to Don Draper, in real life Freberg won over 20 Clio awards and steadfastly refused to do tobacco commercials.
This exchange between Roger and Don upon arriving at the office the morning after a Christmas party that Lee Garner Jr. had been invited to:
Don: (In German accent) Did you enjoy the führer's birthday? Roger: (Also in German accent) May he live for a thousand years!
Alone and wifeless over New Year's, Don and Lane take in a movie. "You know what's going on here? Hand jobs." "Really?"
Danny Siegel's hilariously uninspiring portfolio in "Waldorf Stories":
Don: "Greyhound. The Cure for the Common Bus." Don: "La-Z-Boy. The Cure for the Common Chair." Don: "Budweiser. The Cure for the Common Beer." Don: "Manufacturers Hanover Bank, The Cure for the Common...Bank."
Turns into a Brick Joke when Don, in a drunken haze, uses Danny's tagline idea in his Life Cereal pitch. And sells it.
Peggy calling Stan Rizzo on his claims about being a nudist and Peggy's inability to be anything other than Don's lap dog by shedding all her clothing, asking him to do the same, and then promptly (and constantly) checking to see how that erection of his is doing.
Peggy's reaction to the work Rizzo had done at the end where she said that she changed just "a little bit" while gesturing with her thumb and index finger.
The flashback of how Don got started at Sterling Cooper: Roger got totally hammered during their meeting and hired him, despite being thoroughly unimpressed with his work. And in the same episode, Don's drinking forces him into a similar corner.
Also a Brick Joke of Awesome - look at this exchange from the fourth episode of season one:
Roger Sterling: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you can dream of. Don Draper: It's the way I got in.
Even better, it's implied that Don actually never got the job, and he just got Roger drunk enough he'd believe he hired Don come morning.
Trudy Campbell in "The Suitcase." In the bathroom at SCDP, she tells Peggy she's followed boxing all her life. "My father loved blood sports," she explains, delicately putting on her white gloves. Then when they go out to where the menfolk are waiting, she asks if they're ready to go: "I want a rare steak and to watch those two men pound each other." Who knew?
Duck entering SCDP late at night while drunk and desperate for Peggy is heartbreaking in general, but one scene is made funny when Duck cooks up the idea of relieving himself in Don's office as an act of revenge. He ends up targeting Roger's posh office recliner in confusion.
Duck: Would you let me concentrate?
Three guys try to shake a vending machine in the right way to make the change (and a watch) it ate fall out, while Peggy comments "I feel like Margaret Mead."
Then Pete comes out into to the hallway because the commotion disturbed his phone call: "When did we get a vending machine?"
Miss Blankenship, full stop.
Even her death is funny, at least at first. It culminates in the removal of her body viewed in complete silence from inside the conference room, with the staff trying to remove her from the building without their clients noticing, with Harry finally adding dialogue about the afghan they've stolen from his office.
Harry: My mother made that!
And later on, Don asks something of Faye.
Don: I'd ask my secretary to do it, but she's dead.
Joan tells Megan to "get a man" to help. Out of all the men in the office, who does she come back with? Pete. In his only appearance in the episode.
When Peggy finds that Miss Blankenship is dead she hurries to Don's office and finds Sally sitting at his desk. Before quickly leaving she turns back to sternly tell her "Do NOT come out of there!" and Sally snaps back "I know!"
And then there's Bert's eulogy:
"She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She's an astronaut."
Sally and Don's french toast recipe.
Don: What's on this? Sally: Mrs. Butterworth's. Don: Go get it. (looks at bottle) ...That's rum; read labels. Sally: Is it bad? Don: (takes another bite) Not really.
In one of the episode commentaries, Matt Weiner says that he put in the script that Trudy would still wear small nighties while pregnant, but even he was surprised by how funny it became.
Peggy making a presentation for Playtex with lipstick on her teeth, with Harry casually informing her about it immediately afterward.
"You there! Get my shoes."
The scene where Joyce tries to kiss Peggy.
Peggy: I have a boyfriend. Joyce: He doesn't own your vagina. Peggy: No, but he's renting it.
Joan to Peggy in the season finale: "Whatever could be on your mind?", when the shock of Don suddenly marrying is the only possible topic. Followed by Joan stating that she learned not to seek satisfaction from the job. They both laugh when Peggy calls it bullshit.
In the Season premiere, Bert, Stan and Abe having a debate about the Vietnam War at Don's birthday party. Particularly the sailor who has to listen about his options; getting killed or coming home like Joe from Johnny Got His Gun.
Sailor: (Beat) I thought there were gonna be girls here.
How can you forget "Zou Bisou Bisou" as sung by Megan? To some it may be Fetish Fuel but for others, it was that kind of CMOF that comes once in a lifetime.
Lane later to Joan about Don during the performance: "I saw his soul leave his body."
Stan trolling Harry as he's making inappropriate comments about Megan with Megan standing right behind him.
Roger doing a half-assed impersonation of Lane's secretary over the intercom. And quite possibly fooling Lane.
Pete snarking about the intrusive column inside his office and how well it'll help with the clients and future of the firm.
The whole Lane/Joan scene in the Season 5 premiere from Lane mocking Megan's performance to the baby unexpectedly farting as Lane is holding it. The whole scene was full of amusements.
Harry smoking pot at a Rolling Stones concert and getting the munchies. He buys a bag full of hamburgers and eats them all in the car while Don is watching. "There were 20 in that bag. I thought you were bringing it home for your family!"
The office being forced to hire a black receptionist named Dawn, who insists there hasn't been any confusion between her name and Don's.
Roger, king of the one-liners, calls her "Darkest before the Dawn". Ouch.
A drunken Peggy flirting with Roger, then shaking him down for all he's worth.
The office gossiping about Lane beating up Pete. Particularly Joan telling Lane that everyone in the office wanted to do it.
The whole preceding scene between Lane and Pete was hilarious.
Megan yelling "Cynthia!" at Trudy's dinner party when she finally remembered Ken's wife's name.
Lane fighting with his fists up in the old "Queensbury Rules" boxing stance.
Don and Roger's reactions to Lane and Pete fighting. Don calmly stands up and closes the blinds in the office. Roger?
The scene with Pete at a brothel and the prostitute trying out different roles to play for him pretty much tells you everything about him.
Hooker: (lies seductively on the bed) Oh honey you've had such a hard day... Pete: No. Hooker: (acting young and innocent) Um, this is my first time. I'm kind of nervous... Pete: No. Hooker: (on all fours on the bed) You're my king. Pete: Okay. (begins to undress)
Roger's acid trip, including hearing an orchestra from a beer bottle, inhaling a cigarette, and seeing Cooper's face on a dollar bill.
It was a bottle of Stoli and the song was appropriately 'Song of the Volga Boatmen', a traditional Russian song.
Not to mention hallucinating the entire 1919 World Series while in the bathtub.
Megan's French Canadian father, Dr. Calvet has this gaffe with the English language as he tells Don:
Dr. Calvet: "No matter what, one day your little girl will spread her legs and fly away." (everyone laughs) Dr.Calvet: What? It's true. Megan: It's wings, daddy.
Pete cajoling Dr. Calvet, who is completely caught off guard but amused later by his insincere, capitalist flattery. "And that is what I do"
Roger's jaw-droppingly offensive selling to Ginsberg why he should come up with ideas to sell a Jewish wine.
Roger: What I need from you is a couple of ideas for a company called Monarch Wines. The brand is 'Manichewitz'. Ginsberg: You assume that I'm Jewish. Roger: Stop talking. They make wine for Jews, and now they want to sell them to normal people. You know what I mean, people like me. I think they're open to anything and it has to be cheap (sotto voce: surprise) but impactful.
Later, Harry Crane ecstatically chanting along to the Mahamantra.
His pitching to Harry his spec Star Trek script "The Negron Complex". Even funnier is Harry's attempt to explain the script to Peggy.
Also a Call Back to season 1, when the guys in the office are discussing Ken's Atlantic Monthly story. Paul tells them about the time he hung out with "all these Negroes" and they all got along; he thinks it would make "a great story".
In the same episode, Don's failed attempt to drape his coat over a lamp.
And Pete's utter failure to excite anyone over resigned Jaguar, especially Cooper. "They're lemons!"
Joan losing her temper at the receptionist Meredith for letting someone in to serve her her divorce papers:
Meredith: He said he knew you. He said it was a surprise. Joan: A surprise?! Thank you for that! Here's a surprise... (throws a nearby airplane model at her desk, breaking it into pieces) SURPRISE! THERE'S AN AIRPLANE HERE TO SEE YOU!!!! Meredith:You're not allowed to do that.
Peggy is getting called repeatedly by Don, who is looking for Megan. Peggy is at work late at night. After the second time, Peggy waits and then answers, hearing Don on the other line. Then she blurts out this masterpiece —
Peggy: (in a vaguely Asian accent) PIZZA HOUSE!! (pauses, hangs up, then raises her hands up in a bemused manner)
Peggy flubbing her lines for the Cool Whip proposal after taking Megan's place.
Afterward her and Don get into an argument which results in Peggy finally telling him to shut up for being so condescending. Don is so stunned that he tries to smoke only for one of the Cool Whip reps to tell him he's not allowed to smoke in the building.
Most of the male characters' new post "Summer of Love" hairstyles and facial hair debuting in the season 6 premiere episode, from Pete, Roger and Harry's sideburns to the mustaches on Ginsburg and Peggy's boyfriend Abe to the mountain man beard on Stan Rizzo.
Roger on the subject of giving in to client's whimseys: As my mother used to say "your options were dishonor or war you chose dishonor, you might still get war." Made better by Don's unamused reaction to the misattribution joke.
Don being completely oblivious that his pitch evokes death.
Don: Does this [ad] make you think of suicide? Stan Rizzo: Of course, that's what's so great about it!
Don's face as he realizes that the other couple he and Megan are having dinner with (Megan's soap opera co-star and her husband, the show's head writer) are "swingers" and are asking them to spend the night with them. Megan is oblivious at first but she slowly catches on and she and Don politely decline.
Joan awkwardly hugging Dawn, SCDP's lone African-American employee, the day after Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated.
Ginsberg's awkward date with the nice girl his father set him up with.
The day after Martin Luther King's assassination Roger Sterling brings an acid-tripping buddy and insurance guy Randall Walsh to meet Don, Ginsberg and Stan. Randall tells them that the spirit of Dr. King delivered a coded message to him in his sleep. He wants an ad for his company to feature a Molotov cocktail and a coupon. From their expressions Don's reaction is "WTF?", Ginsberg is intrigued and Stan is suppressing a laugh. When Don politely refuses Walsh leaves and Ginsberg asks out "Hey did you really see Dr. King?"
The way Pete describes stumbling upon his father-in-law "with the biggest, blackest prostitute you've ever seen". Ken tells him not to worry, nothing will happen because the inappropriate situation is just like Mutually Assured Destruction..
In "For Immediate Release" Pete, angry at Don for losing Jaguar, runs down the stairs at SDCP to yell at him and falls on his ass◊. When Don remarks they are better off after Roger saves the day, Pete chews him out.
Pete: Don't act like you had a plan, you are Tarzan, swinging from vine to vine!
After the merger with CGC in "Man with a Plan", Roger firing his former head of accounts Bert Petersen again.
In "Man with a Plan", Pete's now senile mother wakes Pete at 6 in the morning to tell him she heard from the television that "that poor Kennedy boy" was shot. Uninitiated viewers may err by Pete's side that she is confusing with the assassination of John F. Kennedy five years ago. Turns out John's brother Robert F. Kennedy had just been shot.
"The Crash" is the show's trippiest episode yet thanks to, ahem, "vitamin" shots, including:
Ken Cosgrove tap-dancing on a broken foot, and Dawn's reaction to it.
The creative staff playing William Tell with Stan Rizzo, who gets a dart in the forearm.
And the one who threw it, Ginsberg, was the only one not on speed.
Betty disapproves of Sally's new mini-skirt. When Sally says that she earned the money for it, Betty asks "On what street corner?"
It's the way Vincent Kartheiser delivered his line that makes it funny.
Bob Benson: How are you? Pete:[annoyed] NOT GREAT, BOB.
At the GM headquarters, the execs invite Pete to take a spin in the Camaro Z28 (in the lobby, no less). Pete finds he can't drive a stick and backs into a GM sign, sending people scattering.
Peggy's boyfriend getting stabbed twice in the same episode.
Peggy attempting to seduce Stan into killing a rat for her is hilarious enough on it's own, but when she realizes he actually has another woman next to him...
Peggy: ...You can bring her.
Roger's first appearance in the season premiere is amid the aftermath of an apparent orgy.
Don in an L.A. restaurant meeting Pete who's been out in California for a few months and he's gone native, with a deep tan, wearing a polo shirt, a sweater around his neck, plaid slacks and gives a surprised Don a hug instead of a handshake.
Ken, who still has an eyepatch over his injured eye, tries to throw the earring Joan left in his office and misses completely because he has no depth perception.
Peggy, Stan and Ginsberg in an elevator. Peggy asks if Stan can work that night. Stan says he can't because he's going to a party.
Peggy: Maybe if you invite me you can have til Tuesday? Stan: And now we know you don't have plans for Valentine's Day. Ginsberg: She has plans, look at her calendar. February 14th: ‘masturbate gloomily'. Peggy:[Death Glare]
When they get to the office Peggy sees a bouquet of roses on her secretary's desk that she assumes are for her:
Peggy: Who are these from? Stan: Hard to believe your cat has the money.
Dawn and Shirley's greeting each other in the break room by their own names as an inside joke how they're often mistaken for each other because they're the only two female African-American employees in the office.
When Shirley tells Dawn that Peggy thought the flowers Shirley's fiance sent her for Valentine's Day were for her and took them into her office:
Shirley: Who the hell is sending her flowers?
And the look of embarrassment on Peggy's face when she finds out that they actually were for Shirley and not from Ted.
The SC&P partners have a conference phone call with Pete and Ted in California. As Pete tells a meandering story of how he was able to get a new client, Bert Cooper deadpans:
"Is this a partners meeting or the most tedious wireless program I've ever heard?"
From the same meeting:
Roger: "Look when I brought in Chevy I got their very own Mikey O'Brient laid! (To secretary recording the meeting) Sorry, sweetheart. And it wasn't easy! (Again to secretary) Sorry again."
As the machine starts malfunctioning, the partners in NYC begin to converse with each other, not realizing that Pete and Ted can still hear from their phone.
Secretary: I don't think they can hear us. Pete: WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU!
Later on, Roger calls up Pete...only to hang up on him once he starts talking.
Betty's crack about Bobby's teacher's open blouse, saying that "they might grab onto the wrong set of udders."
Bobby: She likes you!
Betty: That blouse says she likes everybody.
SC&P have bought a new computer and installing it into the room that was used as the creative bullpen. They're moving everything out and Ginsberg wants to take the couch and put it into the office he uses with Rizzo even though he tells him it won't fit. Ginsberg loses it and yells, "Damn it Stan, the other couch is full of farts!"
"Let me put this in terms the art department can understand: They’re trying to erase us! BUT THEY CANNOT ERASE THIS COUCH!”
Roger's secretary Caroline reading the message from his ex-wife Mona about their son-in-law, whom Roger had sent to get their daughter Margaret from a hippie commune in upstate New York:
"Hey, genius, Brooks is in jail in Kingston."
The visual of Roger in his suit and Mona wearing a fur coat and jewels at the farm commune surrounded by unshaven hippies and seeing their upper class daughter now in hippie clothes and calling herself "Marigold".
Mona trying to get Margaret to leave the commune:
"Sugarplum, these people are lost and on drugs and have venereal diseases."
Stan discover's Lou's cartoon, "Scout's Honor" on the Xerox machine and shows it to the rest of Creative, who have a field day making fun of it.
An irate Lou goes off at a meeting after overhearing Stan and a co-worker making fun of his cartoons in the bathroom.
Lou: You know who had a ridiculous dream and they laughed at him? Stan:You? [Cut to Don cracking up]
Ginsberg's ever growing paranoia over SC&P's new computer starts off as this...until hecuts off his right nipple and gives it to Peggy.
When he shows up at her apartment he admonishes her for not checking her peephole when the building's door is open.
Julio, a neighbor boy arrives to watch TV and Ginsberg says to him:
"I wish I could say Peggy's mentioned you at work but she hasn't."
When Betty's arguing with her husband, she gives us this gem:
"I'm not stupid. I speak Italian."
Joan and Roger's befuddled reactions when Cutler proposes that Harry be made a partner. Roger goes so far as to abstain from the voting by walking out of the room.
And when Cutler asks for objections to the proposal, Joan follows suit.
When Pete's girlfriend walks into Don's office, Meredith - assuming Don wouldn't welcome the intrusion - asks her boss if he wants her to page him in 10 minutes as a way of getting rid of the visitor. It's the loopy nature of Meredith's delivery (as well as the wink she gives Don and Don's bemused reaction) that makes it all the better.
While on the plane ride to NYC, Bonnie and Pete join the mile high club. One can tell Pete is unable to believe his situation.
In "Waterloo" the scene with Meredith and Don in his office. Her complete seriousness and starting by telling Don to sit by patting the couch makes the scene so funny.
Meredith: Look at you. You're so confused. You never even met with Commander cigarettes. I would have known.
Don: It doesn't matter.
Meredith: I want you to listen to me. (takes his chin and turns his face toward her) I know you're feeling vulnerable, but I am your strength. (kisses him) Tell me what I can do.
Don: You can get my attorney on the phone, and we can't do this.
Meredith: You're right. Not right now.
The look on Don's face after she kisses him is hilarious. It's less shock and more "Um......no."
Julio, the 10 year old boy who lives upstairs from Peggy and whom she formed a bond with sadly tells her he and his mother are moving out:
Julio: "I don't want to go to Newark."
Peggy: "No one does."
When Roger informs the partners that, in his attempts to undermine Cutler's coup, he set up a deal to sell the agency to McCann, everyone aside from Cutler votes in approval. Eventually, even Jim agrees to it. When Roger shoots him a surprised look, the response he gets is:
Jim Cutler: It's a lot of money.
Pete's realization when Roger informs Joan that this sale means she will get a one million dollar windfall because she owns five percent of the company:
Pete: (ecstatically puts a hand to chest) "And I own ten percent!"
Harry notices an impromptu meeting gathering to discuss Cutler trying to force Don out.
Harry: Is this a partners meeting? Joan: You're not a partner yet.
And later on with the meeting discussing whether or not to sell SC&P.
Harry: What's going on? Roger: None of your beeswax. Harry: I'll take the deal! Roger: Goodbye, Harry. [Harry leaves]
There's probably some sort of absurd humor in Cooper's sendoff song and dance number, just so we can put it on every moment page.
Don's face during the whole thing basically boils down to "What the hell am I witnessing?"