I'M THE SHADOWMAN!!!!
Gratitude
- Neighbour George, who talks about how Bikies 'belted the merciless shit' out of his cousin John, called his wife a bitch, then, after saying they made him feel like 'a piece of crap', he apologises for swearing.
- BJ explaining how the facility in the Baldivis Bushlands where the worshippers of Oxtos lived was stormed by the 'jealous' AFP and captured Gary, along with 86 swords and 55 morning-stars, which were obviously buried underneath the site before the Oxtos Cult moved in, and it was just an "unlucky coincidence."
- BJ requesting pocket money, old jewellery or pets to sell to raise money to get Gary out of jail.
- Paps O'Sullivan, having lost his doves as they were all shot by the AFP, performs magic, by asking kids to use their imagination.
- The story from The Book of Oxtos, which told of a tribe leader called Shane, who travelled up the mountain shaped like Roy Orbison and requested that Oxtos provide them with more light to help with the harvest. Oxtos responds by saying if Shane goes back to the village, he will find "More food that he'll ever need", only to find half the village turned into animals and birds, and other half eating the animals, or crying for their lost parents.
- BJ reminding the kids at home to show their love for Oxtos each and every day, because "You don't want mommy and daddy to stop loving you, hmmm?"
Rituals
- Linda and Trina giving examples of Rituals: Going to the bank, Calling the brother you never had, not wiping your anus properly.
- Neighbour George, after losing another enterprise to Bikies.Trent: Sometimes Oxtos spreads his light, sometimes the Shadowman casts his shadows, you know? That's his will really.Neighbour George: Seems like I only get the fucking Shadowman.
- Trent receives a letter from a fan, who drew a picture of his favourite Oxtos Story, When Oxtos burnt down the forest. and then writes that they "Hope to one day burn something down myself", which Trent quickly requests for them to not do that after reading it aloud.
- A quick advert from clean comedian, Frankie Yabbiebait.Frankie Yabbiebait: Prince Charles, oh he'll probably be King Charles soon. What is he, a spaniel?!?
- The children's story about Prophet Gary, written, drawn, edited and fact-checked by Gary himself. Highlights include that Gary being upset his money was no good after he spent all night making them out of paper and paint, escaping security by using his special running powers, which he got after huffing permanent markers and hiding in a roller shutter shop, called Shut Happens, where he met Trent.
- BJ's song to the puppet Sal about how anything you do can be a ritual.Sal: So, anything you do regularly, can be a ritual!
- Trent performs the 'Name Change Ritural', where he reveals his name used to be 'Trev', writes his old name on a piece of paper, and places it in a bowl of 'Badger's Liqueur' and does a prayer, which causes the paper to burst into flames. Then he listens for his name. A face appears in the bowl...The Face: Your name's Trent.
- Trent once again asks for donations to get Gary out of jail, but admits that they are using a different address from the previous episode, as their old place got infested with Lung Weevils.
- Linda visiting a zoo, as Oxtos says you can learn a lot about animals, like how to smile, "Which is important if you're a woman."
- Linda and Trina 'getting into the mind of animals'.
Nourishment Week
- The 'Nourishment Feast' section, where Trent and BJ show the traditional food eaten during Nourishment Week, including wheat bricks in water, salted rice and pineapple rings, Mincemeat shaped like a fish served with dijonnaise sauce. and Mustard Soup served with poached eggs.
- BJ declaring that he is off liquids, and all he needs to fill him up is 'the merciful gaze of Oxtos'. It's safe to say that this is the moment where BJ starts going off the rails...
- As Trent leaves for the next segment, BJ laughs and strokes and sticks his finger in the pineapple ring with rice.
- An extremely brief visit to Neighbour George:Trent: G'day Neighbour George.Neighbour George: THOSE BIKIES SHOT MY DOG!
- The announcement for a fundraising event, with friends of the show Paps O’Sullivan and Frankie Yabbiebait. As well as a Q&A from 'everyone's favourite grandpa, Thick Grandpa!Trent: Tickets are just forty dollars, plus commissions and sales tax, but it will count as a charitable donation if you round it up to sixty bucks.Trent: You can't put a price on happiness, but you can put a price on the cash bond needed to get Gary out of prison. noteTrent: Donate now!
- Trina condemning cow's milk, because of the 'health problems it causes, including Tummy Problems, Slow Feet and Phantom Cousin Syndrome.
- This leads to Trina to introducing the Oxtos' followers favourite alternate milk: Dogs Milk.
Trina: Dogs are wildly available and easy to milk. And it's the tastiest milk around!Subtitle Warning: consumption may cause explosive diarrhoea & rapid anal bleeding- Trina milking a dog directly into her face is thankfully (mostly) censored by another clip from Frankie Yabbiebait, who doesn't break his "Clean Comedian" image, even when dealing with hecklers.
Frankie Yabbiebait: You wouldn't know a joke if it tickled you on the bum-bum! - Linda making a cake for Nourishment Week with the help of her best friend (And ex-Oxtos follower) Amy. Any time the camera focuses on Amy or Linda's Father, The screen switches to 16:9 ratio with HD visuals.
- Linda running away from her friends and family while the subtitles tell you not to listen to liars and that you can do anything you put your mind to. while Linda's Dad warns Amy that Linda can't cook.
- BJ, after declaring that he is roasting so much you could 'cook an egg on him', Trent proceeds to cook an egg on his torso. It cooks within seconds.
The Dark World
- Another Frankie Yabbiebait advert, this time showing off his "Squeaky Clean C*cktail Pack" (Yes, it is censored on the package.)Frankie Yabbiebait: It's like having an affair, with your wife!
- Linda and Trina playing a game of "Bitbo", where they have to guess characters from the Book of Oxtos, like Cabardus The Treehead, Debra The Stinky and Phillip The Dickhead.
- Trent and BJ summon the Shadowman using a bowl of German Shavings and chanting the magic words: GRUBBIN AND TUBIN
- Paps O'Sullivan, once again down in the dumps after nobody saw his magic show.Linda: Who wants to see Paps doing some magic?The Angry Man: DO THE TRICK!!!
- Pap's trick, The 'Pain Game', involves hiding a large needle under some cups and eliminating choices by slamming his hand down on the cups. Linda, understandably, has concerns. The trick is slightly inturputed by another showing from Frankie Yabbiebait.
Frankie Yabbiebait: I don't know if you've heard that 'rap music', here's my impression of that, 'rap music'. (Cuts back to Hug The Sun)Paps: Should Linda do it?*Audience of Kids Cheer*, Paps grabs Linda's hand and slams in onto an empty cup.Paps: Now you try.The Angry Man: DO IT!!!- Linda does, after a small prayer to Oxtos to guide her... only to impale her hand on the spike. We only see Linda screaming and her hand for a second before cutting back to...
Frankie Yabbiebait: Your mamma f! Your mamma f! Your mamma f! F! F! F! F! - Another Fundraising effort to get Gary out of jail, now with prizes!
- Prizes include a colouring book, Sacrifice The Board Game, Sweet Teet's Dog Milk (Twelve Bags) and Frankie Yabbiebait's Squeaky Clean C*cktail Pack.
- The Shadowman. Just... The Shadowman. Imagine Mark Bonnano of Aunty Donna fame, going FULL HAM while wearing a black skintight outfit covered in giant needles.
- The Shadowman's song, where he claims he will eat all your apples and steal your poop.
- The Shadowman shows BJ his fingers... which makes him vomit up a ball.
- Trent and BJ "defeat" the Shadowman by shining a torch at him. No words can describe, nor do justice, of how The Shadowman reacts, just watch the episode. Or the extended First Take.
- The Shadowman then gives a speech with and ominous echo effect of how he will rise up with the strength of a thousand shadows and scare his victims... and BJ punches him in the face.
Trent: Sorry about that, he's going through some things *Cuts to a commercial for 'Shut Happens' - Linda's 'Try New Things' section, where she 'sings' a song about letting your light shine. And is constantly interpreted by a police officer for not having a filming permit.
- BJ and Trent wrap up the show, only for The Shadowman, now with two bloody tissues up his nose to scare them.BJ: WHAT THE FU-
Miracles
- The slightly changed opening sequence, where Second Prophet Gary actually Hugs the Sun... Which causes him to melt.
- BJ, still refusing to drink water and so sunburnt he's now the colour of a beetroot, spitting out any water Trent gives him with a loud disgusted noise.
- BJ's constant laughing, which may be caused by sunstroke, the fact he's on DMT or both.
- BJ's Dream/DMT Trip about he was born, met his wife 'Katie Baby', had four children, and then he retired and died, and now he has awoken to this new reality. Trent snaps him out of it by giving him more water.
- During BJ's story about his dream, the camera cuts to Trent with a number to call for DMT.
- The final visit to Neighbour Geroge, who once again, has had his business and life ruined by Bikies. And his wife wants a divorce and his mother recently had a fall. He asks Trent for some money to help him get back on his feet. Trent says they spent all their money getting Gary out of jail.Neighbour George: Bullshit! BULLSHIT! Give me some of your jewellery! Doesn't Oxtos believe in sharing?!? BIKIES UP MY ARSEHOLE!!!
- More "clean comedy" from Frankie YabbiebaitFrankie Yabbiebait: You get to have a threesome every night, and Jesus is in that room with you!
- 'Silly Science' Where Linda, with the help of Professor Bloompants make bubbles using water, laundry detergent and some 'Special Gas'.
- Linda remarks that making a snowman out of bubbles sounds safe. Until she takes a handful of the bubble mix 'filled with the heat giving love of Oxtos', which Professor Bloompants sets on fire.
Professor Bloompants: Embrace the fire Linda! It is the love that Oxtos has to give to you!- And as an encore, the professor sets his example Snowman on fire.
- Frankie Yabbiebait summing up his act:Frankie Yabbiebait: It's Secular Comedy, with Christian Values!
- Some foreshadowing for the next episode, Trent explains that Second Prophet Gary gets more powerful when it's hotter, and will be ascending to speak to Oxtos next week on the hottest day of the year. And has a clash of confidence when Sal asks him what will happen if Oxtos doesn't respond.
- Also, Gary got into a fight at a pizza palore and got arrested, again. So they need to ask for donations again.
- As the show wraps up, BJ comes in, still rather out of it and looking for his non-existant wife. The episode ends with a brief shot of Trent rubbing lotion onto a topless BJ's chest.
Gary
- The episode starts with a special message to say Linda will no longer appear on the show, as she was caught stealing donations. Sal also mentions that she 'Doesn't even clean her bum properly. and she "Definitely not buried at 2-1 Aro-" and is cut off by the intro.
- Trina introducing the show by saying that the Prophet Gary will 'get high' and ascend. And that Gary has practiced 'Getting High' for a really long time. She then asks the audience 'How could they get high?'
- Turns out Frankie Yabbiebait also does songs. Sort of.Frankie Yabbiebait: Nana, gave me a smack. (strums guitar) Nana gave me a smack! A smack on the bottom, for being a naughty boy!
- Another commercial for Prophet Gary's self guides, where Gary may be running out of wisdom...2nd Prophet Gary: You want to cover your balls, and the dick, in baby powder, before a long drive. Trust me.2nd Prophet Gary: Get your head check! Alright? West Coast are going to thrash the Hawks! They're gonna thrash 'em! WEST COAST COME ON YO-
- Trent filming on location outside a petrol station on to the way to the secret Ascension site, which they won't reveal so they don't tip off "The Filthy AFP." Which ends with Gary running out of the station with his arm full of food yelling '"Leg it! Leg it! Start the car!"
- Boogie Down with BJ, where after a brief dance, BJ (Whose skin is now starting to show burn botches) decides to see 'What is in the Fridge?' What follows is a strange and scary sequence, where BJ follows to voice of his wife into the fridge, which leads him outside the studio, take his clothes off and where he ultimately gets hit by a car.
- Another example of Gary's "Wisdom"2nd Prophet Gary: No, it's called a Hu-Man-Zee. It's real. I've seen it. It's at the zoo.
- A follow-up commercial includes Gary's Self Defense Classes, with Gary making basic Kung-Fu moves, complete with sound effects, and a scene with Trent where he allows Gary to win a fight without him even touching him. Even better, as Trent drops to his knees, He explodes.
- The whole Ascension Segment.
- The Introduction to the Ascension, which is just the "Try New Things" intro, only with Trina's face now coving up Linda's face. And the face of every other person whose face is in shot.
- Trina cuts to an "undisclosed location", but the subtitle clearly says LIVE FROM THE BALDIVAS BUSHLANDS before quickly fading away.
- Trent delivers a message from The Second Prophet Gart to the kids.
Trent: And I quote, "The AFP are dogs. Stupid Dog Bitch Dogs." He also wanted to do a cooking segment where he made Pruno, but unfortunately, we don't have time for that.- Just as Trent starts losing faith in Gary, who has mostly been drinking beer and Dog Milk, and stated he wished Gary took this more seriously and thinking he isn't the one A beam of light shines down on Gary, and he starts levitating. That's right! OXTOS IS REAL!
2nd Prophet Gary: I can see the face of Oxtos! And I'm not ready for it!- Gary speaking the message of Oxtos, while uncontrollably farting. Then he explodes.
- Finally, Trent discovers a Followers of Oxtos Pin on the ground, which completes his collection, Making him The Third Prophet Trent.
Third Prophet Trent: I will lead us! Like the great Gary before me! I will take this place in a new direction! Using the mind to blow people up, like the movie Scanners! No one will stop us and no will ever doubt us ever again! OXTOS FOREVER!!! AHHHHHHHH - The show ends with Trina doing some 'Yo-Yo Diablo' Tricks. Set to the music of N.W.A.'s Fuck Tha Police.
Misc/Extras
- The Angry Man, who sits at the back behind an audience of children in every episode, looking angry. usually yelling out something while the kids sit in silence.
- The extra video, A Collection of BJ's ScreamsIntroduction Text: No one asked for this. But here it is anyway.
