Wicky is sent to clean a vandalised statue, and has to deal with two rather difficult women — a local councillor and a lady who’s unhappy with the fact that a statue of her ancestor has been removed.
Tropes:
- Almighty Janitor: Vince has worked for the council for so long that he’s got all the keys. Including the one to the store-room where Wicky’s confiscated equipment has been locked.
- Ambiguous Situation: The men who come to remove the statue at the end are evidently there to remove the statue of Colonel Bryce-Dennison, even though that has already been not just removed, but replaced. Quite why the council would get someone to remove a statue that’s already been removed (to the council’s store-room) is anyone’s guess, although given the way this particular council is shown to operate, the notion that someone authorised a job that’s already been done is certainly plausible.
- Bothering by the Book. Wicky’s cleaning equipment gets confiscated by one of the council’s contractors because he was parked illegally, even though that’s where we was told to park.
- Both Sides Have a Point: Wicky observes that Fran and Lucille both make valid points during their argument about the colonel’s statue.
- Dying Town: The unnamed town that Wicky visits appears to be this. The bewildering new traffic system and the fact that there are hardly any shops in the newly-pedestrianised town centre (thanks to an out-of-town shopping centre, apparently) do not help. The only local resident in the town centre is an old man who freely admits that he’s wandering around because he has nothing better to do.
- Hairpin Lockpick: Attempted by Fran, who can’t actually unpick the handcuff lock. Wicky accuses her of thinking she can do it because she saw it in a film; she does not disagree with this observation.
- Hurricane of Euphemisms: Upon seeing the statue, Wicky comes out with many euphemisms for testicles.
- Insistent Terminology: That statue is a giant chickpea. Not a giant testicle.
- Just Following Orders: Wicky resorts to this line when he tries to explain to Lucille that he’s only cleaning the statue because it’s his job.
- The Nicknamer: Wicky again. He’s looking forward to playing darts with the Two Johnnies, who are in fact one bloke called Johnny, “who’s had the same condom in his wallet since 1984”.
- Nostalgia Filter: People in the town remember Colonel Bryce-Dennison in different ways. Lucille (his descendant) sees him as a hardworking colonial administrator and an under-appreciated watercolour artist. Fran (the councillor), on the other hand, sees him as a slave-owner, which is why she had his statue removed. Vince, meanwhile, remembers using the statue as a makeshift climbing frame when he was a kid.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat: Fran has shades of this, as does the council as a whole — they appear to have ruined the town centre by pedestrianising it, putting in a confusing one-way system and agreeing to an out-of-town shopping centre that’s drawn all the trade away. And they replaced a statue of a town benefactor with what looks like a giant testicle.
- Protest by Obstruction. Lucille, who freely admits to vandalising the chickpea statue by throwing goose blood over it, tries to stop Wicky from cleaning it by chaining herself to it. When Wicky finds some bolt-cutters, she attacks him with one of his own brushes, and later handcuffs herself to him.
- Sarcasm Mode: Vince goes into this when consulted over what to do with the statue, claiming that the colonel’s slave-owning past was the only reason he used to climb on it.
- Token Minority: Vince would appear to be the only black person in the town (other than the rest of his family, of course); he’s certainly the only black person Fran and Lucille know, which is why they decide to consult him on what to do with the colonel’s statue. He turns out to be somewhat ambivalent about the whole thing, and is later shown to have taken it to his back garden, where his daughter uses it as a makeshift climbing-frame, just like he used to.
- You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Wicky can’t believe it when Fran and Lucille agree to consult Vince about what to do with the colonel’s statue on the grounds that he’s the only black person either of them know. Vince has a similar reaction when they actually do consult him; he responds with a combination of ambivalence and sarcasm.
