Characters from the original live action series of Horrible Histories.
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Recurring Historical Figures
Overview of characters by actor
English/British Monarchs
Charles II
Played by: Mathew Baynton
First monarch after the restoration and party animal.- Fun Personified: Loves to party and brags about how he brought back Christmas celebrations, theatre and sport after they were banned under Oliver Cromwell.
- The Good King: In comparison to practically every other monarch (English or otherwise) in the show, he's portrayed in an extremely positive light.
Elizabeth I
Played by: Martha Howe-Douglas
- Gag Nose: She is given one from Season 2 onward to poke fun at her vanity.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: She may have the body of a feeble old woman, but she has the heart and stomach of a king, and hence the ferocious temper of her father.
- Married to the Job: To England, in her words.
- The Nicknamer: In one sketch calls over her first Minister to help decide on a nickname for this visiting Duke of Anjou. She settles on "frog" because of his slimy skin. Among other things, she has also nicknamed Robert Cecil "Pygmy" (because of his short stature) and Walter Raleigh "Water" (because of his strong West Country accent).
George III
Played by: Simon Farnaby & Lawry Lewin
Loony Monarch and continual frustration to George IV.- CloudCuckoolander: Out of the four Georges, he "was the mad one."
George IV
Played by: Jim Howick
Frustrated and fat successor to George III.- Adipose Rex: Would like to be known for other things but...
- Berserk Button: His weight is a sore spot. It's not the death of his father that causes him to dissolve in tears but being told he should wear a corset- when he's already wearing one.
- Regent for Life: He becomes Prince Regent because his father "George III has gone barking mad." He's very enthusiastic about finally becoming king for real.
Henry VIII
Played by: Ben Willbond
Big eater and creator of the Church of England just so he could get a divorce.- Adipose Rex: Especially in later years.
- Bad Boss: He has become infamous for casually beheading many of his advisors for displeasing him, and even beheaded two of his wives.
- Big Eater: His five a day are five massive portions of meat.
- The Bluebeard: Downplayed; he only executed two of his six wives, but considering most people execute no spouses at all...
- High Turnover Rate: His wives and advisors, highlighted in his "this is your reign" sketch.
- Laughably Evil: Being portrayed by Ben Willbond doesn't hurt.
- Off with His Head!: The fate of many of the people around him.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: He persecutes Catholics following the English Reformation and thinks that women "are too silly to rule."
William the Conqueror
First king of England, from France.
Played by: Simon Farnaby
- Adipose Rex: At least towards the end of his life.
So fat on death, my body burst! But enough about me
—William the Conqueror in the Monarchs song
- Irony: As pointed out in the Monarchs Song, he's the first English King, although he comes from France.
Roman Emperors
Caligula
Played by: Simon Farnaby & Mat Baynton
Famously insane Roman Emperor.- A God Am I: One of his speeches, delivered in a suitably hammy manner.
- Caligula: I, Caligula, am a God. I need only nod and all your throats will be slit.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Some of his supporters prayed for him to recover, even offering their lives so he'd recover. Unfortunately for them, he did recover and expected them to give the gods their end of the deal.
- The Caligula: Obviously
- Consulting Mister Puppet: Usually his hand with a face drawn on it, but also his Hammer called Whackus Bonkus, and a worm on the armour of Alexander The Great.
- Disproportionate Retribution:
- Caligula: I'm very hairy, but take note
If you so much as whisper 'goat'
With an iron rod you will be smote!
(In a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat.)
- Psychopathic Manchild: Murdered some friends he got bored with, refers to his mallet as Whackus Bonkus. And that's just from one sketch.
Nero
Played by: Jim Howick
- The Caligula: According to the Evil Emperors song, even worse than the trope namer.
- Eviler than Thou: Again, basically the Evil Emperors song.
- Matricide: Had his mother killed
Other Historical Figures
Oliver Cromwell
Angry Puritan who took over England as Lord Protector
Played by: Lawry Lewin
- Foil: To Charles II, with Charles being a party goer and a fun guy while Cromwell is a strict puritan who treats even his own family like crap.
- The Fundamentalist: Very religiously devoted, so much so that he bans anything "sinful" such as theater, makeup, and Christmas
- Historical Villain Downgrade: The show depicts Cromwell as "The guy who banned Christmas, makeup, sports, and theater" but doesn't feature his other bad acts such as his atrocities in Ireland and his restrictions in the 13 colonies.
Pachacuti
Played by: Mathew Baynton
An Incan warlord from the 1400's.- Affably Evil: Sings a chipper pop song about how he mutilated the bodies of his dead enemies.
- Desecrating the Dead: Uses his enemies' skulls as drinking cup, makes their teeth into charm bracelets, makes flutes out of their arm bones, and stretches their skins into drums.
William Shakespeare
Played by: Mathew Baynton
- Flowery Insults: Just like in real life. He manages to literally knock out an opponent in a battle of words, using a barrage of insults collected from the real Shakespeare's works:'Shakespeare: How can I respond to a beslubbered, pebbling, churlish clotpole, a beef-witted gleeking bum-bailey, a gorbellied, mewling, hedge-born, onion-eyed, fustilarian cob-loaf! Flappy-eared, knotty-pated measle, you ruttish, reeking coxcomb, you hugger-mugger moldwarp! Pottle-deep, maggot-pie lewdster! Yeasty, tickle-brained, whey-faced, nut-hook skainsmate!
- Insufferable Genius: He achieves this in the prom special, just before finally being belted unconscious by the caveman he's been insulting.
Winston Churchill
Snarky Prime Minister of the UK during World War II.
Played by: Jim Howick
- Deadpan Snarker: Has a sketch dedicated to his quips.
- The Workaholic: Works in the war cabinet well into the night, to the point where his staff resort to increasingly desperate measures to keep themselves awake. He does eventually decide he should go to bed, to do some more military planning.
Original Characters
Bob Hale
Played by: Laurence Rickard
Host of various weather report style stories on histories.- Character Catchphrase:
- ”BUT NOT FOR LONG!”
- ”OR SO WE THOUGHT!”
- ”Thank you/Back to you Sam”
- ”Except not helicopters”
- Motor Mouth: Every single one of his reports are delievered at intense speeds, condensing hundreds of words into mere minutes.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The loud, boisterous Red to Sam's calm and professional Blue.
Death
Played by: Simon Farnaby
The Grim Reaper himself who relishes in the funny ways people have died.- Character Catchphrase: “Next!”
- Cuckoosnarker: A very zany guy who talks to skeletons and a mummy and gives out a near constant stream of snarky potshots at the people who died.
- Don't Fear the Reaper: Although you may justifiably worry a bit if your death throes weren't sufficiently entertaining, as you then — as per one Stupid Deaths sketch — have to get back into the 'long and boring' Boring Deaths line.
- The Grim Reaper: More comedic than most versions, but still a case.
- Judgement of the Dead: His job, even if he's judging the comedic potential of your final moments rather than your life.
- Nightmare Fetishist: The more embarrassing the death the better. Also has a collection of autographs from famous historical tyrants.
- Pungeon Master: Never passes up the chance to make a pun related to the Stupid Death being discussed.
D.I. Bones
Played by: Mathew Baynton
Criminal Investigator of various historical "crime scenes".- Noodle Incident: How he changed from a murder investigator to a traffic accident investigator. All he says is that he got demoted and doesn't want to talk about it.
Handsome Historical Scientist
Played by: Lawry Lewin
Parody of Brian Cox.- No Celebrities Were Harmed: His wardrobe and manner of speech are directly based on Brian Cox, host of many popular science-based TV shows.
Historical Fashion Fix Host
Played by: Mathew Baynton
A Camp makeover show host.- No Celebrities Were Harmed: His campy attitude and visual design are based on real fashion show host Gok Wan.
Historical Master Chef Judges
Greg Played by: Jim Howick
John Played by: Ben Willbond
The two judges on the MasterChef parody who cast judgement on recipes from various historical time periods in the manner of the hosts of the British version of that show.- I Ate WHAT?!: Some of the recipes cause Greg to get sick when the ingredients are explained after he's started eating.
- No Indoor Voice: Greg.
- Only Sane Man: John, who is the one who points out the various shortcomings of the historical recipes that are being cooked. Although anyone would come across as reasonably sane alongside Greg.
- Parody: Of the British MasterChef hosts John Torode and Greg Wallace. Especially Greg, who is portrayed as a loud-mouthed former grocer with a penchant for shouting out random stuff and loving anything with sugar in it. Which, funnily enough…
Mike Peabody
Played by: Ben Willbond
On the scene reporter for Horrible Histories News.- Annoying Arrows: Is hit by a rain of Persian arrows after interviewing a Spartan at the Battle of Thermopylae. Somehow is able to finish his report.
- Character Catchphrase: His reports usually end with him saying while being chased, beaten or otherwise imperiled: “This is Mike Peabody for HHTV News, really wishing he was somewhere else”
Pet Store Owner
Woman who encounters various historical figures desiring animals.
Rattus Rattus
The puppet rat host of Horrible Histories.
- Character Catchphrase:
- ”It’s true!”
- “100% accu-rat”
- Everyone Has Standards: Even he is grossed out by mellified man.
Ready Steady Feast! Host
Sam
Played by: Martha Howe-Douglas
Host of Horrible Histories TV News- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The calm and professional Blue to Bob Hale's loud and boisterous Red.
Shouty Man
Played by: Jim Howick
Pitch Man for various historical products.- Character Catchphrase: “HI! I’M A SHOUTY MAN!”
- Everyone Has Standards: Is very grossed out when a cartoon Roman soldier reveals the Romans used urine as mouthwash, right after delivering a commercial about Medieval peasants washing their garments in the stuff.
- Large Ham: Spends most of his appearances yelling like a stereotypical Billy Mays-style infomercial salesman
- No Indoor Voice: He isn't the Shouty Man for nothing! All of his advertisements are delivered at the top of his lungs, no matter what.
Twisted Fairy Tales Host
Played by: Meera Syal
A woman who tells various fairytales set in different historical eras-
I Am Not Shazam: The title of the segments is called "Twisted Fairytales" not "Historical Fairytales"
Vincenzo Larfoff
Played by: David Baddiel
