Fanfic / A Clash of NEETs

"What if you replaced the children of the nobles of Westeros with idiots from Konosuba?"

From the author of This Goddess Must Be Crazy, comes A Clash of NEETs (fanfiction.net link) which similarly involves a crossover with Konosuba, but this time with A Song of Ice and Fire instead. The premise? The cast of Konosuba being reincarnated as the children of the Starks, Lannisters, Targaryens, and other noble families.

Despite that fairly basic premise, the story actually has a fairly complex backstory, explained through various installments in "Septa Cecily's Guide To Planetos" - that name alone should give you a pretty good idea of what to expect.

On the continent of Westeros, the people live under the benevolent watch of the Seven; the Seven Goddesses that is: Aqua, Goddess of Joy, Eris, Goddess of Fortune, Hestia, Goddess Of Family, Athena, Goddess Of Wisdom, Satella, Goddess Of The Dead, Ristarte, Goddess of Healing, and Madoka, Goddess Of Hope. But the Seven ain't the only game in town: in the south, followers of the Lord Of Light (aka Kefka Palazzo) plot to free their wicked god; and in the north, the servants of Great Other, Arthas Menethil, are preparing to finally bring an end to all life.

In order to protect the world of Planetos, the Seven cause the souls of twelve of their champions to be reborn into the most influential families of this world, bereft of their memories but not their personalities. Now it falls to Prince Kazuma Baratheon, his betrothed Megumin Stark, her sisters Komekko and Yunyun, Sir Margaery "Darkness" Tyrell, the exiled Princess Iris Targaryen, and the other Children Of Destiny, to save the world from evil!

There's just one problem... they're morons.

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A Clash Of Neets contains examples of:

• Accidental Truth: When Megumin is practicing her posing in the Red Keep's catacombs (and attempting to remember how she did her Explosion) she encounters a man, and decides to go full chuuni and begins to accuse him of being disguised and a spider plotting to betray the Seven Kingdoms. The man turns out to be a disguised Varys (nicknamed the Spider) who is actually plotting to betray the Seven Kingdoms. This leads him to the Entertainingly Wrong conclusion that Megumin is actually Obfuscating Stupidity and has unraveled his entire plot.
• Adaptation Dye-Job: Some of the Reincarnators take on the physical attributes of their lineage, like Kazuma having the blond hair and green eyes of the Lannisters.
• Adaptational Nice Guy:
  • Viserys, believe it or not, is a much better person and brother here than in canon. Growing up with a demented little sister with the power of a hundred men has exhausted any desires he once had for rulership, and his sense of self-preservation has prevented any kind of abuse towards her as well. Instead, Iris' antics have broken him down into an exhausted Only Sane Man who tries and fails to reign his sister in, and who is fully aware that she is vastly more qualified to rule Westeros than he ever will be.
  • Sandor, thanks pretty much to the fact that he is bodyguarding Kazuma instead of Joffrey.
  • Cersei is a lot more stable in this verse because a pair of goddesses, one of whom happens to be the patron goddess for her own house, give her a Child of Destiny, whom they have big important plans for, and she didn't even have to sleep with Robert to conceive the child. So Maggie's prophecy carries much less weight in her mind than it does in cannon.
• Adaptational Villainy:
  • While there are hints in canon that R'hllor may not be much better than the Others, it would be hard to argue that he wouldn't be preferable to this story's Lord of Light, Kefka Palazzo.
• Ambiguous Situation: While some of the men Sandor and Jory led to let the Starks and Lannisters flee King's Landing survive, it is not known who they are.
  • Sandor and Jory are among the survivors, but are currently imprisoned in the Black Cells.
• And I Must Scream: Benjen's soul becomes trapped in his own corpse when he is killed and turned into a White Walker.
• Animorphism: Due to their parent being an Old God, the Mormont daughters can transform into bears.
• Afterlife Antechamber: Per word of god, the reincarnators only remember their past lives between incarnations, where they hang out in the Celestial Realm with the Seven Goddesses. Cecily, for instance, is Hestia's go-to babysitter. This is distinct from the place where the truly dead and/or non-Goddess champions go. It's basically a waiting room between mortal lifetimes.
• Arranged Marriage: Olenna discusses with Eddard and Cersei the possibility of marrying Darkness to either Robb or Tyrion.
• Asshole Victim: It's mentioned the Seven Exterminated the Incubators from every universe they found them in.
• Awesome Moment of Crowning: Robert knights Darkness and Brienne after the melee tourney, the former for saving Robb from Gregor Clegane and the latter for proving herself a magnificent warrior.
• Babies Ever After: Hestia and Ristarte got married to Bell and Seiya, respectively, and already have several kids. Hestia is actually pregnant when she makes an appearance.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: Viserys just wants to have a break from his Ax-Crazy sister. Mirri Maz Duur takes him to a Lord of Light ceremony - not mentioning he's meant to be a Human Sacrifice until it is too late.
• Belligerent Sexual Tension:
  • Well, maybe a little lighter on the "sexual" part (they are still kids after all), but Megumin and Kazuma's relationship drips of this, much to their parents' amusement.
  • Tyrion winds up having this with his eventual bride Tyta Frey.
• Benevolent Mage Ruler: Wiz is the ruler of the main non-Thenn permanent town north of the Wall. Everyone respects the rule of the Witch be they watchmen or wilding, and she is very nice about it.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Yunyun is an All-Loving Hero who tries to make friends with everyone she meets. But make her angry (say, try to hurt her brother) and you'll be lucky if she instantly vaporizes you - at least that's a fast way to go.
• Big Bad Ensemble: On one side? The Great Other, aka Arthas. On the other? The Lord Of Light: Kefka Pallazo. In between? All the petty villains and schemers Westeros has ever had. The Children Of Destiny have their work cut out for them.
• Birds of a Feather: One of the reasons why Robert and Ned decide to arrange the marriage between Kazuma and Megumin is their penchant for being Large Hams.
• Blood Knight: Iris really loves fighting, although she'll usually wait for her "Big Bro" Viserys' permission first. The fact that she has Super-Toughness and Super-Strength helps.
• Can't Kill You, Still Need You: If the Kingslayer and the Lord of Light could be simply killed and be done with, the Seven Goddesses would have already done that. In fact, it would be easy. They can't, because the two evil gods are Cosmic Keystones for Planetos. Killing them would be just as bad or worse as letting them loose. That's why they resorted to Sealed Evil in a Can.
• Cast Full of Crazy: The Konosuba gang are as wacky as ever, and it stands out even more because of how grim and serious Westeros is compared to Belzerg... not that they notice.
• Casual Kink: When Tyrion comments to Emon Frey that steel swords might as well be willow switches to Robb and Darkness, the two blush and shuffle their feet.
• A Child Shall Lead Them:
  • After Stannis' coup, Komekko, who is the Stark in Winterfell at the point, ends up calling up the North to arms, since they don't know that Eddard survived and is on his way.
  • Kazuma is a teenager who now has to take the reins as King.
• Chuunibyou: Megumin is present, and so are her fellow Crimson Demons, Komekko and Yunyun. All of them are thought of as strange because of their fondness for posing, and the weird things the first two often say.
• Clingy Jealous Girl: While it doesn't show up much, when Mizu (Aqua's current disguise) claims Kazuma is her champion, Megumin tackles her and beats her like a drum.
• Comically Missing the Point: After Komekko learns Eddard is alive, Hoost, Maxwell and Regina are disappointed... because that means it will be unlikely that Komekko will let them torture Stannis.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: If Iris gets involved in a fight, the result is a switch victory for her. Even if it is without her dragons.
• Death by Adaptation:
  • Gregor Clegane dies early in the War of the Five Kings at Dust's hands.
  • Oberyn Martell is killed early in the War of the Five Kings as Kefka's worshippers begin to make their moves to control King's Landing.
  • Jon and Benjen die in Chapter 56, a lot earlier than their counterparts. Like in the show, Jon gets resurrected.
• Decomposite Character: In canon, Chris The Thief was the mortal disguise Eris used to moonlight as an adventurer in Belzerg. Here Chris Dayne is Eris' "daughter" who was raised by Ashara Dayne.
• Deity of Human Origin: As in canon, Madoka, Ristarte, and Kefka were all humans who became gods one way or another. The story also adds two who weren't this:
  • Eris was originally a human thief who killed her era's Devil King and was promoted to goddess with Aqua's help.
  • Satella was a half-elf possessed by the Witch Of Envy, but when Madoka intervened to free her from the Witch's influence, it had the side effect of allowing Satella to absorb her powers; combine that with the fact she already had a cult dedicated to her, and it caused a chain reaction that transformed her into the Goddess Of The Dead.
• Despair Event Horizon: Madoka crossed it in the backstory when the fight against the Wraiths got to be too much for her, and her cry for help is how she got the attention of Athena and Hestia, laying the foundations for the future pantheon.
• Deus ex Machina: A much more literal example than most; Aqua, Athena, and Satella intervene to stop Iris from roasting Slaver's Bay, giving her a thorough scolding for it.
• Didn't See That Coming: Varys admits he didn't expect Stannis' sudden coup attempt nor Littlefinger's plans.
• Divine Parentage: Several characters have a God(dess) as a parent.
  • Obviously, the direwolf pups, who are Holo's children.
  • Chris Dayne is the daughter of Eris and Ashara Dayne. Yes, Ashara is more of a "second" mother, and Eris insists that she is still a maiden goddess because Chris is a miracle child.
  • Maege Mormont's daughters have the Bear (an Old God) as their father.
• Divine Right of Kings: Played With. The fact that the Seven are very real, very visible goddesses means they can and do confirm when a ruler has their given approval. However, as a few have pointed out the Seven are no more infallible than mortals, as Arthas' reincarnation and subsequent fall proves. As a result, there are those like Stannis who feel no moral compunction to follow an incompetent or unsuited king just because the High Septa says the Seven approve.
• Does Not Like Spam: After seeing too many people executed by means of dragonfire, Viserys becomes a vegetarian.
• Dope Slap: Eddard resorts to punching Robb when, after winning his duel with Darkness, he declares his intention to take her into the forest and ravish her.
• Dramatic Irony: In canon, a Stark (Sansa) daughter fell for the oldest Baratheon prince (Joffrey), only for the former to quickly regret it when the latter turned out to be a full-blown psychopath. Here, the Stark daughter (Megumin) and the Baratheon prince (Kazuma) are initially freaked out by the marriage, only for it to become clear to anyone noticing that they actually get along quite well.
• Establishing Character Moment: Megumin's is, of course, presenting herself in full chuuni mode to the Royal Family.
• Everyone Has Standards: Arch Maester Perestan notes at the end of "Maester Viserys' "Guide" to His Family" that, while he's used to a certain level of misogyny from the other Maesters, Viserys' seems to be on a whole new level.
• Evil Is Deathly Cold: The Others and the White Walkers were already this in canon, but here? Their leader is the Lich King. Things just got a whole other level of cold.
• Fallen Hero:
  • The Kinslayer's real identity: Arthas Menethil.
  • The Valyrians were originally the Seven's greatest mortal champions and assigned to watch over the volcano where the Lord Of Light, Kefka, was imprisoned. Unfortunately, it was a Leaking Can of Evil, and he was able to slowly tempt them into his service with promises of wealth and glory.
• For Want Of A Nail: The behavior of the Reincarnates, versus the canon characters they replaced, sends things off the rails almost immediately: The fact that Kazuma is actually a decent young man, as opposed to Joffrey, makes Ned far less predisposed to believe that he's an incest child, and Yunyun's ill-feelings towards Littlefinger make him far less inclined to trust the spymaster; the result is that when Stannis and Littlefinger tell Ned of Cersei and Jaime's affair, Ned is unwilling to believe them, and the Starks and the Lannisters flee King's Landing together with plans to put Kazuma on the throne.
• Fusion Dance: Arthas and the Great Other performed one in the past, becoming the new Lich King in the process. According to Septa Cecily's guide: "There is no difference between Arthas and the Great Other. They are both the Kinslayer".
• Gender Bender: Theon thinks he can sleep with other women even though he is married to Nyarko. Nyarko shows him how wrong he was by turning him into a woman.
• Good Is Not Nice: The Old Gods and the Seven are in the side of good, but don't think it means they are nice about it.
• Got Me Doing It: Iris' persistence in calling Viserys "Big Brother" is catching enough that other people accidentally use it as well.
• Groin Attack:
  • Kazuma teaches Megumin to do this. She promptly tests the technique on him.
  • Dust castrates Gregor Clegane with his spear before killing him.
• Hormone-Addled Teenager: Robb! Robb is so addled that he tries to abscond with Darkness to the woods after getting excited in their duel, much to her delight, even though his dad and her grandmother were watching. The narration in Chapter 24 even calls him out as this.
• Humiliation Conga: Gregor Clegane gets one at the start of the war. First, he is subjected to a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown by an eleven-year-old, who castrates him as part of it, all the while reminded that this is happening because he killed said eleven-year-old's aunt. After the killing blow, his body is pissed on by Dust's father, and then fed to pigs. Finally, when Dust tells all this to Sandor, Sandor's response is to laugh. The younger brother that Gregor bullied so terribly gets the last laugh.
• I Just Want to Be Normal: Viserys' greatest wish right now is to be able to have a life away from his sister and the craziness she brings and causes.
• I Need a Freaking Drink: The usual reaction when the canon ASoIaF characters have to deal with the craziness brought by the foreign characters.
  • Catelyn and Cersei bond over the shred craziness of dealing with their children by sharing several bottles of wine.
  • During the Tourney, the presence of Aqua drives Cersei, Eddard and Olenna to so much drink that Robert seriously asks how the hell he is more sober than any of them.
• In Spite of a Nail: Robert still dies at around the same time as canon. He is not poisoned this time around, but has a mundane heart attack.
• Insult Backfire: Jorah calls Viserys a coward for not actually doing anything about trying to rein Iris in or push forward his claims on the Iron Throne. Viserys, who by this point just wants to get away from Iris and have a calm life fires back that he doesn't care about his opinion.
• Interplay of Sex and Violence: Heavily implied to be the future for Robb's relationship with Darkness, as the latter is a masochist that can easily take anything Robb might do to her while in his werewolf form.
• Kill It with Fire: Mortals who live north of the Wall burn three things: 1.) firewood for warmth, 2.) corpses, so they don't revive as white walkers, 3.) and the weird stuff that Wiz sells.
• Knight of Cerebus: The story is generally light-hearted (though not immune to drama), but generally gets far darker and sinister when the Great Other or the Lord of Light are involved.
• Leaking Can of Evil: Kefka's prison inside a volcano. While it's sufficient to hold him, his influence can seep out, whispering promises of power and glory to those who would serve him. This is also the reason the Seven have to resort to reincarnates to get things done - the more they directly interfere, the weaker the seal gets.
• Light Is Not Good: The Lord Of Light, Kefka Pallazo, a sadistic god who embodies Summer and the sun, and encourages his followers to dedicate brutal bloodsports to him, oppress people as slaves, and much, much worse.
• Massive Multiplayer Crossover: If the description above didn't make it clear, yes, this fic draws from multiple anime and video games, and drops them all in Westeros. Downplayed because the fic's primary focus is almost entirely on the Konosuba and ASOIAF side of things, with the others mostly acting as background for the setting. It also has elements of a Fusion Fic, as some of those characters, like Kefka and Holo, are instead retconned as having always been part of this version of Westeros. Even Digimon Adventure is brought in, because one of the Stark direwolves is a reincarnated Garurumon, which makes one of the Stark children a digidestined but, by Word Of God, this will never be relevant.
• Monster Clown: Kefka of course; godhood has done nothing to temper his craziness, or his fashion sense.
• More Dakka: Or what Homura Akemi's domain as a goddess is. This is presumably why she is not active in Westeros, whose citizenry lacks firearms to properly apply such measures in, but she and Madoka do hang and go on dates when they have the time to.
• Mundane Utility: Nyarko can travel to both Earth and Belzerg. She uses this power to bring merchandise lost in the depths of the sea and sell it to Wiz.
• My Greatest Failure: Reincarnating Arthas Menethil to kill Kefka is this for Aqua, and she's taking her goddess duties a lot more seriously now because of it. She genuinely believed that if Arthas was given a second chance, he'd become The Good King he was destined to be; instead, he became the Lich King all over again, and the problem he was sent to fix only got worse.
  Cecily: Aqua knows she messed this one up. Trust me.
• Mythology Gag:
  • Robb becoming a werewolf is a reference to the rumors the Freys made up to try to justify the Red Wedding.
  • Greatjon Umber gets two fingers chewed off after deriding the leadership skill of the Stark in Winterfell. He does get them back, fortunately.
  • Darkness (still) insists on not being called by her birth name because she considers it embarrassing.
• Nay-Theist: Stannis knows the Goddesses exist, but denies them (and every other God) because of his hatred for them and his view of them as being too inefficient.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero:
  • Viserys ends up giving Euron Greyjoy an artifact called the Fork of Mahiro, which can be used to control Nyarko.
  • Komekko resurrecting Jon after he was killed causes the Wall to begin to collapse.
  • Stannis allowing Melisandre free rein into his court leads to the destruction of King's Landing.
• No One Could Survive That!: Everyone believes that Eddard's party was destroyed by the Explosion Megumin set off in their escape. It takes for them to reach White Harbor for someone else to learn the truth.
• Not the Intended Use: Wiz manages to sell bikinis to the Free Folk because (a) they look great on women (b) they are far more comfortable than the normal underclothes women usually wear.
• Off with His Head!: Jon Snow dies this way in a fight with the Others. Komekko and Wiz resurrect him as a Dullahan.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
  • Played for Laughs when Vanir meets Wiz after Jon wakes up: as far as he can tell, something must be wrong with Wiz's books, because she's actually been earning a profit.
  • When Megumin proclaims that she wants to learn more spells apart from Explosion, Eris checks to see if she's sick or hit her head.
• Pals with Jesus: Cecily talks several times a day with Aqua, and can "chat" with all the other New Goddesses, Holo and the Drowned God Nyarko.
• Perfectly Arranged Marriage: Robert and Ned couldn't have known that Kazuma and Megumin were the Official Couple of Konosuba, but the two are betrothed all the same.
• Pint-Sized Powerhouse:
  • Megumin is young, lithe and wields the Explosion spell.
  • Iris is the Favored of Athena, young, small and a One-Man Army.
  • Dust is twelve years old and capable of blocking Gregor Clegane's sword with ease.
  • Lean is a slip of a thing that at eleven can easily pull Dust into her room in one go.
• Sacred Hospitality: Something everyone in Westeros takes very seriously, particularly since the Goddesses are all too willing to punish anyone that flaunts this. Chris is very lucky that Holo was willing to leave her punishment for stealing from the Starks to Brienne.
• Serious Business: The Drowned God religion has a prohibition against forks, of all things. Makes sense, considering that Nyarko found herself the target of them a few too many times.
• Shout-Out:
  • When Vanir meets Jon, he mounts a musical number named "A Friend Like Moi".
  • Kazuma drops "Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries". He also mentions this in a letter to Dust.
  • When fighting Gregor Clegane, Dust states "Hello. My name is Dust Martell. You killed my Aunt Elia. Prepare to die."
  • The traditional way of dealing with arguments in the Axis Cult is by slapping each other with large fishes.
• Sneeze Cut: After Hoost mocks the idea of there being traitors among the Northmen, the narration jumps to a sneezing Ramsay Snow.
• Soul Jar: Wiz's phylactery. When she has to evacuate her home, she asks Jon to carry it with himself, south of the Wall if required.
• Spared by the Adaptation:
  • Eddard Stark and a good part of his people manage to escape their canon deaths in King's Landing and head North. This is because he did not trust Littlefinger and started moving his people out as soon as Robert croaked.
  • Syrio does not face a You Shall Not Pass! against Lannister guards in King's Landing because he escaped with them, Eddard having allied with Cersei in this timeline.
• Trapped in Another World: The Konosuba characters (and several others) have been doing this for many, many lives. They're champions for the Seven Goddesses, and so reincarnating in other worlds to solve problems is their job now.
• Too Dumb to Fool: It is noted several times that The Chessmaster can get tripped by people less prone to plotting precisely because they are less likely to fall for subtle traps that a more suspicious person would have been tricked by. For example, Eddard completely fails to find the subtle clues Littlefinger is putting before him about Kazuma, Myrcella and Tommen not being Robert's children.
• Top God: Madoka is this to the Seven; while Athena, Hestia, Aqua, and Eris are far older and more experienced, the circumstances of her ascension made her far and away the most powerful.
• Wrong Context Magic: Played With; the presence of the Seven and their divinely-empowered clerics means that magic and magical beings are significantly more common in Westeros then they were in canon, but it's still limited compared to the high magic JRPG-world of Konosuba. So while the kind of magic Megumin and Yunyun can bring to bear is not unheard of, it's still well beyond anything in living memory.
• Yandere: Satella is still crazy, but this is Downplayed; her title is "The Jealous Lover" and the targets of her affection are all mankind. She's patient, though. She knows that, as Goddess of the Dead, all souls will inevitably enter her embrace. And when it's time for them to reincarnate? She knows they'll be back. They have no choice.
• You Shall Not Pass!: Sandor and Jory, along with a few others stay behind to cover the Starks' and Lannisters' flight from King's Landing.