Do you want kids?

When they grew up they'd murder you.

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'

And no jury would find them guilty.

i. hear. a. sound.

I've always known that I'm not gonna have kids. Or at least, I've known it since I started thinking about it.

I have 6 younger brothers. I'm 23; the oldest of my brothers is 22, and the youngest is 6. I've never liked children. I like solitude and calm, and that stuff wasn't available in my childhood; and I dislike loud and high-pitched noises, and I get frustrated when someone doesn't understand what I'm trying to explain to them, which happens frequently. (That said, I'm fairly sure that two of my brothers, ages 12-13, understood the main points about evolution when I taught it to them, so maybe I have some hope.)

I have an uncle who I really love. When I was small, he lived in another town than my family, and so I didn't get to meet him very often, but whenever I did, he taught me something useful and/or cool. I loved that. He even borrowed me all his Calvin & Hobbes albums, and being a 6-year-old back then, I could really relate! I still think it's the best comic ever, and it's very educational in every way you can learn things.

Because of him and my father, who used to teach my and my oldest brother stuff that he had read about as a teenager - how the universe expands, the definition of the Event Horizon, stuff like that - I've got some instinct in me that makes me wanna educate people. That's probably why I write all those huge posts where I lay out the basics of some concept or argument or another, the one that people here call my "essays."

So that stuff I could do as a parent, probably. But living with a child sounds like an impossible task, and I don't want to commit myself to washing or wiping someone's ass several times a day for years, and neither do I want to make my girlfriend go through that.

She isn't sure whether she wants children, but if she does want them so much that she won't want to be with me unless I agree to have kids with her, I'm gonna have to make the hardest decision I'll ever make: do I want to make her happy and continue to be with her so much that I'd make my life suck most of the time and make myself unhappy and, worst of all, possibly bring into the world a child who won't feel loved by one of their parents. I'm not sure I would be able to love my child, and even if I did, I'm not sure if I'd be able to convey it properly and to tolerate that child well enough to not have them grow up all messed up in the head.

I think my girlfriend will probably never want children if the options are a crappy family with me or trying to do it with someone else. We're very deeply in love, so I don't think she'd throw away all that, but then if she has to give up something that's very dear to her (if the desire for a child ever becomes that to her,) I don't know how I could make it up for her.

If we do end up having children, we'll adopt. Overpopulation is a bitch. Plus, adoption lets you avoid some of the bullshit that raising a baby brings, but you'll get some other bullshit in exchange.

We've already kind of got a baby, though. Meet Lucifer.

edited 7th May '12 6:48:23 PM by BestOf

Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur.

I have developed a hypothesis that people who had toddlers in the house — typically their own siblings — when they're 10 to 15 or so disproportionately grow up to be childfree adults.

The child is father to the man —Oedipus

Babies aren't any better than toddlers, though, so for about the first three years of a child's life, the child is causing other children to not want children when they grow up.

Well, my oldest brother was born just under a year after me, so that has me tolerating a baby or a toddler from my birth ('cause I'm not gonna give myself a pass here) to the day my oldest brother turned 3. Which would've been in 1993. In 1994, my next brother was born, so that has me growing to hate kids from my birth (1989) to 1993 and then again from 1994 until 1997. The next child was born in 1999, and the one after that in 2000 - so from 1999 to 2003, I was again learning to hate kids. Well, I moved from my parents' place in 2005, some time after yet another child was born. (There was one more after that.)

So, years of me growing to hate kids versus years of me not growing to hate kids:

• Hating kids: 1989-1993, 1994-1997, 1999-2003, 2005 /stop count 'cause I no longer had to live with my brothers. So, about 12 years.

• Not hating kids: 1993-1994, 1997-1999, 2003-2005. 6 years or so.

That has me learning to hate kids for two thirds of my childhood. Well, I like less than one part in three of every child, so that can't be right.

EDIT: Oh, ages 10-15... So, years 1999-2004... Well, that's four years out of five with at least one baby or toddler in the house.

edited 8th May '12 7:21:58 PM by BestOf

Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur.

Nope, it's not that I hate kids or anything it's just That I just don't think I'm meant to be a father. I'm actually kinda immature. Plus as a kid I was sort of the neighborhood daredevil as was my father when he was a kid. Me and my girlfriend would go nuts wondering just what kind of shenanigans our kids would pull and how bad they're gonna get hurt pulling them. I had quite a few trips to the emergency room or the school nurse's office myself back then.

"If everybody is thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking"- George S. Patton

I myself have a little brother. He was born when I was five. I was terribly excited for his birth and remained so even though he was a highly temperamental baby who suffered from lactose intolerance. And generally just cranky. As he grew into a toddler he proceeded to beat me and throw things at me but I was happy with his existence.

This broke about when I was eight or nine and was finally growing sick of people beating me and throwing things at me and being unpleasant pricks. So I took a Mc Donalds toy and threw it at his head and told my family that he fell. Our relationship from then on was very volatile love-hate on both sides. I only really ceased in my bitchery at 17 or so. We still pick on one another but gone are the day of wanting to stab each other.

And hiding knives because of threats made.

It wasn't my brother that made me not want children when I was younger though, but the children of other people. Who I am inclined to compare to how I felt about dogs. I loved my own but didn't care for those of others. In fact I violently hated them and felt that having kids was a horrible idea.

My new step brothers weren't helping any and yet they were in a way. Because yes they are absolute hellions, but I do like taking care of them and watching them grow. My maternal instincts are strong and I'm a meddler at heart.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

Nope!

Alt account of Angeldog 2437.

I'd like kids, but, on the other hand, I'm also rather glad it looks like I'll never have them.

My condition means that they'd often have to look after me for extended periods, and I'd never want that for a child. It might teach maturity, but it also robs them of something at the same time.

I shouldn't even post in this thread because I already have kids, 3 of them, but looking back I always wanted them. Very badly. I have been a parent since December of 1997, and my youngest was born in 2006. He will graduate from high school in 2025, and may even not leave the nest until 2026 or 2027. Which means that I will have spent up to 30 years raising our children/having our children living with us.

So it is a lifelong commitment. I am really glad people here are taking it seriously and deciding whether or not they want to sacrifice for the idea of children. It sounds like a cliche, but it really is the toughest job there is. Now my issue is- what will I do after all 3 are grown up? There goes my identity, lol!

Saving a file as dlsfkjgldfgjdf because I'm too lazy to think of a title.

Become the crazy cat lady and breed armies of cat children.

I'm not entirely sure what sorts of planning we'll need to do for the kid thing. I do know that we aren't near a point where having them would be a good idea. We're not financially stable enough. There's also the matter of us wanting some years of our life together free of kids.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

Well, my parents seem to be having the time of their life now that I and my two siblings have grown up. They have commented that it's very nice that they now have more time for themselves.

Of course, I have no idea whatsoever of what they meant with that remark

edited 18th Jul '12 12:09:38 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Do I want kids? Yes. Only when I became financially secure and live in my own house. I'm not entirely sure why I want children. My siblings annoy the heck outta me.

Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me.

That's what siblings are for

Still, having siblings gave me a hell of an advantage during primary school scuffles. Single children cannot fight worth anything

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Tch. I never got in any fights at school. I kept my lid shut, so no one had any real reason to bother me.

Heck, even now I hardly speak. And when I do, people say "He can talk?!"

Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me.

I was more than a little quarrelsome as a little kid.

The first day I was in primary school, a slightly older kid took my toy car away from me and threw it down a sink. For five years, I considered him my arch-enemy — and frankly, that was a bit excessive; yeah, he had been definitely out of line, but still.

He was in my same class as me — he used to be one year older, but he had to repeat one class — and I made a point of helping other people with their homeworks, but only if they did not share the solutions with him. Yeah, I was not a very nice person as a kid.

edited 31st Jul '12 11:16:37 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

But dude, he threw your toy car down the sink. That's just evil.

Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me.

Yes. I've always wanted to be a father, and have a son to take my place on the throne to the evil empire. Also my girlfriend wants kids once we're older and out of college so that settles that.

Through the eyes I have known you.

I want to start a family sure, but i only really want one kid.

And if its a girl, Sarah would be nice.

And if a boy, it will be Rex, after my great grandfather.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXkI1sTDoEg

I'm currently doing extensive research into sprog-building.

I'm over '30. Better be getting along and all that...

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'

I'd like kids, but I realize that at this point of my life it wouldn't be a good idea for me to have any. (Aside from the whole "lack of a significant other" thing.)

(I've noted there appears to be a positive correlation with geekiness and lack of desire for children, at least on this site. This makes me feel kind of like a weirdo sometimes for wanting to have them. >_>)

Eating a Vanilluxe will give you frostbite.

For women who want kids:

Why? What does having a kid and starting your own family mean to you?

I am asking this out of genuine curiosity; I cannot really understand because I am merely 20.

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

You either drool over babies, or you don't. It's hard to put it into words.

When I was younger, I couldn't stand kids; now that I'm in my mid-30s, I can tolerate them a lot better, but I still haven't really felt the paternal spark...couple that with an extremely low frustation tolerance and a nasty temper and it doesn't make for good "dad" material. My wife's always been a lot more interested in having kids, but her medical conditions make conception unlikely. Thus, we've left it to fate/destiny/God/whatever for the last 5-6 years and nothing yet. We've settled into a "mom-ish aunt/goofy uncle" role with her best friend's 6-year-old that we see every coupla months and that's worked fairly well, but after a weekend or so of that my patience has just about worn out, so trying to deal with a young kid 24/7 would probably push me well past my tolerances.

I really want kids but...I don't know if I'm fit to be a father anymore. Not since my brain went 'sproing'.

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'