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Literature / The Last Crusade

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Well, this can only end well...

A 2016 novel by conservative writer Ira Tabankin.

On January 20th, 2017, at the very moment that Hillary Clayton is sworn in as president, already mired in scandal from mass voter fraud and 30,000 deleted classified emails, the charismatic new leader of ISIS, Ali Muhammad Tanvir, appears on Al-Jazeera to announce that 23 majority-Muslim nations have secretly agreed to join in a global caliphate, under his leadership and that of ISIS. The only holdouts being Saudi Arabia (soon resolved by a coup) and Egypt.

As Ms. Clayton's presidency continues to stumble from scandal to scandal, including blackmail from both the Russians and the Caliphate who have obtained the deleted emails, the Caliphate seeks and receives recognition first from the UN, than the US. Abandoned by America, Egypt and Israel form a military alliance to resist the Caliphate.


Then the Caliphate nukes New York, Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Tel Aviv and Rome, triggering a brief secondary nuclear war as both Russia and the US blame and attack each other. While the world mourns millions of dead, Tanvir announces an oil embargo on any nation that doesn't pay the Caliphate a Jizya (tax leveled specifically against non-Muslims) crashing the world economy.

It is against this backdrop that the Pope calls for a Holy Crusade, to save the world from Islam and, as President Clayton hides in her office, the US, Russia, most of Europe, Israel and Egypt all join hands to destroy Islam forever.


The Last Crusade contains examples of:

  • Anvilicious: Where to even begin...
  • Author Tract: As with many of Tabankin's writings, the evil of Islam and the unsuitability of contemporary American Democratic politicians for leadership takes center stage.
  • Big Bad: Ali Muhammad Tanvir, leader of ISIS/the Caliphate.
  • Defiant Stone Throw: The book opens with a nameless Director of the FBI resigning in protest when the Attorney-General decides not to prosecute Hillary Clayton for keeping classified information on a private email server.
  • Enemy Mine: Egypt, the one holdout from the Caliphate, forms a military alliance first with Israel, than the Crusader States.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Tanvir, a young graduate whose primary qualification to lead ISIS was his Oxford education.
  • Middle Eastern Coalition: The Caliphate, for once not including Egypt.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Averted with Hillary Clayton, a hysterical and corrupt leader with a faithless husband and a penchant for keeping classified information on unsecured private email servers.
  • The Theocracy: The Caliphate, naturally.
  • Villain Team-Up: The formation of the Caliphate is sure treated this way.