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Quotes / Urban Legends

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Donkey: There was this crazy albino guy who lived in a mirror, and if you even just look at him, you'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice cubes with your kidneys gone!

Peter: Oh-oh, funny sailing story. All right, this guy's on his boat in the middle of the ocean, right, and he sees a little black dog. And let me tell you, this dog's been swimming for days and he stinks like a dead otter. Right?
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Lois: Peter, maybe this isn't the place...
Peter: Hang on, Lois. So the guy takes the dog into the vet and the freakin' vet tells him, get this, it's not a dog, it's a rat. A big, stinkin' Mexican rat. True story.
Meg: Dad, that's just an urban legend.
Peter: Hand to God, I tell you, a big freakin' rat. Five times as big as that guy's steak.
Lois: Oh Peter, that rat gets bigger every time you tell this story.
Peter: Oh I got a million of 'em. Like my buddy's sister's boss. He was drinking with a hooker in this Vegas bar. BAM! Woke up without his kidneys!
Family Guy, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater"

Marge: Oh, back in the '70s, [Troy McClure] was quite the teen heartthrob.
Homer: Yeah. Who'da thought he'd turn out to be such a weirdo?
Marge: What are you talking about?
Homer: You know, his bizarre personal life. Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium? Why, I heard...
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Marge: Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend! People don't do that type of thing with fish. Troy McClure is a perfect gentleman, like Bing Crosby or JFK.
The Simpsons, "A Fish Called Selma"

Bart: (on video) I'd like to nominate my teacher, Mrs. Krabappel. She may not be glamorous or entertaining, she's just a real teacher who comes in every day no matter what. And she never gave up on me, Bart Simpson.
(everyone in the room gasps)
Woman: The Bart Simpson?
Man: I thought he was just an urban legend.
Woman: If she's danced with the devil in the blue shorts and lived, we have ourselves a nominee.
The Simpsons, "Special Edna"

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