Funny / Mad Men
Truly, one of the greatest composers of our time!

  • In general, anything Roger Sterling says has a tendency to be funny. Here are some of his best lines:
    • Roger's declaration of love for Joan after his heart attack:
      "Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides."
      • Also a Tear Jerker if you look at it from Joan's perspective.
    • "I hate it when that happens."
    • "You know, Don, when God closes a door, he opens a dress."
    • "My name is on the building - they can wait for me."
    • "At some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage."
    • "Oysters Rockefeller, beef Wellington, Napoleons? We leave this lunch alone for much longer, it's going to take over Europe."
    • "...Right when he got it in the door."
    • On Lane's suit of armor: "Ever get three sheets to the wind and try that thing on?"
    • "Well, it's official: Friday, December 13, 1963. Four guys shot their own legs off."
    • "Sit down, Sissy Mary, you're pale."
    • "General who? William Morris?"
    • "I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean, I guess."
    • "I need to go learn a bunch of people's names so I can go fire them."
    • "Who the hell is that? . . . I'm kidding."
    • "Did you get cancer?"
    • "I told him it was a stupid idea, but they don't always get our inflection."
    • "Dadda."
    • "Let me put this in account terms: are you aware of the amount of hand jobs I'm going to have to give? [...] I'm gonna have to pretend I had you killed!"
    • This memorable exchange, which sums up the series' Deliberate Values Dissonance in one sentence:
    Don: What do women want?
    Roger: Who cares?
    • "I didn't think you had it in you. And I mean that."
    • "Believe me, somewhere in this business, this has happened before."
    • "Chicago. Small-time.... Sorry, maybe you're from there."
    • "I can't wait until that girl is another man's problem."
    • "Is it just me or is the lobby full of Negroes?"
    • "I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?"
    • "I don't know about you but I had Lane."
    • "Hey look, it's a handsome prince! Nah, it's just Campbell."
    • "You're a mean drunk. I'm getting you a Shirley Temple, you're cut off."
      • Actually, all of his interactions with Sally are flat out hilarious for both of them. They play off each other brilliantly.
  • Pretty much anything Dumb Blonde secretary Meredith says.
  • Any time John Slattery (Roger Sterling) does a DVD Commentary. He, Jon Hamm and Robert Morse (Bert Cooper) riffing on the season three finale has to be seen to be believed. The same goes for the team of Vincent Kartheiser and Alison Brie (Pete and Trudy Campbell).
  • The cast and crew doing their own versions of the Bye Bye Birdie opening.
  • Mom is Back
  • Matthew Weiner reflecting about his character: "Asking Don Draper about sex is just like asking Michael Phelps about swimming... It's just what he does."
  • Just a casual reminder that in entirely separate incidents, both Pete Campbell's parents were eaten by sharks.

  •  Bertram Cooper's paleo-conservative leanings on things like Medicare and Civil Rights.
    Faye: I don't get to go leave until Bert and Jeff figure out a way to take food from children."
  • One that could only be a CMOF on this show: Pete and Trudy have his brother Bud over for lunch, and they're talking about their mother. Bud says he was on the phone with her the other day, "and you were all she talked about." Pete says, "Really?" and Bud says, "No. I'm kidding." And they both laugh about it! (While Trudy frowns and says she doesn't know what's funny about that.)

    Season One 
  • The whole scene with Pete and the Chip-N-Dipnote , culminating with the revelation that he exchanged the Chip-N-Dip for a gun.
  • Roger introducing himself to representatives of Richard Nixon's presidential campaign after walking up 23 floors of stairs, by vomiting out his oyster and vodka lunch, due to Don having arranged for the elevator to be "out of service".
  • Pete unexpectedly picking a fight with Ken in the office over unflattering remarks at Peggy...while in the foreground, Roger casually offers Don a ride to the train station as they leave nonchalantly.
  • The Sterling Cooper production of "Death Is My Client: A Play in One Act by Paul Kinsey".
    Sal (as Peter Talison): I can't control my genius! I'm not some boorish natural like that hack, Cosgrove!
    • Made even funnier by later revelations that Ken is seemingly more prolific and accomplished a creative writer than Paul.
  • Once Pete has uncovered Don's secret, he basically blackmails Don with it in exchange for a promotion; Don freaks out, even contemplating running away, before deciding to suck it up to face Bert Cooper dramatically along with Pete. Don promotes someone else, Pete instantly outs Don as Dick Whitman, and they hold their breath for Cooper's response...
    Cooper: Mr. Campbell... who cares?

    Season Two 
  • Sally's comment to Joan: "You have big ones. My mommy has big ones. When I grow up, I'm gonna have big ones too."
  • Jimmy Barrett's first appearance.
  • Pete has to give a sperm sample to a maternity clinic - he's in the private room, trying to choose a dirty magazine to look at...cut to Roger, playing with a toy bat-and-ball in his office. Perfect cut!
    • His line about it is pretty good, too, when Joan tells him they can hear that outside: "No one knows what I'm doing. It's good for mystique."
    • And among the magazines Pete gets to a fairly mundane news magazine.
  • Freddy Rumsen inexplicably playing Mozart using his pants zipper in plain sight of Jane, right after Joan calls her out for her indecent mannerism.
  • Ken's attempt to hit on Jane. It falls very flat.
    "My title? I'm Ken!... Cosgrove... Accounts."
  • Freddy Rumsen pissing himself and then passing out before a meeting. Or rather, Sal's reaction, which is to laugh hysterically as everybody else stares, then gradually stop and ask, in a hushed voice, "Is he dead?"
  • Harry Crane's response to Peggy getting Freddie Rumsen's old office:
    You have your own office? You? I'm the Head of Television and I have to spend the day looking at an orangutan.

    Season Three 
  • Everyone's respective reactions to Ann-Margret singing the opening titles to Bye Bye Birdie
  • My Old Kentucky Home has a lot of this:
    • "My name is Peggy Olson and I'd like to smoke some marijuana."
    • Kinsey on weed.
    Kinsey: This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper!
    Smitty: We got it, you're educated.
    • Just look at Pete's reaction to Roger's singing act.
    • Don uncharacteristically jumping over a counter to help out the bartender, and his deadpan reaction.
  • Sal's wife's reaction to watching her husband act out the Patio commercial.
    • YMMV on Kitty's reaction, as a lot of viewers found it more heartbreaking than hilarious.
  • This exchange between Roger and Kinsey after the lawnmower accident in the office.
    Roger: Any news?
    Kinsey: He might lose his foot.
    Roger: Right when he got it in the door.
    *Chuckles ensue*
    • Joan's reaction:
    "One minute you're on top of the world. Next minute, some secretary's running you over with a lawnmower."
  •  Peggy delivering a spectacularly backhanded compliment to her roommate (about her taste in men). "I think it's good that you're being picky finally."
  • In the episode with the solar eclipse, Sally's class is doing the make-a-camera-obscura-out-of-a-cardboard-box thing. Chatting with Don, Carlton grumbles about how he doesn't believe this is really necessary because he stares at the sun all the time and nothing's ever happened. Don's like, "You stare at the sun all the time?"
  • When Harry Crane isn't sure about helping form Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, Bert kindly informs him that if he refuses, they'll have to lock him in the supply closet until Monday morning.
  • When Peggy puts up a very stuffy and formal ad looking for a roommate, the Jerk Ass SC guys decide to prank call her about it. You try to sympathize with Peggy but the whole thing is Actually Pretty Funny and you can't help but laugh.

    Season Four 
  • Peggy and her minion have a new Running Gag:
    Peggy: JOOOOOHNNN!
    • To explain: they're doing the voices from comedian Stan Freberg's hit novelty song "John and Marsha" (the moaning sounds in the voices simulate orgasm, even though the two names are the only words on the entire record - something that was quite scandalous in its day); Freberg, by the way, was also a famous pioneer of comedic advertising, including bits that are still regarded as classics - as an interesting parallel to Don Draper, in real life Freberg won over 20 Clio awards and steadfastly refused to do tobacco commercials.
  • This exchange between Roger and Don upon arriving at the office the morning after a Christmas party that Lee Garner Jr. had been invited to (and more or less demanded):
    Don: (In German accent) Did you enjoy the führer's birthday?
    Roger: (Also in German accent) May he live for a thousand years!
  • Alone and wifeless over New Year's, Don and Lane take in a movie. "You know what's going on here? Hand jobs." "Really?"
    • And they're drunk. And they intended to go see The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. The movie they're actually seeing? Gamera!
  • After a commotion in Don's office, Peggy's head sloooooooooowly peeks over the office dividers while Don is fixing himself a drink - and then ducks back down just as Don turns towards her.
  • The Honda executive's response after his first look at Joan.
    Honda executive: [in Japanese, subtitled] How does she not fall over?
    Honda executives: [all laugh]
    Joan: They're not very subtle, are they?
    Translator: [in English] No. They are not.
    • Made even better by the fact that it's not clear if he's referring to the Honda execs or Joan's breasts.
  • Peggy riding around in circles in an empty studio on a Honda motorbike.
  • Danny Siegel's uninspiring portfolio in "Waldorf Stories":
    Don: "Greyhound. The Cure for the Common Bus."
    Don: "La-Z-Boy. The Cure for the Common Chair."
    Don: "Budweiser. The Cure for the Common Beer."
    Don: "Manufacturers Hanover Bank, The Cure for the Common...Bank."
    • Turns into a Brick Joke when Don, in a drunken haze, uses Danny's tagline idea in his Life Cereal pitch. And sells it.
  • Peggy calling Stan Rizzo on his claims about being a nudist and Peggy's inability to be anything other than Don's lap dog by shedding all her clothing, asking him to do the same, and then promptly (and constantly) checking to see how that erection of his is doing.
    • Peggy's reaction to the work Rizzo had done at the end where she said that she changed just "a little bit" while gesturing with her thumb and index finger.
  • The flashback of how Don got started at Sterling Cooper: Roger got totally hammered during their meeting and hired him, despite being thoroughly unimpressed with his work. And in the same episode, Don's drinking forces him into a similar corner.
    • Also a Brick Joke of Awesome - look at this exchange from the fourth episode of season one:
      Roger Sterling: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you can dream of.
      Don Draper: It's the way I got in.
    • Even better, it's implied that Don actually never got the job, and he just got Roger drunk enough he'd believe he hired Don come morning.
  • Trudy Campbell in "The Suitcase." In the bathroom at SCDP, she tells Peggy she's followed boxing all her life. "My father loved blood sports," she explains, delicately putting on her white gloves. Then when they go out to where the menfolk are waiting, she asks if they're ready to go: "I want a rare steak and to watch those two men pound each other." Who knew?
  • Don and Peggy listening to the memoirs that Roger was recording for his new book and their reactions. Such revelations include Bert's disdain for Roger, Ms. Blankenship's sexual prowess back in the day, and an unfortunate surgery for Bert conducted by a one Dr. Lyle Evans.
    "Come on! Ida was a hellcat? Cooper lost his balls? Roger's writing a book?"
  • Duck entering SCDP late at night while drunk and desperate for Peggy is heartbreaking in general, but one scene is made funny when Duck cooks up the idea of relieving himself in Don's office as an act of revenge. He ends up targeting Roger's posh office recliner in confusion.
    Duck: Would you let me concentrate?
  • Three guys try to shake a vending machine in the right way to make the change (and a watch) it ate fall out, while Peggy comments "I feel like Margaret Mead."
    • Then Pete comes out into to the hallway because the commotion disturbed his phone call: "When did we get a vending machine?"
  • Miss Blankenship, full stop.
    Harry: My mother made that!
    • When Don asks something of Faye
    Don: I'd ask my secretary to do it, but she's dead.
    • Joan tells Megan to "get a man" to help. Out of all the men in the office, who does she come back with? Pete. In his only appearance in the episode.
    • When Peggy finds that Miss Blankenship is dead she hurries to Don's office and finds Sally sitting at his desk. Before quickly leaving she turns back to sternly tell her "Do NOT come out of there!" and Sally snaps back "I know!"
    • And then there's Bert's eulogy:
      "She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She's an astronaut."
  • Sally and Don's french toast recipe.
    Don: What's on this?
    Sally: Mrs. Butterworth's.
    Don: Go get it. (looks at bottle) ...That's rum; read labels.
    Sally: Is it bad?
    Don: (takes another bite) Not really.
  • Don and Betty talking on the phone after the FBI agents check in with her to ask whether or not Don is a secret Communist, and asks questions that throw Betty off because they remind her of the fact that he is actually Dick Whitman. As the conversation progresses:
    Betty: I don't know if I should even be talking to you on the phone.
    Don: (Look of Fridge Horror on his face) ...Of course you should. There's no problem with any of that.
    Betty: (Catching on) ...You know, my husband works for the governor. You should've told me they were coming.
    Don: You're right. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you.
  • Trudy Campbell's maternity nighttime wear.
    • In one of the episode commentaries, Matt Weiner says that he put in the script that Trudy would still wear small nighties while pregnant, but even he was surprised by how funny it became.
  • Peggy making a presentation for Playtex with lipstick on her teeth, with Harry casually informing her about it immediately afterward.
  • "You there! Get my shoes."
  • The scene where Joyce tries to kiss Peggy.
    Peggy: I have a boyfriend.
    Joyce: He doesn't own your vagina.
    Peggy: No, but he's renting it.
  • Joan to Peggy in the season finale: "Whatever could be on your mind?", when the shock of Don suddenly marrying is the only possible topic. Followed by Joan stating that she learned not to seek satisfaction from the job. They both laugh when Peggy calls it bullshit.
  • Don and Roger getting a long-winded Lee Garner off the phone: "Oh my god, there's some sort of fire!"
  • Joey on Trudy Campbell - "I would get her so pregnant".

    Season Five 
  • In the Season premiere, Bert, Stan and Abe having a debate about the Vietnam War at Don's birthday party. Particularly the sailor who has to listen about his options; getting killed or coming home like Joe from Johnny Got His Gun.
    Sailor: (Beat) I thought there were gonna be girls here.
    • "Zou Bisou Bisou" as sung by Megan.
      • Lane later to Joan about Don during the performance: "I saw his soul leave his body."
  • Stan trolling Harry as he's making inappropriate comments about Megan with Megan standing right behind him.
  • Roger doing a half-assed impersonation of Lane's secretary over the intercom. And quite possibly fooling Lane.
  • Pete snarking about the intrusive column inside his office and how well it'll help with the clients and future of the firm.
  • The whole Lane/Joan scene in the Season 5 premiere from Lane mocking Megan's performance to the baby unexpectedly farting as Lane is holding it. The whole scene was full of amusements.
  • Harry smoking pot at a Rolling Stones concert and getting the munchies. He buys a bag full of hamburgers and eats them all in the car while Don is watching. "There were 20 in that bag. I thought you were bringing it home for your family!"
  • The office being forced to hire a black receptionist named Dawn, who insists there hasn't been any confusion between her name and Don's.
    • Roger, king of the one-liners, calls her "Darkest before the Dawn". Ouch.
  • A drunken Peggy flirting with Roger, then shaking him down for all he's worth.
  • The office gossiping about Lane beating up Pete. Particularly Joan telling Lane that everyone in the office wanted to do it.
    • The whole preceding scene between Lane and Pete was hilarious.
  • Megan yelling "Cynthia!" at Trudy's dinner party when she finally remembered Ken's wife's name.
  • The scene where Pete's at a brothel and there's a prostitute trying out different roles to play for him pretty much tells you everything about him.
    Hooker: (lies seductively on the bed) Oh honey you've had such a hard day...
    Pete: No.
    Hooker: (acting young and innocent) Um, this is my first time. I'm kind of nervous...
    Pete: No.
    Hooker: (on all fours on the bed) You're my king.
    Pete: Okay. (begins to undress)
  • Lane fighting Pete with his fists up in the old "Queensbury Rules" boxing stance.
    • Don and Roger's reactions to Lane and Pete fighting. Don calmly stands up and closes the blinds in the office. Roger?
  • * Roger Sterling takes LSD. He hears an orchestra from a beer bottle, inhales a cigarette with a harmonica sound effect, has an out-of-body experience, and sees Bert Cooper's face on a dollar bill.
    • It was a bottle of Stoli and the song was appropriately 'Song of the Volga Boatmen', a traditional Russian song.
    • Not to mention hallucinating the entire 1919 World Series from the bathtub.
    Roger Sterling: Well Dr. Leary, I find your product boring.
  • Megan's French Canadian father, Dr. Calvet, has this gaffe with the English language as he tells Don:
    Dr. Calvet: "No matter what, one day your little girl will spread her legs and fly away."
    (everyone laughs)
    Dr. Calvet: What? It's true.
    Megan: It's wings, daddy.
  • Pete cajoling Dr. Calvet, who is completely caught off guard but amused later by his insincere, capitalist flattery. "And that is what I do".
  • Roger's jaw-droppingly offensive selling to Michael Ginsberg why he should come up with ideas to sell a Jewish wine.
    Roger: What I need from you is a couple of ideas for a company called Monarch Wines. The brand is 'Manichewitz'.
    Ginsberg: You assume that I'm Jewish.
    Roger: Stop talking. They make wine for Jews, and now they want to sell them to normal people. You know what I mean, people like me. I think they're open to anything and it has to be cheap (sotto voce: surprise) but impactful.
  • The Bus Came Back for Paul a Hare Krishna.
    • Later, Harry Crane ecstatically chanting along to the Mahamantra.
    • His pitching to Harry his spec Star Trek script "The Negron Complex". Even funnier is Harry's attempt to explain the script to Peggy.
      • Also a Call-Back to season 1, when the guys in the office are discussing Ken's Atlantic Monthly story. Paul tells them about the time he hung out with "all these Negroes" and they all got along; he thinks it would make "a great story".
    • In the same episode, Don's failed attempt to drape his coat over a lamp.
    • And Pete's utter failure to excite anyone over resigned Jaguar, especially Cooper. "They're lemons!"
  • A piece of very dark humor happens when Lane's Jaguar fails to start, preventing his suicide. The irony is not lost on him.
  • Joan losing her temper at the receptionist Meredith for letting a courier in to serve her her divorce papers:
    Meredith: He said he knew you. He said it was a surprise.
    Joan: A surprise?! Thank you for that! Here's a surprise... (throws a nearby airplane model at her desk, breaking it into pieces) SURPRISE! THERE'S AN AIRPLANE HERE TO SEE YOU!!!!
    Meredith: You're not allowed to do that.
  • Peggy is getting called repeatedly by Don, who is looking for Megan. Peggy is at work late at night. After the second time, Peggy waits and then answers, hearing Don on the other line. Then she blurts out....
    Peggy: (in a vaguely Asian accent) PIZZA HOUSE!! (pauses, hangs up, then raises her hands up in a bemused manner)
  • Peggy flubbing her lines for the Cool Whip proposal after taking Megan's place.
    • Afterward her and Don get into an argument which results in Peggy finally telling him to shut up for being so condescending. Don is so stunned that he tries to smoke only for one of the Cool Whip reps to tell him he's not allowed to smoke in the building.
  • Roger Sterling's method of celebrating Pearl Harbor Day: He starts drinking at 7:55 AM and then traipses around the office in a formal Christmas-themed Hawaiian shirt over a button down and tie.
  • Roger bribes Harry into changing his office.

    Season Six 
  • As foreplay, Betty suggesting that Henry should rape a teenage girl.
  • Most of the male characters' new post "Summer of Love" hairstyles and facial hair debuting in the season 6 premiere episode, from Pete, Roger and Harry's sideburns to the mustaches on Ginsberg and Peggy's boyfriend Abe to the mountain man beard on Stan Rizzo.
  • Roger on the subject of giving in to client's whimseys: As my mother used to say "your options were dishonor or war you chose dishonor, you might still get war." Made better by Don's unamused reaction to the misattribution joke.
  • Pete dismissing the badness of the Munich agreement and the appeasement because the Germans lost the war anyway.
  • Don being completely oblivious that his pitch evokes death.
    Don: Does this [ad] make you think of suicide?
    Stan Rizzo: Of course, that's what's so great about it!
  • Don's face as he realizes that the other couple he and Megan are having dinner with (Megan's soap opera co-star and her husband, the show's head writer) are "swingers" and are asking them to spend the night with them. Megan is oblivious at first but she slowly catches on and she and Don politely decline.
  • Joan awkwardly hugging Dawn, SCDP's lone African-American employee, the day after Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated.
  • Ginsberg's awkward date with the nice girl his father set him up with.
  • The day after Martin Luther King's assassination Roger Sterling brings an acid-tripping buddy and insurance guy Randall Walsh to meet Don, Ginsberg and Stan. Randall tells them that the spirit of Dr. King delivered a coded message to him in his sleep. He wants an ad for his company to feature a Molotov cocktail and a coupon. From their expressions Don's reaction is "WTF?", Ginsberg is intrigued and Stan is suppressing a laugh. When Don politely refuses Walsh leaves and Ginsberg asks out "Hey did you really see Dr. King?"
  • The way Pete describes stumbling upon his father-in-law "with the biggest, blackest prostitute you've ever seen". Ken tells him not to worry, nothing will happen because the inappropriate situation is just like Mutually Assured Destruction..
  • In "For Immediate Release" Pete, angry at Don for losing Jaguar, runs down the stairs at SDCP to yell at him and falls on his ass. When Don remarks they are better off after Roger saves the day, Pete chews him out.
    Pete: Don't act like you had a plan, you are Tarzan, swinging from vine to vine!
  • After the merger with CGC in "Man with a Plan", Roger firing his former head of accounts Bert Petersen. Again.
  • In "Man with a Plan", Pete's now senile mother wakes Pete at 6 in the morning to tell him she heard from the television that "that poor Kennedy boy" was shot. Uninitiated viewers may err by Pete's side that she is confusing with the assassination of John F. Kennedy five years ago. Turns out John's brother Robert F. Kennedy had just been shot.
  • "The Crash" is the show's trippiest episode yet thanks to, ahem, "vitamin" shots, including:
    • Ken Cosgrove tap-dancing on a broken foot, and Dawn's reaction to it.
    • The creative staff playing William Tell with Stan Rizzo, who gets a dart in the forearm.
      • And the one who threw it, Ginsberg, was the only one not on speed.
    • Betty disapproves of Sally's new mini-skirt. When Sally says that she earned the money for it, Betty asks "On what street corner?"
  • Roger doing an impression of Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes (1968).
  • The meta joke of Bobby (now being played by the fourth actor so far in the series) saying he's "Bobby Five" at his summer camp.
  • Roger, on the plane with Don, "preparing" a meeting with Carnation in his usual style, playing up yokel stereotypes and not giving a real damn.
    Roger: We are conquistadors. I'm Vasco da Gama and you are... some other Mexican. We buy whatever they've got for the beads in our pockets, our biggest challenge is to not get syphilis.
  • Bob Benson walks in on an argument between Cutler and Ginsberg.
    Bob Benson: Michael, what are you doing? That man is your boss!
  • Danny Siegel punching Roger in the groin after making fun of his height.
  • Peggy and Ted force Don and Joan to help them re-enact the Rosemary's Baby-inspired St. Joseph's aspirin ad. Especially Joan's Yiddish accent.
  • The partners discussing some of the extreme requests that clients had made them do, trying to make Ken see that it's not so bad after he gets shot in the face by the Chevy clients
    Jim Cutler: I once had a client cup my wife's breast.
    Roger Sterling: Lee Garner Jr once made me hold his balls.
    (Bert looks at Roger in sheer disbelief)
    • Even funnier when your remember that Bert no longer has balls to be held.
  • Ted, Harry and Cutler's faces when they see Peggy all dressed up.
    Harry: Vixen by night...
  • It's the way Vincent Kartheiser delivered this line that makes it funny.
    Bob Benson: How are you?
    Pete: [annoyed] NOT GREAT, BOB.
  • At the GM headquarters, the execs invite Pete to take a spin in the Camaro Z28 (in the lobby, no less). Pete finds he can't drive a stick and backs into a GM sign, sending people scattering.
  • Peggy's boyfriend getting stabbed twice in the same episode.
  • Peggy attempting to seduce Stan into killing a rat for her is hilarious enough on it's own, but when she realizes he actually has another woman next to him...
    Peggy: ...You can bring her.
  • Don Draper takes speed, and what happens afterwards is epic, with Don sprinting around the corner, then casually walking through the doorway to give a classic, impassioned Don Draper speech that makes NO damn sense, almost as if Don is doing a parody of himself with that speech.
  • Some sheer absurdity in the burglary of "Grandma Ida"
    Bobby: Are we negroes?
    Betty: Some elderly-Negro-woman held your children hostage and robbed you blind
    Don: What?

    Season Seven, Part One 
  • Roger's first appearance in the season premiere is amid the aftermath of an apparent orgy.
  • Don in an L.A. restaurant meeting Pete who's been out in California for a few months and he's gone native, with a deep tan, wearing a polo shirt, a sweater around his neck, plaid slacks and gives a surprised Don a hug instead of a handshake.
  • Ken, who still has an eyepatch over his injured eye, tries to throw the earring Joan left in his office and misses completely because he has no depth perception.
  • Peggy, Stan and Ginsberg in an elevator. Peggy asks if Stan can work that night. Stan says he can't because he's going to a party.
    Peggy: Maybe if you invite me you can have til Tuesday?
    Stan: And now we know you don't have plans for Valentine's Day.
    Ginsberg: She has plans, look at her calendar. February 14th: ‘masturbate gloomily'.
    Peggy: [Death Glare]
    • When they get to the office Peggy sees a bouquet of roses on her secretary's desk that she assumes are for her:
      Peggy: Who are these from?
      Stan: Hard to believe your cat has the money.
  • Dawn and Shirley's greeting each other in the break room by their own names as an inside joke how they're often mistaken for each other because they're the only two female African-American employees in the office.
    • When Shirley tells Dawn that Peggy thought the flowers Shirley's fiance sent her for Valentine's Day were for her and took them into her office:
    Shirley: Who the hell is sending her flowers?
    • And the look of embarrassment on Peggy's face when she finds out that they actually were for Shirley and not from Ted.
  • The SC&P partners have a conference phone call with Pete and Ted in California. As Pete tells a meandering story of how he was able to get a new client, Bert Cooper deadpans:
    "Is this a partners meeting or the most tedious wireless program I've ever heard?"
    • From the same meeting:
    Roger: "Look when I brought in Chevy I got their very own Mikey O'Brient laid! (To secretary recording the meeting) Sorry, sweetheart. And it wasn't easy! (Again to secretary) Sorry again."
    • As the machine starts malfunctioning, the partners in NYC begin to converse with each other, not realizing that Pete and Ted can still hear from their phone.
      Secretary: I don't think they can hear us.
    • Later on, Roger calls up Pete...only to hang up on him once he starts talking.
  • Betty's crack about Bobby's teacher's open blouse, saying that "they might grab onto the wrong set of udders."
    • Also:
    Bobby: She likes you!
    Betty: That blouse says she likes everybody.
  • SC&P have bought a new computer and installing it into the room that was used as the creative bullpen. They're moving everything out and Ginsberg wants to take the couch and put it into the office he uses with Rizzo even though he tells him it won't fit. Ginsberg loses it and yells, "Damn it Stan, the other couch is full of farts!"
    • And:
      "Let me put this in terms the art department can understand: They’re trying to erase us! BUT THEY CANNOT ERASE THIS COUCH!”
  • Roger's secretary Caroline reading the message from his ex-wife Mona about their son-in-law, whom Roger had sent to get their daughter Margaret from a hippie commune in upstate New York:
    "Hey, genius, Brooks is in jail in Kingston."
  • The visual of Roger in his suit and Mona wearing a fur coat and jewels at the farm commune surrounded by unshaven hippies and seeing their upper class daughter now in hippie clothes and calling herself "Marigold".
  • Mona trying to get Margaret to leave the commune:
    "Sugarplum, these people are lost and on drugs and have venereal diseases."
  • Stan discover's Lou's cartoon, "Scout's Honor" on the Xerox machine and shows it to the rest of Creative, who have a field day making fun of it.
    • An irate Lou goes off at a meeting after overhearing Stan and a co-worker making fun of his cartoons in the bathroom.
    Lou: You know who had a ridiculous dream and they laughed at him?
    Stan: You?
    [Cut to Don cracking up]
  • Ginsberg's ever growing paranoia over SC&P's new computer starts off as this.
    • Sneaking and catching Lou Avery and Jim Cutler engaged in a secret conversation in the room with the IBM computer, or is it HAL?
      "They're homos! That machine makes men do unnatural things."
    • When he shows up at her apartment he admonishes her for not checking her peephole when the building's door is open.
    • Julio, a neighbor boy arrives to watch TV and Ginsberg says to him:
      "I wish I could say Peggy's mentioned you at work but she hasn't."
  • Joan and Roger's befuddled reactions when Cutler proposes that Harry be made a partner. Roger goes so far as to abstain from the voting by walking out of the room.
    • And when Cutler asks for objections to the proposal, Joan follows suit.
  • When Pete's girlfriend walks into Don's office, Meredith - assuming Don wouldn't welcome the intrusion - asks her boss if he wants her to page him in 10 minutes as a way of getting rid of the visitor. It's the loopy nature of Meredith's delivery (as well as the wink she gives Don and Don's bemused reaction) that makes it all the better.
  • While on the plane ride to NYC, Bonnie and Pete join the Mile-High Club. One can tell Pete is unable to believe his situation.
  • In "Waterloo" the scene with Meredith and Don in his office. Her complete seriousness and starting by telling Don to sit by patting the couch makes the scene so funny.
    Meredith: Look at you. You're so confused. You never even met with Commander cigarettes. I would have known.
    Don: It doesn't matter.
    Meredith: I want you to listen to me. (takes his chin and turns his face toward her) I know you're feeling vulnerable, but I am your strength. (kisses him) Tell me what I can do.
    Don: You can get my attorney on the phone, and we can't do this.
    Meredith: You're right. Not right now.
    • The look on Don's face after she kisses him is hilarious. It's less shock and more ""
  • Julio, the 10 year old boy who lives upstairs from Peggy and whom she formed a bond with sadly tells her he and his mother are moving out:
    Julio: "I don't want to go to Newark."
    Peggy: "No one does."
  • When Roger informs the partners that, in his attempts to undermine Cutler's coup, he set up a deal to sell the agency to McCann, everyone aside from Cutler votes in approval. Eventually, even Jim agrees to it. When Roger shoots him a surprised look, the response he gets is:
    Jim Cutler: It's a lot of money.
    • Pete's realization when Roger informs Joan that this sale means she will get a one million dollar windfall because she owns five percent of the company:
    Pete: (ecstatically puts a hand to chest) "And I own ten percent!"
  • Harry notices an impromptu meeting gathering to discuss Cutler trying to force Don out.
    Harry: Is this a partners meeting?
    Joan: You're not a partner yet.
    • And later on with the meeting discussing whether or not to sell SC&P.
      Harry: What's going on?
      Roger: None of your beeswax.
      Harry: I'll take the deal!
      Roger: Goodbye, Harry.
      [Harry leaves]
  • There's probably some sort of absurd humor in Cooper's sendoff song and dance number, just so we can put it on every moment page.
    • Don's face during the whole thing basically boils down to "What the hell am I witnessing?"

    Season Seven, Part Two 
  • The trailer for the second half of Season 7. Besides the clothes and hair and song (Diana Ross' "Love Hangover") which make it clear that we've entered The '70s, we also get a brief glimpse of Pete looking the douchiest we've ever seen him as he's eating and leering at Peggy.
  • Ted and Roger truly heralding the seventies by sporting Porn Staches, complementing their sideburns and increasingly luscious professional haircuts. It's worth noting that this comes as a complete surprise to first time viewers who saw the season teaser as it didn't hint of this fashion change.
  • Harry Crane's reaction to the Topaz executive calling him "Mr. Potato Head". His comparatively leaner suit against his chubbier head didn't help.
  • Ken's father-in-law proudly talking about how he successfully toasted a Pop-Tart.
  • The Leaning on the Fourth Wall joke when Ken suggests he might write a book about the advertising agency, Pete responds dubiously: "Why? This world is boring!"
    • Also:
      Pete: Do you know how great you're gonna look on a book jacket?
  • Harry's failed attempt to get Megan on the Casting Couch.
  • When Betty warns Sally about going wild on a school trip and to watch out for boys:
    Sally: (Deadpan) I'm sorry mother, this conversation is a little late. (Dramatic Pause) And so am I."
    Betty: (Unamused) Everything's a joke to you.
    • And:
    Betty: When I did it, it was six states.
    Sally: Weren't they still colonies?
  • Glen returns and tells Sally and Betty that he's just enlisted in the army and will be shipped off to Vietnam next week. Sally gets upset and tells him he's going to die in an unjust war.
    Betty: Don't listen to Jane Fonda here.
  • After Mathis, one of the creatives, has a disastrous first presentation with Peter Pan Peanut Butter where he says the F-bomb, Don tells him the story of how he smoothed things over in a similar situation with the client by joking how they embarrassed themselves in a previous meeting. Owing to a lack of situational awareness and charisma, Mathis simply parrots the exact line that Don used, which sounds more like an insult and backfires spectacularly. The looks on Pete's and the client's faces are priceless.
    • Earlier, when Pete complains to Don about Mathis saying the F-word:
    "And then Mathis said a four-letter word that starts with 'F'! Have you ever heard such a thing?"
  • Mathis telling Don that Roger said former client Armoured Closet Gay Lee Garney Jr. "was in love" with Don and went to the meetings hoping to "jack him off."
  • Joan learning that Lou Avery is trying to pitch "Scout's Honor" to Hanna Barbera.
    • In the next episode we learn he sold it to the studio that produced Speed Racer and is moving to Tokyo.
      Don: Lou's moving to Tokyo. I'm not even going to tell you why because it would give him pleasure.
  • Pete and Trudy meet with the headmaster of a day school to understand why their daughter isn't being allowed admission despite their longstanding affiliation with it. The central reason? It turns out that the Headmaster descends from a family line that had a history of being wronged by Pete's ancestors. Pete's bewildered reaction really sells it. He finds the headmaster's pettiness to be deplorable, yet is so well-versed on his family's history that he's able to stoop down to his level and shout back a committed defense for his family's actions. And then, after the headmaster insults Trudy, Pete punches him in the face.
    Pete: The King ordered it!
    • The best part? It was a real incident in Scottish history: The Massacre of Glencoe, which inspired the infamous "Red Wedding" on Game of Thrones.
    • Trudy just looks from one to the other as they argue over a 300-year old event with an expression screaming "is this really happening?"
  • Dawn and Shirley are talking about what will become of them after the agency is dissolved, only to discover that Meredith has been listening in.
    Shirley: My goodness, Meredith. We should put a bell on you.
  • Pete manages to secure one client to try to prevent McCann from absorbing them: Secor Laxative.
  • Peggy and Roger (very) drunkenly bond at the now dismantled SC&P offices, culminating in him playing "Hi-Lili, Hi-Lo" on the organ while she roller skates around the office.
    • Roger's introduction into the situation also counts. Peggy, still believing she was the only one left at the SC&P offices, senses something amiss just as distant spooky organ music seemingly kicks in as background music. It turns out to be Source Music emanating from Roger playing the organ deep in the office space.
    • Roger also giving Peggy "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife", a framed 150-year old Japanese pornographic wood print that formerly belonged to Bert, which Roger candidly describes as a picture of "an octopus pleasuring a lady".
  • Doubles as Awesome. Peggy finally going to work in McCann. She's wearing sunglasses and has a cigarette hanging from her mouth while openly holding Bert's framed pornography.
  • Although there isn't a whole lot to laugh at in "The Milk And Honey Route", Duck's drunken antics when trying to convince Pete to join Learjet are hilarious.
  • From the series finale:
    • Roger and Meredith's interactions.
      Meredith: (After Caroline has stated Roger's schedule) I translated your speech into Pig Latin.
      Roger: That was a joke.
      Roger: Sweetheart, I have some sad news.
      Meredith: Is he dead?
      Roger: Don? No. I don't think so. I think we would have heard about that.
      Meredith: Oh.
      Roger: That said, our secret plan here has been discovered. They know I don't need two secretaries. I'm sorry. I really thought he'd be back by now.
      Meredith: Well, I hope he's in a better place.
      Roger: (exasperated) He's not dead. Stop saying that.
      Meredith: There are a lot of better places than here.
      (Roger shrugs, seeing her point}
    • Joan and Richard do cocaine.
      Joan: I feel like someone just gave me some very good news.
    • Joan and Roger discussing Greg and his involvement in Kevin's life:
      Joan: Greg had twins with some nurse. As far as he's concerned, Kevin never happened.
      Roger: So he knows?
      Joan: No, he's just a terrible person.
    • Marie points out an elderly couple to Roger.
      Marie: One day that will be us.
      Roger: Yeah, tomorrow.
  • In the encounter group Don goes to with Stephanie they're paired up randomly and asked to express how they feel about their partner physically without saying anything. While other pairs are hugging or caressing, the old woman Don is partnered with shoves him. Don looks at her in surprise but she has a nonplussed look on her face.
  • When Joan and Ken catch up, she asks him how things are going with his son. Ken, rather than give the usual line of "he's fine", instead jokes that "he's a little weird, actually. I think there might be something wrong with him."
    • Later when Joan calls Peggy and informs her of the meeting with Ken, an excited Peggy asks how he is and if Joan told him that she says hi. This is immediately followed by Peggy recoiling, wondering aloud why she would expect Joan to ask that.
  • When Stan tells Peggy over the phone that he's in love with her:
    Stan: I think about how you came in to my life and how you drove me crazy. And now, I don't even know what to do with myself because all I want to do is be with you.
    Peggy: (confused) What? What did you just say?
    Stan: I want to be with you. I'm in love with you.
    (Peggy pauses)
    Peggy: (more confused) What?!
    • Peggy's ensuing reaction is also quite hilarious as she is experiencing a feelings overload and not sure how to react.
  • The Mood Whiplash that is the show's final scene: Don meditates with others at a spiritual retreat, having left his old life in New York and at long last finding inner peace... And just when it seems the show will end on that poignant note, with no real indication of what's next for him, it's suddenly revealed (or at least implied) that Don returned to New York and used the experience to come up with a commercial. Who saw THAT coming?
  • There's some cynical humor in the ending where Don was apparently inspired by finally connecting deeply with other people and only using it for yet another ad. Given that the show aired on a major cable network supported by ads, it probably counts as Biting-the-Hand Humor as well.