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Funny / Tim Minchin

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  • Take your pick; his own favourite is Peace Anthem For Palestine, whose one verse is:
    You don't eat pigs
    We don't eat pigs
    It seems it's been that way for ever
    So if you don't eat pigs
    And we don't eat pigs
    Why not not-eat-pigs together?
  • The ending of Canvas Bags.
    Tim: BLACKOUT! Fuck yeah!
  • The monotonous, completely deadpan way he sings the opening line of Some People Have It Worse Than I.
    Tim: Well, I wake up in the morning at 11:47 and I can't believe I have to face the horror of another fucking day.
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  • The line in 'Thank You God (For Fixing The Cataracts of Sam's Mum)'
    Fuck me, Sam! What are the odds?!
  • From the Darkside Live album, just after the second chorus, the audience starts to clap along to the beat. Tim's about to launch into a solo, and he isn't pleased with the sudden participation.
    Tim: People always start clapping then, but I'm about to do a solo and I can't keep time. *beat* So shut the fuck up.
    • Another instance of Dark Side's solo clapping gets an especially dry reaction from Tim when the audience claps out of time with his playing.
    Tim: Ah yeah, off-beat. Wicked.
  • The entirety of Storm, particularly when he rhymes "Carbon" with "Hard-on".
  • In Song for Wossy, he concludes a line with 'I wanna make sweet love to ya, sweet love to ya wife." The look on Ross's face was priceless.
  • Stone Her to Death!
  • Five Poofs and Two Pianos
  • Tim Minchin and the Heritage Orchestra: Free Jazz! Bassoon Solo!
    • When he talks to the audience:
    Audience Member: WE LOVE YOU!
    Tim: It's nice to see that you already nominated a spokesperson. And the consensus seems to be that you love me. That's incredible, that's, oh fuck off. Let's just skip the pleasantries and have an enormous orgy.
    • Oh this, this is my orchestra.
    It's nice to finally have my orchestra. I've always felt deep down that at the very least I deserve an entire symphony orchestra.
    • William and Kate got married the day of one of the performances:
    The good thing about the royal wedding... *beat* Speaking of things I don't care about, this is my band!
    • Tim screwing with the conductor. And asking an audience member to rub one out in order to see if a spell he performed worked. Or at least tweet him the results.
    • The amazingly large number of statistics fans in the audience.
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    • Tim has two guilty pleasures: wine because the money he spends on it could go towards immunizing children in poor countries (which is why he savors it) and cheese.
    • Before the Tear Jerker that is "Beauty", Tim had this to say:
    The next song is about my is about doing this (performing) and only really applies to me—or other people with the same experiences as me—so it's rather self-indulgent. Which is really saying something considering I just performed a 7 1/2 minute song about cheese.
    • Before performing the final song, Tim comments that he has always ended the show with the same song ("Darkside") and has been trying to come up with a better one and earlier that year he finally gave up.
    • During the "Darkside": Free Jazz!
    Bassoon Solo!
  • After performing the Pope Song, a piano company in Dallas refused to let him actually borrow one, calling him a "God-hater" and "a demon".
  • Tim's improvisational skills have keen timing as well - before playing "If I Didn't Have You" in Canada, his stand-up recieved an out-of-place "Woo!" following a string of digits. After calling the audience member "Rainman" he went on to perform "If I Didn't Have You", and then drilled into the aforementioned audience member with his eyes when he got to the "9.999 hundred thousand other loves" line.
  • In his 2016 performance for the New York Comedy Festival, he forgot the lyrics to "Woody Allen Jesus" and needed the audience to remind him how it went. He then brought it up constantly throughout the show.
    • When the annoying audience clapping reared its head again, he proceeded to play a fast, elaborate piano solo just to fuck with them.
  • In an interview regarding his work on the upcoming Groundhog Day musical:
    "Were you just looking for an excuse to play the same song over and over again?"
    "I was looking for an excuse to hear that joke over and over again."
  • Tim's tribute song toDonnie Darko. Moments include:
    • "(Donnie) shags a chick called Gretchen and the rabbit shows him what to do." Cue Frank thrusting his crotch. Fridge Brilliance right there.
    • Tim caps off the song by praising myxomatosis, which causes Frank to fade away.
  • "Ten Foot Cock And A Few Hundred Virgins". As he introduces it, "This is a song about anal sex and God."


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