Wise Man, Foolish Man, Mad Man

So, this is quite simple: It's a sort of variant of Gallant and Goofus, where the first poster provides a scenario, and TNP provides three answers:

• Wise Man: How to do it the right way/The "wisest" move to make
• Foolish Man: How to do it the wrong way/The "dumbest" move to make
• Mad Man: A way to do it that's so outside the box it's either completely stupid or crazy enough to work/The "weirdest" move to make

I'll start.

Opening a pickle jar.

Wise Man: Opens it with his hands.

Foolish Man: Smashes it on his head.

Mad Man: Sticks a crowbar under the lid and jumps on it until the lid is dislodged.

Exercising.

Wise Man: Buys a reasonably priced gym membership and uses it regularly.

Foolish Man: Buys the most expensive gym membership he can and never uses it.

Mad Man: Runs around screaming and flapping his arms for two hours every day.

You forgot to put a scenario, so here:

Going to the beach.

Wise Man: Carefully picks what beach he's going to and packs what he'll need.

Foolish Man: Decides to go to the beach on a whim without bringing anything that he'll need.

Mad Man: Decides what beach to go through by throwing darts at a map.

Saving the world.

Wise Man: Analyze the situation, come up with backbone of a plan, expect the unexpected.

Fool: Suggest moving the world away from the danger.

Madman: Successfully pull off fool's suggestion.

Cooking scrambled eggs.

Wise Man: Scrambles the eggs with a whisk. The eggs are in a pan.

Foolish Man: Scrambles the eggs with a broken pole. The eggs are in a bowl.

Mad Man: Scrambles the eggs by putting the eggs, a whisk, and a lit match in a blender.

Wise Man: Set the eggs down, being careful not to break them.

Foolish Man: Drop the eggs from two feet above the pan.

Mad Man: Use a cannon to hurl the eggs into the pan.

Writing an essay.

• Wise Man: Research what they're writing about beforehand and write efficiently.
• Foolish Man: Cram the research, planning, and writing into an hour of work.
• Mad Man: Write the essay, then do the research and correct their mistakes.

Buying groceries.

Edited by DefRevenge24601 on Dec 9th 2018 at 8:51:09 AM

Wise Man: Taking advantage of the coupons to buy the most efficiently.

Foolish Man: Buying everything that they want instead of what they need.

Mad Man: Buying the grocery store.

Investigating a murder.

Wise Man: Study all the pieces of evidence in order to come to a logical conclusion.

Foolish Man: Point at the nearest bystander and say they did it.

Mad Man: Go back in time to kill the person, then confess to make the investigation easier.

———————————

Summoning Cthulhu.

Wise Man: Calls the SCP Foundation if anything goes wrong. Follows instruction from an occult book.

Foolish Man: Tries to call him on the phone by searching it on Google.

Mad Man: Tries every combination of Latin words possible until it works.

Riding a bike.

Edited by SuperNerd on Dec 10th 2018 at 7:31:49 AM

Wise: Wears helmet, uses hand signals to indicate turning, and advocates for infrastructure improvement to better accommodate cyclists.

Foolish: Cycles completely unprotected and in the middle of a busy highway. His picture is on the Wise Man's protest sign as a reason for why they need better infrastructure.

Mad: Uses a tricycle as a unicycle, riding it backwards and using the training wheels of his bicycle to steer. Has a surprisingly well-thought out proposal for cycling infrastructure.

Teaching.

Wise Man: Uses varied methods so everyone can learn.

Foolish Man: Thinks everyone learns the same way and uses a single method for every student.

Mad Man: Takes out the kid into a road trip with a Monster Truck and sets fire to everything to teach about enviromental topics.

Caring for a Sulcata Tortoise

Wise Man: Does his research beforehand, and makes sure he has everything he needs for his new friend.

Foolish Man: Assumes it's the same as caring for a dog.

Mad Man: Already has several pet Sulcata Tortoises, so he knows exactly what he's doing.

Wise Man: Puts the coffee grounds in the coffee pot, boiling it, then drinking it.

Fool: Puts the coffee grounds in the microwave.

Mad Man: Smokes the coffee grounds with a cigarette.

Writing a poem while drinking coffee.

Wise Man: Writes the poem while sometimes taking short breaks from writing to take a sip of coffee.

Foolish Man: Attempts to write with one hand and drink from the cup with the other at the same time, resulting in poor writing and accidentally spilling coffee all over his paper/keyboard.

Mad Man: Drinks the coffee with a straw and writes by spitting some of the coffee out through the straw onto a sheet of paper.

Edited by Zanreo on Dec 28th 2018 at 5:27:35 PM

Wise Man: Follows the directions as thoroughly as possible, making a great cake.

Foolish Man: Ignores the directions and tries to make the cake from memory, resulting in a mess.

Mad Man: Throws all the untouched ingredients into a bowl, shoves that into a very hot oven, and waits until it catches on fire to take it out, and expects people to eat a burning mess of egg shells and a burning bag of sugar.

—-

Playing a Video Game.

Wise Man: He reads all the tutorials and consults someone if he needs help.

Foolish Man: He skips all the tutorials then bitches online that the game is too hard if he's hit a brick wall.

Madman: He does a ridiculous speed-run on his first try.

Making a Let's Play on Youtube.

Wise Man: Chooses a game that is not too easy nor to hard for him, plays it fairly, and makes some good jokes.

Foolish Man: Picks a game that is too hard for him, plays it blindfolded and whines when he fails, and makes really bad jokes.

Mad Man: Chooses a game at random, and plays it with his bare feet.

Making a You Tube makeup video.

Wise Man: Only uses makeup that wasn't tested on animals.

Foolish Man: Attempts to make his own makeup without any understanding of chemistry.

Mad Man: Uses his own defecation as makeup.

Visiting Easter Island.

Wise Man: Plans the trip well in advance, making sure he can afford it and that he's all packed. Also cleans his house so that he won't have to worry about it upon his return.

Foolish Man: Forgets to set aside enough money for the trip back.

Mad Man: Disguises himself as one of the statues.

Wise: Puts the marshmallows on a stick, then puts them in a fire, taking extra precautions not to burn himself.

Fool: Puts the marshmallows in a fire sans stick, then takes them out while the fire is still blazing.

Mad: Puts marshmallows in a house, then burning the house down.

Wise: drops them on a plate

Foolish: drops them on the floor

Mad: drops them into a volcano to roast them

Choosing an Uber Driver.