Funny / The Girl Next Door (2004)

• Eli most of the time, mainly since he cannot stop talking, complaining, or shouting about sex, for himself or just in general:
  Eli: I just gotta fuck something.

  Eli: How's the rack?
  Matthew: God, who is this girl?
  Eli: HOW'S THE RACK??

  Eli: I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!

  Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

  Eli: Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! FUCK HER FOR ME! FOR ME!

  Eli: God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

• Kelly seems to genuinely astonish himself with his own skills as a porn visionary.
  Kelly: It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.

• When Matthew thinks Danielle has just told his parents he was being a peeping Tom, the music combined with the look on his face makes it feel like his world's about to end. When his father calls for him to come downstairs, the camera zooms dramatically into a stern looking Uncle Sam poster on his wall pointing at him.

• Matthew's attempt at small talk: "Such a long road, you know?"
  • And Danielle's reaction to it: Abruptly pulling over.
  • Matthew's hotel room small talk is no better: Naming things in the room.

• Hugo just stares at Matthew for a few moments, then sends his parrot to attack him. Even funnier when Fridge Logic tells you he must have trained the parrot to attack on command. Hugo owns an attack parrot.

• Klitz's attempts to impress/hit on the porn star backstage at the convention:
  Girl: So, what do you guys do?
  Klitz: I get freaky.
  Eli: Uh, uh, we're directors.
  Girl: Really? Would you guys ever wanna use me in one of your movies?
  Eli: Uhhh...
  Klitz: Hell yeah, we'll use you! Baby, I'll do things to you I wouldn't do to a farm animal.

• Klitz's face after Eli kisses him. If you look closely, you can see Emile Hirsch corpsing in the next shot.

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