Film / Amsterdamned

Somewhere, somewhere in the black night
Shining eyes follow your stride...
— "Amsterdamned" by Lois Lane

Amsterdamned is a Dutch horror thriller movie from 1988 by Dick Maas (The Lift, Flodder).

The film is set in the eponymous (damned!) capital, where a Serial Killer wearing scuba gear is prowling in the city canals and uses them to get to his victims.

Amsterdam was damned by:

  • Absolute Cleavage: Laura's date wear.
  • Absurdly Spacious Sewer: Eric chases the killer into one.
  • Alone with the Psycho: Happens multiple times, such as John squaring off against him inside the sunken boat and when Eric chasing him into the sewers. It usually ends badly for the receiving party.
  • Animal Reaction Shot: From a cat, during the raft attack.
  • Ankle Drag: Happens to the second environmentalist.
  • Artistic License Gun Safety: Eric's daughter Anneke is introduced trying to scare him with his gun, which he just left lying around, apparently loaded.
  • Ate His Gun: The killer, and a harpoon gun at that.
  • Attempted Rape: A taxi driver tries to force the prostitute he's accompanying to perform oral sex on him. Unfortunately for him, she bites.
  • Badass: Eric. Just to demonstrate, he stumbles upon an armed robbery in the beginning and single-handedly ends it in less than three seconds.
  • Bald of Evil: The killer, a part of horrible disfigurement.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Eric and Vermeer arriving just as Laura is about to be dragged under by the killer.
  • Blood Is Squicker in Water: Anybody anyone ever dies in this movie, blood will trickle into water somewhere.
  • Blood-Splattered Innocents: The prostitute's body is hung from a bridge, and ends up entering a tour boat filled with (among others) young children and nuns.
  • Bowties Are Cool: Willy, because he couldn't possibly be nerdier otherwise.
  • Bus Full of Innocents: Appear throughout the boat chase.
  • Butt Monkey: Vermeer, the geeky cop who fails horribly at absolutely everything Badass Eric manages with ease.
  • California Doubling The movie was actually filmed in Utrecht, another Dutch city with an abundance of canals.
  • Carry a Big Stick: When she thinks he's the killer, Laura beats Martin with a boat oar.
  • Chase Scene: Two; the first one has the police chasing a suspect on a motorcycle, and the second one has Eric chase the actual killer on boats they commandeer.
  • The Coroner: Sam the morgue director.
  • Covers Always Lie: One makes it look kind of like an alien invasion film.
  • Crazy Homeless People: The bag lady. It didn't exactly add any credibility to witness testimony about the "canal monster".
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: "He's in the john, I expect that he's masturbating."
  • Daylight Horror: The raft victim and John's deaths.
  • Disposable Sex Worker: The first victim is a prostitute.
  • Disturbed Doves: Or ducks, in this case.
  • Driven to Suicide: The killer, per harpoon gun.
  • The Drunken Sailor: One of the victims goes down with his sabotaged boat because he's too sozzled not to.
  • '80s Hair: Everyone, except perhaps the killer.
  • Epic Fail: The main suspect tries to jump an opening bridge on his motorcycle, and fails rather badly.
  • Everyone Is a Suspect: And the first two of them are a Red Herring.
  • Eye Scream: "Her eyes were already fish food." There's also something wrong with one of the sailor victim's eye.
  • Facial Horror: When the killer's face is finally revealed, it's pretty fucked up.
  • Fan Disservice: The prostitute's naked, mutilated body.
  • Fight Scene: An underwater one, between John and the killer.
  • Friend to Psychos: Martin, though rather unknowingly.
  • Good Colors, Evil Colors: The killer's gear is black, and he steals a black speedboat, while John's gear is yellow, and Eric chases after the killer's boat with a yellow one.
  • Good Cop/Bad Cop: Geeky Vermeer and Badass Eric, respectively.
  • Gory Discretion Shot: The killer committing suicide.
  • Gratuitous English: It's the Netherlands, so it's more of a given than normally.
  • Grimy Water: 1980s Amsterdam canals were far from the cleanest waterways, which makes hiding in them much easier.
  • Grievous Bottley Harm: The main suspect lost his job when he attacked someone with a broken bottle in a drunken rage.
  • Groin Attack: The taxi driver getting bit, and the raft victim getting knifed.
  • Harpoon Gun: Vermeer gets shot in the arm with one, while Eric sustains a shot to the shoulder a bit later. The killer also commits suicide with one.
  • Hazardous Water: The killer operates from inside the Grachten and drags his victims inside before finishing them off.
  • Hollywood Nerd: Willy. He's even got round glasses and a bowtie, for crying out loud.
  • Hope Spot: The second environmentalist swims to shore and flags down a passing truck, but is dragged underwater before help can reach him.
  • Hostile Weather: It suddenly becomes stormy during the finale.
  • I Know Karate: "No reason to be afraid, I do judo."
  • Impending Doom P.O.V.: The opening shows a long shot of the killer emerging from the canal and spying on the people on the street.
  • Jerk Ass: The taxi driver, and the suspect.
  • Kid Detective: Anneke and Willy try finding the killer on their own. Thankfully, they fail.
  • Knife Nut: The killer likes his knifes almost as much as his harpoon.
  • Little Miss Snarker: Anneke. Though with a dad like that, it's hardly surprising.
  • Lock and Load Montage: The killer gets one.
  • Malevolent Masked Men: The killer wears a full-body neoprene suit and goggles.
  • Man Bites Man: The first victim deals with the taxi driver trying to force her to perform fellatio on him via biting.