The Eighth Doctor rides the train in 19th century Sweden for the sheer heck of it, and strikes up a nice conversation with the King's personal art collector, Simonsson. There's a precious piece of art on the train, which will soon be added to the King's private collection. The Doctor is intrigued (and rather geeky) about it at first, but instantly gets an Oh, Crap! moment when the artist turns out to be Tardelli: a nasty Reality Warper alien whose art is more than it seems.
His fears are confirmed when Lucie, elsewhere on the train, meets Karen and the Headhunter. The two steal the piece of art and dash off again. Luckily, Simonsson explains that the thing was just a decoy, and so Lucie and the Doctor head off to the King of Sweden's castle to find the real collection.
Using seduction, hypnosis, posh voices, silly nicknames, bad puns, political intrigue, outright lies, a sob story about a dying father, two very confused guards, and a TARDIS presented as modern art, everyone tries to sneak into the castle.
The Headhunter's getting a bit weary of Karen's Minion with an F in Evil antics, but saves her from Tardelli's suddenly appearing guard golem. Things get more complicated when the piece of art turns out to be a black diamond instead of a painting, and when the black diamond turns out to be a pocket universe. With millions of inhabitants — including Tardelli himself. Who promptly escapes. The Headhunter was looking for him (having been sent to fetch him by a new employer), and offers him a job if they manage to make it out alive. Tardelli's willing to destroy his pocket universe — inhabitants and all — if it can save him. Simonsson, a raging Tardelli fanboy up to that point, is horrified. But luckily, the golem understands that his prime directive is to protect the pocket universe, with or without Tardelli in it, so it turns on its creator and the day is saved. The Doctor notes that it's all a rather nice commentary on the work of art in the age of mechanical reproduction.
Tropes:
- Bigger on the Inside The diamond contains a pocket universe just under 3 light years across.
- If I Can't Have You…: Tardelli doesn't want his Universe taken by anybody else so is happy for it to be destroyed.
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Genius Bonus: The Doctor makes nerdy jokes about German scholar Walter Benjamin. - Inherently Funny Words: Karen and the Headhunter play around with hypnosis a bit, and make a guard say "creeeam cheeese" instead of "I obey".
- Pun: The Doctor mentions Robin Hood, and Lucie groans as she prepares herself for yet another nonsensical story, asking if the Doctor was at Hood's wedding or something. The Doctor reponds that Robin Hood wasn't married: he wasn't the... Marion kind.
- Punctuated Pounding: Lucie, on the Headhunter.
