Funny / Black Mesa

  • In Unforeseen Consequences, the microwave that you used to blow up the casserole has a headcrab in it, and you can turn the microwave on and make it explode like in Gremlins!
    • The microwaves in the facility also have a "headcrab" setting.
  • If you're feeling bloodthirsty, you can have fun causing a rampage by killing scientists before activating the "plot device" with cheats. From feeding the Barnacles with scientists to blasting their heads off with a SPAS-12 or a Colt Python just like an old west movie.
  • Also in Unforeseen Consequences, when he sees Gordon after the resonance cascade, Dr. Kleiner will exclaim "By Schrodinger's cat! He's alive!"
  • At one point in Office Complex, one can find (likely through hearing it first) a Houndeye sitting in a room and making curious noises while watching a TV filled with white noise.
  • The expanded lines for the Non Player Characters can lead to some downright hilarious snarks and random comments - sometimes randomly having nothing to do with the context of the situation.
    • Every variation of the guard's "Make like a banana and split" line, including "You better make like diarrhea and run."
    • "Ya know, they used to give me pills for that kinda behavior."
      Guard: Man, cease and desist, or some shit!
    • If you hear enough of the guards' lines for whenever Gordon throws something at them, it starts to make it sound like Black Mesa's Gordon is from Freeman's Mind!
      "Are you off your meds or something?!"
      "Man — you're an asshole when you're drunk!"
    • In the hallway with the rotating signs, there's a scientist who comments on you standing next to him a long time by facetiously insinuating that you must find him attractive:
      "My — I'm handsome."
      "I've always been told that my left side is better."
    • Guards will sometimes comment on Gordon's HEV suit.
      Looking slick, Freemeister! Popsicle orange really brings out your eyes.
  • Gordon. Pets. A. Snark.
  • Kleiner instantly falling in love with the first Headcrab he sees... which we may assume will be called Lamarr some time later.
  • If they manage to stay alive long enough, the guards have some stern words for the HECU.
    Guard: [noticing a marine miss him] Semper Fi, ya douchebags! [cue returning fire]
    Guard: Go back to rifle class, Gomer!
    Guard: Better stick to peeling potatoes, Skippy!
  • This video from Vinesauce's Joel shows that if you chuck the Pizza in Questionable Ethics at an NPC enough times, you will kill them! The same thing also happens with the trash can!
  • Thank you for noticing this new notice. Your noticing it has been noted. And will be reported to the authorities.
  • Black Mesa answers the question of just how the hell one wields the Hivehand, and the result of equipping it. You can't help but feel sorry for the poor thing.
  • Keep your subtitles on for some gems, particularly early on. Among them, the subtitles actually extend the r in "They're waiting for you, Gordon. In the test chamberrrr." During the same line, one of the other scientists turns around to look confusedly at the one who says it.
  • If you return to the locker room after the Resonance Cascade, you'll find one of the lockers has been blown open. Inside is a sign reading "No Ridiculous Ties".
    • And if any players get their score tied for the top in the Steam release's multiplayer? "Now this is a ridiculous tie."
  • In Anomalous Materials, one of the scientists is criticizing a research paper written by one of his colleagues. Talk to him long enough and he spouts this gem:
    "And what in blue blazes is a... is a ROFLcopter?"
  • The new models and textures are pretty funny, too...
    • The microwave in Anomalous Materials has a setting for Headcrab.
    • The Cremating Furnaces in Questionable Ethics have options for Medium, Rare, and Well Done.
    • There's a sign by the laser is Questionable Ethics that reads 'Existential Danger', next to the Infinity Symbol.
      • Which becomes even funnier if you're familiar with the concept of an existential risk.
    • The rotating sign displays near the beginning of the game inform about different aspects of the facility in a matter-of-fact style. Except for one, which just says: "Innovative! Our tram system is really cool!"
  • When going through the portals, you can find a room with a male scientist, female scientist, and a guard.
    Guard: These two bicker on like an old married couple.
    Male scientist: We are an old married couple!
    Female scientist: Who are you calling old!?
  • Inspection of the game's soundscape scripts reveals the following comments at the top of them:
    //Inbound: Welcome to Black Mesa! Where hazardous chemical spills are a daily occurrence!
    //Anomalous Materials: Someone explain to me why Gordon's job inside the test chamber, couldn't have been done by a robot, or even a monkey...
    //Unforeseen Consequences: This is what happens when you 'force' a computer to divide by zero.
    //Office Complex: Unbeknownst to the staff, the cafeteria had been serving bullsquid for years.
    //We've Got Hostiles: Hey guys, thanks for the rescue. Oh, what? A bullet with my name on it? Cool!!
    //Blast Pit: There's an alien tentacle in my soup.
    //Power Up: The tunnel system smelled like fried chicken for months afterward.
    //On A Rail: Good thing Gordon was around, or the scientists would have been forced to unleash droves of monkeys to press the rocket launch button.
    //Apprehension: Luckily, the Female Assassins were in short supply. If Gordon had to face more than 3-4 at once, he never would have made it to Xen.
    //Residue Processing: Tryouts for the Black Mesa swim team every Tuesday and Thursday.
    //Questionable Ethics: Please remain stationary, while we remove your internal organs.
    //Surface Tension: Look carefully for the hang gliding mini game in the cliffside level!
    //Forget About Freeman: The 2008 finincial [sic] crisis was simply a cover for the repair costs of the Black Mesa facility.
    //Lambda Core: And in the end, it was all just a crazy, radiation induced, nightmare!
    • You may get a feeling that someone in development had a thing for Freeman's Mind given that fried chicken joke was in that series.
  • Not the game proper, but the voice actor for Kleiner posted this video of him singing Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back" in the Kleiner voice.
    • He later posted a cover of "I got High", again as Kleiner, which ends with the Resonance Cascade occurring because he was high as a kite.
      Seeing predictable phase arrays... But then, I'm high...
  • The bloopers. Hilarious Outtakes at their finest. Special mention goes to the alternate Black Mesa Transit System safety spiel and the security guard's bewildered reaction.
    Black Mesa Transit System: Please keep your limbs inside the train at all times. Fasten your seatbelts, and do not feed the rabid monkey.
    Guard: What?
    Black Mesa Transit System: Do not attempt to open the doors until the train has come to a complete halt at the station platform.
    Guard: Must've been my imagination...
    Black Mesa Transit System: Failure to comply may result in limb loss...
    Guard: Huh?
    Black Mesa Transit System: ...termination of your pass for the transit system...
    Guard: Ugh...
    Black Mesa Transit System:...and a one-way ticket to the principal's office.
    Guard: Principal's office? What?
    Black Mesa Transit System: In the event of an emergency, ignore it, and it will pass.
    Guard: What the FUCK?
    Black Mesa Transit System: Passengers are to remain seated and await further instructions should the emergency continue.
    Guard: *clears throat* Ugh...
    Black Mesa Transit System: If it is necessary to exit the train, each man for himself...
    Guard: What the f...?!
    Black Mesa Transit System: ...and the disabled personnel may wait behind and pray for a miracle.
    Guard: SON OF A BITCH!
  • The HECU grunts have some funny quips if Gordon manages to wound them.
  • If you enter the server room during Anomalous Materials, a security guard points out that you did show up for work today, and reminds a scientist nearby that that means he owes him a pizza. If you then talk to the scientist in question, he makes several nasty remarks at the guard.
  • In Power Up, one room has a scripted ambush where Vortigaunts teleport in as soon as Gordon enters the doorway. The room is chock full full combustibles. A single stray shot from a Vortigaunt aimed at Gordon will cause a chain reaction that annihilates the ambush. In fact, the act of electricity arcing while they charge the attack is enough to set it off.
  • With the fan release of the "Hazard Course" chapter, there are many in-universe changes to avert things such as He Knows About Timed Hits or the fact Gordon was accidentally signed up for security fire arms training and some of them come off as humorous or incredibly morbid, or both.
    • If Gordon lands in the water in the first room, Kleiner will point out over the PA system that one of the pipes running across the water might say "waste water", but he assures him that is not that kind of waste. But then one of the other scientist points that actually it is that kind of waste. Kleiner then tells Gordon that he shouldn't worry anyway, as he will of course be subjected to a full disinfection treatment once the course is over.
    • When you get your crowbar, Gina states that you're supposed to use it to pry apart crates that may obstruct work spaces with the HUD tip lighting up with "Mouse1: Pry open crates" but once you actually left click, you smash it apart and it changes to "Mouse1: Destroy crates" and one of the monitoring scientists saying that works too. A "Say 'Apple'." moment if you could call it that.
    • You're told that in the demonstration of laboratory hazards that if you have charged your suit's armor then you should come out just fine and if not, they have a medical staff on stand by. Cue another scientist muttering in the background about calling up a medical team to the hazard course.
    • One of the scientists hanging a lampshade on why they would need to train suit users on climbing ladders in the first place.
    • The fall damage portion to demonstrate medkits and medstations still has blood like in the original game but instead it's a long smear leading to a locked off door labelled "First Aid Station", and said smear also has a wet floor sign set on top of it.
  • Also from the Hazard Course, the dialogue of the same peppy guy who tell Gordon that he was accidentally signed up for firearms training.
    Scientist: Ah, Dr. Freeman. We've been waiting for you. Don't worry, I'm sure you hit some traffic… in the middle of the desert.
    At any rate, welcome to the Black Mesa Training Facility.
    Things have been in a state of commotion lately, but we're glad you're here.
    Just let me double check your file.
    Ah, I see you've already signed our legal disclaimer.
    "I, Gordon Freeman, hereby agree to the following terms…" blah blah blah "…as any case of serious injury, dismemberment, toxic poisoning, burns, rashes, lesions…" blah blah et cetera et cetera "…hereby agree to waive all right as an employee of the Black Mesa Research Facility." Ah!
    Yes. It looks very good.
  • In Surface Tension, the marine tossing a satchel charge into the pipe Freeman is crawling through is replicated from the original game with some tweaks. The explosion can still roast Freeman if the player doesn't react in time, but also blasts the heavy metal hatch from its hinges, sends it flying and crushes the marine.
  • The Bland-Name Product for WD-40 is AN US. On the can is the actual product's list of uses... which the name makes rife with Double Entendre.
  • The 2018 April Fools joke.
    Bill: Forty bucks for a golden gun?! That's outrageous... —ly awesome!

    Bob: Well, for an extra 4,99 we'll throw in this handy, dandy thermos. And inside that thermos, is a specially crafted—
    Bill: Uh? Uh, Bob? That's a gas can.
    Bob: (eerily calm) Don't fucking interrupt me, Bill.

    Bob: (describing the new premium HEV suit skins) And Cotton-candy Pink is extra sparkly, and it also has shields-effects that looks like a damn rainbow! (tearing up) It's a beautiful thing.
    Bill: Yeeeah, I don't know, Bob. It looks like they just took a spray can to the whole thing.
    Bob: Oh? Is that so? Tell you what. Let me go over there and get one of those, and I'll model it. And then — during the commercial break — you can kiss my sparkly, pink a(gets cut off by the video ending)