Tropers: The Series

"Ohhhhh, Big Juicy Balls! I love those guys. Well, as long as they approve of it, I can rest easy."

He gets in the bus and sits down.

"So it's like Krabby Patty withdrawal?"

Knife begins to get the bus ready. Alright! We're all ready? If you're buckled up, take that shit off, we're going to have to get off as soon as possible. Plus, I'm planning on banning seat belts soon, and I'd say you guys should get ready.

"Oh god please no my parts are hARD TO GET-"

As Libre rushes to the bus, he hears what Playing said.

"uh....oh fuck..."

He pulls out a small pack of sugar, hastily mixes it in, and puts a straw into the bottle he gave After, blowing bubbles into it to "carbonate" it.

"Alright, fuck, lets go!"

He quickly slams himself into a seat.

"Thank Rassilon for the buttload of safety features we installed on this bus..."
(Chey then removes her seatbelt. Meanwhile, Delilah was starting to fuss.)

And they're off! Knife hits the gas and the group heads straight towards the location on Route 69.

And by straight, we mean straight. The bus hits a bunch of trees, benches, drives right across multiple roads, runs through a heterosexual bar...it's on a perfectly straight path to the location.

"GODDAMMIT KNIFE STOP CRASHING INTO EVERY STRAIGHT MAN ARCHETYPE ALL THE WAY!" Libre yells whilst looking out the window.

"Aw, come on. You guys don't want to run a sodaeasy with me?" The seals are somehow on the bus. They never got on.

"Come on, it'll be like old times."

"Er, Harper, they weren't there for old times."

Edited by aPod-ofSeals on Aug 11th 2021 at 10:35:37 AM

Billy just braces for himself during the whole trip, being thrown around a bit while holding on to the seat in front of him. By the end of the crashes, he seems comically bruised.

A straight from the straight bar cries a single shining tear at the ruins of their formerly-magnificent boozing location.

"Hey, I was there for old times!"

There is then an imagine spot of Tropes walking jauntily down a black-and-white street to ragtime music, passing Julius Ceasar, Joan of Arc and Winston Churchill along the way.

"Oof, ouch." Billy says as he listens to the conversation.

I woefully drink Libre's offered lemonade. It's delicious, but the effects of soda withdrawal are powerful. I drink the whole thing anyways.

Custard gets up, screwing their head back on yet again.

"Aight, let's see if my hours of playing the Metal Gear series will come in handy..."

"Hey Afters! Need a new round o' that pop?"

"Libre, I'm pretty sure that's not how you carbonate a drink."

Tropes rummages through his pockets for something. Soon he finds it: a lump of coal. He drops it in the lemon drink.

"Try it now."

Cut to the office of Lord Mayor Taco Badger, who sits in the midst of a hoard of soda cans; Pepsi, Coke, RC, Ginger Ale, ...Ketchup.

With his feet atop his desk, he hums to himself as he dabs a cheeseburger in ketchup.

He turns to the camera and asides, "You know, it's the funniest thing, I don't even like ketchup!" He splashes the top bun of the burger down onto the ketchup pile, and takes a chomp down on it.

At this moment, his loyal assistant, Pullman, steps in. Seeing his boss' flagrant contraband, Pullman releases a morose sigh, at which point, Taco takes notice of him. He futilely hides his ketchup burger behind his back, not recalling the cache of soda cans clearly stacked high above him.

"Pullman! How goes the soda ban?"

Still the third most disliked action you've taken since your cancelling of Christmas, and your deliberate torture of those POWs.

"Hey, that's not my fault, I had no clue what POW stood for!"

Mhm. Listen, our security camera spotted the tropers leaving their apartment. Judging by their past actions, they're likely doing something in reference to the soda ban.

"Don't worry, they're probably just heading to the Bee Planet."

...I think that's been done, sir.

"Well, even if they aren't, we can just send those mercenaries to keep an eye on them. Send in the soda jerks!"

Yes sir.

Pullman presses some button or something, which proceeds to ring a little pager within a biker pub. A menagerie of seedy, rough and tumble bikers glance toward the pager.

Alright, boys. Let's ride.

Edited by TacoBadger on Aug 11th 2021 at 10:43:39 AM

Too bad, Custard. We're here for the DRAMATIC! This next thing I'm about to do? More like Metal Gear Rising than any of the mainline games-

And Knife drives off a cliff, and dramatically lands right by a bend in Route 69. The debris of a different truck is there, and on one prominent piece of scrap? The Pepsi Finite logo. We're here, guys.

I do not react as the lump of coal sinks into the bottle. I continue sipping as the lemonade clouds up and quickly turns a sickly black shade. I begin displaying symptoms of jaundice.

"...Ooops."

"Heeey, Libre, do you know anything about jaundice?"

Libre picks up the ramune bottle and sees the contents.

"...oh shit you need soda as ASAP as possible!"

He quickly rushes off to the other truck.

"Gah, uh...the skin changes color in a bad way, that's for sure." He responds to Tropes.

Edited by SomeLibre on Aug 11th 2021 at 10:50:03 PM

Zooming through the remains left by the bus through the heterosexual bar, a plume of gray steam.

Puffs of clouds and a glint of green light brushed past five, ten, fifteen cars on the highway, passing the bus full of Tropers with the vague shape of a person along for the ride.

The trail continued at a steady pace before culminating in a spiral above an unmarked truck ahead of the Pepsi Finite trailer — and from it, a person in a dark gray catsuit and a pair of goggles kitted with verdant light around the eyes. He pointed a finger gun to the truck's roof as he landed, going pshew! as a laser emerged from his hand, slicing a hole below him as he jumped in the trailer.

Pulling the goggles from his face to get a better look at the contents of the truck, the fellow — head topped by a fuzzy brown mop, eyes wide and brown — gazed lovingly at pallets upon pallets of that forbidden treasure, glass bottles of root beer.

"Jackpot," he said with a smile.

Edited by Tre on Aug 11th 2021 at 11:50:04 AM

Custard leaps out one of the windows, somehow not losing their head when they fall flat on their face.

"....You have arrived at your destination" they mumble, getting out of the Custard-shaped dent they made in the Pepsi Finite logo.

Bob wakes up in the back of the bus, apparently having been in here since before anyone got in.

"...When the hell did I get in here?"

He looks around at everyone else in the bus.

"And what are we wasting time on today?"