Characters / LISA - The Warlords

LISA Characters Index
Main Characters | Brad's Gang | The Warlords | Other Characters

In General

Buddy: What is this?
Rando: This is the border between eastern and western Olathe. It's called the list. These people run Olathe in order from top to b-b-bottom... Th-They rule territories of Olathe.

Buddy: What about you? I don't see your name.
Rando: Me and my army are left a-a-alone. W-W-Well... We were. I guess times have changed. Now that you're here.

Buddy: ...

The reigning warlords of Olathe that Buddy seeks to hunt down so that she can rule Olathe.

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• Already Done for You: Hawk Hollywood, Han Tsunami, and Buffalo van Dyke are already crossed off the List when Buddy finds it, as Brad defeated all three (and befriended the last one) in the main game.
• Asskicking Leads to Leadership: Implied by Sindy Gallows, as Warlords are implied to have gotten on the list by fighting their way onto it.
• Badass Army: Everyone except Mr. Beautiful (who has a gang of pacifists) and Sindy Gallows has a gang of followers.
• Gotta Kill 'Em All: Buddy's main goal is to kill all of them to establish herself as ruler of Olathe so she can be left alone.
• Large and in Charge: The Warlords tend to tower over many of the people under them.
• Superboss: The definitive edition of Joyful adds a hidden fight against the spirits of all nine warlords at once, which includes Han, Hawk and Buffalo from Painful, as well as an unmutated Dice and a not hung and arrow-riddled Sindy Gallows. Defeating them has Buddy obtain a severed nipple (implied to be the one cut off by Buzzo) and puts you on the path towards the new epilogue added.

Hawk Hollywood

"Are you ready for beauty? You're not... But too bad! TOO BAD!"

A "handsome" man wearing an American flag as a cape and is one of the men that needs to be fought to complete the boat in the endgame. He's retroactively revealed to be the 9th ranked warlord in The Joyful.

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• Amusing Injuries: If you defeat him in his human form, he's left alive and his beautiful face is left horribly bruised and his finger bent unnaturally.
• And Then John Was a Zombie: In Pain Mode, he's become a Joy mutant, but it's never explained why or when. He's still a required boss.
• Ax-Crazy: As stated by Austin:
  "hawk is fucked, he's insane, he looks like shit and wears make up in an effort to glorify his horrible looks. visually if lisa was life action he would look like heath ledgers joker."
• Battle Cry: Shouting "Woooooo!" is enough to give himself the Super Cool status.
• Beware the Silly Ones: He's a narcissist obsessed with flaunting his (supposed) beauty, but he has two Permadeath attacks that makes fighting him surprisingly dangerous.
• Body Horror: In Pain Mode, you fight him as a Joy Mutant whose body has been horrifically twisted upwards to resemble a flag pole.
• Call-Back: In The Joyful, he used to be one of the people on The List; presumably he was crossed out after being defeated by Brad.
• The Dandy: He's a supposedly beautiful man into flamboyant fashion.
• Eagleland: A mix of both types based on his idiotic behavior and apparent love of his country, though he seems to be more of a Type II.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: His groupies actually hate him and express gratitude to Brad for knocking him down a peg.
• Informed Attractiveness: Like most characters, it's hard to tell if his goofy-looking face is actually attractive as he is the sole supporter of that claim.
• Kill It with Water: In normal mode, he's rather weak to Water attacks, making Harvey and Crisp good choices for his fight.
• Killed Offscreen: Implied in The Joyful Definitive Edition. He's one of the spirits in the new superboss fight that's only available after killing all six warlords, hinting that he was killed sometime after Brad beat the snot out of him. This is only applicable if Normal Mode is canon, as Pain Mode has Brad kill the mutated Hawk.
• Malevolent Mugshot: Before you even see him, there's a billboard shaped like his face in Hollywood.
• Man Bites Man: One of the few non-mutant enemies to know Fatal Chomp. This may be the only thing that foreshadows him becoming a Joy Mutant in Pain Mode, as he also possesses the move there.
• Narcissist: His opening line is stating that his face is perfect, and even if Brad agrees he'll claim he's above needing anyone's approval.
• Non-Lethal K.O.: In normal mode, defeating him simply leaves his face messed up and he just walks away, trying to save face.
• Wearing a Flag on Your Head: He wears the U.S. flag as a shawl, which he drops upon defeat. Its item description lampshades the disrespectful nature of the attire. This becomes even more blatant when he becomes a Mutant in Pain mode, as his entire neck elongates to a horrific degree and his shawl has come unraveled and blows in the wind, making him look almost like a living flagpole.

Han Tsunami

"Yo. You don't belong here, outsider. Time to go."

The leader of the Devil's Bath Boys, who took over the local bathhouse, and he and his gang are a required fight for the propeller for the boat in the endgame. He's retroactively revealed to be the 8th warlord in The Joyful.

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• Call-Back: His name is on the List in the Joyful.
• Flunky Boss: You fight his entire gang alongside him.
• Kill It with Fire: He's astoundingly weak to fire, and diesel firebombs will make quick work of him and his crew.
• Tattooed Crook: He and his gang are covered in similar full body tattoos, clearly modeled after the yakuza.
• Yakuza: Implied, given his and his gang's Japanese theme and tattoos.

Buffalo Van Dyke

One of Brad's final party members, he's retroactively revealed to be the seventh-ranked warlord in The Joyful. For tropes pertaining to him, refer to his folder here.

Vega Van Dam

"So, you're the one lettin' loose monsters. And roughing up my men. That's not gonna fly. Lay down your arms, and prepare to die! For I am, Vega Van Dam!"

The vain self-proclaimed "Prince of Pleasant" and the sixth-ranked warlord on the List.

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• Battle Cry: Like Hawk Hollywood, he knows Woo!, though he shouts "Yeaohhh!" instead.
• Bishie Sparkle: Dampened somewhat by the fact that he's a hairy middle-aged dude. Also, he just won't stop, to the point where one of his henchmen tells him to knock it off.
• The Dandy: Just look at him.
• Even Evil Has Standards: He'll genuinely be aghast at the idea of Rando working with Buzzo, if you somehow have the Joy mask when you face him.
• The Fighting Narcissist: He spends more time admiring himself than actually fighting, but hits hard.
• Flunky Boss: Vega fights with two subordinates. He's probably the most difficult of the early warlords for this fact alone.
• Gang of Hats: Everyone in his gang wears small, pink-striped bowler hats on their head.
• Narcissist: Somehow a worse one than Hawk Hollywood.
• Rhymes on a Dime: He has a strange gimmick of rhyming his own words, making him sound even more ridiculous than he already is.
• Wake-Up Call Boss: Not only is he flanked by two subordinates, he has some pretty damaging moves and can inflict blind. He's a significant step up in difficulty compared to the other two Area 1 warlords.

Mr. Beautiful/Thomas

"Rando... Why?"

The fifth-ranked warlord on the List. He runs a town of pacifists.

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• Actual Pacifist: He and his community take their creed seriously. The people who live with him won't ever defend themselves with the exception of one Joy Mutant, and even he won't fight until he's at death's door.
• All There in the Manual: His gang's full name is not revealed in the game proper, but The Painful's artbook lists them as "Beautiful Baby Boys".
• Badass Pacifist: As Rando says, Mr. Beautiful is highly respected in Olathe just because he could actually foster a non-violent community in a post-apocalyptic hellhole. And when he gets angry...
• Hero Antagonist: As stated, he's a pacifist that created a peaceful community, which is a big accomplishment in the Crapsack World and he outright refuses to fight back until he's low on health. This is Deconstructed in that killing him gives Rando a reason to outright abandon Buddy in the middle of the night.
• Martial Pacifist: Mr. Beautiful doesn't fight until his health is nearly depleted. Once he raises his fists, though, he hits like a train.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Mr. Beautiful was based on Shoko Asahara, founder of the Japanese doomsday cult Aum Shinrikyo. However, Mr. Beautiful and his Beautiful Baby Boys are significantly more pacifistic than his inspiration, being a village of peaceful followers who provide refuge in a Crapsack World, and their leader only fights in self-defense if the attacker refuses to back down (as opposed to being responsible for a Deadly Gas attack that killed and injured many innocents as Aum Shinrikyo were).
• Not Distracted by the Sexy: Buddy's Flash move will not work on him.
• Shout-Out: During the second phase of his fight, his cracked mask resembles Uboa. Additionally, his name may be inspired by the wrestler Mr. Wonderful.
• We Used to Be Friends: He very much takes this stance toward Rando, and sincerely seems more angry at him than Buddy.
• White Mask of Doom: He and his followers all wear blank white dolls masks, though none of them are bad or aggressive people, outside of the mutated Baby.
• Wrestler in All of Us: The third phase of his fight, where he actually starts attacking with moves such as Power Bomb.

Lardy Hernandez

"My brothers... I'm coming... Please take me back..."

Yet another one of Fardy's brothers. The fourth-ranked warlord on the List.

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• Continuity Nod: All of Lardy's brothers are involved with some sort of transportation vehicle; Lardy is associated with a truck driving segment and is fought in one.
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He looks as unimposing as the rest of his brothers, but he managed to become one of Olathe's warlords (albeit a low-ranking one).
• Hero Antagonist: He never actually does anything wrong to deserve being killed. Rando even points out that he and his brothers contribute greatly to Olathe's safety, shipping goods across the wilds.
• Guns Akimbo: Has no problem with Dual Wielding two automatic assault rifles.
• Let's Get Dangerous!: Seems like kind of a wimp until his health gets low. Then he whips out a pair of automatic assault rifles.
  "I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!"
• Starter Villain: Despite ostensibly being the fourth-strongest warlord, due to the fact that the game requires you to go through most of his section to access TNT, his lair being the first spotted in the crossroads, and being the weakest of the first three warlords in his actual fight, the game nudges Buddy to take him on before any of the others.
• Uncanny Family Resemblance: His hairstyle is the only thing that differentiates himself from his brothers.
• Warm-Up Boss: He's not particularly tough and the route leading to him isn't guarded by a powerful mutant, so players usually fight Lardy first.

Dice Mahone

^{Pre-Mutated Dice(spoilers)} 

The third-ranked warlord on the List. He was apparently a gambler who ran a sizable town, but has become a Joy Mutant by the time Buddy catches up to him.

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• And Then John Was a Zombie: Became a Joy Mutant offscreen.
• Body Horror: His form as a Joy Mutant makes it near impossible to tell what he originally looked like.
• Call-Back: A poster in his hideout has him demand the head of the guy who killed his brother, Crush Mahone. Crush Mahone was a forgettable enemy fought between Area 1 and 2 in Painful.
• Camp: His followers dress really flashy. His unmutated form in the definitive version of the game resembles a glam rocker.
• Combat Pragmatist: He and his followers are scared shitless of Buddy by the time she fixes her sights on them, and try to eliminate her via ambushes and other nasty tricks. While you can’t see it in his mutant form (which wastes turns thinking and occasionally whaling on Buddy), he relied on fancy tricks to fight in life, like blinding his foes and silencing them with Dice Bombs (IE heads stuffed with fireworks) before beating the stuffing out of them.
• Flat Character: Because he became a mutant before Buddy confronts him, little is known about him. The Definitive Edition suggests that he was a Mad Bomber, but otherwise adds very little as well.
• The Gambler: Before mutating, he was this. The warlord skill you obtain upon defeating him is "Roll the Dice," which increases TP but inflicts a random status effect.
• Gang of Hats: Everyone in his gang wears flashy biker gear. While his unmutated form doesn't wear biker gear, his glam rocker appearance wouldn't look out of place.
• The Reveal: The Superboss of Joyful reveals what he looked like in life, with him being a Walking Shirtless Scene with eyeshadow resembling a glam rocker.
• Throw Down the Bomblet: As revealed in the Definitive Edition, before mutating he fought by throwing severed heads stuffed with dynamite at his enemies.
• Walking Shirtless Scene: His appearance pre mutation lacked a shirt, showing off his muscles.
• We Hardly Knew Ye: His severe mutation makes it impossible to tell what he even looked like.

Sindy Gallows

^{Sindy before being executed(spoilers)} 

"Hey, kid. I didn't get on that list by being a Goddamn pussy. I'm #2 in the world. You want my spot? Try and take it, bitch."

Number Two on the List. He was a fierce hunter of Joy Mutants, to the point where a fanatical pro-mutant cult hanged him and shot him full of arrows. That doesn't stop him from trying to take Buddy out anyway.

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• Anti-Villain: Not much is know about him but his hunting of Joy Mutants is a noble cause considering how murderous they are.
• Badass Boast: As Buddy is walking away from his "corpse:"
  "Hey, kid. I didn't get on that list by being a Goddamn pussy."
• Covered in Scars: His spirit form in Joyful’s Superboss has him covered in faint scars.
• Kaizo Trap: Make sure you're healed up before finishing the fight against the cult members.
• Lean and Mean: The version of him that appears in the Warlord Rematch in the List gives off a better impression that he was this. He has a visible ribcage and very long, thin arms.
• Made of Iron: Not only did he survive being lynched and riddled with arrows, he's a stronger fighter than every other warlord and several Joy Mutants encountered up to that point. His only major handicap is that he occasionally wasted a turn to hack up blood.
• Meaningful Name: Sindy Gallows is found hanged upon a gallows.
• Not Quite Dead: When you show up, you fight the people that managed to kill him. Afterward, he wakes up from death, just in time to give you a more proper boss fight.
• Rasputinian Death: Hung and shot full of arrows, but survived long enough to fall by Buddy's blade.
• The Man They Couldn't Hang: Sure, his followers managed to string him up, but that won't stop him from kicking Buddy's ass.
• Worf Had the Flu: According to Dingaling, Sindy at full strength can take on Big Lincoln, but because of the severity of his injuries, there's a decent chance that he'll spend most of the fight with Buddy coughing blood.

Big Lincoln

"Big Lincoln sends you to Hell!"

The number-one ranked warlord in Olathe and the strongest man in the world. He waits atop a tall mountain to destroy any who would challenge him.

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• Ambiguously Christian: The gravestones outside the tower he lives in are all crucifixes, and one of his moves is to heal himself by praying.
• Ambiguously Related: The fandom speculated that he and Tiger Man are related in some way and Dingaling confirmed that that they indeed are. However, the exact relation is still unknown.
• Animal Motifs: Lincoln is a giant man wearing a wolf-head mask.
• Climax Boss: Probably the last Warlord the players will fight and also the last boss in the game that poses any real threat to them.
• Due to the Dead: According to Word of God, Big Lincoln collects decaying corpses and buries them outside of his house to give them a proper and honorable burial rather than letting them rot outside forever.
• Glowing Eyes of Doom: The first we see of him are his wolf mask's eyes glowing in the dark.
• Hell-Bent for Leather: He wears a studded biker jacket that seems to have floodlights built in.
• Large and in Charge: Bordering on being The Giant as the biggest non-joy user, and the #1 Warlord.
• Marathon Boss: There are other bosses after Big Lincoln, but none of them touch him in terms of stamina. He has three phases, each with more health than any other enemy seen thus far. And then he starts healing himself.
• Red Eyes, Take Warning
• Secret Identity: The whole reason he wears a mask is to be true to himself, and that's easier to do when no one knows who he is. Not even himself.
• The Voiceless: He never speaks, though his strongest attacks are accompanied by a wolf howl.
• World's Strongest Man: And he seems to live solely to kill anyone who'd challenge that title.
• Wrestler in All of Us: When he "sends you to hell", the animation used is the same as the Graveyard Bomb from Lisa the Painful, suggesting he's performing a wrestling maneuver of some sort on you. Given he's burying bodies, like an actual undertaker, it might just resemble a Tombstone Piledriver.