Dora The Explorer: THE MOVIE

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dora_the_Explorer_(film)

Yes. This is a thing. This is something that exists. You are not on drugs, and it's not April Fools' Day either. Even I can't look at that page for much longer without getting a headache. Now, you might call it unfair of me to pass judgment on a movie adaptation of a TV show I'm far too old for, but even with that taken into account there's so much about this that just doesn't make sense.

For starters, why are they making a Dora the Explorer movie now, of all times? Today's preschoolers are more into things like PAW Patrol and Shimmer and Shine instead. If they wanted to make a movie out of it, why didn't they make it in the early 2000's, back when Dora was white-hot?

Also, the premise. Based on the Wikipedia summary, they seem to basically be trying to retool Dora into Indiana Jones, in order to appeal to. . . who, exactly? No one over the age of six (and even that's pushing it) is going to willingly watch something with Dora the Explorer in its title. If you're trying to make it into some sort of epic adventure story for older viewers, then congratulations— you've just turned away your whole audience.

So what are we to make of this. . . thing?

Are we getting into early aughts nostalgia now? Because, just, no. NO.

I should hope not. I find very little to be nostalgic for in that era, aside from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

...so is Michael Bay directing it?

I came here just to share this gem:

For those who can't watch, it's College Humor's Dora the Explorer trailer featuring Michael Bay explosions and sexy super model Diego.

I'll be honest, I have some hope for it. Since it's live-action and features an older Dora, it probably won't feature any of the awkward interactivity of the cartoon show and have more story maturity due to aiming for an older audience. And it'll be nice to have a mainstream Hollywood film with a mostly Latinx and Indigenous cast.

I'm imagining it will be like the Barney movie.

...Barney movie? Did that happen?

And that's the problem. What kind of "older audiences" would want to watch a movie like this? If you want to make an adventure movie aimed at older kids (i.e 8-10 years old), by all means do— but don't base it on a franchise those kids aren't going to care about! Based on the premise alone, this looks like it would be better off as a standalone movie and not a Dora The Explorer adaptation. But then again, no one makes standalone movies in this day and age. I'm not just asking these questions because I don't like Dora The Explorer (even though I don't—even when I was in the target age group, I still didn't like it). These are serious issues that Nickelodeon and Paramount should have considered before trying to reboot the franchise this way. Some franchises (think Pokemon or Pixar) have genuine all-ages appeal, and are flexible with their target audiences. Dora The Explorer is not one of those franchises. It was designed for one audience, and one audience alone. Trying to expand it beyond that audience is against its nature.

Oh, there was one, all right. Watch an amateur critic rip it to pieces here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5VoO4lGQOk

Edited by ElSquibbonator on Nov 25th 2018 at 12:59:22 PM

Sounds like it's almost aiming for adolescent Tomb Raider which... I mean I've heard of worse ideas.

The show is almost twenty years old, so I think perhaps that they're hoping the original audience from back in 2000 will bring their little ones to see it.

Benicio Del Toro will play Swiper the Fox [1]

I'm actually curious with what they do with Swiper. Will they play it tongue-and-cheek with how he gives up so easily whenever they say "Swiper no swiping"?

There’s a poster for the movie now, and Danny “Machete” Trejo is playing Boots.

“You ****ed with the wrong mono!”

Oh good lord, this is honestly perfect.

Danny Trejo is Boots?!

I...I don't know how to take that.

...oh wow.

Anyway, since there's a thread for this...thing...I might as well say that we're getting a trailer at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards this Saturday.

Let me know how it turns out.

...Why isn't Boots wearing boots on that poster?

Actually, this idea strikes me as Crazy Enough to Work. It's such a bizarre idea that I almost want to see it just out of curiosity for what they do.

It’s consolation for no Danny Devito as Pikachu.

I can't believe the school bus killed Backpack. D:

So is Backpack and the Map still alive?

From the looks of it, no. They don't talk, and neither does Knife.

Prboably less than 15 minutes into the movie and two of the major Dora characters were gruesomely murdered by the door of a school bus.

So is the show going to introduce a talking knife now? It's only fair.

Boots isn't wearing boots. And he doesn't speak.

Uh.....

And where's Swiper? I expected him to sport a gun this time around!

Edited by Mario1995 on Mar 24th 2019 at 3:29:15 PM