Passione speedrun any percent (world record)
is a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fanfic by nihilego. The premise is very simple: What if Passione never got their hands on a Stand Arrow? As it turns out, the answer is Giorno and Team Bucciarati wreaking utter havoc on the Boss's forces.
Due to the fic's nature, this page will assume that you already know what happens in the first half of Golden Wind. As such, all spoilers for the canon events up to the end of the Mystery of King Crimson arc will be unmarked. You Have Been Warned.
- Adaptational Mundanity: Played with - Stands do exist, and it's heavily implied that the Stand Users seen in Parts 3 and 4 did still gain them as they did in canon, but the members of Passione (bar Giorno, who gained his when the other Joestars did, and Coco Jumbo) lack Stands due to Diavolo having never acquired a Stand Arrow.
- Brick Joke: Shortly after meeting Giorno, Narancia asks him if he could use Gold Experience to recreate extinct animals, to which Giorno says that he could probably make a dodo. The last Gold Experience-created animal to exit the church on Capri Island in the climax is a dodo, which waddles out right as Fugo and Narancia get to the entrance.
- Comically Missing the Point: The only thing that Giorno found most memorable from his conversation with Polnareff is that the latter had sex with his father DIO.
- Dies Differently in Adaptation: In canon, Diavolo was subjected to an infinite death loop courtesy of Giorno and Gold Experience Requiem. Here, he's impaled on vines created by standard Gold Experience.
- Extremely Short Timespan: Even moreso than in canon: thanks to Giorno killing Diavolo on Capri Island, the entire story is resolved in the course of a week. The ending narration even lampshades this.Most of the group agreed that Bruno should be boss, which would mean that he went from leader of a small group to the fucking Don of Passione in a week.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Giorno gets rid of Diavolo by goring him on a bunch of thorned vines.
- Kid with the Leash: Part of Bruno's reputation as the new Don is that he's the Reasonable Authority Figure that is able to keep the supernatural force known as Giorno Giovanna in line.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: In five days out of Bruno's sight, Giorno and a wheel-chair bound Polnareff were able to find and kill Diavolo's elite guard.
- Spared by the Adaptation: Since the entire second half of the story never happens, all the characters who died in it (bar Diavolo and by extension Doppio) get to live to the end. Furthermore, Giorno is just barely able to save Bucciarati from the wounds inflicted on him by Diavolo, meaning he gets to live too.
- The Stations of the Canon: While a lot of the story happens very differently than in canon, there's a few major events (Bucciarati confronting Giorno on the bus, the "torture dance" scene, Bucciarati delivering Trish to the Boss and being fatally wounded trying to protect her) that play out largely the same, just via more mundane methods rather than through Stand powers.
- Wrong Context Magic: Stand powers are treated like this, particularly Gold Experience - in a world where the rest of Passione still fights with regular Mafia weaponry and tactics, Team Bucciarati having someone who can create life from inanimate objects, attack people with his mind (at least, that's what it looks like) and heal wounds in minutes is rightfully seen as being absolutely terrifying. This winds up making him a perfect enforcer for Bruno when he becomes Don; word of Giorno's seemingly logic-defying abilities has spread so far among the ranks of Passione that people are willing to do whatever Bruno says if it means not having to see what Giorno can do in-person.
