The "Helper Dog" entry (sadly, this is only in the book):
Allie's explanation for how she and Boyfriend decided to get the helper dog in the first place: they decided dealing with Simple Dog wasn't challenge enough.
The "helper dog's" determination to spazz out at the presence of other dogs, especially her reaction to the neighbor's dog.
The helper dog getting the wrong idea from Allie's attempts to train her out of naughty behavior.
The chapter on dogs and their understanding of things:
"Dog Science": Doing something that has bad results just means you didn't do it enough times.
Allie can't understand it, but Simple Dog has a habit of eating bees.
The Simple Dog and Helper Dog's Implausible Deniability with regard to shredded clothes and empty dog bowls. Obviously, it couldn't have anything to do with them...
When the dogs ask "how doors?", Allie just answers that they'd have too much free rein to make decisions if they knew. Not "bad decisions", just "decisions."
"The Party"
Allie's attempts to get to a birthday party while still loopy from sedation. "PAAAARP!"
Allie tries to talk her mother into it:
Allie, After Being Heavily Sedated: But moun - I can roun arcoss the porp. I can do it! I can go to the partney!
Allie's Mother: No you can't.
Allie: I can! I can! I CAN!!!
Allie's Mother: Look at you. You can't even walk. You can't form a coherent sentence.
Allie: I CAN ROUN ARCOSS THE PARP!!! I CAN GO TO THE PARPY!!!
"Dogs don't understand simple concepts like moving":
Simple Dog's broad grin (especially when contrasted with Helper Dog's expression) in this picture◊.
Simple Dog's reaction to throwing up: "I made food! I'm MAGICAL!"
Partway through the move, Simple Dog becomes alarmed.
Now this particular dog is not anywhere near the gifted spectrum when it comes to solving problems. In fact, she has only one discernible method of problem solving and it isn't even really a method.
1) Become aware that there is a problem.
2) Wait 19 seconds.
3) Begin making high-pitched sounds. "Eeeeeeee..."
4) Continue making high-pitched sounds until problem is solved.
Simple Dog discovering the snow: "YAAEEY! THE GROUND IS ALL WEIRD! I'M A DOG! :D"
Simple Dog thinking her legs have vanished when Allie puts boots on her feet.
"Imagine, for a second, that you are peacefully slumbering after a nice day of bonding with your young daughter - who you think is playing peacefully out in the yard. You are warm and comfortable and feeling secure about your life. And then you are abruptly woken up by this◊."
Allie says she hopes she never ends up writing a post like "101 Ways To Abort Your Gay-Married, Al-Quaeda-Loving Baby for $39 or Less!", and hopes to never see anything like that in the searches that brought people to her site. In an update to the post, she is annoyed when she later sees that people have been deliberately adding it to her analytics page by searching it.
Simple Dog becoming confused and continuing to turn in circles ad infinitum in "Simple Dog Goes for a Joy Ride."
"Menace": Allie gets a dinosaur costume, which fills her with such a power high that she causes all kinds of mischief such as drawing on walls or spraying the hose inside the house.
◊.
