Gallant and Goofus

Goofus's car is such a mess that he is forced to steal other people's cars to get anywhere.

Gallant is a good guy despite being an Eldritch Abomination.

Goofus is horribly evil despite being a cute, tiny kitten.

Gallant invest in clean energy.

Goofus invests in the fuel Ozone Layer B-Gone, made of 100% chlorofluorocarbons.

Saint Gallant the monk spends his days helping the poor and sick, and his evenings meditating amongst his animal friends.

Goofus is a televangelist who doesn't even believe in the things he's preaching and instead just wants money.

Gallant joined the Peace Corps.

Isn't that all televangelists?

Goofus is a mercenary, fighting for the highest bidder.

Gallant ignores when people call him a goody two shoes brown noser.

Goofus violently murders anyone that calls him a dangerous psychopath.

Gallant gets his dad an amazing gift for Father's Day.

Goofus gets his father the exact same tie every year and later steals it from his father so he can give it again.

Gallant never uses text-speak.

Gfs tlks lik dis al d tim evn n rl (RT if u lol ever tim)

Gallant doesn't want to be an American Idiot.

Goofus is a Basket Case

Gallant makes sure to follow instructions when assembling something.

Goofus always messes up the instructions and gets his junk caught in a fan.

Gallant reads his kids bedtime stories.

You do not even want to know what Goofus would do with his children... if he had any. Which he does not thankfully.

Gallant didn't just save the earth, he also saved Mars.

Goofus was the one that put both in danger in the first place.

Gallant is careful not to break his mother's fine china.

Goofus uses his mother's china as target practice.

Gallant has a great Big Brother Instinct and looks out for his little brother.

Goofus ate his little brother.

Gallant only eats meat from animals that were raised humanely.

Goofus not only sets out to find the most inhumanely raised meat possible, but takes perverse joy in hiding it in meals for his vegetarian/vegan guests.

Gallant practices before each test.

Goofus wings it and fails.

Gallant the fanfiction writer doesn't write smut fics involving underage characters.

Goofus the fanfiction writer doesn't stop there, he also incorporates fetishes that /b/ finds far too much.

Gallant makes sure to eat his greens everyday.

Goofus has never eaten anything other then deep fried food.

Gallant is good at math and helps other kids learn it.

Goofus sucks at math and knows it, but tutors unsuspecting kids anyway so he can spread the failure around.

After persuading Satan to reconcile with God, Gallant has Hell brought above ground and converted into affordable housing.

Goofus takes control of all the damned souls that were living there and creates a new Hell on Earth.

Gallant is a respectful, quiet, clean roommate.

Goofus is The Pig-Pen.

Gallant doesn't like Shaq Fu, but doesn't think it's as bad as everyone says.

Goofus is the one who created and programmed Shaq Fu.

Gallant does not send texts that consist of more emojis then text.

Goofus' texts require a U.N. translator.

Gallant doesn't send his crew on assignments that he wouldn't do himself.

Goofus keeps a list of crew who've done things such as take the last dessert in the cafeteria just before him, and sends them on what turn out to be suicide missions.

Gallant Games releases all come with comprehensive tutorials, extensive in-game help and companion wikis.

Goofus Games all come with the same help file. "Figure it out, crap brain."

Gallant sees his doctor regularly.