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Awesome / And the Giant Awoke

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Being a Lighter and Softer treatment of Game of Thrones with a much higher Catharsis Factor, this story has at least one in just about every chapter.

  • The For Want of a Nail situation that starts things off, as Tyrion fights Gregor Clegane himself, and wins by making a shield out of toffee that Gregor's sword gets stuck in, letting Tyrion get inside his range and kill him with a few well-placed strikes. After all the embarrassing nicknames he's endured, this one gets him immortalized as The Giant of Casterly Rock.
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  • Tyrion inventing the printing press with the help of some sloppy wine pouring, which the narration notes would change the world the most of all his accomplishments.
  • Tyrion giving Dellyne Martell an assist with fighting off a group of assassins, again getting inside his opponent's range to good effect.
  • This time, Tywin gets to live past the revelation of Jaime and Cersei's affair, and after getting over the initial shock he quickly implements a scheme to separate the two, which Jaime is perfectly happy with. And then lays out to Cersei exactly why Tommen still needs to marry Margaery, also offering to cancel the wedding if Cersei can come up with another way to get the family's finances out of the gutter. She promptly storms off, leaving Tywin to actually wish Tyrion was there;
    Tyrion was an obstinate ugly little creature that Tywin despised with every particle of his being. However, he was also a realist when it came to problems, clear-minded (When not drunk) with solutions, quick to admit ignorance and quick to learn afterwards.
    He would have taken the papers and returned in a week's time with possibilities. The process would have been accompanied by too much wine and sarcasm, but results would have been made. Now, instead, Tywin was going to need to have Cercei watched to ensure that she didn't make a mess of things to get whatever short-term goal she desired.
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  • Tywin's plan to get Jaime out of his hair for a while and FAR away from Cersei: declare war against the Iron Islands and have Kevan leak the news. Jaime instantly demands to go so he might seek glory. The moment he leaves Tywin thanks Kevan, telling him he did well.
  • Arya's entrance, killing a whole group of mercenaries after Tyrion.
  • Pyromancer Hallyne managing to isolate fucking iodinenote  from seaweed in just a week, followed by Tyrion putting it to use in treating the Pale Mare (which is either dysentery or cholera), simply because he doesn't trust the common knowledge that there's no cure.
  • After Brienne and Pod are captured by Littlefinger, who should come to their rescue but Brynden the Blackfish. And then all three promptly set sail to meet up with Tyrion.
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  • Arya unhesitatingly killing a bookie refusing to pay up on her new friend Ally's horse.
  • Jaime vs. Euron Greyjoy, which he wins despite the latter using magical doubles. And he shows throughout the battle just how good he's gotten with his new hand, too. This act earns the Kingslayer a more complimentary sobriquet: Crowslayer.
  • The battles with Kasta and Norvos, with Tyrion mopping up three armies in a matter of hours with tactics like pouring wildfire in the sewers and building steel catapults.
  • The comeuppance of Littlefinger from start to finish. First Tyrion throws a drink in his face and threatens to geld him, with not one person coming to his defense. Then Olenna reveals that she's been poisoning him ever since they made their alliance against Joffrey, and the time has finally come to be done with it. And then we even follow him into the afterlife, where he's treated to a "The Reason You Suck" Speech from Ned that's all the more powerful from his not even taking any pleasure in it and just being regretful that it had to come to this. And the final hurrah is given to Ros and all the other whores who met their deaths by his arrangements, who are going to torture him until he genuinely regrets everything he did, possibly forever. Damn.
    • To expand upon the second point, Olenna Tyrell visits him on his deathbed and briefly reflects upon just how miraculous Tyrion's "godswine" (the iodine) is as a medicine - he managed to live eight days when the poison should have killed him in three. The poison was administered in two halves - the second of which was inhaled via Littlefinger's candles. The story of the first half, however, shows just how prepared and dangerous Olenna is - it entered his body via his expensive Highgarden soaps.
  • Tyrion's assault on the Twins. First he makes use of Hallyne's newly invented smoke/tear gas grenades, then takes down the door with a phallus-shaped battering ram, all while a Faceless Man disguised as Jaime takes out the Frey generals on the inside. And then he cuts off Walder's attempt at Famous Last Words with a crossbow bolt to the groin like he didn't get to do to his father this time, sending him off with one last jab at his hated nickname. Oh, and in the middle of it all, Arya tracked down Black Walder and got some very painful revenge for her mother's death at his hands.
  • Who's the first person in the story who is actually an equal match for Tyrion? His father Tywin of course, who entraps him into finding a way out of the family's current financial hole for the sake of Myrcella and her descendants.
  • The two rather unexpected heroes of the assault on Winterfell. Shireen invents a much easier way to make caltrops which decimate the Bolton troops before the armies even close, and then after Stannis' death Selyse's madness gives her the strength to stab Roose to death even as she's dying on his sword, and she still has enough strength afterwards to send Ramsay heading for the hills.
  • Greatjon Umber successfully staring down Ramsay and locking him up. He may have escaped afterwards, but it's still a serious blow.
  • Taking down a giant kraken, including Pod saving Tyrion a second time, which gets him a knighthood.
  • Awesome less in a battle sense but a smart sense: Tyrion's cook figures out how to turn the most disgusting-tasting crabs in all of Westeros into a dish so yummy men eat them by the bucket-full.
  • Oberyn's rescue of Daenerys. First Nymeria beats the Dothraki leader in a whip fight, and then they fight off the rest of the khalasar by terrorizing the horses with fireworks. Oberyn also shows some impressive Character Development, having realized the folly of mindless revenge and now wanting nothing more than to kill Tywin.
    • Nymeria's victory also counts. She plays up that she is a woman and is afraid to scar her pretty skin, only to go into a Drunk Man's Stumble and utterly reverse all momentum and win the fight.
  • Oberyn makes the best possible first move against the Sons of the Harpy, spreading rumors that Cleon the Butcher King will soon be attacking. Since they find the prospect of his ruling Meereen even more distasteful then Daenerys, they're soon completely distracted trying to prepare for the attack.
    • When it turns out Cleon actually is going to attack, Jorah distracts the army with some very convincing dragon kites while the Unsullied slip around and take them from behind. And with the army gone, Oberyn promptly offers control of Astapor to the Sons, letting them and Daenerys both get out of each other's hair with no more cost to anyone.
    • After his defeat, Cleon promptly decides to quit the Game of Thrones entirely, instead going back to being a butcher and becoming very successful, bedding numerous women and ultimately dying perfectly happy. Sometimes the only way to win the Game of Thrones is not to play.
  • After Sansa starts learning to swordfight, Arya suggests she have a match with Tyrion. Sansa promptly wins with a Distracted by the Sexy maneuver inspired by Tyrion's above method of dealing with Littlefinger.
  • Bronn arrives at the island where Littlefinger hid his jewels, and finds Meryn Trant and a sizable army already there. He responds by first talking Trant into a truce until one of them finds the jewels, then uses his sizable wits to figure out where they are while barely lifting a finger, and finally talks Trant's men into joining his side and killing the Kingsguard himself.
  • On one side: Tyrion, Greatjon Umber, and 3,500 men holed up in Winterfell. On the other: 8,000 Wights led by two White Walkers and an undead Ramsay. The result: three quarters of them get taken out right at the start of the battle with buried Wildfire, including Ramsay, who's denied the chance to do a single thing after his transformation, and one of the White Walkers bites it when the explosion propels a leftover dragonglass caltrop from the Baratheon vs. Bolton battle into it. Then Tyrion heads out alone against the other Other, and manages to buy enough time thanks to Pod following plus a snowball in the face for Brienne to put it down with Oathkeeper. One of the most suspenseful scenes in the story thus far, and he still came out ahead through pure smarts and guts.
  • Tyrion figures out how to pay for the war against the White Walkers by making yet another fortune as Winter begins; he packs ice in sawdust and sells it in the damned Summer Islands!
    Lord Harald Karstark: It is rumored that Lord Tywin shits gold. But his son, the Imp? All he has to do is touch something and it turns to gold.
  • Gendry finally makes an appearance, presenting Tyrion with his invention of a flaming spearhead.
  • Alliser Thorne and the other mutineers get to go out as heroes this time, fighting against the White Walkers in a tunnel reminiscent of Grenn's fight against the giant. It ends with Alliser being Defiant to the End against the freaking Night King, saying he'll just keep fighting him if he's brought back.
  • Thanks to Tywin's survival, we get to see him go up against the High Sparrow. The result: He uses the imminent threat of the White Walkers to get the High Sparrow to agree to severely reduced sentences for Cersei and Loras... then has Bronn kill him and switches the sentence to an even lighter one.
  • The Battle at the Wall. Gendry's flaming spearheads, dragonglass blades and arrowheads, huge flaming clubs with dragonglass spikes, spider repellent, Valyrian steel swords, suicide bombers... all wielded by a Multinational Team of religious warriors, Wildlings, Black Brothers, soldiers, sellswords, bannermen, levies and more, led by Tyrion Lannister. Not only do they hold up against the White Walkers and wights, they force the Night King to retreat!
    • Even Arya gets to kill at least one White Walker with a dragonglass arrow - which, according to the narration, were only given to the best archers in the group.
    • One of the old men that came to be a suicide bomber flips off the Others before blowing himself up.
  • Completely by accident, Melisandre's alerting the rest of the Church about wildfire causes some of them to become a splinter group of essentially superheroes, using their own magic combined with wildfire to fight injustice wherever they find it.
    • They wear green jade rings, which they receive upon taking their oaths. Melisandre accidentally created the Green Lantern Corps.
  • Cersei tries to hire the Faceless Men to kill Tyrion, only for one of them to bluntly point out that what she truly holds valuable, her dignity and comfort rather than jewels, is something she'd never give up and thus her request is denied. She can't summon up a single word and is left running with her tail between her legs.
  • Tyrion's profits from the printing business start to dry up as more and more businesses start making their own presses. His response is to come up with something else no one else is doing: superhero comics.
  • From the final showdown with the White Walkers:
    • Melisandre kills herself to power a spell which launches a massive fireball from the top of the Wall. And while the Walkers are able to extinguish the flames, the resulting avalanche crushes most of their army.
    • Jaime killing the Night King by stabbing him with a Valyrian steel-covered false hand (created from Littlefinger's dagger that started the whole mess, for some extra poetic justice), and using it to rip his heart out.
  • Cersei and Daenerys have their climactic battle:
    • It's a complete Curb-Stomp Battle thanks to Oberyn's idea of having the dragons drop massive amounts of weighted spearheads onto Cersei's army, followed by the Dothraki charging in and destroying all the Scorpions, allowing the dragons to make their usual attacks.
    • Mace Tyrell rather surprisingly proves to be Defiant to the End (if only because he realized that he'd never be able to escape in time), throwing his sword directly at Rhaegal's face as the final attack comes. This causes him to be remembered with honor by future generations.
    • We get an unexpected Prophecy Twist as Cersei simply drowns ignominiously while fleeing the battle, in a stream known as the "Little Brother". She then gets sent to her own Ironic Hell, constantly taking the place of men dying in battle.
  • Tywin gets a Dying Moment of Awesome for the ages, sacrificing himself to sate Oberyn's lust for revenge and ensure the Lannisters have the best chance he can give to survive the war with Daenerys. And in the meantime he also makes sure the family holds on to Casterly Rock, even if it's through the hated Tyrion, and Tyrion's marriage to Sansa and Myrcella's to Trystane give them a foothold in the North and Dorne as well. He plays everything so perfectly he's able to smile despite the severity of the fatal blow, leaving Olenna to realize only afterwards how much he won in the end.
  • Bronn shows how much he's learned from Tyrion's ingenuity by pinpointing one more literature niche waiting to be filled now that the printing press is around, and making his own fortune with erotica.

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