Sexism and Men's Issues

I am currently writing a webnovel. In the first chapter, the protagonist splits up with an erstwhile boyfriend for being dismissive of male SA survivors.

It doesn't help that he is dismissive of survivors in general.

I have seen too many misogynist men talk about how "lucky" 13-year-old boys are to be molested.

Edited by SkyCat32 on Sep 19th 2022 at 12:40:03 PM

When they aren't called gay, that is. The list of "bad ways to address sexual abuse victims" is long, sordid and diverse.

Or they accuse survivors of lying.

In the third chapter, a character complains about being set up with women who believe that men don't belong in the kitchen.

Edited by SkyCat32 on Sep 19th 2022 at 12:59:04 PM

I want to confess I was molested as a kid and I didn't even know what that was then, my mother told me years later that she had talked to my sister about that when she was a little concerned about her safety but she said she didn't tell the same to me because she didn't expect that could happen to a boy.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Did you ever get the support you needed to deal with that?

not until collage

I am so sorry that you suffered that way, Kio.

On an unrelated note, I recently had adverse emotions from a remote suitor-ship gone-south resurface.

Let me preface this by saying, I am a firm believer in sexual autonomy, in the sense that the choice to consent to sex or not should be that of the individual themselves.

The suitor in question hoped that, should our relationship get to a certain point, I would engage in "family unfriendly activities" with her before marriage. She said that she wasn't pressuring me, but whether she realized it or not, it felt like she was, even if unintentionally. I liked her and cared about her as a person and therefore, tried to convince myself that I was willing to compromise for her. (I was rooting for her when she got her driver's license, and I showed as much support as I could from overseas when she had to take care of her sick family).

She claimed she was sick of guys who were trying to get in her pants.

I took it pretty hard when she suggested dissolving the suitor-ship and remaining friends, because, I felt like I had let myself be convinced to bend on something that I wouldn't have otherwise considered doing (namely putting out), especially given her complaint about men being like this towards her, and her habit of comparing past relationships.

Needless to say, it was demoralizing, the realization that someone whose wellbeing I was invested in, and with whom I wanted a future, possibly cared more about getting in my pants than actually having a relationship.

Admittedly, my last exchange with her was civil enough, as I complained to her about another suitor who was an outright creep. I do hope she finds someone decent who will treat her better than that one ex did, but I also hope that she is in a position to treat him better than she has been treated in the past.

Nonetheless, part of me does wonder if I will settle for someone who is less than compatible with me because I believe I can't do better.

In contrast, I'm thankful that my sister's fiancé is a mensch.

Edited by SkyCat32 on Aug 25th 2023 at 10:45:22 AM

Hello there...I do apologize, for posting a bad ranting that I've done. It was not thought out well. I hope we can move past that. Anyway...

I do hope that your web novel is going all well. I have rarely seen any stories (if any) in which a man or young boy was molested and it was either treated and played for laughs or even just ignored entirely. That being said I do hope that it gets a significant amount of healthy attention online.

I do hope that you are mentally and physically well. I do believe that you can do better, you just need to seek some emotional support from the people who you believe understand your well-being. That is all I have to say. Please do take of yourself friend.

Edited by ShayanthanYuhanthan345 on Sep 29th 2022 at 4:18:15 AM

Is it bad that I hate the double standard involving the Henpecked Husband trope? Like when men jokingly say their wives are dominant. I mean, men dominating their wives is undeniably wrong, but women dominating their husbands is not right, either. Couples, straight or otherwise, should be on 100% equal terms.

Edited by CosmosAndChaos on Oct 2nd 2022 at 7:55:38 AM

Well it's kinda the humorous version of Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male. But I agree with you, things like that should always be called out, no matter who does it.

BTW, word to the wise; if someone wants to test "sexual compatibility" before marriage, they are quite possibly just trying to get in your pants.

It doesn't matter what gender the suitor is. If they say stuff like that, it's a possible red flag.

Best to keep this in mind before you compromise your sexual autonomy in any way, shape or form.

Which is why the next suitor who feeds me that line is getting ghosted not sticking around.

Edited by SkyCat32 on Oct 19th 2022 at 12:14:27 PM

Also ultimately the choice whether or not to have sex is yours and yours alone. If you don't want to have it, then nobody should push you into it. They're free to break up with you if they're not happy with it.

Have I mentioned how much I despise it when people take legitimate issues affecting human males and (intentionally or not) use it as an excuse to be a jerk? It's why I use the term "Mascunazi" to refer to bad-faith actors, just like a feminist may use the term "Feminazi" to refer to a TERF or a SWERF.

I mean, I suppose at least some of them have the decency to act like they care about other men, unlike those dirtbags who are dismissive of predation from another gender.

Considering that "feminazi" is used by sexists individuals, I would advise against using it to avoid confusion. I also dislike using the word Nazi to describe anyone who is not similar enough to Nazis in policy, considering it a "disrespect towards history", but that is just my personal preference.

Come to think of it, as someone who is descended from Holocaust survivors, those comparisons aren't exactly fair, are they. In any case, I dislike the term "Men's Rights Activist" from a good-faith standpoint, preferring the term "Masculine Welfare Advocate".

TBH, "Masculine Welfare Advocate" sounds weird and unnatural to me. To be fair, that is what happens when MRA becomes a term associated with questionable individuals. It also sounds like healthcare advocacy more than anything. I have personally avoided the issue of how to call myself. My concern is individuals and their rights and identity, not men or women, but individuals.

EDIT: Now, calling yourself Individual Rights Advocate would not be a good idea...

Edited by Risa123 on Oct 25th 2022 at 4:09:06 PM

I consider myself an advocate for human rights/welfare in general.

Me as well I suppose. I just stress the individual part. I do not support men/women/whatever rights because they are men/women/whatever, but because there are individuals which have the right to choose what to be. Instead of being what women/men/whatever is supposed to be. Perhaps it seems like a formality, but this is how I prefer it.

Edited by Risa123 on Oct 25th 2022 at 4:48:31 PM

I’ve tended to use the term Men’s Issues rather than Men’s Rights, as the later implies legal barriers rather than cultural ones.

Edited by Silasw on Oct 25th 2022 at 9:24:58 AM

I do not see the implication honestly.

x5

I know. I used to be a highly misogynistic MRA when I was younger. I just wouldn't stop hating on all women because of the bad apples.😓

And I'm genuinely afraid of becoming some sort of Knight Templar after once again becoming aware of the misandric double standards in real life.

Edited by CosmosAndChaos on Oct 25th 2022 at 7:53:42 AM

Is kinda the issue about Men Issues in how it dosent devolt into another MRA pity fest eventually.

Yeah, I get it.

Women's Rights is a thing because women have to struggle just to get basic legal rights like the right to vote, the right to drive, the right to control their own bodies...

Men otoh...not so much. The struggles men face are due mostly to toxic cultural expectations.

I mean, shit like the draft, harsher sentences for identical crimes, lack of dedicated abuse shelters, etc does exist. I wouldn't call those toxic cultural expectations. There's a lot of crap at the governmental level that's gotta change.

Edited by Murataku on Oct 27th 2022 at 8:17:18 PM

While the draft is a legal rights issue in countries that had a gender draft (which not all countries do), as harsher sentencing and the lack of dedicated abuse shelters aren’t coded into law but instead a result of government officials believing that men are inherently violent, I’d say they very much are about toxic cultural expectations.

I guess one other legal one is the fact that under UK law only men can commit the crime of rape. Forced sexual intercross that doesn’t involve penetration by a male perpetrator’s penis has a different legal name (but I think the same sentencing guidelines).