Funny / Black Dynamite

Moments pages are spoilers off!

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The Film

• Plenty to choose from, but Black Dynamite's kung fu battle with Richard Nixon might take the cake.
  "SHOWTIME, MOTHERFUCKER!"
  • "DON'T FUCK WITH ME! MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
• BD's reaction to being interrupted by a ho is exaggerated...
  Black Dynamite: Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you! I ain't even gotta look! I should send you to Crenshaw Pete with his hot-ass coat hangers, bitch. Would you like that?!
  • The stunned impressions of the other people in the scene implies the line delivered by Black Dynamite was an out-of-character sudden outburst by the actor, with the love interest shaken and awkwardly saying her line about feeling safe with him.
• "Haha! I threw that shit before I walked in the room!"
• "But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community."
• There is a very subtle joke early on that can take awhile to sink in. When Black Dynamite's aunt shows up at his brother Jimmy's funeral, she says, "Your mother would turn over in her grave if she were alive to see this." Scott Sanders admits in the DVD commentary that he didn't even get the joke until the movie premiered.
• Jimmy Dynamite only has a single scene (as an adult), but his borderline Shakespearean line-delivery is sure to stay with you forever.
  Jimmy (with flawless diction): Look man! I got to get back to the streets, where I come FROM, sucker!
• "CHICKEN AND WAFFLES???"
• "Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you... Little Richard!"
  • The Sting as the camera repeatedly zooms in on Gunsmoke's shrunken penis, culminating with: "Man, do you wants to live?! I said, do you want to go on?" (shoots him)
  • The fact that all of the reasoning up to "Anaconda Malt Liquor" was completely redundant.
• When Black Dynamite, Bullhorn and their entourage of militants arrive on Kung Fu Island, they attempt to go in quietly, until one of the militants pulls a Leeroy Jenkins and starts shooting, foiling their ambush.
• "I guess you forgot about the time you and Bravo company left my black ass for dead, huh? But I remember. I remember everything. I remember Vietnam like it was yesterday. I remember that village in Tainan^note Tainan is in Taiwan, by the way that we cut down. It was a massacre. All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks. I remember the faces, the children. This one child I'll never forget. Poor little bastard was still alive. His little Chinese legs were blown clean off! Still see his little shins & feet hanging from the ceiling fan across the hut. He was charred from his head down to his little Chinese knees. He tried to get up, but he fell over when what was left of his right leg broke off. As he laid there, flat on his face, he looked up at me. His little Chinese eyes burned right into my stomach, deep into my soul. He said something to me in Chinese like, 'Boo coo sow!', sounded like some cartoon shit. But I understood it to be a question that he was asking me. And I don't have to know how to speak Chinese to know what that question was. 'Why, Black Dynamite? Why?'"
  • Not to mention the fact that the boy's supposed mud hut apparently has a ceiling fan, and that the kid was facing up on his back not looking burned at all when it goes to a physical memory.
  • Or the fact that this entire monologue has nothing at all to do with O'Leary leaving him for dead.
  • The taxidermied bear in this scene has an afro wig.
  • This gem gets a small callback later when it is revealed Black Dynamite, upon learning that archnemesis Fiendish Dr. Wu was involved in the malt liquor and drugs scheme, speaks Chinese fluently as he insults and provokes Dr. Wu.
• During the bar fight, Black Dynamite throws his nunchucks off-screen for a moment to fight a couple of mooks. Then he turns around, holds out his hand, and the nunchucks fall back into his fingers.
• Later in the same fight, when Bullhorn shows up to hold off the last mook, he smacks him in the face with a very audible slap. The mook jerks back, holding his face, and goes "Motherfucker!" before starting toward a very surprised and worried-looking Bullhorn. The hilarity comes a moment later when the scene abruptly changes to show the same mook being played by a completely different actor who is getting the crap beat out of him by Bullhorn. ^note The implication being that the original actor got fired after attacking Bullhorn, and they had to hire someone new. Which is about halfway true, since Bullhorn was the one who (accidentally) hurt the mook in another take.
• "I am 18-year-old Black Dynamite, and you are my sixteen-year-old kid brother Jimmy!"
  • "And you are HIGH as a KITE!"
• "Donuts don't wear alligator shoes!"
  • The commentary track reveals this to be a bit of a Creator Thumbprint - Michael Jai White does not have any patience for advertising / sports mascots, and will often try to include a scene of them being injured in each of his movies.
• Black Dynamite is in bed after having having sex with three women at once. They tell him how great he is in bed when Black Dynamite tells them to stop:
  Black Dynamite: Hush now bitches, or you'll wake up the other bitches.
  {Pan over to more women asleep in the bed.}
• Black Dynamite goes to the hospital after being shot:
  Doctor: You're lucky Black Dynamite. Three inches to the left and we wouldn't even be having this conversation!
  Black Dynamite: Three inches to the right, it woulda missed my black ass.
  • Also, the doctor tells Black Dynamite "it was a clean shot, in and out," when there's clearly no exit wound and a patch of gauze on only one side of his shoulder.
• Black Dynamite's grieving after Bullhorn is beheaded by the Fiendish Doctor Wu's boomerang.
  Black Dynamite: Bullhorn! NO! At long last, a friendship bonded by the struggle against The Man has been brought to an end by KUNG-FU TREACHERY! Brother, your death will not go unavenged. FIENDISH DR. WU, YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW!!!"
• "I never told nobody this, but I used to be an orphan. And orphans have no parents!"
• "You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." And Gloria can't help but glance down at her chest in confusion.
• This exchange:
  Gloria: Oh, let me guess. You're one of those Tom Slick brothers, think you can get by on good looks, a wink and a smile, huh?
  Black Dynamite: I don't know about Tom Slick. But thank you for the compliments.
  Gloria: That's not what I meant. Not that I think that you have good look, I mean, you know these guys with their winks and smiles.
  (Black Dynamite winks)
  Gloria: What about the smile?
  Black Dynamite: (barely smirking) I am smiling.
• This line, for the way Black Dynamite delivers it: "How many times I told you not to call here and interrupt my kung fu?!"
• "I WANT BLACK DYNAMITE DEAD, AND I WANT HIM DEAD, NOW!!!"
• The purposefully bad Chroma Key when the helicopter that Black Dynamite jumped out of is blown up.
  Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN! NOOOOOO!!!
• Captain Kangaroo Pimp.
• The boom mic being visible above Black Dynamite's head in an early scene. Done deliberately, of course. Black Dynamite even glances at it a couple times during his speech.
• When Black Dynamite first meets the militants, the entire thing is a master class on how to do Bad "Bad Acting".
  Black Dynamite: Excuse me brothers.
  Militant 1: The militants turn startled. (turns to Black Dynamite) This is private, how'd you get in here?
  Black Dynamite: (Beat) I walked in.
  Militant 2: So you one of them sneaky brothers, huh? Or maybe you an undercover pig. Or maybe you just a federal hitman.
  Black Dynamite: If I was, you cats would already be dead. Now let me speak to the man in charge.
  Militant 1: Sarcastically, I'm in charge.
• Bullhorn temporarily loses his rhyming ability:
  Bullhorn: Man, them honkies gonna be running for cover when us brothers get...get...get...(sits down, confused) Hmm.
• When Black Dynamite is chasing Chicago Wind and his car goes through the guardrail, not only is it a completely different car than he was driving, but it explodes for no reason halfway down. Later, the exact same shot is used for another car.
• The background songs are often just stating what's happening onscreen, such as the song about Black Dynamite going into his dead brother Jimmy's apartment and figuring out that it was broken into - after his internal monologue says "Somebody broke into my dead brother Jimmy's apartment!"
• When Black Dynamite enters the Pimp Council, Cream Corn, wearing a disguise, can be seen sneaking out.

Animated Series

Season 1

Trouble on Puppet Street

• TKP Kurtis delivers this golden line after delivering a no-hand dick slap to Cream Corn - "It sounded like you had a frog dick in yo mouth."
• Dennis Flynn: This isn't about the honkies, Black Dynamite! It's about the children!
  Black Dynamite: You know what, Dennis Flynn? I never told nobody this, but...I used to be a children.

Just Beat It or Jackson Five Across Yo' Eyes

• Black Dynamite's dream sequence followed by no more than four of his bitches asking if he's okay
  First Bitch: What is it Black Dynamite?
  Black Dynamite: Nothing, I'm fine...
  Second Bitch: You need me to get you something?
  Black Dynamite: Naw, naw I'm okay...
  Third Bitch: Is everything alright?
  Black Dynamite: Yeah, it's al-
  Fourth Bitch: Is there something I can get you?
  Black Dynamite: God Dammit, I already told the second bitch 'No'!
• The flashback depicting the births of the Jackson's before Michael. Joe gets less and less interested in catching them each time, until LaToya goes sailing over his head.
• Ninja wisdom.
  Head Ninja In Charge: Ninjas do wrong to each other sometimes and in that way, the force of the earth comes around the moon, and at that presence, the dirt, it overshadows the grass and you like, "I can't cut this grass, there's no sun coming through" so it knew to enable each other, the two fruits have to look each other in the eye and understand we can only be right as the right is wrong.
  Black Dynamite: Beat Man...never thought I'd see the day when the only person talkin' any sense was a damn ninja.
• BD punching out a giraffe in the final battle.

Bullhorn Nights or Murder She Throats

• In honor of its Blacksploitation roots, a boom mic drops into frame while BD and crew visit a porn set.
• The flashback to young Bullhorn and his mother who both look and sound the same.
• Black Dynamite's hilarious Insane Troll Logic when figuring out who killed Ringo. Case in point, it starts with grits and Jell-o, and ends with the Ku Klux Klan and Black Panthers.
• Bullhorn to Black Dynamite: "You were blessed with the talent to fuck up a sucker. I was blessed with the talent to rhyme sucker with fucker."

Taxes and Death or Get Him to the Sunset Strip!

• Richard Pryor making a crack about how the Whorephanage was thought up.
  Richard Pryor: Whores and orphans under one roof. Whose idea was this anyway?
  Black Dynamite: ...mine.
  Richard Pryor: Man, did you actually think about this shit before you put the children and the cunts within fucking distance of each other? "Hey little kids, I'm Black Dynamite! I know you all ain't got no parents, so how about I replace 'em with a lifetime supply of pussy?"
  Black Dynamite: THAT IS NOT WHAT I SILENTLY SAID TO MYSELF INSIDE MY HEAD!! (breaks out nunchucks and has to be held back by Bullhorn and Cream Corn) SUY SUUUUUY!! SUY-SUY-SUY!!!
  • It's a bit Harsher in Hindsight when you realize Richard Pryor grew up in a similar sort of situation (he was mostly raised by his grandma, who ran the brothel his mother worked at until she abandoned him at age 10, and his father was rarely around before dying while having sex with a woman).
    • Although given how this series pretty much runs on Deliberate Values Dissonance and Unfortunate Implications — not to mention the fact that Pryor himself was known to joke about this subject matter in his stand-up routines — it's likely that it was intentional.
• "IRS!!! Noooooooooo!!!"
• Richard Pryor leaving BD on the street while escaping with $2,000,000:
  Black Dynamite: What about my taxes, Richard Pryor?!
  Richard Pryor: You better get you some scratch-offs, sucka!!!
• "Black Dynamite's word and Black Dynamite's balls is all Black Dynamite has in this world. That plus my bitches, my car, my exquisite wardrobe and a bunch of more other shit, but my point is Black Dynamite said he'd get Richard Pryor to the Sunset Strip, and that's exactly what he's going to do!"
• The entire scene at Donald the Accountant's grave.
• Basehead being mistaken for Richard Pryor simply because he's a basehead, and on fire. Basehead lampshades this.

A Crisis at Christmas or The Dark Side of the Dark Side of the Moon!

• "HAHA! I threw that rock before I left the moon!"
• "Less likeable my ass! I just went to the moon for y'all kids! THE MOON! I'm flushing these moon rocks down the toilet! You bunch of ungrateful, non-appreciative, no-good motherfu-" (Cue kids crying while the Leitmotif plays the scene out) "DY-NO-MITE! DY-NO-MITE!"

Panic on the Player's Ball Express or That's Influenza Sucka!

• Snoop Dogg, and his Special Guest role as Leroy Van Nuys, a self-described "Stone Cold Pimp" whose goal is to kill every other pimp on the Player's Ball Express because, quote, "Because I'm a mothafuckin' pimp, mothafucka', and this was the most cold-blooded shit I could come up with." The ludicrous efforts of turning the Player's Ball Express into one giant Death Trap on tracks, coupled with Snoop's Cold Ham performance turns Leroy into one of the most Laughably Evil villains that Black Dynamite has had to face.
• When everyone is on the train finds out that they are heading towards a ravine and there's no way of stopping it before they fall, Black Dynamite tells everyone that they have to speed up the train to make the jump. He suggests everyone to throw their diamonds into the furnace because it's the closest thing to coal they got, but nobody wants to do it.
  Black Dynamite: What, would you rather die?!?
  Tasty Freeze: Damn it, would let a Pimp think?
  • When they throw all the diamonds they had, and it's still not enough to make the jump, Tasty Freeze suggests throwing Icy Ice into the furnace, given how he wanted to be cremated anyways. They immediately have enough to make the jump.

The Shit That Killed The King! or Weekend At Presley's

• Honeybee accidentally burning off Cream Corn's Hair is funny in itself, but the fact that everyone started laughing at him for how ridiculous he looks balk, especially Black Dynamite, only makes it funnier.
  • Black Dynamites first reaction seeing a Bald Cream Corn.
  Honeybee: Black Dynamite your home.
  Cream Corn: Hey, Black Dynamite!
  Black Dynamite: (Eye Twitches) Who. The fuck. Are you?
• Basehead manages to slip his way in to see Tricky Dicky^note President Nixon.
  Basehead: Bitch, I'm a basehead! I can get in anywhere! Watch this. (exits the Oval Office through the door, only to pop up to the right of Nixon) POOF!
• Honeybee had farted earlier in the episode; while they were transporting Elvis to Graceland, there's another long, drawn-out solo on the colon trumpet.
  Black Dynamite: Honeybee, now is not the time to open up yo' ass!
  Honeybee: That wasn't my ass!

Apocalypse, This! or For the Pity of Fools AKA Flashbacks Are Forever

• "Black Dynamite, you all right? You almost killed us with that flashback." "I'm sorry, y'all. I don't know what came over me. In the past, I've had nothing but pleasant dreams about 'Nam."
• The fact that Black Dynamite's old friend's "Kurtz" personality...is the Mr. T we all know and love.
• The punch line being a special appearance by...The A-Team!

Honky Kong! or White Apes Can't Hump

• A white wolverine devours their guide. A white tyrannosaurus devours the wolverine. A giant white spider devours the tyrannosaurus. Finally, Black Dynamite blows out the spider's brains with a single shot form his pistol.
  Black Dynamite: And that's how you conserve ammo!

The Race War! or Big Black Cannon Balls Run!

• Racist Howard Cosell, especially when he tells Muhammad Ali that "the reason they call you the modern-day Shakespeare is because you *literally* shake a spear."
• Ali showboating and shadowboxing at the end of the race...and accidentally *punching Cosell out*.
  Cosell: The pain is *excruciating*.

That Seed of Kurtis" AKA "Father Is Just Another Word For Motherfucker!

• Kurtis' constant stutter.
  Kurtis: You don't mind if I call you d-d-d-d-d-d-daddy, right?
  Daddy Dynamite: Well nobody's ever called me 'duh-duh-duh-duh-daddy' before.
• After Kurtis asks Black Dynamite if he's ever been slapped in the face with a frog's dick, Cream Corn replies, "I have. It ain't a good look, Black Dynamite."
• The Frogs of Islam open fire on Black Dynamite and crew with everything they've got. As soon as they run out of bullets, it's revealed that the only thing they did was spell out "we missed" on the wall above them.
  • Better still, the dot above the 'i' comes from one of them looking straight down the barrel of his gun and accidentally shooting himself in the face.
• Kurtis swinging across the stage with his own penis.
• At the end of the credits montage, everyone in the roller-rink takes part in a "YEAH!" Shot... including Black Dynamite, who has the biggest silly grin on his face before immediately going back to frowning.

Season 2

Roots: The White Album or The Blacker the Community, the Deeper the Roots! or Those Cotton Pickin' Crackers

Black Jaws! or Finger Lickin' Chicken of the Sea

• Bull Horn went through a torturous fasting just to try to win an eating contest, despite everyone telling him it's futile to beat Thick James. Come the competition, Thick James downright swallows the food and destroys everyone. As soon as he gives a speech about his victory, he either suffers a heart attack, stroke or both that kills him on the spot. At first everyone gasp in shock, for the announcer to moments later crowns Bull Horn as the new winner.
• "I'm Thick James, Bitch!"
• Black Dynamite humping his way through the ocean. Yes, Black Dynamite screwed the sea.

Warriors Come Out or The Mean Queens of Halloween

How Honeybee Got Her Groove Back or Sexodus or Night of the Living Dickheads

Sweet Bill's Badass Singalong Song or Bill Cosby Ain't Himself

Mister Rogers' Revenge or Please Don't You Be His Neighbor

• The ending of the episode has some deliciously dark comedy; over the course of the episode, Black Dynamite's been searching for a way to celebrate the children's collective birthday in a way that won't remind them of the fact that, as orphans, they don't have parents. Ultimately, his sweater duel with Mr. Rogers leads him to realize that he can't hide the kids from said fact, and so vows to make them come to terms with it by bringing them all presents reminiscent of how each orphan's parents died on "Happy No Daddy or Mama That Birthed You Day."
  Black Dynamite: Here you go, Little Orphan Willis! (gives him a little model car) Your parents were killed in a car crash so here's a 1966 Coupe Deville, the same make and model they burned to death in! Here you go, Little Orphan Penny! (hands over a balding black doll complete with a hypodermic needle in the very track marked arm) Your mama was a heroin junkie so we got you a doll with holes in the arms to remind you of why you will never see her again! And Little Orphan Stevie, we got you a pair of track shoes to remind you of how quick your daddy ran out of your life! Now, isn't this the best birthday y'all ever had?
  Honeybee: Dammit, Black— (angry mumbling)
  Black Dynamite: (seeing Honeybee glaring at him, Bullhorn and Cream Corn looking utterly mortified in the back and all the orphans sobbing) ... What?
  Orphan: Black Dynamite, you ain't shit!
• The first scene the episode has of the whorephanage, where Cream Corn is fondling his nipples in front of a mirror:
  Cream Corn: (talking to himself) You like that? Yeah, you rub 'em a little harder, gonna get some milk.
  Honeybee: (slams the door open) Cream Corn!
  Cream Corn: (quickly hides his chest in his shirt, whimpering) I wasn't doin' nothing!
  Honeybee: Cream Corn, get out here and stop playin' with yourself! Nasty ass...
• Another Cream Corn moment, more subdued, but amusing nonetheless, when the ATF agents return, slain or otherwise mutilated after their encounter with Mr. Rogers:
  Goddamn, Mr. Rogers did this, too!? I ain't saying "please" or "thank you" for... the rest of my whole fucking life.
• A half dead Sole Survivor cop from the first wave sent after Mr Rogers comes back tied to the top of the trolley, with the corpses of other cops inside. The survivor manages to say "I don't think he wants us to be his neighbors."
• All of Black Dynamite's interactions with the lead ATF agent as they try to take down Mr. Rogers, in a Black Comedy sort of way.
  • When the ATF agent says to stay behind them, Black Dynamite, having already seen the carnage Mr. Rogers can unleash and knowing that everyone on the ATF team is going to get themselves killed, snarkily responds "For the first time in my life, I'm inclined to do what a cracker cop tell me to." Later, after most of the ATF are dead and the leader is wounded, Black Dynamite runs in and grabs the guy, and starts using him as a Bulletproof Human Shield. When the guy asks Black Dynamite what he's doing, BD responds "Just staying behind you, sucka!"
  • When the guy starts saying I Will Only Slow You Down and tells BD to go on without him, BD instantly agrees (much to the shock of the ATF guy) and tosses the dying man so his body sets off some mines nearby.

American Band Standoff or The Godfather of Soooul Train or Get On Your Goodfellas

Diff'rent Folks, Same Strokes or The Hunger Pang Games

• Black Dynamite trying to make friends with kids by pulling up to them in his car and offering them candy. The kids run screaming.
• Black Dynamite wreaking havoc at a Chunky Cheese.
• Honey Bee, Cream Corn, and Bullhorn partying after Mr. Drummond adopts all the orphans from the Whorephanage (which was shut down due to many health and safety violations).

The Wizard of Watts or Oz Ain't Got Shit On The Wiz

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