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I'm a Let's Player who records himself killing people in a video game, makes barely-coherent commentary over it, then fucks off for two years before doing it again.


Kadorhal provides examples of:

  • Actor/Role Confusion: I (semi-jokingly) go through with this in regards to my Postal LPs. I claim "a Postal Dude knockoff is who I am now" in the description for one of my first additions to the Steam Workshop (a dictionary for Typing of the Dead: OVERKILL that includes Postal Dude phrases), and my description of myself on Twitter is "an owl who thinks he's the Postal Dude".
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  • The Alcoholic: Looking through old works I made, it seems every other self-insert I made was this. It seems I honestly believed I would become this - ironically enough, now that I am old enough to drink, the only things I can stand are non- or just barely-alcoholic.
  • Arc Number: 23, which I have personally seen affect reality.
  • Better Than a Bare Bulb: I tend to endlessly lampshade things other people do in chats rather than actually add to the conversation in a meaningful way. This is probably why I never feel welcome in such chats.
  • Catch-Phrase: Usually when I notice I've ended up with one, I end up never saying it again under any circumstances. There's a few that have stuck around, though:
  • Discontinuity: I'd like to pretend nothing that happened to me during 2007 actually happened, except for the bits involving Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory, Uncyclopedia, and Steam. I don't remember why that is anymore - or if any of the above things even happened then and not in 2006 or 2008 - so I guess that means it's working.
  • The Eeyore: Feeling like I'm "the Butt-Monkey of the entire universe" sounds about right, though not so much the actual "bringing everyone down" bit (if only because even I realize it gets real annoying real fast). An old Steam friend even once mentioned that they had nicknamed me "Eeyore".
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  • Fan Hater: Of the Postal fanbase for a period, over some feigned superiority I had over them from actually having played the game rather than simply reading about it fifth-hand (watching LPs of it didn't count, because the only one I knew about was my own and we all know nobody watched that). Dropped off around 2012 when GOG and Steam both got Postal 2, so all those fans I hated were suddenly able to redeem themselves by, y'know, actually playing the game.
  • Follow the Leader: I've dabbled in a little bit of everything, mostly due to seeing someone else do something and becoming popular through it and deciding "hey yeah I could do that too". This almost always results in things that should not exist, followed by me giving up on it after a month or two. Even the things I do stick with (LP's and skins for H.A.W.X. and Vector Thrust, primarily) are more for the fun I manage to derive from simply putting them together; a strange refusal to do any real self-promotion (ignore making a trope page for that shitty Gmod comic nobody read) and still not being any good at anything means I could not possibly make a popular thing, no matter how much I may want or try to.
  • Gratuitous German: I tend to sprinkle German phrases into my sentences (particularly variations on "ja", "nein", or "danke"), ever since playing a ton of Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory with my buddies. Has since been dropping off, save for "danke", because I'm too lazy (and stupid) to learn any more German beyond that.
  • Hitler Ate Sugar: I am the Hitler of opinions. If I like something, you are legally required to make fun of me for it. No, you can keep liking it if you already do, that's perfectly fine and in no way a problem to anyone. But if you haven't heard of it or decided on an opinion about it yet then you're not allowed to ever like it, because then you'll be like me, And That's Terrible for some reason.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: I've had to almost entirely give up on actually adding friends over Steam because the kind of people I like the most end up being the ones that dislike me the most (and that's assuming they're one of the 5% that doesn't just decline the request immediately; even then they'll only read two or three sentences of mine and then start ignoring me for the rest of the day). I similarly gave up on actually welcoming people on the Let's Play Forum pretty early on, because the people that gave me the best first impressions were always either the first to never make a second post (if I was lucky) or to get themselves banned because a single easy-to-follow rule that any other forum worth its salt has was apparently the last damn straw.
  • Keet: When I'm among a group of people I like and am enjoying myself, I definitely show it. The problem here is that it's almost guaranteed to mean those people don't like me back, because my "best" is a loud and annoying attention hog.
  • Morton's Fork:
    • I'd been having a recurring issue where running just about any program on my computer causes my connection to kill itself. My only choices to deal with are either ignore the issue, thus leaving it to continue, or try to fix it, at which point it will just come back a week later for an entirely different (and possibly contradictory) reason that nevertheless causes the exact same problem.
    • It seems to have since evolved into computer problems in general now that I've actually kind of fixed it. Basically, I am not allowed to have a 100% functional computer, because that will break the universe or something. That or objects are all sentient and even they don't want anything to do with me.
  • My Friends... and Zoidberg: Always, always the Zoidberg - even the people who actually do like me (as opposed to just trying to be nice to everyone) always forget about me.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: My old character WolfZword was a half-human half-wolf with dual Desert Eagles and a five-ton sword, created by science, who somehow became a kitsune, had a kid who became 20 in about three weeks and tried to kill him for being a shitty parent, lost his left arm in a fight and got a magic automail replacement, used a lot of dark magic in a fight against Giygas and gained a Superpowered Evil Side who could appear anywhere he wanted, got hired by the UAC and started killing zombies and demons as a job, learned how to control and then gave up the Force, twice, died in a weird internet accident, came back a week later with his natural left arm back, learned how to control the Force yet again, built a pair of Enforcer pistols with techno-magic ammo replenishers built in, attempted a brief anti-keyblade user campaign, turned into a Zoanthrope with the help of his Mad Scientist friend, built an HEV suit with stealth-oriented modifications, and then fused with his dark half after it basically blew itself up trying to control a magic crystal that had been in the above-mentioned sword, resulting in an automatic ammo-regeneration power, Nigh-Invulnerability, and actual magic at the cost of his Force-sensitivity, again. And now you know why the very name WolfZword is an Old Shame I never use anywhere anymore. I was going to reset the character and try to be a little less ridiculousnote , but I stopped roleplaying entirely before I got around to it.
    • If there's any consolation, said character had a bright, giant blue afro between having a kid and the zoanthrope thing, a period that lasted about two or three years. Also, for some reason now that I typed all that I'm suddenly interested in the character again, if only because he fits perfectly into Saints Row.
  • Sad Clown: I believe the period in which I was as funny as I could be was in my mid-teens, shortly after having moved from a school where the majority of the other students made fun of me, the teachers never carednote , and the few friends I did have abandoned me because people started making fun of them too (can't say I blame them for that one, but it's still a little depressing to know that being friends with me isn't worth even a little name-calling). I attribute it to having briefly gone the funny kind of insane from both having to deal with all that, having no idea why it was happening or how to make it stop, for at least four years, and the sudden realization that it was over. When the people at my new school decided after less than a month that they didn't like me either (they pretended I was gay so they had an excuse to make fun of me when I started going there, and then pretended I had threatened to bomb the school in the last few months - at the very least someone apologized for that one pretty quickly, and on a day that had already been going particularly well for me no less), I pretty much gave up on socializing and, by extent, being funny.
  • Schedule Slip: I am incredibly lazy.
  • Self-Deprecation: I have an incredibly low opinion of myself, as is probably obvious if you're somehow actually reading any of this, which both was caused by and exacerbates other people's already-low opinions of me.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: All the time. Either I'm completely detached from a group, thus nobody having any reason to care about me, or as soon as someone shows me some kindness I end up becoming overly clingy and annoying the shit out of them, thus giving them (and everybody else) more reasons to avoid me entirely.
  • The Quiet One: I don't talk very much, almost to the point of being The Voiceless, mostly because I'm rarely engaged in conversation with people who care what I have to say.
  • Unknown Rival: As a joke, I see myself as this to Tehzim, the Something Awful goon who completed a Postal 2 LP while mine was on hiatus - to me, he's a rival for the title of "only decent Postal 2 LP on Youtube" (I'm winning, of course), to him and the rest of Something Awful, even after joining the place myself I might as well not exist. DepressingDrawers would probably count from both sides - he'd obviously never heard of me before (or during, or after) doing his own LP of the game, but I'd never heard of him either until I was starting my AW LP and someone offhandedly mentioned him. Whoever else has done or is going to do Paradise Lost would be as well, though considering my LP is the one that's on the Archive I'd like to imagine someone else would be the unknown party for once (a man can dream, right?).
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: I used to have the uncanny ability to find people who completely fucking hate each other, and somehow become friends with both of them without either demanding I remove the other or whatnot. It helps that I'm at least smart enough to not bother deliberately bringing them together for things or even talk about them with each other.
  • Walking Techbane: 95% of technology seems intent on doing the exact opposite of what it's supposed to do just to piss me off. This has included things such as computers forgetting the system drive is actually plugged in, or the drive itself forgetting that a necessary system component is still where it's supposed to be.
    • Even video editing programs, the one thing I can usually get to work properly, are beginning to do this - convert parts of an .avi file to .gif in VirtualDub, watch as it drops four-fifths of the frames while saving and still results in an overly-bloated file.
  • What an Idiot!: Despite the name "WolfZword" being an Old Shame, it is still my username pretty much everywhere I go that's not here, the Let's Play Forum, or Something Awful. Even places that I know I signed up for long after T1m suggested the new name. Apparently, since the name was originally suggested as a name for a dark alter-ego-type character that I had (because of course I had a dark alter-ego-type character, I was a teenager in the mid-oughties), I'd decided for uses outside of that I'd continue using WolfZword for regular stuff and go by Kadorhal for "darker" or more "adult" things... which caused the above issue when I quickly decided, yeah, the new name was much better and I'm gonna just go by that.
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