Characters / A Brief History of Equestria

These are the characters who are the main focus of a Brief History of Equestria, and its accompanying side-stories.

The Founders

Commander Hurricane

The last commander of the Celestine Junta, who fought (or in some cases, slept) his way through life. Had a serious reputation with the ladies, but eventually settled down with Clover.

• Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Took pride in being this for Pansy after the Warming, loudly recounting stories about fecal material and wings at banquets.
• Battle Couple: With Wind Whistler.
• Brutal Honesty: Being the sort of pony he is, he's not got the stomach for subtlety or niceties. Platinum openly admitted to finding it refreshing.

• Composite Character: Some George Washington, some Ben Franklin, and a dusting of Julius Caesar and Andrew Jackson with BRIAN BLESSED filling.

• Fantastic Racism: Did not have a high opinion on the "groundpounders". So naturally his beloved daughter wound up pregnant by one.
• Happily Married: To Clover, in the end.
• Like Father, Like Son: Praised Star Burst for not wanting to be made royalty.
• Made a Slave: By Sullamander, who had him sent to the Coltoseum, where he was expected to die quickly. It turned out sending a trained soldier to die in gladiatorial combat wasn't going to fly.
• May–December Romance: His wife Clover was young enough to be his granddaughter.

• Really Gets Around: Yes. It didn't help Sullamander's low opinion of him that he'd got all her staff pregnant incredibly quickly.
  Sullamander: IS THERE NO MARE IN CELESTINE THAT HAS NOT SLEPT WITH HURRICANE?!

• The Tease: On at least one occasion towards Clover, he serenaded her, then flew away into the night, laughing all the way.

• Tranquil Fury: When he sees Pansy's son is an Earth pony.
• Unskilled, but Strong: One of his conquests describes him in this fashion, vis a vis making love.

Private Pansy

Pansy is a timid and shy thing - frequently misunderstood quote on Pansy

Commander Hurricane's daughter (well, one of them), and the one he was closest to. Daughter of Wind Whistler, and a top flight badass. Eventually became his aide, because he'd slept with almost everyone else

• Action Mom: During the Warming, she knocked out two guards and made her way to her father while carrying her just-born son in a makeshift papoose.
• Almighty Janitor: Refused countless promotions throughout her career. The only reason she became Hurricane's second-in-command is because she was the only competent soldier that he was guaranteed to not impregnate, being his daughter.
• Dating What Daddy Hates: She ends up getting involved with an Earth pony. This ends up causing conflict with her father, who finds out about the relationship when she gives birth to a "groundpounder" colt.
• Flanderization: This happens to her in-universe. Due to an out-of-context quote from her father, she's often imagined to be a timid and shy pony; this isn't entirely inaccurate, but she was "timid and shy" by the standards of the Celestine Junta. While she's often thought of as being like Fluttershy in personality, in reality she was closer to Rainbow Dash.
• A Mother to Her Men: Much like Mama Whistler, Pansy made sure to keep an eye on her troops in the field. It's the reason for her being called "timid and shy", because she was focused on logistics, not just mindless killing.
• Thou Shalt Not Kill: In her academy days, sure. Sullamander was a rare exception. Also doesn't apply to wyverns, which she killed plenty of.

Princess Platinum

The last of the Unicorn royal family, with several bones to pick against her royal court.

• The Chessmaster: Special Talent in pulling strings. And yet none of her court noticed.
• Cool Old Lady: Died aged sixty-three in a spelunking "accident".
• Deceased Parents Are the Best: Platinum's mother died due to haemophilia, and her father died some years afterward. Platinum doesn't even remember much about her mother.
• It's Personal: Even if they weren't a bunch of lying, selfish, greedy, moronic bastards, the Unicorn nobles tried to wipe out her family and almost succeeded two generations ago. And they destroyed her father, then tried to control her, Clover and Clover's children.
• Manipulative Bitch: Very much so, but all for the greater good.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: She was good at this. So much so that her greatest enemies never realized it, or how much trouble they were in. Heck, it's so good a lot of historians didn't notice what she did.
• Royals Who Actually Do Something: To outsiders, she was at best an ineffectual ruler. But in reality she was, through her expansive spy network that she grew from scratch as a filly, instrumental in eroding the Unicorn Nobility's power, and thus guiding for a largely peaceful unification of Equestria.
• Sanity Slippage: When the Windigoes were freezing everything. Recovered during the Warming.
• She Is the King: Declared king to avoid the insane statues the court tried to inflict on her father.
• Theme Naming: Every member of her bloodline was named after precious or rare metals.

Clover the Clever

A student of Star-Swirl the Bearded, genius, and eventually Hurricane's wife. Lived with Platinum, but due to complex legal reasons never formally adopted as her sister.

• Badass Bookworm: She's badass because of the bookworm. It's been noticed that Clover was barely average in magical strength but her brilliant mind more than made up for it.
• Determinator: Some ponies tried to stop her learning simply because she was a girl. Clover just ignored them until they gave up trying.
• The Immodest Orgasm: Implied, from a letter of Platinum's when they had their first child.

• May–December Romance: She was the "May". Hurricane was the "December".
• The Smart Guy: Her special talent was being able to work out creative connections to solve problems. In short, being clever.
• Wide-Eyed Idealist: Truly believed the best in others, despite all the evidence staring her in the face. By all accounts, this never changed, even after all the things she experienced.

Chancellor Puddinghead

Motherbucking insanity in pony-form.

• A Party, Also Known as an Orgy: Invented both the word "party" and "orgy". And surprisingly enough, birth rates increased after she started throwing parties...
• The Caligula: Consulted her parrot, which only ever sang her praises, even after it died. Apparently her and Cookie arguing about whether it was alive or not inspired a comedic sketch. And that's one of her saner actions.
• Crazy Enough to Work: In any rational world, her ideas shouldn't have flown. But due to the enemy not expecting such insane ideas as weaponized pastries, they did.
• Dumbass Has a Point: Suggested moving to somewhere less cold, which the Senate unanimously agreed upon.
• Flanderization: Inverted. Most fictional portrayals of Puddinghead are toned down from her actual antics...
• Undignified Death: Puddinghead ended up dying when she took a foolish dare to drink a gallon of cider while swallowing a goldfish on top of a flagpole. She ended up falling off and breaking her neck, with nopony noticing she was dead for hours.

Smart Cookie

The poor sap who got saddled with being Puddinghead's aide.

• Childhood Friend Romance: Her and Able.
• Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: She tries to keep Puddinghead in check.
• Got Volunteered: Tried to run away, and cried when given the job of working with Puddinghead.
• Happily Married: To one Able Smith.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Reacted strongly to leaving ponies behind during the Warming.
• Outliving One's Offspring: Several of her children never made it to adulthood.

Others

Star-Swirl the Bearded

A mysterious pony of ancient times, Clover's mentor.

• All-Loving Hero: At a time when ponies were divided by race, Star-Swirl had allies in all places.

• Neutral No Longer: Tried to stay out of history's way. Then the nobles killed most of the royal family.
• Never Found the Body: Just disappeared one day. Given Princess Luna, who first appeared at least somewhere around a century after this, recognized Twilight Sparkle's Nightmare Night costume of him, he came back at some point later on.
• Shrouded in Myth: Twilight Sparkle can barely find anything conclusive on him.

Sullamander

The commander of the Celestine Junta before Hurricane. Top-flight psychopath and (So the dirty-minded would have us believe) male-hater who may have gotten the job through... less than savory means.

• Bad Boss:
  • Ran a pony through for questioning her. And this was before she went nuts. That move backfired, as said pony was replaced by Wind Whistler.
  • Her anti-male actions broke the Junta's long history of My Country, Right or Wrong attitudes.

• Does Not Like Men: Hated males. Really hated them. As in trying to ban her troops from having relations with men. Or so improperly studied propaganda would suggest.
• Eye Scream: Lost one of her eyes in her fight with Hurricane.
• General Failure: By all accounts, Sullamander was a crappy soldier, and an even worse leader.
• A God Am I: Her soldiers were raised to believe this, even proclaiming she would return from death. So far, no evidence exists to suggest she did or would.
• Made of Iron: It took a lot to kill her.
• The Neidermeyer: Most Commanders were brave, bold, inspired military leaders who earned the loyalty of their troops and citizens. Sullamander was none of these things, and less.
• Psycho Lesbian: The first is clear by her actions. The second is obvious and deliberate misreading by poor academics. There is a strong implication her predecessor was one, and that she "knew" Sullamander as a filly.
• Rape as Backstory: It's heavily implied that she was molested and groomed by her predecessor Mareinus as a filly, which may have contributed to her madness.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: The rules don't let her bully her staff into doing what she wants? Then the rules just have to change. And her staff have to die.

Wind Whistler

Pansy's mother, Hurricane's lover, one of the biggest badasses of her day. Died fighting Sullamander.

• Badass Bookworm: Managed to trip Sullamander up with the extensive rules the Junta had.

• Genius Bruiser: To Sullamander's endless rage, she's not only an excellent fighter, but also a skilled commander and an expert on Junta law.
• A Father to His Men: Made sure to keep all her troops alive in combat, even saving some when situations went south.
• Nerds Are Sexy: Hurricane definitely thought so.
• Rule-Abiding Rebel: Wasn't taking any of Sully's crap, but managed to disobey her by following the rules.
• Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: Her entire beef with Sullamander.
• Surprisingly Sudden Death: Jumped by Sullamander and fatally wounded.

Star Burst

Hurricane and Clover's third (and last) child. Never got as far in life as his old man, but every bit the badass.

• Old Soldier: In his eighties, he not only fought the thirty-year-younger Talonhoof to a standstill, but nearly killed him. Twice.
• Ignored Expert: Not the expert, per-se, but he did try to point out that Talonhoof was more dangerous than anyone realized.
• Like Father, Like Son: Had no intention of ever becoming king, thus foiling several nobles' plans before they'd even got off the ground. Also, given his response to his father asking this, he may just have picked up some of the old man's potty-mouth.

Talonhoof the Reviled

• Asskicking Leads to Leadership: Managed to get in charge of the Griffon Empire and the Mongrellian horde by kicking everyone else's ass.
• Bad Boss: If someone didn't comply with his insane orders, he'd kill them. Eventually.

• Names to Run Away from Really Fast: And he does everything in his power to earn that title.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: His goal? Genocide.
• Would Hurt a Child: Beat a filly to paste. Then killed the soldier that spared her.

Mimic, the Great and Powerful

Clover the Clever's apprentice, completing the Master/Apprentice chain that Star Swirl started.

• Chekhov's Gunman: Mentioned several chapters before she appears, as is her handing Talonhoof his ass.
• The Magnificent: The Great and Powerful. And unlike a certain other pony who uses the title, Mimic definitely earned it.
• Superpower Lottery: It will never be conclusively confirmed, but she is possibly the most powerful unicorn in history. The only two unicorns that may be stronger that her are Star Swirl and Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately, due to the fact that all three of them are separated by decades and millennia, respectively, the debate will not end.

Star Saber

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• Abusive Mom: She hated her son for being born a boy.

Clover's Father

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• Abusive Dad: He's Clover's dad and, as Hurricane so eloquently put it, he's a total dick; he only saw his daughter as a tool and potential source of grandchildren, if anything. And yet she still felt bad when he died.

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