Despite only a genetic copy of the real Abraham Lincoln, Abe's prone to giving a few speeches of his own when the time calls for it. The quality of said speeches however...
Abe: Well right now all I can think about it not thinking about you over there on your thinking dock, thinking about what you did.
Joan: I was only trying to help, Abe. You don't know what you're getting into. What she's getting you into.
Abe: You don't know what you're getting into: and that's out of my friendship. And you know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most, and it's from you backstabbing me. So maybe instead of the nail metaphor I should've used a stabbing metaphor. But it's too late for that now, isn't it?
Joan: I guess it is.
Abe: That's where you're wrong Joan. Because I'm going to win that election with the most dangerous campaign stunt since Dukakis jumped the snake river canyon. Goodbye Joan.
Thomas Edison: Well all the films are ruined.
Cleo: There is no God!
Joan: There is a God!
Thomas Edison: Except Joan's film which has somehow expanded in the fire and will now be seen in widescreen.
Joan: Ugh. There is no God.
Abe: This is a sign, Joan! If you don't express yourself, you'll just keep saying "fine" when someone asks you how you are. And then one day someone will say "How are you Joan?" and you know what your answer will be? There won't be one. Because you'll be dead.
Abe: Joan, how could you lie to me?
Joan: Abe, try to understand-
Abe: Oh, I understand! You sold us all a bill of goods, and those goods turned out to be bad. Then you sold me up the river.
Joan: That may be, but I sent you up that river with my heart as a paddle.
Abe: But you took that paddle and smacked me in the face. And I wear my heart on my sleeve, so when I wiped my face, I got heart all over it.
