Release: August 11, 2008
Film: Masters of the Universe (1987)
This review contains examples of:
- Call-Back: To the Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat review.Critic: So it turns out Skeletor is after Wildor because he's invented a cosmic key that can take you to any dimension you want. Skeletor wants this device so he can, you guessed it, take over the world.
M. Bison: Of COURSE! - Fantastic Aesop: Invoked. The Critic criticizes the movie's ending:Critic: So He-Man saves the day, the Sorceress is rescued and Julie gets sent back home. But wait! There's an added bonus. They sent her back a year before her parents died and before nightgowns looked less like the clothing from Little House on the Prairie. So now she can tell her parents not to go on that plane that would ultimately lead them to their doom. So just to reiterate kids, if your parents die by some sort of horrific circumstance, all you have to do is look for a parallel dimension that has big hunky beef men who can take you back in time and change the whole thing! That way you never have to come to grips with death or the harshness of reality. WHAT A LOAD! Is that what you wanna teach your kids, that if family or loved ones die, there's always a chance you can bring them back from the dead? That's like saying He-Man is straight!
- Not That There's Anything Wrong with That: After being insistent that He-Man is "so gay":Critic: And that's not to say I have anything against homosexuality. It's just... there's gotta be something out there, some kind of alternative hero that's gay... but at least gives us something appealing to look at. (She-Ra: Princess of Power title appears) You know what? I'll take that over this shit anyday!
- Running Gag: "HE-MAN!... and the (insert description here)"
- "But again, no gay overtones."
- John McCain jokes.
- "It's like [X], only gayer."
- Slow-Motion Fall: The Critic considers Skeletor's Disney Death one of the slowest falls in movie history, and wouldn't be surprised if he was still falling in the epilogue.
- Take That!: The Critic claims Skeletor is angry because "he looks like how John McCain will look in a couple of years".
- This Is Gonna Suck:Critic: So let me get this straight. He-Man, the Master of the Universe, is going to use all his intergalactic weaponry, and medieval-style fighting moves... in the suburbs of New Jersey?... This is gonna suck, isn't it?
- What the Hell Is That Accent?: The Critic is confused by Dolph Lundgren's accent in the film.Critic: It sounds Germ-Russian-ese.
