Favourite Quotes from your games

GM (explaining to a new player): ...and if a player tries to, say, block a fireball in melee, that's usually where I draw the line.

New Player: Really? Trying a block a fireball with your bare hands doesn't strike me as the most sane course of action...

Me: This is an adventuring party. Sanity is optional.

"I now begin telling ghost stories over the enemies intercom."

"In my personal opinion, this is a boat." -My Paladin, having just rolled a 1 while trying to search a dingy some goblins had been using

"EXPERIENCE T R A N Q U I L I T Y"

~The person playing Zenyatta in a homebrewed crossover game, during a boss battle, before taking advantage of his invincibility to (indirectly) beat the shit out of said boss. So much for pacifism.

edited 24th Sep '16 2:30:54 PM by Tojin

"...Because stealing is bad?"

"No shit, did you read that in your book too?"

"No, I think it's common knowledge."

"Common kno- THIS IS A FUCKING LICH TOMB! YOU CAN'T STEAL FROM DEAD PEOPLE! WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH THE GOLD? PAY THEIR FUCKING TAXES?"

"Language, Teril."

"FUCK YOU!"

— A banter between my warrior and the thief

edited 29th Sep '16 7:27:42 AM by Tranquilis

"What's your favorite flavor of boot?"

"I don't need you to make me look bad. I can do that perfectly fine by myself." ~Blake Brussel, Gnome Barbarian with a Strength of 10(he was surprisingly hard to hit despite having one of the lowest AC's in the group. The Cleric hit harder. I was just better at tanking hit and didn't care, being smart enough to use rage and my extra hit points to easily save people who are in spike traps, meaning he cared more about helping others than himself. Not too intelligent so much as wide).

"I'm looking at some very bad tomes to find something suitably horrible to do to you" our Inquisitor, as his hatred for us reaches critical mass and he turns to Chaos just to get access to worse ways to torture us

Burn the heretic!

for the last few games we've been trying to get to an Inquisitional Conclave to obtain permission to do just that

"I just had sex for the first time in nearly forty years, I've lost an arm, and I got to finally shut my daughter up. I don't know about you young'ins, but this is the most fun I've had since my glory days."

Okay, that needs context

A quote from Lizbeth, a Ranger/Barbarian I made a while back (I actually posted a tale from her first session on the "Your funniest tabletop stories" thread soon after her inception.)

Her backstory in a nutshell is that she used to be an adventurer, but the she got married, had three kids, and then retired. Around 40 years after retirement, she realized how much she despised it, went back to adventuring.

Someone asked her why she was still running around with the party, and she responded with that. The three events she was referring to are: Lizbeth got singled out and enthralled by a succubus at one point. She actually managed to break out of the spell part way through the ordeal, but knew where the succubus was planning to take the whole situation and played along with it because "Fuck it, my husband has been dead for nearly forty years. Why the hell not?"

Lizbeth ended up having her right arm chopped off, and without a cleric nearby at the time, she's been left permanently right-armless unless she decides to go get it back magically.

And finally, she ended up in a fist fight with her eldest daughter who demanded Lizbeth go back home.

The daughter got her ass beat.

Hard.

From a recent session, when we stumbled upon a Town with a Dark Secret and ran into problems, my scholar/wizard character quipped that "This is turning into the sort of situation that ends with everyone dead, the village in flames, and me losing my hat."

It's politics, just with more hitting people and less talking.

Lets see

An NPC narrowly succeeding on a perception check to spot the PC mage who had cast invisibility on herself.

"Something smells like.... girl!"

Said mage failing a spot check and getting distracted by spotting her ethnicity for the first time.

"Holy shit you guys!"

"What?"

"...I'm KOREAN!"

Players returning from fighting a tribe of extraplanar goblin after an unfortunate accidental planeshift.

"So you know how they say the only universal constant are death and taxes? Turns out it's Death, Taxes, and Goblins. There's always Goblins"

"Enough murder solves everything." Me, OOC, commenting on the usual problem-solving abilities of PCs

"Wait, so the gods are basically acting like that downstairs neighbour that bangs on the ceiling with a broom handle when you get too noisy?" Gavin Fireborne, human wizard trying to save the world with way too much magic, on the gods turning up to find out what's going on.

"I am the Wizard that Did It!" Gavin Fireborne, human wizard, after hibernating (involuntarily) for half a millennium, waking to a world that regarded him as a borderline deity after his previous world-saving antics actually succeeded, and amazingly well at that, when needing to intimidate someone.

"So... you nearly jump-scared me into murdering our Johnson's beloved pet?" Snow Eagle, Eagle Shifter Sniper, upon being confronted with a hyperactive ball of fur that turned out to just be a pomeranian being... well, a pomeranian (tiny, extremely fuzzy and exciteable lapdog, for those unfamiliar)

In a game of Shadowrun. Party is a Hans (Street Samurai), Ork Ninja guy (Forgot his actual name, Physical Adept), Dr. Feelgood (Hacker, part time chemist) and Patches (Physical Adept and Full Time Hobo)

Hans in a car chase prepares to fire grenades at the remotely hacked cars chasing the group down from the back of the truck.

"Time for some high explosive. Collateral Damage! Haha!"

The party ork Ninja disarms him before he can shoot his grenade launcher, and after consideration, decides to throw the grenade launcher out of the back of the truck rather than throwing Hans into the traffic.

Hans "Dude, WHAT THE HELL"

Ninja: "I ain't letting you just murder a bunch of people stuck in their car!"

Hans: "I might've been firing Gas grenades!"

Patches: "Your exact words were "High Explosive"."

Dr. Feelgood "Which you followed by "Collateral Damage! Haha!"

Ninja "Also don't think tear gas is gonna do much to remotely hacked cars!"

Hans: "You still owe me for that gun you just lost me"

Ninja "I can send you to join it if you want"

edited 25th Aug '17 7:14:59 AM by Ghilz

"I really enjoy the image of a group of bards standing in a circle mocking Calvin Coolidge to death again"

"Suck me lucky charms, ya fookin' gobshite!"

The game, Interface Zero 2.0. The situation: my character, Jameson Gallagher, an ex-IRA bomber, got close enough to a special forces sniper to lob explosives. So I duct-taped 6 sticks of future dynamite to three bricks of C4, and blew the fucker (and 3/4 of the building he was in) to hell.

When rolling my Knowledge: Demolitions check, I aced it twice in a row. (In IZ, acing a roll is rolling the max on the die, and getting to roll another, which can also ace)

"I am Alpharius" - me, too much for the rest of the Black Crusade party

"Ok, all families have skeletons in their proverbial closet, but that was just ridiculous."

- my warlock, after the party fought off a bunch of mummies and wights from the cursed crypt of another party member's family's home.

you know Mark.... I really need to have a game with you at some point....

"EXCUSE ME SIR? COULD YOU PLEASE PULL OVER YOUR TREE AND SHOW US LICENSE AND REGISTRATION?"

(Hipster Druid had a Tree Golem smash bars in Dublin in DFRP)

"Of all the things you expect to encounter after fighting totally-not-genestealers, werewolf space pirates aren't one of them"