Hanson Family | Hanzlicek Family | Port Royal School Faculty | Other Characters
The students and teachers at Port Royal High School.
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Port Royal High School (in general)
- Boarding School of Horrors: Inverted. The school is demonstrated to be generally pleasant, aside from the few instances of student bullying.
Students
Fiona ‘Fee-Fee’ McEntire
Janie’s new roommate after she moves out of Ryan’s dorm at Port Royal, Fiona adds Southern flare to the classroom with her thick accent and love of her Texan heritage. At the same time, she rapidly establishes a friendly competitive spirit between herself and her roomie, and the two girls try to outdo one another wherever and whenever possible.
- Affectionate Nickname: Almost everyone refers to her as Fee Fee.
- Beautiful Singing Voice: Demonstrated somewhat early on when she taunts Janie for her possible crush on Ryan, singing an excert from Robert Goulet's "My Love, Forgive Me (Amore, scusami)".
- Brutal Honesty: Fiona is the kind of girl who doesn't sugarcoat things, and will give her honest opinion regardless of who she's with or what the situation is.
- Country Mouse: Being from El Paso, Texas, her move from the deserts of the south to the bustling northeast is something of a change from her usual way of life.
- Good Ol' Boy: A sympathetic gender swap. Though she often tries to eschew any stereotypes regarding her Texan origins, she still holds many of her cowgirl traits and heritage close to her heart.
- Hidden Depths: Fiona describes to Lars that she enjoys a good game of tennis with her mom after church.
- Huge School Girl: Fiona is noticeably taller than the other girls, and even some of the boys, in her grade, head and shoulders above Janie and Lars, and only marginally shorter than Ryan.
- Nice Girl: Like Janie, Fiona is accommodating, kind and friendly, doing what she can to help her roommate during her depression.
- "Not So Different" Remark: As she points out many a time during Part 4, there are very few things she does as a Texan which are different to those of her northeastern friends.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Aside from by teachers, Fiona is never often referred to by her name, preferring instead to be called "Fee-Fee".
- The Rival: A friendly one, Janie and Fiona quickly establish something of a competitiveness between themselves, and therefore have to outdo one another wherever and whenever possible.
- Straight Man: Compared to those around her, Fiona is generally one of the more sensible, level-headed members of her circle of friends alongside Ryan.
- Tomboy: Illustrates many of these traits, although it could be argued she's a touch more girly than Janie.
- Tomboyish Ponytail: Fiona frequently has her hair pulled up on one side in a ponytail, usually hanging over her left shoulder.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Janie as an athletic rival.
- Youthful Freckles: She has a prominent face-covering of freckles.
Scott MacCready
A student at the Port Royal High School who takes an immediate dislike to Ryan due to his nervous disposition and lack of sporting prowess.
- The Ace: Scott is the cool, athletic and popular jock.
- Ambiguously Gay: In Part 9, after smoking some weed in the bathroom of the hostel he and the baseball team are staying in, his fellow drug pusher, Leslie, says that Scott attempted to kiss him in the bathroom. This could, however, be due to him being off his face on drugs.
- Arch-Enemy: He's definitely this to Ryan as it's made clear numerous times that he despises the more timid protagonist.
- Big Man on Campus: Definitely, he's strong, athletic, belligerent, and not afraid to intimidate those around him to get what he wants.
- Brutal Honesty: Scott is very cynical and dismissive of sugarcoating.
- The Brute: Scott seems to take great pleasure in abusing and insulting others.
- The Bully: To pretty much everyone he encounters, but mostly to Ryan, as he often insults him for no reason.
- Can't Take Criticism: Scott refuses to allow Ryan's victory in baseball, despite the fact that he was the one who forced him onto the girl's team by refusing him a place on the boy's team.
- Touched on in Part 6 when, after he complains about being taught German in class, for which he claims that his grandfather "Didn't drag himself up Omaha Beach just so he could be taught Nazi", Janie retorts by describing her family's far more personal victimization at the hands of the Germans during World War II, and that she doesn't hold it against them anymore. Clearly with no logical comeback of his own, he chooses instead to just call her "a damn Jew" and tries to slap Ryan.
- Catchphrase Insult: "Faggots!" He even uses various permutations of the word "faggot" at times as well.
- Deadpan Snarker: He's always making snide remarks about Ryan.
- Dehumanizing Insult: Constantly calls Ryan a 'faggot' even though the two boys barely know each other.
- Disrupting the Theater: While the kids are watching a movie, Scott disrupts the merriment of the evening by making snide remarks to Ryan and Lars.
- Dude, Not Funny!: Scott does this in Part 4 when he continues to make snide remarks and jibes at Ryan and Lars, despite the protests of those around him.
- Enraged by Idiocy: Or at least what he perceives to be idiocy, which, in his sideways view of the world, can include not meeting his physical or athletic standard.
- Establishing Character Moment: Literally the first thing Scott says to Ryan is calling him a "faggot".
- Fiery Redhead: Scott has a real temper when things don't go his way, and sports a head of thick, unkempt red hair.
- The Gadfly: Scott appears to take great pleasure in antagonizing those around him.
- Hated by All: While Scott appears to have some friends, the general consensus among those around him is that he's an arrogant, self-centered and bigoted young man who people only admire for his sporting prowess.
- Hate Sink: Scott, with the exception of his sporting abilities, isn't held in much esteem by those around him due to his arrogance.
- After mocking Ryan for consoling Lars after Scott made fun of him, Janie tells him to drop dead.
- Homophobic Hate Crime: Scott, based on his insults, is clearly no advocate of the gay community.
- Brought up again in Part 4, when Scott calls Ryan and Lars homophobic names, and asking which one of them "takes it from behind".
- In Part 9, though, it is claimed that Scott had attempted to kiss his fellow baseball teammate, Leslie, while they were smoking weed together, something he denies fervently, leading to the possibility that Scott is secretly gay and using his vocal homophobia as a means of hiding the truth.
- Jerkass: Scott.
- Jerkass to One: He treats the Ryan much worse than he treats everyone else.
- Jerk Jock: He tends to play the archetypal cool kid, being good at sports and having the typical jockish attitude.
- Kick the Dog: Even after his team has lost the baseball game to Ryan and the other girls, Scott continues to call Ryan a 'faggot' just to upset him.
- Again after Ryan consoles Lars for Scott's insults, Scott continues to call the pair names and makes vulgar accusations.
- Kids Are Cruel: Of all the kids at Port Royal, Scott plays this role straight, behaving no other than a stereotypical Jerk Jock.
- Large Ham: He tends to get loud and expressive when he snaps at Ryan or those who displease him, like Jewish people.
- The Leader: Seems to be this for his small clique of friends, especially Richard, who follows him around everywhere and often backs him up in his spitefulness.
- Loners Are Freaks: His apparent impression of Ryan, seeing as Scott is someone who revels in attention while Ryan prefers solitude.
- Military Brat: It's stated by Janie that his dad is a Major in the US Army Rangers, which she and Ryan believe might be the reason behind his arrogant nature.
- His military history is touched upon when he mentions his grandfather took part in the storming of Omaha Beach on D-Day.
- The Napoleon: Scott's immediate dislike of Ryan may be due to the fact that Ryan is much taller than him.
- Never My Fault: When trying to get Ryan out after hitting his superb high ball, Scott throws the ball to a kid that isn't tall enough to catch it, to which he, of course, puts the blame on the other kid for missing.
- The Nicknamer: He always calls Ryan a "faggot" or some variations of it.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Scott enjoys calling Ryan a faggot and using other slurs against him for no reason other than the fact that he's a quiet intellectual. He also has a healthy hatred for Jews, interrupting their Passover prayer by hurling insults and references to the Holocaust at them.
- Pride: His defining flaw.
- Redhead In Green: He sometimes wears a green shirt and is a redhead.
- The Rival: To Ryan, although Ryan doesn't feel the need to compete against him through brute strength, but instead through academic achievement and treating those around him with respect.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Not so much swearing as much as calling everyone who displeases him a 'faggot'.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: He hates Ryan and Ryan hates him.
- Smug Super: He's proud to be cool and often acts arrogant and boastful.
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"Stop Having Fun" Guys: Attempts this after Ryan scores the winning home run by dismissing his victory, and then calling him a 'faggot'. - Teens Are Monsters: As the series progresses, he goes from a preteen around the age of 11 when we first meet him to a teenager, and is often quite nasty to Ryan.
- Trash Talk: Likes to do it about Ryan.
Lars Holbrook
Another student at Port Royal High School who, like Ryan, is something of an outcast due to his clumsiness, but gradually finds a friend in Ryan.
- Ascended Extra: Lars is initially introduced in Part 2, where he is firstly threatened by an upperclassman, and then accidentally knocks over Ryan during an experiment. From Part 4, though, his role is expanded as he and Ryan form a budding friendship.
- Part 6 takes this further as he becomes Ryan's roommate after Janie moves out.
- Can't Take Criticism: Lars reacts poorly to a snide remark made by Scott during their movie night, but Ryan convinces him to stay before he can walk out in disgust.
- Children Are Innocent: Lars is implied to be a little bit more naïve than his fellow classmates, hence why he showed up to their movie night in just his underwear, thinking that there'd be no problems with that.
- The Ditz: Lars is demonstrated to be a mite clumsy at times, including when he accidentally knocked another student into Ryan, causing him to knock over an experiment that nearly burnt down the science lab.
- In Part 6, Lars acknowledges that he is very clumsy, but Ryan doesn't seem to mind.
- Extreme Doormat: From his appearances in Part 2 and 4, Lars is prone to being on the receiving end of other people's criticism, but does little to defend himself.
- Based on his words in Part 6, Lars' clumsiness often leads to abuse from his fellow classmates.
- Naïve Newcomer: All the kids in Ryan's grade are new to the school, but Lars appears to have more trouble settling in with the others due to his perceived clumsiness.
- The Napoleon: Lars is a very small boy, much smaller than his classmates, therefore it's conceivable that his ability to be quickly hurt by other people's statements and threats is due to his diminutive size.
- Tiny Schoolboy: Compared to his fellow classmates, Lars is a very small kid, with Ryan being at least a foot taller than him.
Lizzie Bishop
A newly joined upperclassman who uses her brains and her beauty to concoct all manner of mischief, spreading disharmony among the school faculty and leading to a serious incident involving Ryan.
- The Ace: She wins over everyone by simply walking into the room, boys especially.
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: She takes pleasure in winning over the roughest and most immoral boys at Port Royal so that they would have no qualms doing her bidding in exchange for sexual favours, with her posse including the ever-irritating Scott, and Richard, who quickly becomes so violent and drug-addled that he becomes too extreme even for her.
- Alpha Bitch: Quickly establishes herself as this after joining a higher grade than Ryan and Janie, circulating drugs and making a name for herself among the boys as someone who'll dish out sexual favours in exchange for something in return.
- Attention Whore: It's very clear that Lizzie's almost fanatical desire for mischief stems from a very deep-rooted want for attention. She always has to be the talking point of everyone present, and the ways in which she does this are often incredibly lewd, be it flashing her underwear, wearing her uniform loose, or talking about banal and sexual things in front of her friends.
- Big Bad Ensemble: Lizzie as the ringleader, alongside Scott, Richard and several other boys and girls who partake in her mischievous activities.
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Lizzie; bleach blonde, Richard; brown-haired, Scott; redhead.
- Bratty Teenage Daughter: She's used to getting what she wants, as demonstrated when she tries to seduce and later threaten Ryan into coming over to her side. After he turns his back on her twice, her composure briefly breaks and she ends of grabbing his arm, declaring that 'most' boys do as she tells them to.
- The Bully: While she leaves the bullying part up to her friends and 'minions', the fact that she gives them their marching orders qualifies her for this trope.
- Bully Brutality: She has no reservations about making the lives of those who oppose her a living hell, as Janie and Fiona find out to their cost.
- Deconstructed Character Archetype: Of the Alpha Bitch, The Bully, and the Delinquent. She's a girl who's quite clearly damaged in many ways, being an insatiable slut, and a domineering personality that demands that she is in charge of every situation she encounters regardless of who it may hurt. This, coupled to a healthy sense of mischief, leads to a dangerous combination.
- Delinquent: She's a natural born troublemaker who enjoys spreading mischief and mayhem around the school regardless of who it effects, lapping up the power she is able to garner over others and loving every minute of it.
- Didn't Think This Through:
- Aside from it being a situation of locking the barn door after the horse has bolted, Lizzie attempts to seduce Ryan and bring him over to her side despite the fact that he had already published his expose on her system of drugs and sexual favours in the school newspaper. Chances are this was more her desire to see if she could break Ryan as a personal achievement more than anything else.
- After Ryan refuses to give in to her seduction, she opts instead to tell Richard that her and Ryan had actually slept together in an attempt to try and scare the latter, despite the fact that Richard is now addicted to drugs such as LSD and has illustrated violent tendencies which would lead to no other conclusion than beating Ryan over the head with a rock.
- Disproportionate Retribution: For turning down her seduction, she chooses to enlist Richard into punishing Ryan for not taking up her sexual advances, though her intention was merely to scare him, not to put him in the hospital.
- Entitled Bitch: When Ryan repeatedly turns down her attempted seduction, she loses her composure and reveals the truly entitled person she believes herself to be, that she is far too beautiful to be turned down by any boy.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Despite the fact that Lizzie has spread mayhem and chaos around the school, she acknowledges that no one has been 'really' hurt by what she's done, just humiliated and sometimes a bit physically ruffled. Once Ryan has been violently assaulted by Richard, though, she goes to his bedside at the hospital and appears to be genuinely apologetic for what had happened, saying it wasn't her intention to leave him in such a way.
- Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: She is the complete opposite to Ryan. While Ryan illustrates restraint and quiet efficiency, as fuelled by his strong religious upbringing, Lizzie is someone who lives her life with reckless abandon and wishes to share that philosophy among those around her, unwilling to understand why Ryan would go out of his way to try and put a stop to her insane ideals.
- Evil Feels Good: She's the queen manipulator of Port Royal, and as she says herself, it's all just a little bit of fun.
- The Gadfly: Lizzie takes great pleasure in setting people against one another by way of her beauty and seductive nature.
- Hate Sink: While she does show remorse for what happened to Ryan, there is very little to like about Lizzie. She's vulgar, compulsive, manipulative, a blatant liar, and one of the most licentious sluts you ever did see.
- Have a Gay Old Time: While it's clear she has sexual partners throughout the volumes she appears in, mostly repayments, most boys opt to steer clear of her because they know she's nothing but trouble, especially with aggressive types like Scott and Richard living under the delusion that she loves them.
- Homophobic Hate Crime: When trying to seduce Ryan in the hallway, when it's clear that simply tempting him to do what she says won't work, she threatens to use his denial of her as a tacit admission that Ryan might be gay and thus lead to him being bullied by the other students. Ryan ignores this threat.
- Jerkass: Aside from being a prime manipulator of those around her, she demonstrates a healthy hatred for Jewish people, where she seems to take a deep, personal pleasure in destroying Janie's menorah.
- Lady in Red: In the scene where she tries to seduce Ryan, she's wearing red lingerie.
- Pet the Dog: Compared to other boys she knows or interacts with, she seems to take a genuine liking to Ryan for his own intelligence and restraint, even though she works as hard as she can to try and break down his moral barriers.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Lizzie, on top of her many undesirable traits, also has a healthy hatred of Jewish people, as expressed by her lathering Janie with various anti-Semitic slurs upon their first encounter.
- The Rival: While Scott is the most direct rival to Ryan, Lizzie chooses to persecute Janie and Fiona, leading to a slew of unpleasant encounters.
- Sadist: She absolutely relishes seeing other people being humiliated and offended, knowing full well that it means she has a real power over those around her.
- Spoiled Brat/Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Like everyone else at Port Royal, except Ryan, she's clearly from a wealthy background, and therefore likely the reason why she has such a healthy demand to be the centre of attention and get her own way at every turn.
- Stupid Evil: Somehow she thought it was a good idea to tell a boy she's been sleeping with that she's slept with another boy, and that he should go punish that boy for doing so regardless of the fact that he's off his face on LSD and has shown extremely violent tendencies in the past, what could possibly go wrong?
- Too Dumb to Live: As pointed out by Ryan at the end of Part 9, she likes to think she knows boys intimately and thus has control over them, when in reality she is only able to make them obedient by lacing them with drugs and filling their minds with the promise of sex. This mindset makes the boys very, very unpredictable, as Ryan found out to his cost when Lizzie set Richard upon him.
- Toxic Friend Influence: Is able to spread her influence to other kids across different grades, especially girls, who start to show levels of misandry and abuse towards their male classmates.
- The Unfettered: If she wants something, nothing can hold her back.
- The Vamp: Played with. While she is a notorious flirt and very manipulative, it's very clear that, in her heart, she's not an evil girl, hence why she comes to visit Ryan in the hospital to make things up to him. Fundamentally, though, she is a girl who is very much broken by her own lusts and desire to get one over on boys in the best way she knows how.
- Virtue Is Weakness: Lizzie has no time for the virtuous, especially when said virtues are coming from a place of religious origin such as Ryan's catholic teachings.
Richard
A friend of Scott who initially is seen as just a tagalong and minor annoyance to his more imposing classmate, but turns very nasty when introduced to Lizzie Bishop.
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: Part of his appeal to Lizzie is the fact that he's so absolutely willing to do whatever she wants of him despite the fact that it causes other people severe harm.
- Asshole Victim: Having caused nothing but trouble and beaten Ryan over the head, he's expelled after Lizzie turns him in for his actions.
- Berserk Button: Don't mess with whom he percieves to be 'his woman' - Ryan found this out to his cost.
- Big Bad Duumvirate: With Scott and later Lizzie. Initially, Richard would not often be seen outside the presence of Scott, but once the latter has been expelled and he's buddied up with Lizzie, he essentially becomes her main enforcer.
- Callousness Towards Emergency: Has no care for the fact that he just smacked Ryan over the head with a rock and left him near unconscious on the floor and bleeding out.
- Eviler than Thou: To Lizzie. While Lizzie is still the main manipulator of the school, Richard is the one who gets his hands dirty attacking, humiliating and generally causing harm to others and having no sympathy for anyone he inflicts pain on.
- Hate Sink: If it wasn't made obvious enough already, Richard is designed to be a completely loathsome piece of crap.
- Hates Everyone Equally: Richard seems to have no prejudices against any group he's sent to harm individually, everyone is equally worthless in his eyes.
- Jerkass: Is there ever a time we see him when he's not doing something reprehensible or expressing the desire to hurt someone.
- Lack of Empathy: He does as he's told and has no care for who he's hurting, be they students he has barely any knowledge of to those he knows a bit more personally.
- Sadist: Seems to enjoy working for Lizzie on her violent ideas of mayhem, as demonstrated when he sticks the gum in Janie's hair and yanks her around by it.
- Sex for Services: It's implied that, as a reward for sticking gum in Janie's hair, Lizzie repays him by having sex and smoking weed in Mr. Richard's station wagon, leaving something of a mess in their wake.
- The Sociopath: Richard has no care for anything or anyone, so long as he gets to sleep with Lizzie, that's all that matters.
- Stupid Evil: He takes drugs, bullies students, and is led to believe that his pseudo girlfriend, Lizzie, has slept with Ryan, leading him to violently assault the latter as punishment. One would think after having known Ryan for years he wouldn't believe her so easily, and that beating him over the head with a rock wouldn't get him expelled - then again, he had been taking LSD.
