Funny / Unfamiliar

• When Louise tries teaching discipline to Alex for the first time:
  Alex (amused): “Disciplined? Oh, this should be amusing. And what exactly did you have in mind?”
  Louise: “I think twenty lashes should be enough."
  Alex: “Mmm, better make it forty.” (seeing Louise's puzzled expression) "You'll see why."
  Louise (irritated): “Sixty! And I'll withhold supper if you don't stop laughing.”
  Alex: “Eighty. After all, there's a lesson to be learned here, right?”
  Louise: “Bah, one hundred lashes you insolent dog!”
  • Needless to say, when she actually starts lashing him, it has absolutely no effect. Cue Mercer snarking more:
    Alex: “That's two. Only ninety eight more to go, “master.””
    • Leading to:
      Alex: “Keep going! You're only halfway there!”
      Louise: “Damn you! You're doing this on purpose.”
      Alex: “Of course I am.”
• When Kiche express her fear about Alex's shapeshifting:
  Alex: “-A plaster monster? [...] Miss von Zerbst, are you suggesting that I'm a chunk of malevolent drywall come to life in order to assimilate you puny meatlings into my chalky hivemind? Because if you are, I take great offense at such slanderous claims!”
  • Leading to:
    Alex: “Man, I never realized how fun screwing with people was.”
• How does Kirche drug Louise? By shoving a rag in her face and asking, "Does this smell like sleeping potion to you?"
• Alex suddenly feeling more interested in Louise when he learns she can create explosions.
  • When he takes a blood sample from Louise, she asks him the reason:
    Alex: “I wanted to be able to use void too. It'll be helpful for you to have someone to practice with.”
    Louise: “What's your real reason?”
    Alex: “Being able to make stuff explode with my mind appeals to me."
• When Alex and Louise are looking for spells to practice and prove she can use Void magic:
  Alex: “How about this one? Looks fun."
  Louise: “Exterminatus? We're looking for effects for spells and you just leap to “kill everything?””
  Alex: “It's a valid strategy.”
• This exchange between Kirche and Louise:
  Louise: “Alex is only a threat if you provoke him.”
  Kirche: “Alex? You're on a first name basis now? Don't tell me you have a tentacle fetish.”
  Louise (hilariously shocked): “No!”
  • Which leads to:
    Alex: "I need a bigger tentacle."
• Alex's Cargo Ship with the Javelin:
  Louise: “So that's a Javelin, huh? When you talked about your favorite weapon, I imagined something a little more impressive.”
  Alex (rubbing the Javelin against his cheek): “You're only saying that because you haven't seen this baby fire yet.”
  Kirche: “With how you're lusting over that thing, I'd think you would have wanted to show it off.”
  Alex: “I do, but it has only one shot, so I have to make sure it counts.”
  Montmorency: “One shot? One lousy shot? The legendary staff of destruction is a mundane piece of crap that can only fire one shot?”
  Alex (to the Javelin): “Ignore them, Javie, they don't know that I could reload you in three seconds flat if I had more missiles. Nor have they seen you gut an M1 tank. No they haven't.”
• Alex once again gushing over the possibility of stumbling upon explosive weapons. In this case, a nuke.
  Alex: "Now I definitely want to see this dragonfly king. If he's got access to mines, maybe he'll have access to other explosives too. Oooh! Maybe he'll even have a nuke!"
  Montmorency: "Nuke? What, is this another one of your stupid one shot bombs?"
  Alex: "Stupid one shot bombs? Imagine a weapon so powerful that you only need one to turn a city into ash. Imagine a light so bright that your very eyes melt and run down your cheeks like tears. Are you imagining that? Good. Now imagine that light blossoming over your precious Tristain city. Imagine it expanding and consuming everything, the entire city in a wave of fire and expanding pressure. But that's not all a nuke does. Oh no. It will poison the air. For hours, days, or even weeks, the ash that falls to the ground will be radioactive, killing everyone it comes into contact with. If it's a particularly dirty bomb, one intended to salt the earth, you won't be able to resettle your new crater for generations. Put that all in a suitcase, and you've got a nuke."
  Montmorency: "Dragonshit. I don't believe any of that. I think you're making it all up."
  Alex: "Believe what you want to. I've only seen one go off once, and it nearly killed me at that. But it was beautiful. Absolutely nothing makes a larger boom. When you show me magic that can bring entire nations to their knees at a whim, then you get to look down on my nukes."
  Louise: "What would you use it for if we did find one?"
  Alex: "I'd keep it in reserve until you had all your enemies gathered in one place. Then, blammo! What else would I use it for? I wouldn't waste it on empty land or anything. I wouldn't use it on people just because I could either. That'd be a waste of perfectly good nuke."
  • And just to add to the humor, this entire conversation is happening while Alex is disarming a mine that Louise has just stepped on. She dies if she so much as moves, and she's starting to develop an uncomfortable itch.