History Quotes / ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy

-->-- '''Mushu''' to ''WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}}, [[spoiler:who hit [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt exactly what she aimed at]]]]

-->-- '''Marvin''', ''Film/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy''

-->-- '''James May''', ''Series/TopGear''

[[folder:Web Comics]]

-->-- '''Church''', ''Machinima/RedVsBlue''

-->-- '''Marina''', ''VideoGame/Splatoon2''

->''"If you were a lumberjack, the only thing safe in the forest would be the trees."''
-->-- '''Michelangelo''' to an [[AnAxeToGrind axe-wielding]] [[{{Mook}} Foot soldier]], ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles''

-->-- '''Obi-Wan Kenobi''', [[CrazyEnoughToWork making one of the most inaccurate accurate deductions]] [[Franchise/StarWars in the history of the franchise]] in ''Film/StarWarsANewHope''

-->-- ''Series/RedDwarf'', "Quarantine"

->''"Now remember men, you're stormtroopers! [[TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket You couldn't hit a dead blue whale!]]"''

->'''Cleveland:''' They're shooting at us!\\
'''Peter:''' Good thing bad guys have such terrible shots!\\

-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' reviewing ''Film/{{Spawn}}''

-->-- ''Website/{{Cracked}}'' on the ''Film/ResidentEvil'' movies' [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18781_umbrella-most-wasteful-movie-corporation-ever.html Umbrella operatives]].

-->''"The characters in these movies exist in a Twilight Zone where thousands of rounds of ammunition are fired, but no one ever gets shot unless the plot requires him to. The bullets have read the screenplay."''

'''Reginald:''' Completely missed? ''(sigh)'' We spent so much money on that!\\
— ''[[VideoGame/HenryStickminSeries Henry Stickmin: Completing the Mission]]''

->''"Now remember men, you're stormtroopers! You couldn't hit a dead blue whale!"''

->'''"Now remember men, you're stormtroopers! You couldn't hit a dead blue whale!"'''
-->-- Mike Nelson, ''Podcast/RiffTrax'' of ''Film/ANewHope''

'''Bill Corbet:''' And if you give them [[MoreDakka several hundred unimpeded shots]] they might, ''might'', just get lucky and [[PinballProjectile bounce one off a wall]] that might, and let me stress again ''might'', actually do some damage... [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption possibly]].

-->-- '''Mushu''' to Mulan, [[spoiler:who hit [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt exactly what she aimed at]]]], ''WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}}''

-->-- '''Obi-Wan Kenobi''', [[CrazyEnoughToWork making one of the most inaccurate accurate deductions]] [[Franchise/StarWars in the history of the franchise]] in ''Film/ANewHope''

[[folder:Webcomics]]

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Something Something Something Dark Side"

[[folder:Film - Animated]]

[[folder:Film - Live-Action]]

-->-- '''Andy''', ''Undead Unluck''

->''"Ever notice how all the bad guys in action movies have TERRIBLE accuracy? They couldn't hit the broad side of barnacle with a Splash-o-matic!"''

->He's more likely to hit me if I dodge.

->They're such lousy shots! If they keep this up, it'll be smooth sailing to Russia!

->So is there a Decepticon school where they teach you how to ''miss?''

->I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses.

->"[[NumberTwoForBrains Lonzak]], you lummox!" cried Zarkendorf. "He's right in front of you--how could you possibly miss? Didn't I send you to the Stormtrooper Academy on [[Film/AttackOfTheClones Kamino?"]]

->A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something.

->You missed! How could you miss?! He was ''three feet'' in front of you!

->Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!

->I don't know what all the fuss is about. [[TemptingFate Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.]]

->My God. Do we just suck, or is this guy really that good?

->And these blast points, too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise.

->If you were a lumberjack, the only thing safe in the forest would be the trees.

->Look, son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.

-><[[SurroundedByIdiots Would it be asking too much for one of you to actually hit something?!!]]>

->Principle of Evil Marksmanship: The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun.

->The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target.

->You will be terrible, when it comes to shooting you're just terrible\\

am I!

->[[LampshadeHanging You can shoot them all day and not hit with aim like that!]]

->Ever notice how all the bad guys in action movies have TERRIBLE accuracy? They couldn't hit the broad side of barnacle with a Splash-o-matic!

->Oh, my God, I ''suck!''

->Sheena, this guy's aim's so bad, I'll be safer if he's targeting ''me!''

->Where do we get these guys, Stormtroopers 'R' Us?

->Bond uses Jinx's grappling line (which still hasn't been taken down) to get to the roof. He then uses it again to run down the roof and head for Graves' ice skimmer. As he gets in, Zao's henchmen keep missing, despite being about ten feet away and shooting at a mostly stationary target.

->I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on [[FacelessGoons these helmets...]]

->They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; [[EpicFail they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.]]

->My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

->And then I fired again. And then I missed. And then I fired, and fired, and missed. I missed both times. And then I fired. And I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired. And then I missed. And then I was out of bullets. And then I got sad. And I had a Popsicle. And I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up. And then I reloaded. And then I fired. And then I missed. I missed again. I fired. I hit something. But it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. I had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something - I missed.

->Excellent shot, [[WebVideo/TheAngryJoeShow Mister Joe]], except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!

->Like many Transformers, they brilliantly set their guns to shoot everything around the target, except the target. We feel that gave the opponent a fighting chance.

->Set your guns to "not even close!"

->And now we partake in the best part of any Creator/{{Arnold|Schwarzenegger}} movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!

->Gentlemen, fire - and miss an astounding percentage of your shots - at will.

->(Well, those turning around would see.... A dead stormtrooper. Somehow the fucker missed, at point blank, and nailed his teammate instead.)\\
'''Stormtroopers''': Traitor!\\

'''Haken''': These guys are more dangerous to themselves than to us, hell they're more dangerous to themselves than we are.

->Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe.

-->-- '''Mushu''' to Mulan, [[spoiler:who hit [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt exactly what she aimed at]]]], ''Disney/{{Mulan}}''