Funny / Agents Of SHIELD Season Seven

Funny Moments from Season Seven of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

For funny moments from other seasons, go to the appropriate page.

• Season One
• Season Two
• Season Three
• Season Four
• Season Five
• Season Six
• Season Seven

Season Seven

The New Deal

• Deke is shocked to learn about Prohibition, stating that even the Kree let their enslaved humans make their own hootch.
• How the Agents bluff their way into the crime scene: declaring that they're Canadian Mounted Police sent because they got a report about bodies with missing faces, because finding dead bodies with faces removed happens all the time in Canada.
• When they're surrounded by gunmen in the speakeasy, Mack is less than impressed by Coulson's plan to just walk up to and threaten them.
  Coulson: I'm already dead.
  Mack: (panicked) The hell I'm not!
• After Deke explains his version of the possible consequences of altering history, Mack immediately warns him not to file any new patents.
• Most of the team is delighted to be travelling back in time to the 1930s. The lone exception is, of course, Mack.
  Coulson: Most of these people have never even seen a TV.
  Mack: (catching the suspicious glances from passerby) Or a black man in a nice suit, apparently.
• Jemma gets angry at Deke for stealing a truck. Deke immediately protests getting singled out, especially since Daisy is with him in the truck.
  Jemma: You stole a truck?! That's the opposite of keeping a low profile!
  Deke: Why me? There's two of us!
• One of the staff at FDR's event comes very close to calling Mack the N-word for not polishing glasses fast enough. Then Mack very calmly stands up to his full height and dares him to finish the sentence and the guy can't splutter out an apology fast enough.
• Mack geeks out over all of FDR's accomplishments... to someone actually from the 30s who has no idea what he's talking about.
• While preparing to interrogate one of the Chronicoms, Jemma smugly points out that they're just hardware and software. Enoch, who is standing right there, snippily calls that "rude".
• Doubling as an Awesome moment, Simmons is clearly working out some issues with the Chronicoms while interrogating the one they captured. While she's setting up the computer terminal, Simmons pulls out a nasty-looking tool and aims it at the back of the Chronicom's head.
  Yo-yo: Is that his data port?
  Simmons: (grins) No. (stabs it into the back of the Chronicom's head)
• Daisy's on the nose choice of a Pre-Asskicking One-Liner before smacking a Chronicom with a pipe:
  Daisy: 1930s baseball reference.
• Enoch goes to check on May, only to find out she's gone from the pod. Enoch bemoans the situation with a meme....
  Enoch: You had one job, Enoch.

Know Your Onions

• Koenig provides quite a few moments:
  • Being totally confused when the team starts talking to Enoch over a radio, looking around to figure out where his voice is coming from.
  • Telling Jemma to cut to the chase when she starts off on some technobabble.
  • Totally geeking out over seeing the Zephyr, assuming that the SHIELD team are Martians.
• Enoch, as always, provides several moments of his own:
  • When a flabbergasted Koenig is examining the gaping wound in Enoch's head that reveals his circuitry, he asks if Enoch is a robot. Enoch, in an uncharacteristically haughty tone, corrects Koenig by saying he's a Chronicom, not a robot.
  Enoch: (completely deadpan) Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go fix my face.
  • When he tries to sedate May, she grabs the needle and injects him with it. As he's a robot, it doesn't affect him, and he just gives a deadpan "Ouch".
  • When he's trying to stop May from leaving the Zephyr, and reveals he's upgraded himself with Hunter combat training, we get this exchange:
  May: A machine's still just a machine.
  Enoch: There's no need for us to get personal.
  • After Koenig is shot by Freddie but states that the only thing wounded is his faith in humanity, Enoch states that he doesn't know how to fix that.
  • In a delightful example of Stable Time Loop, he ends up getting a job as a bartender at Koenig's speakeasy, ensuring it becomes the SHIELD safehouse it was supposed to be, as well as being a purveyor of fruity Umbrella Drinks.

Alien Commies From The Future!

• Simmons impersonates Peggy Carter in order to infiltrate the Area 51 SHIELD base, and she is clearly loving every minute of it.

  Coulson: You're enjoying this way too much...Peggy.

• Coulson and Simmons have a room full of S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists to scope out and see if any of them is a Chronicom. Unfortunately....all of them are stone-faced dweebs, but as Coulson points out, they don't need to test if they're Chronicom - they only need to confirm they are human. Hilarity Ensues.
  • First scientist sits down, an older fella with incredibly thick glasses.
    Simmons: (holds up three fingers) How many fingers am I holding up? No! You're wrong!
    Scientist #1: You didn't give me a chance-
    Simmons: (holds up two fingers) It was two! Thank you. (shoos him away)
  • A young agent sits down.
    Coulson: (removes glasses) John Wayne. ...Bit overrated, don't you think? I mean, you're rugged, you're on a horse, who cares!
    Agent: Who cares? Who cares about John Wayne. America cares.
  • A very dweeby scientist sits down.
    Simmons: She couldn't stay with Rick! She had to go with Victor... Haven't you ever made a sacrifice for someone you love?
    Scientist #2: (starts crying) ...Yes.
    Coulson: Oh...ok....
  • A rather...sweaty scientist sits down.
    Coulson: How does it make you feel when I say the word...moist? Moist.
    Scientist #3: Please...please stop.
    Coulson: Mooooooist.
    Scientist #3: (winces away in disgust)
    Simmons: Yeah, you're good.
• Coulson geeking out over attempting a Voight Kampff test, only to make an old lady cry and tell him how much of a monster he is.
• After Sousa catches Simmons impersonating Peggy Carter, he tries to Bluff the Imposter and pretend to be meeting her for the first time, leading to this exchange.
  Simmons: I apologize for the short notice but we had to act quickly. I believe this base may have been infiltrated.
  Sousa: No, imagine that. An infiltrator right under our noses.
• In an effort to preserve the timeline, Deke and Mack leave Sharpe out in the desert in a Quinjet and pretend to be aliens. Mack warns him the next time they run into him, he would get "probed". The look on Mack's face before he said that is priceless (especially because Deke most likely put him up to saying it).
• Mack, Yo-Yo, and May trying to interrogate Sharpe, only to be foiled by his Nerves of Steel... and copious amounts of racism. Eventually they end up sending Deke in.
  Deke: Stupid white privilege...
• He might be in deep shit, but Coulson just can't help but fanboy over getting arrested by Daniel Sousa.

Out Of The Past

• Once they bring him to the Zephyr, Agent Sousa dramatically reveals to the team that he believes SHIELD has been infiltrated by HYDRA. The team is ... less than shocked.
  Daisy: Yep.
  Mack: You got it.
  Sousa: Wait, really?!

A Trout in the Milk

• The episode opens up with a cheesy and super-dramatic opening title, as a loving Affectionate Parody to 60/70's cop shows like The F.B.I..
• Usually the team gets decade-appropriate clothing for their current situation. Sousa retains his suit because he wonders how people could wear "elephant pants" (referring to bell-bottoms). Daisy notes that suits work fine because uptight people exist in all time periods.
• Sousa complains how nobody looks others to the face, in this decade. May just mention him to wait until people get smartphones.
• Sousa declares he's going to learn to adapt to the future. Then a guy on rollerskates wearing hotpants and holding a boombox zips by. He adds, "Starting now."
• Sousa has a rather odd take on Fish out of Temporal Water, as he's amazed at all the ways technology has advanced two decades from his own time... which is still far in the past for the audience. Then he questions Daisy's laptop for being so small, and is more amazed when she takes his picture on her smartphone.
• May acting all giddy because she's drunk from feeling it from others.
• Enoch makes a timely appearance saving the team and puts his own spin on a one-liner that another human looking robot made famous, and continues to be the gift that keeps on giving.
  Enoch: Come with me if you want to continue to exist!
  Daisy: Enoch, you're here!
  Enoch: Yes. As I have been for the last 40 years. Now buckle up.
  Coulson: Sorry we left you behind, thanks for the lift, and sweet ride.
  Enoch: Thank you. Consumer Reports gave this vehicle a five-star safety rating, and its fuel economy is best in class.

Adapt or Die

• Yo-yo introduces Mack to his own parents as Agent Mack...lemore.

The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and the D

• When Mack finally emerges from his self-imposed isolation, he learns that Deke... has started his own rock band.
  • Also, Deke declares to the crowd "I wrote this myself"... and starts playing "Don't You Forget About Me."
• Deke managed to save Coulson's datastream into a TV set ala Max Headroom.
  Deke: He single-handedly demolished the Chronicoms!
  Coulson: Actually, it cost me both hands.
• When Deke introduces his squad to Mack, it goes well enough, until he gets to Cricket.
  Deke: And, finally, that's Cricket. He's... well, mostly we just needed a drummer.
• In trying to impress Mack, Deke and his squad go through a run of "The Gauntlet", with less than stellar results. It starts off relatively well with Roxy and Olga, but it goes downhill once the Chang Gang arrived. To sum it up— Ronnie is shot, as he falls down he manages to shoot Roxy. Olga detonates the bomb she placed, which happened to be a live explosive. And after all that, Cricket shows up (from a coke binging session) and wonders if they were shooting a video.
  Coulson: (after Cricket shows up) Deke really needs to fire that drummer.

After, Before

• After finding out that there's nothing physically wrong with Yo-Yo, Jiaying suggests that she and May try meditation. Two of the team's most stoic members trying to metaphorically hug it out. It doesn't work at all.
  May: This is literally my worst nightmare.
  Yo-Yo: Finally, we agree on something.
  • Jiaying offers Yo-Yo some tea to help.
    May: Is that whisky? If so, I want a lot of it.
  • After the meditation session doesn't work. May suggests a different method.
    May: If physical contact will help, I have an idea.
    Yo-Yo: Please tell me we're not gonna spoon.
• Enoch continues to be The Comically Serious while figuring out how to disable the time drive.
  Deke: Electricity's dangerous.
  Sousa: Do I look like a Neanderthal to you?
  Enoch: I spent time with a tribe of Neanderthals. Agent Sousa does not resemble one. He lacks the characteristic brow ridges.
  Sousa: (beat) Can we just push the button, please?

As I Have Always Been

• Coulson's utter annoyance at having to explain each loop to Daisy. Plus how in several, he never gets woken up.
• When Daisy reveals to Jemma early in the episode that she's stuck in a time loop, Jemma is hardly fazed by the news.
• Regardless of who tries to physically stop Enoch from interfering, it always cuts to them lying defeated on the floor. Not even the entire team (sans Yo-Yo, who was probably still trapped) is a match for him.
• The team's casual acceptance of death in the third time loop where Enoch curb-stomped them.
  Coulson: ... That did not go well.
  Sousa: Where'd [Enoch] get all those weapons?
  May: Deke's dead?
  Daisy: Very.
  Mack: Do we need to be sad about that?
  Daisy: We do not.
• Jemma too of her being murdered by someone.
  Jemma: And you think it was one of us?
  Coulson: To be fair, you were the one killed, so that makes you less of a suspect.

Stolen

• The young Garrett is every bit as Laughably Evil as he is later in his older years, and it's only ratcheted up further when he gets Gordon's teleportation powers. James Paxton was clearly having a ball channeling his late father's performance. His terrible aim with said brand new teleportation powers is just icing on the cake.

Brand New Day

• Sousa and Mack cracking up at how much of an Atrocious Alias "Quake" actually is. The former even teases Daisy about it to her face.
• Is revealed that Mack and Yo-Yo have a bet about Daisy and Sousa liking each other or not. And given that Mack win the bet, he was shipping them the whole time.

The End is At Hand

• Daisy, Mack and Sousa's quinjet docks with the Zephyr which then gets pulled into a Chronicom ship. Then after the dramatic title screen, they are in their battle ready poses, staring at the hangar door... for a few seconds.
  Sousa: Is it possible they're on the other side, doing the exact same thing?
  • Daisy and Mack awkwardly look at each other and he opens the door. Revealing there was nothing.
• This small bit after Sousa plants a Big Damn Kiss on Daisy as she leaves to rescue Simmons and Deke, especially after the whole "what are your intentions" spiel the previous episode:
  Mack: *feigned disinterest, not looking at Sousa* Impressive.
  Sousa: *exact same tone, also looking straight ahead* Thank you.
• After Nathaniel Malick leaves Garrett to die, Garrett decides to switch sides (just like in the previous timeline when someone left him for dead there). When May objects to taking off the anti-teleportation tech he's handcuffed to, he just gives her a smile and says, "New timeline, new Garrett!" Coulson just says, "That just makes it worse."
• Since Sybil and the Chronicoms know they are there, Mack says that they might as well make some noise. He proceeds to fire Zephyr One's missiles at the Chronicom ship's doors... and they explode harmlessly. "What else we got?" Sousa says.
• This exchange as a team of Chronicom Hunters board Zephyr One to face off against Mack and Sousa.
  Hunter: We are here to take your faces. (holds up the face-stealing mechanism)
  Mack: Lord knows you can do a lot better than the ones you're wearing now.
  Sousa: I'm pretty sure they don't understand sarcasm.
• In a combined moment of awesome/funny, Sousa comments that one Chronicom attempted to cause an explosion using the Helios device back in 1955, so what could they do with six Chronicoms? Easy: duct tape them to Zephyr One's missiles and thus make quite a bigger explosion than before.
• The mere fact that moments after his Heel–Face Turn, John Garrett is shot in the head... by a young Victoria Hand. Hand, who was killed on Garrett's orders in the original timeline, just accidentally killed him in the branched timeline.

What We're Fighting For

• Someone needs to stay behind in the branched timeline to operate the Quantum Bridge and make sure that it pulls all of the Chronicom ships in with the Zephyr One. Sousa offers to stay, reasoning that they already gave him a second chance at life, and he even takes Daisy's hand to try and explain that the army taught him— at which point Deke blows a raspberry and says that he'll stay, because he knows how to operate the technology necessary:
  Deke: Danny Boy over here is still impressed by a light bulb.
  Sousa: That's not accurate or nice.
  • Deke also points out that he can see that Sousa makes Daisy happy... and also that in the '80s of the branched timeline, Deke's kind of a rock god.
  • Deke also points out that the team might see him in the original timeline as so long as Fitz and Simmons eventually... connect.
• After the Zephyr One pulls all of the Chronicom ships into the Quantum Realm, Deke is left alone with the remaining SHIELD agents:
  Agent Brandon Gamble: So... are you the new guy in charge?
  Deke: [a long beat as he slowly smiles] Yes!
• An embarrassed Fitz tells Enoch to put on his face when the latter's natural appearance freaks out Piper and Flint.
• During the final battle, Coulson lets slip to Sybil that Fitz and Simmons are at the Lighthouse, at which point she smiles. Coulson then says, "Oh. A creepy smile. That's new."
• In the end, when they all meet up again a year later, they trade stories. May says that at least everyone made it out alive... and then amends "Except Coulson." And then everyone starts piping in about how each of them actually did die (or became a zombie in the case of Yo-Yo and Mack).
  LMD Coulson: Look, if this is a contest, I died like seven times.