Nineties Crossdressing Cartoon Theatre: Let's Watch Cybersix

Edit: Tried to make this look better because I'm now ashamed to read it.

Hi, people! I am Carth, and I’ve been doing liveblogs for quite some time. There are some on my blog that people are free to ignore, but as I seem to have established that blog as being for webcomics-only I really don’t know what I’m going to do with this…still, I wanted to see this show sort of, and I wanted to make a blog about it before the first blush of discovery sorta ran itself out.

A little while ago, I stumbled on the TV Tropes entry for an old Canadian cartoon I had never heard of called Cybersix. It’s based on an Argentinian comic book that was probably more for adults, and it shows – there is no other way that Nazis and crossdressing would make their way in. Yes, I said Nazis and crossdressing. I do not believe the two are present in one person at the same time, but there are Nazis and crossdressing, and also a lot of other intimate details that for one reason or another make this 13-episode series appealing to mine instincts. I then promptly forgot about it. Then, a few months ago, I started seeing ads on buses for the La Femme Nikita reboot, confused it with this series, went back to TV Tropes, rediscovered the page, and decided, yes, I think I do want to watch it. I don’t really know what else to expect besides butt-kicking. So, without further ado, let’s start episode 1 of Cybersix, which does not to my current knowledge have a title.

We open in on a fairly detailed but cliché cityscape, with the giant moon and all, and see a lady in a cape running across rooftops! I called it – it’s Cybersix! And then just as I’m getting used to this, we see some sort of fish thing in a tank? What the hell? Seems we are getting off to an active start…

Then without ANY explanation for fishman, we go back to the rooftops, where there are some Faceless Musclebound Mooks chasing the lady I am still fairly certain is Cybersix. We cut to an alleyway, and…a lady starts to sing? Oh, is this actually the theme song? Okay, then, let’s see how this looks! I am confused. We see a guy with a long nose and more of this freaky fish guy (who I am now waiting for to say I AM NOT A FREAKY FISH GUY) and then Faceless Musclebound Mooks again! There’s a very-well animated puddle being stepped in, and more chasing. And a blond gorilla-like man eating stuff as another guy reads the newspaper. And A PAIR OF GLASSES? SOMEONE HAS GLASSES IN THIS SHOW? I ~love~ glasses. And some hair-swishing, and, oh, there's the guy with the glasses. I will reserve further comments until the show starts but if you didn’t figure out he’s the chick you’re probably blind yourself.

Then as the lady continues to sing we see what amounts to a transformation sequence as Guy Who Is Chick continues to talk. Also, this song. I thought at first it was really cheesy but now I’m coming to like it- the lyrics are catchy. And now we see ASS-KICKING, with fully animated cape-flowing! I don’t know if these scenes were culled from the show or anything but they flow very well! Then come some mooks, which convince me that this was, indeed, culled from the show (though pretty artfully – liked the guy-chick dichotomy if it was a little awkward). Which include gargoyles? Huh. And apparently this Cybersix lady can fly? Okay, if you say so, theme song. CYBERSIX. Man does it ever have an awesome theme song. Let’s hope the show measures up.

So this episode is actually called Mysterious Shadow. How cliché. There is an interesting dichotomy of names in the credits, with the story and directing by Takeuchi and Furuya, and the episode written by a guy named Hammell. Now that I’ve talked for years about the opening, let’s get to the show itself…

THERE’S A TIME WHEN THE MOON REVEALS ITS FACE THROUGH THE CLOUDS~ Sorry, I had to say it. We open on a man leaving a building while rooting through a briefcase. He gets in his car, which happens to be inhabited by a gorilla man who promptly grabs his throat, grins at him, and – and makes the car rock in very suspect ways. Eeeeep. I see why this wasn’t aired in the States now.

And in a scene the opening ripped out, here comes Lady Cybersix! Can I just call her Six or Sixy or something? She appears to be out for some lovely nighttime parkour, given she’s completely ignoring that there’s another mook out for some late night car-raping. Wait, no, he’s actually going to join her in some parkour! What a lovely outing! The car drives on unharmed, driven by a rather nondescript and sideburnt fellow, until he comes across the parked car and says “What the devil?” in the WEIRDEST voice I have ever heard. This thing is not human. It is all high and possibly British.

He then gets out of the car and looks at the second car, still talking in a voice better suited to the old man who was gorilla-raped earlier. And now he’s kind of stuck, because gorilla man gorilla-raped his car. Clearly, this show is about parkour, gorillas, and rapists. Okay kids that’s enough we can go home now. GORILLA MAN IS CREEPY. He makes squishing noises as his muscles are in half-shadow as he reaches for the man –

Cybersix hears a scream. Still mostly in shadow, she flash-parkours over to the scene, finding nothing but two abandoned cars and probably the carcass of the old man. She sees the gorilla guy and follows him. Scene cuts to a very simply drawn wharf. The gorilla boys meet up with their ill-gotten boytoys. One runs away, the other stays…and Cybersix reaches down to get him, he turns around, but no one is there. So he leaves, and this lady, still in shadow, watches over him from the shadowy shadow-

Bright and sunny stone lion with children talking? Uh, Mood Whiplash. From the look of things we appear to be at a school, though the students are pretty ambiguously aged and also ambiguously featured. The halls are very bare and seriously now how the hell did we get here –

FETUS? WHY IS THERE A FETUS ON THE SCREEN. Oh, because Blondie here is teaching Sex Ed today! And then I feel bad making fun of him because the next thing out of his mouth – “And then you looked like this. Some of you still do.” – made me love him instantly. Slide moves…and the very ugly students start laughing? Because…uh…there's a guy boxing? What? Deffo not Blondie, he’s too muscular. But Blondie’s taking it in stride.

Cut to the outside, where a short dude is talking with a tall…oh is that who I think it is? IT IS, IT IS. Sidelman, that’s the last name she uses! Yes, that, as the theme song made you figure out, is Cybersix. And, somehow, she makes a very attractive male. (Given, I’m a girl with a bit of a thing for nerds, male or otherwise...) As short dude talks about nothing, they pass Blondie’s classroom. Sidelman gives Blondie an EPIC STARE and Blondie is like “durr”.

Hideously ugly fellow directs Sidelman to his room…and we fade to when the lesson begins! This is a terribly dark school. Side- you know what, his name’s eventually Adrian, so I’ll call Man!Cybersix Adrian – walks across the screen. S/he is reading a sweet sort of line from a book and looking handsome why do I think this female cartoon character is handsome. S/he does not seem to be disguising her voice too much at all, but the sideburns are a nice touch. And we pan down to a few more ugly students…including a red-haired girl who appears to be ~smitten~ with this new clearly male hunk of man-meat maleness. Adrian turns back around and –

what the hell is going on. This girl, rather than just sitting in her seat and gazing like any sane girl in love with her teacher, ACTUALLY STANDS UP AND STARTS BLOWING KISSES AT SHIM. WHAT. THE. HELL. Adrian appears to be very confused…but goes on. AT LEAST UNTIL THIS GIRL ACTUALLY GETS UP AND GIVES SHIM A LOVE LETTER. And then skips back to her seat. And then gazes at him. And no one bats an eye at any of this.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SCHOOL SYSTEM. I already knew the school was a dump but REALLY. Adrian, who is hopefully as confused as I am, tells her HARD by rejecting the valentine. And she actually looks surprised. This is so wrong in so many ways it has to have been done this way on purpose. And to make matters worse, the other students in the class are on her side. WHAT. THE. HELL.

Back at the end of the day, Blondie is packing up and happens to see Adrian running off in a sexy trenchcoat, reading a book, closely pursued by three students who want to BEAT HIM UP? This high school is awful. Even if I get this lovely shemale teaching me I do not want to go there. Adrian continues to read, passing by people, until s/he runs into Different Blondie, dropping shis book. S/he reaches down to get it, but is stopped by Different Blondie, who yells a WALL OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE NOISE into shis ear. Adrian says “Pardon?”, which is the same thing I think.

Different Blondie throws him to the goons, making this show make even more sense. No, I'm serious, they make everything come together. First, Mook #1 says another wall of noise. Then they gang up on him. DB says another wall of noise. Adrian is all like “Fellas…” I guess not wanting to show of shis ass-kicking powers. So, in return, they yell walls of incomprehensible noise at shim. Anyone that can tell me what they are saying, please do, because I do not understand a word of it. And yet amazingly I am not pissed off. It’s like Narm Charm.

But everything is okay because BLONDIE HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY. DB and the mooks are like “durr” and then run off, I guess because Blondie is five times wider than Adrian. Blondie finally introduces himself as Lucas – aww, I can’t call him Blondie anymore – and hands shis book back. What a gentleman! The students should learn from him :P And, in jest, Lucas says, “Oh, so you’re not the new karate teacher.” Why is this man so funny. Then he’s like "coffee" and Adrian is like “blink”. Then he makes a coquettish sort of noise. Considering Cybersix is in disguise I can’t get a good hold on her personality, but the fangirl in me is detecting some ~special vibes~.

Now, the newspaper! Two Men Gorilla-Raped In Cars. I suppose Starbucks was not around in 1999, so instead the two are having coffee at what looks like a pretty fancy café. Nope, nothing suspect about that at all. Lucas makes small talk. Two things here – one, this show is pretty well paced so far. Nothing feels rushed. Also, his Canadian accent is so Canadian I can feel it’s Canadianity all the way from my house. Adrian looks kind of impatient/cold with the small talk, switching gears directly – s/he wants to know what the hell is in the water that makes shis students act like ding-dongs. Well, actually, s/he just asks about the redhead, but I know that’s what s/he means in shis heart. Lucas calls her “a little mixed up”, which is a gross understatement, and then, demonstrating a serious case of ADHD on top of stalking issues from earlier, CHEERS FOR SOCCER/FOOTBALL. Adrian sort of ignores this, and then, with a sudden glance at the newspaper, remembers that she actually is a superhero in disguise.

Adrian thanks Lucas for the coffee and walks off, again demonstrating a gross inability to hide her voice. Lucas is sad for just a second and then soccer/football! This scene makes more sense than any other, really.

So now it’s night again. Lucas walks home alone, looking…really messed up in the face (I mean as opposed to Adrian/Cybersix’s cute little face…) AND A GORILLA-MAN CUTS HIM OFF. RIGHT IN THE STREET. GOD. Lucas is like “what”, and then he looks up AND SEES A LADY. JUST UP THERE, DOIN’ PARKOUR. And he is running. Did I mention he is the only person out at night. And he is so desperate to find her that he jumps off a staircase, into a chicken coop. What the hell is this man he is awesome.

Gorilla on the bridge gets assaulted by what can only be Batman. Lucas invades the situation again…and as Cybersix stands up, we get our first good look at her. She fights in heels. This is very impractical but she makes it work for her. She has well manicured fingernails and a hella weird wristbone. She has a VERY curvaceous figure that she probably has a hell lot of trouble hiding, and DAMN if that isn’t a nice hat! She gives him a cross look…and a blind monkey could tell they’re the same person, she just slapped some lipstick on. But Lucas is a monkey with the capacity for sight, so he doesn’t see it.

She warns him to stay away, at which point I realize she actually DID do a good job of hiding her voice. She then flies off, making Lucas deliver one of his worse lines, and then – because, as you remember, this fellow’s a rocket scientist – he approaches the gorilla man. Who then starts glowing and melting?

What? What?

To be continued…hope this wasn’t too long. I'll give some summaries when I finish an episode. I only have this to say for now.

One, this show makes no sense. Two, I LOVE THIS SHOW. KIND OF.

edited 20th Oct '10 6:09:26 PM by Carth

Nice, but maybe you're a little too hammy.

I only realized how ridiculous all my all-caps looked after I'd posted this...I'm sorry you had to read all that, I'll tone it down for later parts. D8

edited 20th Oct '10 4:38:43 AM by Carth

Not too much, though. Because I rather like a little ham with my Blogs; it helps to balance the taste. Plus, that's probably how I first reacted when I first saw the show...well, maybe I didn't feel the exact same way about Adrian, but that's more of a gender difference than anything else.

Yeah, this is already giving me wonderful flashbacks to my youth...well, my mid-teens, at the very least. Can't wait for Part 2!

edited 20th Oct '10 4:54:09 AM by EndarkCuli

Are we talking Bob and Doug Mackenzie levels of Canadian, here? Because I gotta know, eh?

edited 20th Oct '10 1:02:55 PM by FreezairForALimitedTime

^ No, the show takes place in South America. So no Mounties or lumberjacks, sadly.

I watched the show a few months after remembering about it during the very short time it was on Fox Kids years ago. It was worth watching and a had a lot of interesting potential, but it was seriously way too formulaic and it really lacked some good recurring villains. Jose was good and all but his overall ineffectualness added by his constant appearances got kind of tiring. And like mentioned before it really didn't explain things very well, which never really improves. The penultimate episode was great though, if the show was more like that I would totally love it.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, continue.

edited 20th Oct '10 1:15:12 PM by Scisless

@Endark - Aheh...sorry if I came on a little too strong with that. Nerds Are Sexy.

Mysterious Shadow, Part 2

Lucas, further proving his worth as a brain surgeon, goes on and touches something that has just disintegrated, and talks to himself. Funny how in cartoons we don’t think this is unusual. Then a rod of something glowing falls out of the coat sleeve…and he just picks it up. Lucas, dear, the last time I saw something glow like that in a cartoon, it was a stick of uranium. You really ought to be more careful. And you really ought not to carry it around with you! You’ll mutate even MORE people.

Cybersix watches from the rooftop, and suddenly, her arm…shorts out? But that’s no big deal because there’s a gorilla off to drag Lucas off and car-rape him.

Now we’re at a room of some sort…an apartment? An office? Anyway, Lucas attempts to unscrew the cap from the glowing stuff – Lucas, your IQ is falling every second – and, surprise surprise, it falls and burns his floor. Still, his capacity for stupid is now limited, because C-6 is in his window. He attempts to be smart with her, to the point where he pretends the vial does not exist, but she shall take no bullshit from Blondie – at least not until her arm really starts shorting out again.

Lucas, demonstrating he has no idea what he does, ever, tries to help her, but she insists, NO, just give the the damn vial. Too late, gorilla-man bursts in, Lucas predictably gets up and tries to fight it, Lucas is predictably knocked into a stack of books. C-6 predictably gets up and roundhouse kicks him in the face. They proceed to fight, completely trashing Lucas’s apartmentoffice, until Cybersix’s arm shorts out again and gorilla man backs her against the wall, shouting YOU KILLED BROTHER! Wait, could this be a sympathetic moment?

Lucas, who must always be a gentleman, knocks into the guy, trips on the carpet, and sends them both flying out the top story window. And – can I use caps for this part because it’s cool – Cybersix jumps out the window, falls to his point, and KICKS HIM BACK INTO HIS APARTMENT. Totally unbelievable and yet despite the laws of physics TOTALLY AWESOME. They both fall, denting the stairs…and then the glowing returns. Gorilla boy is disintegrated, leaving another vial…which Cybersix drinks?

Yup. Now Lucas, not even considering how much his apartment is more wasted than him on a Friday night, tries to look for C-6, who disappears into the shadows. How ~mysterious~

Now there is a third gorilla boy, who looks oddly like Adrian or would if he wasn’t twice his size, who sees the clothes, jumps down like a cat, sees the vial, and gets pissed. Ooooh…drama.

Now we are at a warehouse of sorts, where a fourth gorilla boy is leading the two men from before about. First man asks if there is a war going on he should know about (some of these lines are unexpectedly awesome) upon which gorilla boy throws him into a can. Gorilla boy yells YOU MAKE MONEY, and third gorilla boy shows up looking a bit more articulate, clarifying that, yes, these boys are going to be forced to counterfeit some pesos.

Cut to more freaky things in jars. When are you going to explain these freaks a’ nature, show?! But wait, these freaks a’ nature are in a room…with a DUDE. We get a close up on him…he’s got the beakiest nose I have ever seen on a man, appears to be in Stormtrooper fatigues, and has fairly odd looking body hair. Third gorilla boy says something about the “deactivation of a Fixed Idea” – is that what the gorilla boys are? Yep, cause they mentioned the vials. Stormtrooper is like I WILL SEND JOSÉ. Gorilla boy is like BUT I WANNA and Stormtrooper is like SHADDUP BITCH, JOSÉ.

And it turns out José is…a squeaky-voiced little kid? What? Was not expecting this…hopefully he’s not been drinking the town water and can thus think clearly.

And we cut to…sunshine and friendly music? What? Adrian (who you ladies remember is actually Cybersix) and Lucas are…having what amounts to a full-fledged dinner at a restaurant. You know, in the real world, anyone looking at you two finely-dressed young men would assume you were on a date. Lucas is going mad describing Cybersix and Adrian is pretending not to have any truck with it, saying he’s dreaming. Lucas says, “Nah, haven’t got the imagination,” once again worming his way into my heart.

Then, Lucas decides to make shit hit the fan once more by pulling out the vial of acid in a restaurant…making Adrian freak out. He’s like PUT IT AWAY and Lucas is like “no clearly this is a totally normal thing to do while at dinner with a man.” So Adrian gets up and runs away. Here I notice that s/he’s got a modest plate of food while Lucas appears to be eating the whole restaurant. Lucas runs after him, speed-paying the check and taking some pizza. May I note this is the second time in an episode Adrian walked out on a check.

Cut to a very fancy house! With a very ugly painting. Gorilla Boy 3 stands still as a statue, only to find another gorilla boy coming in. Gorilla Boy seems to think this is José, at least until this tiny little boy step-marches into the room like a good little stormtrooper’s boy, and immediately Gorilla Boy gets told. José climbs on the desk (WHY IS THIS SO CUTE) and we get him in close-up (WHY IS THIS SO UGLY) and he’s like SIT AND BARK LIKE A DOG, WOMAN.

Cut back to Adrian and Lucas running back down the…city stairway? Are these normal in places like South America? (I just realized this is the first piece of fictional work I have ever seen that is ostensibly set in South America. Way to go, me.) He runs just to catch up with shis walking pace, and when s/he suggests that he give it to her (perhaps as a late lunch) Lucas is like “no.” And then DRAMATIC MUSIC STARTS FOR SOME REASON.

Cut to nighttime, where the Gorilla Boys *cough* sorry, the Fixed Ideas and José are…ransacking an apartment? Is this Adrian’s? Lucas’s can’t be in that good a shape. Wait, no, it IS Lucas’s apartment! How was it repaired so fast? Eh, never mind. Meanwhile, a few floors below, Adrian is actively discouraging Lucas from getting any closer to her. (Lucas, I don’t think you’re going to score with either of them at this rate.) But of course Lucas has to be a gentleman and all.

José incriminates Lucas with his words. (I can’t quite tell if they’re going to be implicit or blatant about his Nazi heritage, but he’s still step-marching…) Also this scene is pretty well animated. They narrowly miss meeting Adrian and Lucas, who are still talking about Cybersix (wait why is Adrian going with him to his apartment) when suddenly Lucas realizes that he’s about to get his money’s worth out of his home insurance!

Adrian stares at the camera for a while, further reminding me that I despise Adrian for his inability to exist, and then leaves his apartment VERY mysteriously, saying what equates to “Give me my lunch, bitch!”

Adrian runs back into her own small apartment (which, to me, seems more like a dormitory room) mumbling to hirself that this is “all my fault” and “if I hadn’t come here…” Here, I suppose exposition begins, when Cybersix mumbles about how she has five fingers and a heart, but she’s not like them, and she doesn’t need a friend. (BURN.) Her voice is slowly getting more and more feminine. She throws the glasses away…refluffs her hair…and is now a lady.

“Or do I? He’s in danger, I have to help.”

Oooh, and we see the first hint of a personality trait – an overactive sense of justice! Anyone else see a hint of cleavage when she tears the tie off? Dear show, please do not give me a new fetish. Love, Carth.

That’s an awkward note to end upon, but, I must. Though if I finish Part 3 I’ll likely add that on.

Because I always carry vials of suspicious chemicals with me into highbrow restaurants! Just so I can bring it up with my not-date!

^You mean there are people who don't? God what is wrong with you?

Mysterious Shadow, Part 3

And we come back to this scene as…she begins undressing? Eeeehhhh. That shirt is taking a long time to fall…there is some shuffling of fabric, a VERY female silhouette, some putting on of leather and also of hat, and then she gets on the windowsill and there’s a panaround of her per the themesong and SHE IS CYBERSIX. Also, I must know, what ARE her superpowers? Because all I’ve seen so far are her super parkour skills.

Cut to the outside of Lucas’s apartmentdorm, where José is lecturing the Fixed Ideas and I can’t really hear a damned word he’s saying. Something about watching the apartment, whereupon his face gets even UGLIER. Though I love the irony that as he says “watch the apartment”, Cybersix bursts through the plywood. (Lucas, the cash just keeps on rolling.) So the FIs and Jose run off.

And now, Lucas and Cybersix have a confrontation! I love the mood of this scene…daaamn. She’s like, OUT, NOW. But then the FIs and Jose begin banging on the door, so it’s unclear where exactly Lucas will exit from. In the quiet moment before they crash through the door, Lucas hands over Six’s lunch (I guess too scared now to say no) and the standoff begins. Cybersix and Lucas versus three gorillas and a halfpint. And Cybersix throws it all to shits by revealing she has her name tattooed on her arm, which has an IMMENSE impact on young Jose.

And then it’s FIGHTIN’ time. Six pushes Lucas out of the way and starts, yes, she starts destroying his apartment again! Lucas sits in a catatonic daze as she continues to kick ass. Huh, does she actually have sideburns, or did she just shave those into her hair as part of her disguise? A FI corners Six…so Lucas beats it up. (Those things have huge chests and tiny torsos!)

Wait. Lucas did NOT just beckon him with his forefinger. He. Did. Not.

Appears he did. Anyway, Six is restrained, breaks free, digs her stilettos into a FI’s back, Lucas is about to get his ass kicked, Six looks worried…Six distracts them by running off with the vial, taunting Jose both by calling him “little boy” AND parkouring away. Wait, how did the FIs suddenly get out of the building? Unless there are about fifteen of them. Anyway, Lucas is left in a daze (a well animated daze) as Jose, Gorilla Boy, and an FI leave. Lucas says something about Lori’s homework (wait, that girl still exists?) and, like the master strategist he is, decides to go to ~the warehouse~

PARKOUR. REALLY WELL ANIMATED PARKOUR. I loved the part where the FI jumped off the table and it was animated awesomely. AND also the part where she tricked all of the FIs into falling off the roof. That’s dinner for three nights there, Sixy! No one seems to like these FIs. Not even Gorilla Boy.

Ah, counterfeit money. If these are American bills I’m going to stab someone. Money is oddly heavy. A FI leads the two men to the truck, Jose yells at an FI for not being simply muscle. Do they know any words that are not “fool”? I’m kinda getting tired of it…and then ALL OF THE GLASS BREAKS. Huh?

I don’t know if C-6 did that, but she knocks out an FI, motions to the two men to be quiet, and points to a door, allowing them to run like hell. And then – good golly this is stupid – Jose spots them, and instead of ordering the FIs after them, he runs his pintsize body after them himself, letting the FIs figure out they have to follow him. Jose must think he’s 6’2” and 250 pounds. But CYBERSIX SWOOPS IN TO SAVE THE DAY, knocking someone that actually is 6’2” and 250 pounds right onto Jose.

So Jose squeezes out alright and orders the FIs after her. They run off, except for one he trips (C: ) and tells to drive the truck. MORE PARKOUR OCCURS. Cybersix kicks some more ass, making me think that being dug into with those heels must hurt.

And for this, I have no words. Lucas’s apartment has been destroyed three times; at this rate he’d be safer in his car. EXCEPT THAT HE’S NOW USING HIS CAR AS A BATTERING RAM. More Parkour. C-6 lands near containers marked “Flammable”, meaning there will be fire. A FI fires a bazooka (WHAT), meaning there will be fire. C-6 jumps out of the way, meaning there will be FIRE.

So it turns out Lucas was far away at the time (so why the hell was he driving down the stairs?) and now he makes a beeline for the explosion. LUCAS, YOU ARE A FREAK. Somehow everyone inside has managed to survive, though the FIs don’t live much longer as Cybersix knocks their asses into the flames. Jose tries and hilariously fails to drive the car, unfortunately he is only a foot tall. C-6 jumps onto the van, only to be thrown GREAT DISTANCES by a FI and smash against the wall and still be alright. She runs up the stairs away from the fire and the FI, then unhooks a cable which leads A BAMILLION GIANT STEEL THINGS to fall on the FI. What I notice is that even though C-6 has neat parkour skills, a lot of the time she uses her wits to defeat her enemies. That’s rare in superhero shows.

Looks like Jose learned to drive after all, because the van’s gotten away. Way too much is happening at once. Even more of the factory goes boom with Six inside, Lucas is driving to the site, he and Jose swerve to avoid each other…

AND JOSE FALLS IN THE DRINK. HA, HA. TRY TO PAY FOR YOUR STRIPPERS WITH WET MONEY NOW, KID. WAIT, NO NO NO NO NO. You CANNOT open a car door underwater. Too much water pressure. Jose should have died. NO. Anyway, enough of thYOUCAN’TOPENACARDOORUNDERWATERat.

Lucas has parked and is holding his head. Cybersix comes over and…touches his shoulder in concern? Oh, what’s this? Lucas asks the normal questions, but Cybersix just smiles and pulls away. Lucas stops her, asking if he will see her again. Cybersix laughs herself to death on the inside and parkours away, practically guaranteeing the beginning of Lucas’s infatuation with her.

And now we have, um, a scary electrical castle? Whut? Someone is pissed that he has lost money and women. Clearly his existence is nothing in this world. Oooh, this bub knows C-6. Knows her a little too well, it would seem…and there’s a confusing scene where Sixy says “You can come after me, but I won’t run.”

Okay, things I want to note –

• There is crack in this city’s water supply. Or at least in the school water fountains because Lucas and the children are INSANE. I hope Cybersix does not need water or else she might die.
• The animation is gorgeous oh my god
• The sexual subtext is crazy
• Did I mention Lucas is crazy? I should.
• The writing is very unsteady
• It is indeed formulaic
• I LOVE IT

edited 21st Oct '10 9:29:57 AM by Carth

Lucas was a genetic experiment to see if it was possible to create a creature with absolutely zero self-preservation instinct. That's my only guess.

^ As well as a conditional sense of humor and a fairly translucent closet.

Episode 2 will come on Friday, as I have to finish up my Penny Arcade liveblog tomorrow...

Data 7 and Julian, Part 1

If there was any delay in this, it’s because I’ve been watching the theme music over and over. Just…love it, so much. It speaks to the emotional depths the show also speaks to. Ohdamn.

But on to the actual show! We see the title screen…oh my, back to the creepy castle! Call it a hunch, but I think the villain might live here. Looks like we’re back in El Nosio’s lair of freakish creatures! Does Beaky here do anything but sit, stare, and look foreboding? Likely not. “Data 7, watch this.” Oh, now Beaky has a panther? A panther that LISTENS to him? Huh. Evil. Beaky brings up a picture on his screen, a picture of…two very young boys? Looks like it. The taller boy is made larger on the screen, and Data 7’s eyes narrow…and then widen. This panther is smarter than he looks.

Then, we see some confusing imagery. What looks like a poinsettia shatters, and we see what looks like that boy reaching out for a camera that is slowly falling down a cliff...huh. Then Beaky rapid-ages the picture, and, whoops, it’s not only actually a girl, but also Lady Cybersix, as Beaky points out. Beaky pats Data 7 on the head, revealing a bit of a scar on his head, and tells him to destroy Cybersix. He roars, looking awesomely like the Thundercats logo.

And we get a scary pan of the castle. Woah, and I just realized that aged-up picture of her was naked.

The creepy moon fades to day and happier music! We see a lovely domed building, then the rather austere inside, and…oh, it’s an apartment building? With boarded up rooms? This does not bode well. Cut to…a red-headed little child getting dressed in this horrible looking room? Alone? Why are my heartstrings tugged? He looks out the window, taking in this BEAUTIFUL city. With a closer look we see that this boy has the oddest hair in the known universe, and also not very many teeth. He starts as we hear floorboards creak.

We see the ugliest man I have ever seen on this show, who yells at him to get to work in a voice that reminds me unpleasantly of Popeye, and then coughs. Why? Illness? Smoking? And with the next sentence out of Sick Man’s mouth, I want to punch him in the face, because I am reminded of the Oliver Twist situation. He exits the building, which is now in TERRIBLE disrepair as we see (it’s weird how it looks more and more shabby as time goes on).

Now we see a lovely open-air market! So many designs. Now we see the young boy busy at his craft. It’s really super-saddening, the sort of pickpocket situation he’s in, though I know this is probably the best of these situations. Looks like he seems to want to get work with this fellow he knows in order to avoid having to pickpocket. And it looks like his name is Julian! Why do I smell an annoying sidekick? D8

And now, uh, we see Sick Man walking in on a very ugly man yelling into a phone about how someone has NO CHOICE. He hand’s “yesterday’s take” in (oh petty crime) and walks off through a loud hallway. He runs into – oh, hi Jose. And friends. They march by Sick Man with nary a word, leaving him with a “durr” on his face. Meanwhile, Ugly Man finishes his phone call, just in time for Jose and friends to smash through his wall for no other reason than to be awesome. Ugly Man is like “huh” and Jose is like YOU WORK FOR ME, BITCH and Ugly Man is like LOLNO and an FI picks him up with a pinky finger and then Ugly Man wets his pants.

Meanwhile, back on the streets (so…much…subplot…) Julian is sitting on a building, debating his next course of action, when Sick Man decides to come along and be an asshole by reminding him that he’s slacking off. Julian says that “nothing’s happening”, followed by an order to make it happen. Sick Man is a bitch. Julian wants to eat, Sick Man is like NO, so Julian runs off to score him some wallets.

And now we see a street scene…and who are these finely dressed young men (or man and shemale) walking along? Why, they are the A-plot, of course! This bit about Lucas taking Adrian to a bookstore makes me giggle, a lot. For one, I couldn’t see Lucas anywhere near a book by his own volition. For two, Adrian quotes The Tempest off the top of shis head, knowing full well that Lucas would not get the reference. My best guess is that Cybersix (where did she pick up Shakespeare, by the way?) is just totally flirting by now and not realizing it. Lucas gets kinda mumbly, too… They stop, Lucas leans in close for no reason, and tells Adrian to let him think. (I’m sorry I’m a shameless fangirl for this). Adrian is done taking him seriously and begins to quote again…

Cut to Julian, who is waiting in the shadows for WALLETS. He sees Adrian and Lucas in their nice attire (wow, what fantastic targets…not) and bumps into them, nabbing Adrian’s wallet. He apologizes for bumping into them, not appearing very enthusiastic, and they all walk on. Just a few steps later Adrian realizes shis wallet is missing. (Funny bit here – s/he checks both shis pockets AND down shis shirt. Dear, he stole your wallet, not your boobs. Your boobs are still intact.) Lucas, being the thick-skulled lad he always is, doesn’t even think before running off after Julian.

Adrian just PRETENDS to match Lucas’s speed, then ducks into an alleyway, making sure she is unseen, then (this is the coolest thing ever) utilizes her superior parkour skills to parkour her way across the city (THIS IS SO AWESOME). Across the city, Julian has ducked into an alley, and is just taking a breath. He reaches into the wallet, finding not only a shitton of money…but the same photo that Beaky had, of bitty Cybersix and another boy. (Have you figured it out yet?) Julian’s like “durr…picture.”

Adrian parkours down from the rooftop, looking quite the handsome bent gender I must say, and grabs him by the shoulder. Julian tries to get away, but Adrian reassures him that he will not be hurt. Lucas comes by just a second later (hah, Cybersix beat him!), looking very exhausted (hah, Cybersix hasn’t broken a sweat, and actually seems surprised that he has). Lucas says “I’ll live,” once again surprising me with his one-liners.

Lucas then feels obliged to lecture Julian about taking peoples’ belongings, which I’m sure he knows FULL well. Julian gives the wallet back without a word. Adrian reaches inside, totally ignores the money, and takes out the picture, looking at it with faraway eyes. How very interesting… Then, s/he pockets the picture and…gives Julian the wallet?! What a sweetie! Lucas is like “you’re an idiot” and Julian is like “8D”. He walks away a little, then tosses the wallet back.

Then Part 1 ends. It is still technically Friday, but, more tomorrow. This episode has a long intro.

I randomly downloaded this show and watched it over the summer. It was surprisingly decent.

And yeah, the bad guys are so evil they grow mentally handicapped men in vats and abuse them verbally.

THIS SHOW IS SO SILLY

Though I imagine Adrisix is not checking the state of her boobs, but Victoria's Secret Compartment.

^^ Wait a minute, that IS super evil. The fiends!

^ IT IS. I am quite a fan of silly shows with good premises. And also, that's a reasonable suggestion, considering she uses it in Part 2 here. Though I think s/he would notice if Julian reached in there...

Data 7 and Julian, Part 2

When we last left our heroes, they were out playing catch with Adrian’s wallet. Julian tells him “thanks anyway” and runs off. Lucas gives Adrian a look of intense disapproval, but Adrian scoffs him, telling him he has no idea what it’s like to be alone. Lucas says, “oh, so you’re the expert?” And Cybersix dies a little on the inside. Adrian shows clear compassion for the boy, and when Lucas tries to tell him off, Adrian rejects him cold. (Dayum boi.) Lucas runs off, butthurt.

Have I ever mentioned the way arm hair is drawn in this show? REALLY WEIRDLY, THAT’S HOW. Anyway, we see some faceless mooks counting a whole lot of money. These no-namers are also visited by Jose and his fellows (Heehee, Jose’s wearing old man pants). Jose tosses off another similar line. I’m kind of getting tired of him already. Then we see the same thing happening again and again (but with different fellows able to talk?)

We then cut to a map, where Sudden Mook explains that they control every house of ill repute in town. Jose heartily approves, and tries to place a pin in the map, but he’s too short. :3 We also see for the first time that the port town is called Meridiana. I seem to recall it was based on Buenos Aires. Not one to ask for help, he calls a FI over and stands on his back. LOL. Then he’s like “I’M GONNA RULE THE UNDERWORLD”. Yep. Cause that’s such an achievement, kid.

And then a panther shows up. ‘Sup, panther. What’s really funny here is that both the FI and Jose are SHIT TERRIFED of him. x3 The panther saunters his way through the crowd, getting to Jose. He says, “they sent YOU?” Whereupon Data 7 growls. Jose tells him off. Yep, because he was so close to killing Cybersix in the time he WASN’T bullying petty criminals. Data 7 puts him in his place, leading Jose to use that trite “nice kitty” line. So Data 7 roars again, looking threatening.

Fade back to the street, where people go about their business. Data 7 parkours (!) across the rooftops, looking. He looks…searches…he finds the market. Cut to the market, and we’re back to the Julian subplot. He’s walking forlornly through the city, trying to equate in his tiny mind the clash between his wonderfully iron morals and his downtrodden state. Adrian follows at a close distance. In five years s/he could be arrested for this sort of thing. Julian is so determined to stare at the ground that he knocks right into a matronly woman, causing her to spill her apples. Like a sweetie, he helps her pick them up, morals winning over food once again. I cannot decide if this is stupid or an example for all of us that have enough to eat.

Meanwhile, Data 7 looks at another market scene, and sees the cutest little girl in the entire world (though at this rate of gender confusion she’s probably a boy) holding a bunch of the same flowers we saw disintegrating in Data 7’s flashback. This triggers another flashback of the cliff. (Really, have you figured it out yet?) Data 7 roars a little, and shakes his head. And as it turns out it actually is a girl. Phew. She’s given a name, Maria, which gives me an idea that she might be a character for maybe two minutes.

Julian’s managed to get away, when…a wallet falls out of Maria’s mother’s pocket! Moral temptation strikes again! Julian looks around – the mother is out of sight. I suppose the introduction of Maria and her mother was supposed to give us an iota of sympathy for them. Meanwhile, Adrian is…distracted, looking at another vendor? Huh. Oh, cool, s/he has Scary Shiny Glasses! Wait, sike, s/he’s only hiding behind the scary shiny glasses in order to look sideways at Julian, concerned. For someone that doesn’t need friends, C-6 gains a moral bent pretty quickly. I guess because this show was ostensibly meant for children.

Julian practically drives himself mad deciding what to do, and all I can think is that he needs a haircut. Finally, he returns the wallet again, eliciting a kind response. Cute little Maria takes the wallet and he gets a cheek-kiss. Forget what I said before, the wallet was totally worth it. Adrian watches the boy, and Data 7 just watches the scene. (Someone do something, please?) His eyes narrow on Maria, who slowly, in the course of his mental distortion, becomes wee Cybersix, who I must mention was also a very cute child (with a rather acute case of She Is All Grown Up) Her smile in the picture flashes before his eyes, and we see the flower dissolve again…for some reason.

And we get the cliff AGAIN…but then we get a heartrate monitor, and Beaky standing over him…looks like this’ll be a difficult fight for Data 7. Still, he growls, trying to shake out the thoughts (D8) while Data 7 walks away. Whether he’s stalking Cybersix or Maria, I do not know. Meanwhile, Julian skips off and slides down a banister, looking too happy that he has discovered what a girl is. He’s so happy that HE starts doing some parkour, walking on his hands on a banister in an abandoned alleyway. It’s the classic alleyway scene, but better animated.

He then slips and falls on his ass. Heehee. Wait, cut the laughter, Sick Man is here! He tells Julian off for having fun, and harasses him for wallets again. Julian tells him there was no luck, but Sick Man knows better – it looks like Julian’s had moral conundrums before. Julian proudly declares that he’s returned wallets, even ones he didn’t steal! Not only that, but he quits! (I dunno, kid…) Sick Man tells him basically “NO U” and starts kicking him down the street. Because Sick Man is at least ten times his size.

Adrian seems to have caught Lucas’s following bug, and he is now following Sick Man and Julian. S/he also suddenly knows Julian’s name. The sun sets as Sick Man and Julian walk along – one wonders why, as a quick little pickpocket, Julian doesn’t just run away. Still, we’re back at the decrepit dome. But it looks like other business is going down! Ugly Man has given Jose the dome for his headquarters. Jose is sitting in a comfy chair, looking patronizing, but walks around and eventually likes it. (I wonder what this place once was. Definitely not an apartment building…looks like some sort of governmental hall or something.)

But, Sick Man and Julian interrupt the party, and Sick Man’s like “what the hell”. A Talking Mook announces that the place is Jose’s. Jose just stands there and looks intimidating. Sick Man objects, and Ugly Man puts him in his place. Jose gives a self-aggradizing speech again, allowing Adrian, who has again caught up, to immediately identify him. Then, he sees Julian, and immediately identifies WITH him as she gets her own flashback.

We see Cybersix and a boy skipping happily through the jungle, holding hands and being cute wait a minute why are they playing so close to a cliff. No, no, no no no. They are not this stupid. They are NOT going to go get that flower down there. We then see another flashback (?), where Cybersix is a lady again, and identifies the missing boy as “Twenty-nine,” saying she misses him. That’s- that’s sad. And also terrifying because you REALLY should have figured out by now what’s coming.

Cybersix places the picture in her Victoria's Secret Compartment (huh, so that was a reasonable place for her to look) looks in the mirror (good golly does her hair look funny without her hat), beating herself up for letting him down…but she won’t let Julian down. Ah, Freudian guilt! Now, is this a flash-back or flash-forward, I cannot tell. But C-6 is wearing lipstick now and Adrian wasn’t. So Adrian just abandoned the scene? Uh…weird.

It is night now, and Cybersix parkours over to the dome. She looks inside a broken dome, where – HUH? – a female FI in a maid outfit, no, several female FI in maid outfits – HUH? – slide by with trays of food. C-6 decides they’re too creepy to cross and goes in the roof. But Data 7 is outside waiting for her…

Inside. Cybersix runs through the decrepit halls, looking to be a hero. A door opens, she hides, and she sees some FI carrying a box out. Over in the auditorium, she sees they’re stockpiling HEAVY ARTILLERY. She runs through the seating area. Cut to Data 7, who has come in another way, who then startles a FI maid. We hear some commotion, as the female FI says “But there’s a huge cat!” and Jose says, “Good, make it get rid of the huge rat!”

…wait why was Jose back there

edited 23rd Oct '10 5:18:25 AM by Carth

Cybersix is fucking awesome and don't anyone ever say different!

Fuck yeah giant eyeballs and evil circuses and le parkour and crossdressing heroes and Nazi scientists and superintelligent panthers and love triangles and birds and malevolent masked mooks and kicking ass in stilletos.

The only thing I didn't like in that was the ending. Might be biased however, since it was my first ever encounter with a Really Dead Montage...

I DECIDED I MUST SEE THE LUDICROUSNESS FOR MYSELF

Observations!:

• OH MY GOD. IT'S THAT DUDE. One person I used to know had tons of avatars of Adrian and I was like "who is that dude he looks like he is from a cheesy 80's anime!" Well I was only a decade and several countries off! Aaaand I still think he/she is kind of unnervingly cute.
• LUCAS YOU ARE PRETENDING TO HAVE A CRUSH ON CYBERSIX, IT ISN'T WORKING we all know you have the hots for Adrian.
• Something is very, very wrong with Jose's head. It looks like he's got horrible chunks the barber left over on his head, or some moles!
• That cape is five times the size of her body

edited 23rd Oct '10 12:34:21 PM by FreezairForALimitedTime

@Ronka 87 - Yep, that's what I think! Rough around the edges to be sure, but loads of fun!

@Freezair - I shall comment on your observations.

• You hadn't seen it yet? Well I'm happy I introduced you to something awesome, it's a great feeling.
• S/he DOES look like a cheesy 80s anime boy! And s/he IS unnervingly cute. And I'm almost to the point of not caring that s/he is a woman, because s/he doesn't actually exist anyway. And if you're still looking for avatars I found an LJ comm full of em - http://community.livejournal.com/cyber6 (scroll down a tad)
• YUP, ABSOLUTELY AGREED. Shall we fangirl together?
• I think that's just how he's drawn. Have you noticed what we're supposed to think is arm hair? What is that stuff
• holy crap it is

Data 7 and Julian, Part 3

We return to find Jose and the other men busy at dinner, including Sick Man but excluding Julian. Jose declares that this will be their weapons space, and (I think they’re called Technos in the comics?) the Techno agrees. Julian watches up top, all alone, and then returns to his room to stare forlornly out the window. 8[

But what’s this? Cybersix has come to save the day! Julian asks who she is, predictably, but C-6 has no time to dally – he has to get out. Julian breaks all our hearts by telling us he has nowhere else to go. He then asks how she knows his name – something I’d like to know as well, really. Unfortunately C-6 decides to go the omnipresent mysterious superhero route instead of explaining anything, but offers to help him escape.

Then Julian breaks my heart AGAIN by going all cynical and jaded on me. But C-6 will have no truck with tha-panther. Panther on the balcony. C-6 goes out on the other side of the balcony and watches all the ugly people et. Some of that food is bigger than Jose is. xD She turns back around to find a panther. Uh oh.

The panther ignores Julian and leaps for her, knocking them both off the balcony. They then have a fight. Data 7 leaps for her, she parkours away and decides to crash the dinner party instead. Crash! It’s a pun. C: Data 7 crashes after her, and they parkour after each other as Julian runs in and…everyone else does nothing apparently. Data 7 slices at C-6’s hat as he flies by her, then pounces off the wall back at her and knocks her into the wall. Julian, like an idiot, seems to think Sick Man is the source of the problem. Nope, kid, nope.

C-6 and Data 7 continue to fly off after each other, with Data 7 tearing everything he touches to shreds, including solid rock. Dayum! The chandelier falling was pretty cool. Jose then starts swinging a fish around (?) and yells for “cat” to kill her. It always feels weird to hear that word in cartoons. Julian (too many J words!) objects, saying this isn’t fair, but Jose brushes him off. C-6 swings by, nearly knocking Jose over, and Data 7 destroys the table, sending the mooks running.

They continue to have a neat fight all over the place, Jose’s high on adrenaline, and Julian runs off to…do something? The acrobatics here are AWESOME oh my god. Eventually, C-6 kicks Data 7 in the stomach, sending him falling, but being a kitty he lands on his feet. They both appear tired. (I guess C-6 was okay on Sustenance for the day?) Julian keeps running, then jumps onto a girder which hangs above the fight. (Why are you up there, again?)

Wait, you’re up there because it’s ACTUALLY a good idea? What are you? As Data and Cyber circle each other, Julian unties a rope, sending metal and stuff flying everywhere. Great job, kid! Data still manages to dodge all of it (D8!) and pounces on C-6. He roars and reaches in for the finishing move, but Cybersix blocks his mouth and –

Now I am in awe. Julian isn’t totally redeemed from his cliché hole yet, but he DID just swing down on a hook and actually truly save Cybersix’s life, so he gets MAJOR brownie points! He then gets swung over a girder and has to cling for dear life from a curtain, but he STILL helped! He falls from the curtain, giving Cybersix a flashback of 29 falling from his cliff (;____;) and, at lightning speed, she catches him! 8D! And Freudian guilt saves the day!

But, uh, here’s the panther. And here’s Jose being a little ass. Tense moment…then the tension is gone, and he swipes at her, causing her to lose her grip. She regains it…but the photo falls out oh my god. The panther stops, and as Cybersix and Julian stand there ABOUT TO DIE, he looks at the photo…

…and then sees Cybersix’s name tattooed on her arm. (Wasn’t it on her other arm? Maybe it’s on both arms.) And then things get crazy. He remembers picking a flower. You should know by now he’s Cyber-29. Then the face of the girl and of Cybersix melt together…he roars…the metal thing breaks…

AND HE GOES AND SAVES THE KID. YES! They all go down to the arena area. Data 7 puts Julian down, who, as confused as I am not, goes and hides behind Cybersix. The photo lands at Data’s feet, and he swipes it back to her. She catches it, still not looking happy with this creature that tried to kill her…but then notices that 29’s head is slashed. She looks up at Data 7, and shit hits the fan. Cause there it is, the lobotomy scar.

She asks if the panther is 29, and he nods as panthers are ought to do. (Apparently he can’t talk.) Cybersix’s eyes tear up – her brother is back! – then Jose has to go and be an asshole by jumping up and down and demanding bloodshed. Data 7 is like “screw you, I’m a panther”, and roars at him in a Thundercats way again, scaring him off his perch.

Then the FI fire HEAVY ARTILLERY at them? DAMN. Cybersix grabs Julian and they are out. Jose is about to be crushed by a boulder, but Data 7…saves him? Huh? Weird. Then he jumps away. Then a lot happens at once. The FI are confused. A flaming curtain falls onto the entire stockpile of artillery. And, to make a long story short, the entire company is able to get away before the building explodes.

And now there’s a flaming abandoned wreck in the middle of the city. How charming. But Cybersix and her entourage are far away and safe, and I couldn’t be happier! Cybersix gives Data 7 a hug, overjoyed to have family again, and Data 7 licks her, in a way that says “yeah I’m a panther but I’m the happiest panther in the world.” I think I’ll interpret his hypothetical dialogue from now on. There’s another, now more complete and sadder cliff flashback, ending with a flashback to the brain transplant. Beaky pets the thing under the sheet, calling him “one of my finest creations” and giving him a random name. Creepy.

Now it’s daytime again. (Adrian Sidelman, don’t you have a class to teach?). Julian thanks Cybersix, who says that “a promise is a promise.” Data 7 just stands and stares, being all “I hope my sister’s bed is comfy because there’s no way she’s ever sleeping on it again.”

And so they’re all sweetly looking out into the sunset. How nice.

But, uh…

• What’s going to happen to Julian now? He’s not only destitute now, he’s homeless. Where are you going to keep him, Cybersix? Your apartment that you never let anyone into because it’s where gender hijinks occur?
• But I’m sure that’ll be resolved next episode. Anyway, this episode does serve to flesh out some side characters, which of course will be needed in later episodes, but the divergence from the first episode’s setting was a bit jarring
• It also took forever
• Great pacing and setup with the whole Cyber 29 plot
• Baby Cybersix is SO CUTE
• Beaky’s an asshole
• I wonder where Lucas ran off to
• I don’t like Jose much either
• BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW

edited 23rd Oct '10 12:59:02 PM by Carth

Ahh, yeah, I remember watching this show back in the day. It has been a while, though, perhaps I should view it again sometime to remember all the kick-ass fight scenes.

Does have a bit of a problem with not explaining a whole lot, though one could say there is an awful lot to explain that would bog down the show.

If I recall, wasn't Jose actually a clone of Von Reichter, genetically modified to always be a child to keep him subservient? (I don't think they ever really explain this in the show, so I'm pretty sure it isn't spoilers.)

Cybersix is gonna need to buy one heck of a scratching post.

^^ That would totally make sense. I cannot imagine a child as vile as Jose...

^ D-7 doesn't seem to live with her. Where he lives, I do not know.

Terra, Part 1

When I first saw this episode title, I died a little inside, because Terra makes me think of, well, Terra. It can’t be the same situation, can it? I mean, this story was probably written an average of a decade before the Teen Titans story…enough guessing, let’s move into the episode.

And, um, there’s the castle again! Now it’s raining. And thundering. Because Von Reichter – you know what, I’m just gonna call him Von Beaky – is evil like that. Slow zoom on his EVIL front hallway, with gargoyles and evil pictures and all that fun stuff. Then another unexplained panaround of animals in jars – please, camera, stop doing this. Anyway, Von Beaky appears to be doing something with a large machine. A large, electrical machine, with lots of sparkies…

Von Beaky, looking very evil with his evil monocle, pushes an evil dial and pulls TWO evil levers. The Sustenance (?) in the tank bubbles, then disappears. Von Beaky helpfully informs us that he is creating a new creature, and that it is called Terra. Now I am conditioned to think that Terra is a blonde teenage girl. Instead…it appears to be a tiny gob of slime that looks like that giant gob of slime from the theme song. He tells it to VANQUISH Cybersix, upon which it’s like “nah” and vanquishes the screen instead.

The Terra slides off, and now we see a bright, sunny country house! There is a voiceover that explains that Terra is made from the “mud of the first sea on earth” (eh?) and it needs “Jose’s brain” (eeehhh?) to function. Jose tosses off a one liner about how great he is, and enters this mind-rape thing he appears to be in fearlessly. A FI turns some more levers of the nightmarish contraption he’s hooked up to, and electricity starts flowing. LOL, HE’S IN LOTS OF PAIN. I hate him so much.

This electricity, in a burst of realistic technology, hits the mud, and…it begins to turn into something humanoid. (Brain does not mean form, guys! Remember Data 7?) The FI opens the canister, and…an exhausted Jose falls out. LOL. Not so strong, are you? Except you are, because you slapped him right off. Is it just me, or is Jose’s skintone off? Then, Jose says the most awkward line in history – you must watch this in all its glory, really – and stumbles over to the cage where the mud once lay.

And there’s Terra…a puke-colored clone of Jose. He looks…faintly confused. Actually, kind of stupid. So Jose looks appalled. He’s like DO SOMETHING, but Terra cannot do what he wants, so he proceeds to insult his looks (girl, he looks like you, haven’t you remembered?). Wait, now I feel super sorry for Terra! The FI giggle, but are silenced with a look from Jose. (One holds his hand over his mouth in a “oh no you di’int way” x3)

Jose the brat wants Terra to be BIGGER (oh no no no no no) so he hooks a FI up to the system. No. FIVE FI. Jose has height issues and he’s projecting them on poor Terra! Definite height issues, as he’s standing on a stool to do all this. We have a repeat of what happened to Jose, with more lever pushing and FIs screaming and Terra being all mishmashed (how was this allowed on TV) Jose’s like TERRA YOU WILL BE SHIT SCARY.

Fast cut to…the high school! Look at all these stock characters! But my heart skips a beat because yay we’re back to the school and the school means…ADRIAN~ In a sweater vest, no less! I do hope you’re wearing a bra under that, dear. He looks around a little, then wanders into Lucas’s classroom, where he is playing around with a test tube. He asks what he’s doing, and he says, pretty confidently, that he is ~experimenting~. (I have never seen a science teacher so dedicated to their subject!) Adrian, ignoring basic lab safety, peers right at all the bubblies.

OHO, HERE IT IS, HO YAY MOMENT OF THE CENTURY. Lucas randomly invites Adrian to go see a movie. Adrian, dumb as bricks, agrees, asking what it is. Lucas says, “durr, the romance.” Adrian’s like “uuuuhhhh yeah no”. I wonder if she knows what’s up… 8] Lucas takes the rejection pretty well, saying, “maybe next time.” And Adrian looks…disappointed. Maybe this is foreshadowing Cybersix’s feelings, but MAN does it look suspect for Lucas~!

And we cut to wait what is this now Adrian is NAKED. Or, you know, wearing his glasses and hairstyle in her outfit. She says “So, Lucas likes romance movies,” and whips the glasses off. Oooh, Sixy, what you be doin’? Oh, I see what you be doin, you be doin sittin forlornly on the windowsill! How…not cold and heartless!

Must not sing. Must not sing. Must not THERE’S A TIME WHEN THE MOON REVEALS ITS FACE THROUGH THE sing. And then she’s like “man I want a piece of that naughty candy.” I mean, not in those words, but you get the idea. How did she sprout lipstick, by the way?

But that’s enough of that, because we have to check back up on Terra! OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE FIs. The FI that kept its bulk is asleep. Terra thankfully does not look like a monster gorilla man, but instead like a GIANT blob, a blob that has just burst from its moorings. No one reacts, and Terra escapes. Aww, Terra’s kind of cute in a blobby way!

I have to say, that romance movie has the STUPIDEST NAME I have ever done seen. Fail, C-6 writing staff, fail. Now this is where things get crazy, or at least I think they’ll get crazy. Because Lucas is here to see this cheesy movie, in his overcoat, alone. Everyone else here is couples, and from the look of it they’re not here to see the movie’s love interest. Don’t you wish you had a lady to make out with in the back of the theater, Lucas? Or, you know, some nice man (or tranny) candy to awkwardly look at for half of the movie and then finally beg to at least hold hands with? Aww, but then there’s a girl there with her mum- WAIT LUCAS NO. Stay away from the single lady. If you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it…in ten years.

Anyway, back to Terra’s plot. Jose returns from the LONGEST bathroom break of his life to find that he is walking on, walking on broken glass. He yells WHAT HAPPENED HERE, when clearly Terra broke out of his cage and escaped. He bops the FI on the head, is like MAKE ME NOT NAKED and then things happen.

Anyway, back to this somewhat distressing movie scene! A couple walks off, arm in arm, further reminding us of Cybersix’s lack of naughty candy. She looks so sad and lonely…but thankfully, Data 7 has come out of his mysterious hiding place to comfort his sister! He cuddles with her, being all, “men suck, let’s go climb some trees.”

But what is this? C-6 is looking at the ~dress selection~. To be fair she’d look lovely in any and all of those. Which she thinks too, looking all messed up with her hair disheveled. Data 7 growls, as if to say “oh no sis you are not going into a dream sequence on me,” but C-6 does not listen, and dream sequence it is! She looks pretty, he looks dapper, they dance, it’s cute.

Cut back to Lucas, who is waiting in line, being lonely, when this cute little girl gives him a lollipop! What is it with heartwarming random girls in this series? But things get a little weird, and perhaps not as romantic, when Lucas spots some ripples under the sidewalk. Terra sprouts underneath the little girl, so Lucas lifts her away, but to no avail, as Terra rips out from under the sidewalk, pushes Lucas away, engulfs the girl and her mother –

Cut back to Cybersix’s dream sequence? Cyber, dear, you are distracted~ And then kissing…does not happen. C-6 snaps back to reality, perhaps blushing at the thought of such weakness – or, you know, embarrassed that she totally ignored the screaming! She gets right back on task, and hops off with Data 7, who is like “dammit woman I thought I missed the hormonal stage of your life”

Terra, he is going crazy! Now, I have to do this now… I am the Great Mighty Poo and I’m going to throw my *splurt* at you! … okay that’s enough. Lucas stands to the side of all the chaos, confused, before noticing that the mud has a face…a creepy, creepy face. And then it forms feet…and then it’s person-shaped. This person is still holding the girl and her mother, and walks off. Ohshitohshitohshit.

The mother screams, and it’s REALLY well animated! Lucas looks around for a way to be a hero, but cannot seem to find one. Ineffectively smashing a metal thing into Terra’s leg seems only to annoy him. So, he swipes his whole head a him, missing, then smiles a creepy smile. Lucas throws the thing at Terra. Terra catches it (8O!) and studies it, allowing Lucas enough time to throw another one…

And Part 1 is over. Not much has happened yet, but I hope you enjoyed this! Here’s hoping that Lucas and C-6 each find themselves some naughty candy.

edited 25th Oct '10 8:16:55 PM by Carth

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A SLASHY HETEROSEXUAL COUPLE IN MY ENIRE LIFE

I wonder if Doktor von Beaky knows that the mud of the first sea on Earth would not be very useful, since it still took like a literal billion years for little life-squirmies to appear.

I mean, this story was probably written an average of a decade before the Teen Titans story…

Well, Terra's story in the cartoon was based on a 1980's plot from the comics—Judas Contract or something like that. So I guess it could've been a reference, but the way this is shaping out it doesn't appear to be.

Man, I'm loving this so far. I think I might have to track down this series and watch it, it sounds awesome.

^ It IS awesome. These descriptions are good, but just reading you miss out on the stunning animation, the funky character designs, the gorgeous music, the great voices (Cybersix and Adrian sound different! And Jose is hilarious), and the action/pacing. It's quite artful and totally amazing.