Fanfic / Kerny Kermans Journal

Kerny Kerman's Journal is a Kerbal Space Program fanfic written by adsii1970. It is written in a first person POV from the perspective of the titular OC, Kerny Kerman.

The fanfic is published on the Kerbal Space Program forums. The most recent thread can be foundhere.

It usually updates monthly or bimonthly. It originally uploaded on December 2, 2015.

Currently, the Journal has 75 chapters.

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This fanfic provides examples of:

• Actually Pretty Funny: A cadet named Denzer cracks a joke to Kerny in Chapter 55. His question? "What's it like to fart in outer space?. Everyone cracks up at this, except for Kerny, Gene, and Obney.
• Aerith and Bob: Naturally, against names such as Edmund and Piper, there will be quite unusual names like Obney, Jala, Kerny, Triy, Hildi, Gilti... and the list goes on.
• Affectionate Nickname: Gene gets the moniker of “Old Man” in Chapter 19.
• Apocalyptic Log:
  • While Jebediah doesn’t die in the plane crash he caused in Chapter 38, his last recorded words on the voice recorder are:
    Jebediah: "I don't care what Gene said, I'm your superior officer, and I am now in charge of this...wait, who told you to send out a radio signal…"
  • Played Straight with Dr. Edmund's plane crash in Chapter 59. Agay and Senfry survive the plane crash, but Dr. Edmund doesn't.
    Agay: -alling NKC, this is Ah Cancun flight-
    master alarm starts in the background
    NKC Control: -Flight, go ahead... status?
    Agay:"-omething wrong. We have a- oh, gods... we have a maste-
    Senfry: -an explosion! Repeat, we've suffered a mal — ...et the old Kerman out!"
    Agay: Can't! the door is jammed! NKC, we are going down. Repea-
• And There Was Much Rejoicing: Megby shoots down an alien craft in Chapter 31.
• Ax-Crazy: Jebediah Kerman. Although it’s initially not that obvious, it becomes increasingly clear when in Chapter 38, he hijacks the controls of a plane and kills an innocent Kerbal… just because he was upset that Valentina got a promotion.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Kerny mentions Eribie’s promotions in Chapter 8:
  Kerny: "Eribie had spent nearly eighteen months in space, completed fourteen spacewalks, and was now being assigned as the commander of the URKAV Mensabac, a newly commissioned ship that has already begun sea trials”."
• Always Accurate Attack: The pink slime. Whatever it is, it makes a very sudden appearance (Chapter 66, at the end of the plane crash that killed Dr. Edmund.) The worst part is that no one knows what it is, only that it can strike at any time.
• Atrocious Alias: The Jool probe launched at the beginning of Chapter 42 is called… “The Green Blob”.
• Bait-and-Switch:
  • In Chapter 37, Kerny buzzes the tower with his training craft (which is what Jebediah did beforehand). Gene yells at him to come in and Kerny thinks he’s screwed up. The very next line:
  Gene" Kerny, this has nothing to do with your stupid stunt. This is about Jebediah.
  • In Chapter 14, Jebediah crashes his Knat on landing and the image all but says that Jeb is dead. In the next line, he says that the canopy will need to be replaced. The canopy.
• Beard of Evil: Jebediah has a beard and he caused the plane crash in Chapter 38 which killed an innocent Kerbal.
• Berserk Button: Don’t tell Gene that you like The Saga of Emiko Station.
• Big Bad: Prime Consul Katrine. She forces a software update on Kerny's ship to cripple it, has thoughts about arresting Jebediah and Bob. Evil seems to run in the family as well - as her daughter is Consul Rayven. No, we're not joking. Oh, and did we mention that in Chapter 59, she planted a bomb on Dr. Edmund's plane? Yes, that's the plane crash we're talking about. She caused it.
• Bob from Accounting: Kerbbe, the mechanic, and Kevine, a generic crewmember.
• Broken Bird: Poor Agay ends up as this after Dr. Edmund's fatal plane crash in Chapter 59.
• Buffy Speak: Kerny in Chapter 13: “He’s a lithologist. In other words, he studies rocks and dirt.”
• But for Me, It Was Tuesday: The STS R-14 mission in Chapter 74. It's officially designated as a satellite repair mission. Although given Kerny's high rank, it's probably the truth.
• Call-Back: In Chapter 1, Kerny talks about how Jebediah will be testing a new launch vehicle that would make LKO routine, and how it would be easy to achieve. In Chapter 19, LKO is so routine that they have become complacent. Kerny even Lampshades this.
• Can't Hold His Liquor: Gene gets drunk after a few glasses, and reveals that it was Bill who buzzed the tower in Chapter 2.
• Captain Crash:
  • Jebediah is very, very prone to crashing anything he gets his hands on. His current record is seventeen plane crashes.
  • Takes a heavily darker turn in Chapter 38, when Jebediah causes a plane crash that injures four kerbals and kills one innocent kerbal.
• Color-Coded for Your Convenience: KDF cadets wear pale blue jumpsuits until they specialize in something.
  • Pilots wear yellow.
  • Engineers wear red.
  • Scientists wear green.
• Cool Ship: The UKRN Menzabac, Dres, and Eeloo.
• Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Bill, at least until he gets abducted by a UFO.
• Crazy-Prepared: It's revealed that Dr. Edmund installed a retinal scanner which would override the software update in case of his death.
• Didn't Think This Through: Jedner, who tried setting the record for the lowest flyby in the forces - ends up crashing his plane into the hill.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Jebediah causes a plane crash because he’s upset at Valentina getting a promotion.
• Dude, Where's My Respect?: Jebediah often said this. Until the plane crash which he caused. He didn’t have that much respect afterwards, anyway.
• Damned by Faint Praise: Kerny hasn’t crashed a Knat once, where Jebediah has crashed one… seventeen times.
• Darker and Edgier: Chapter 38.
• Deadpan Snarker: Gilti and Katrine.
• Didn't Think This Through: Angelo makes it so that the lab can be jettisoned, but forgets that Kerny can’t dock without jettisoning the lab in the first place…
• Drill Sergeant Nasty: While he doesn’t swear, in Chapter 3, Jebediah takes all of the cadets out on a brutal fitness run. His reason? “Fat kerbals don’t squeeze into pressure suits very well!”
• Do Not Spoil This Ending: In Chapter 74, after Karloff fixes the radiator, Gilti tries to mention that The Saga of Emiko Station is cancelled, and gets cut off. "No spoilers!".
• Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The CTV (Crew Transport Vehicle) is a Crew Transport Vehicle. The Minmus missions go to, well, Minmus.
• From Nobody to Nightmare: A heroic example. Kerny went from the 23rd kerbal enlisted in the Forces to the highest-ranking member with the highest security clearance on Kerbin.
• Foreshadowing: In Chapter 23, Jeb complains about Val’s promotion on a ship. In Chapter 28, Jeb causes a plane crash, killing one kerbal and injuring four, because he was upset about Val’s promotion.
• Funetik Aksent: Dr. Edmund.
• Hell Is That Noise:
  • The software update in Chapter 73.
  • The master alarm found on spacecraft and aircraft. When you hear it, something has gone very, very wrong.
• How the Mighty Have Fallen: In Chapter 39, Jebediah undergoes a court-marshal by the Council of Five.
• I'd Tell You, but Then I'd Have to Kill You: Section 31. It’s extremely secretive, and there are only two levels: Ah Cuxtal and Ohoroxtotil.
• Is This Thing Still On?: Gilti and Hildi have a very awkward argument in Chapter 51 about how Gilti loves Jim, but both of them forgot to turn the VOX off. Lampshaded by Triy:
  Triy: "Lieutenant, you do realize you’re still on VOX, right?"
• Little Stowaway: Cadet Triy stows away on the Excursion in Chapter 45. It’s revealed she was sitting in the cockpit the whole time… but what if something happened?
• Lethal Chef: The Grand Committee, apparently according to Kerny in Chapter 19.
  Kerny: "You’d think that with all the money they have, the Grand Committee would give us something better to eat in orbit."
• Karma Houdini: Jeb causes a plane crash, and completely gets away with it. Until episode 41, anyway. Then he steals a plane to get away so he doesn't face courts-martial...
• Know When to Fold 'Em: Averted with Jebediah, who apparently lost half of his monthly salary while playing a poker game in Chapter 11.
• Mass "Oh, Crap!": Chapter 24. Alien ships appear all over Kerbin, Bill is abducted by an alien ship, and the KDF reaches its highest alert level.
• Noodle Incident: Jebediah’s had a few. The First Four aren’t immune to it either.
  • In Chapter 1, Bob was the only kerbal who didn’t crash his Knat. Yes, including Jebediah.
  • In Chapter 2, Gene and Jebediah have a staring match about… something.
  • Jebediah’s first island night flight. "You didn’t just scratch the paint…"
  • Kerny accidentally buzzing an aircraft carrier.
  • Buzzing the tower. Kerny tries it in Chapter 37, and it goes badly.
  • Whatever happened between Bob waking up Jebediah in Chapter 10 is a mystery to anyone but them.
  • Kerny crashes a plane because of a sneeze in Chapter 12. Explaining won’t help.
  • Accidentally deploying the LM’s parachutes so they couldn’t land on the Mun. (In fact, there’s a joke that if something was broken, it was Jeb’s fault).
• Noodle Implements: The Monolith.
• Nothing Is the Same Anymore: Several moments in the story, particularly:
  • Bill’s abduction by aliens in Chapter 24.
  • Jebediah causing a plane crash in Chapter 38, killing an innocent Kerbal.
  • Dr. Edmund’s death in a plane crash in Chapter 59.
• Nothing Is Scarier: In Chapter 16, every craft vanishes from radar completely. Calling it Nightmare Fuel doesn’t even begin to cover it.
• No-Sell: Jebediah attempts to shoot down an alien spacecraft in Chapter 23, but the UFO avoids the missile completely.
• Not So Stoic: Gene is stoic most of the time, but he does have a funny side, in Chapter 12:
  Gene: "Oh, Kerny, you might want to be there if you're serious about being a crash test dummy…"
• Not What It Looks Like: Apparently, Jebediah and Rayven were caught together in the spacecraft simulator. Only Dr.Heywood and Jeb/Rayven themselves know what really happened. Everyone else, however…
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: In Chapter 11, when Jeb is the one to shut people up rather than Gene, people actually pay attention for once.
• Put on a Bus:
  • Podget, Kerny’s roommate who is only mentioned in Chapter 1, yet never actually appears In-Universe. Also a case of The Ghost.
  • Kerbbe, the “Wrench”, who only appears in Chapter 2 and is never seen again.
  • Zebulan, a war veteran and supposed hero, who has a space station named after him but never shows up in the story.
• Rule of Cool: The Excursion may be a big, unwieldy beast that constantly rotates, but it looks cool, dammit!
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here:
  • Jebediah steals a plane and flies to the North Polar Base in Chapter 40 to avoid getting court-marshalled.
  • Happens to almost all kerbals if something goes wrong during a launch or a plane flight.
  • In Chapter 45, after the Excursion starts spinning violently, Kerny orders the mission to be aborted.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!:
  • Kerny, being the mission commander, uses some monopropellant to sightsee Minmus in Chapter 27.
  • When Katrine asks Dr. Edmund why Kerny kept Triy on the crew, Dr. Edmund replies with this gem of a comment in Chapter 55:
  Dr. Edmund: I did. The standing orders from the Triune Committee is that a captain of a ship gets to choose their own crew. And to be very clear the Excursion is just that. She is a ship in space. When Captain Kerny explained to myself, Dr. Haywood, and General Gene the potential of Ensign Triy, we did discuss it at great length and determined, by majority lot, if he wanted to keep her as a member of his crew, he should have that right.
• Ship Tease:
  • Gilti with Karloff, Jebediah, and J. Jim.
  • Karloff with Triy. Lampshaded by Kerny in Chapter 49.
  • Jebediah and Consul Rayven (introduced in Chapter 18). While the former is stoically unmoved, the latter is mildly interested.
    • Heavily transitioned into Ship Sinking after Jebediah caused the fatal plane crash.
• Shiny-Looking Spaceships: The four space shuttles revealed at the end of Chapter 55. Although they are a lot bigger than they need to be for their purpose. Also doubles as a Shout-Out.
• Shout-Out: Both In-Universe and in the real world.
  • The four space shuttles revealed at the end of Chapter 55 are named the Tsoolik, Dauntless, [[Useful Notes/NASAChallenger]], and [[Meaningful FuneralJala Kerman]].
• Spell My Name With An S:
  • Anything kerbalized, with the first letter usually replaced by a "k".
  • The “Duna Eksplorer” probe launched in Chapter 9.
• Skewed Priorities: In Chapter 74, Karloff goes out on a spacewalk, but gets distracted by the beauty of space. Kerny has to remind him that "this isn't a sightseeing trip, Commander".
• Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: J. Jim and Gene meet together at New Kerbin City in Chapter 48.
• Tranquil Fury: Kerny gives a speech to Prime Consule Katrine in Chapter 55.
  Kerny: No ma'am. General Gene has done nothing but be supportive of me, the other members of our space program, and even our trainees. He continues to actively work with the training of the KDF in his own time. I doubt we would be where we are currently at in our development if it wasn't for Gene's vision.
• The Cuckoolander Was Right: Bill eventually ends up being [[right about the aliens]], although he gets abducted by them before he can tell anyone.
• We Hardly Knew Ye: Poor Jala Kerman, only making one appearance in Chapter 38 before dying from that fatal plane crash.
• What Could Possibly Go Wrong?: Gene orders the crew to hold onto the second stage - in other words, the stage that gets ejected during reentry - until reentry is over. Lampshaded by Gilti:
  Gilti: “Maybe Gene wants a pretty light show.”
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Podget, Jedner, and Kerbbe, who are never mentioned after their brief appearances in Chapters 1, 3 and 2, respectively.