History Main / StupidCrooks

* ''Literature/NaughtyNineTalesOfChristmasCrime'':: Alvin "the Reptile" Erie and Diesel are a pair of "the pettiest of petty crooks" who have engaged in various failed or unprofitable robberies, pot deals, and counterfeit t-shirt schemes. The Reptile "aspired to be a Napoleon of crime" but "was, in sad reality, closer to a Custer," while Diesel dutifully and obliviously follows him into almost every new scheme regardless of how badly the last one went.

* ''WebAnimation/EpithetErased'': Giovanni and his gang are lovely people but as dumb as stumps when it comes to actually committing crimes. They break into the museum at 7 PM, rather than their planned midnight, because Ben's mother wouldn't let him stay out that late, and said break-in is the loudest thing in the world and has no specific objective or exit strategy. Their theme song, "Great at Crime", [[BlatantLies doesn't exactly back up its title either]].
-->''We might trigger an alarm, but we never come to harm, because before the cops can catch us we can call my mom.''

See also: CutLexLuthorACheck, when someone with a habit of committing crimes could actually achieve fortune and success through more honest and legal means. A TerribleTrio can commonly evoke this trope (or, at least, the supporting characters can, if the leader is halfway competent). Often TheFamilyForTheWholeFamily is similar. Stupid Crooks can also be a type of HarmlessVillain. If the crook fails because he is foolishly self-confident rather than technically stupid, see TooCleverByHalf.

* The Narcocorrido song "La Suburban Dorada" revolves around two idiot members of TheCartel picking [[MetallicarSyndrome the most conspicuous car ever]] (the titular [[RiceBurner Golden Suburban]]) to covertly transport drugs. Not only do they attract the attention of the police, when they encounter a DirtyCop who is willing to look the other way as long as they bribe him, [[TriggerHappy they gun him down instead and try to shoot their way through a blockade]]. The song ends with [[CopKillerManhunt a police alert that the criminals are now to be considered cop-killers]].

** The first episode has two brothers who try to scam motorists [[StagedPedestrianAccident by throwing themselves in front of cars and faking injuries]]. First, they pull it off on Jimmy, whose [[TheAllegedCar beat-up Suzuki Esteem]] leaves so much to be desired that he very obviously doesn't have any money to be scammed of. After being enlisted by Jimmy to stage one of their stunts on a client he's interested in obtaining, but without memorizing the description of the car, they instead end up targeting [[AxeCrazy Tuco Salamanca]]'s grandmother by accident. After following her, their cultural sensitivity and people-reading skills leave much to be desired. They make the mistake of calling Tuco's grandmother a "bizznatch" in front of Tuco, [[BerserkButton angering him]]. If it weren't for Jimmy managing to successfully talk Tuco down from killing them to just breaking a leg on each of them, their fates would have been anonymous, shallow graves in the wasteland.

** Ted Beneke. He's been cooking his family company's books to keep it afloat after his bad business decisions led it to the edge of bankruptcy. When the IRS inevitably comes knocking, he expects Skyler to magically make the problem go away. Skyler normally wouldn't care because she's not working for Ted anymore, but since her name is on some of the tax papers, the IRS will investigate her as well, potentially exposing her and Walt's criminal activities. She's able to buy him some time and gives him more than six hundred thousand dollars under the guise of a phony inheritance from a nonexistent distant relative to pay off his debt. Not only is Ted dumb enough to take the inheritance story at face value, he uses the money to buy a ''new car'' and re-open his failing company, instead of paying off his debt. Saul sends two of his men to ''force'' Ted to pay off his debt; after signing the check, all he has to do is sit and wait until it clears, but instead he tries to make a run for it, trips on his carpet, breaks his neck, and cripples himself.

** Walt and Jesse have their moment early on when they try to steal barrels of the methyl amine that they need to make meth, and they struggle to get out in time thanks to carrying the barrel instead of rolling it. The people watching the security footage find the incident hilarious.

[[quoteright:343:[[Series/WorldsDumbest https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/criminals.png]]]]

-->'''Clerk:''' How does it feel to be a rocket scientist?

** Both burglars from the first two movies are dense enough to qualify, but especially Marv. It was his idea to flood every house they rob as his way of leaving a CallingCard, and when Marv wants to make it clear to cops that he and his partner are the "Wet Bandits", one of his arresting officers makes an observation:

** In ''Film/HomeAlone4'', in lieu of set booby traps, Kevin simply triggers the gadgets of his smart home at just the right time and lets the bad guys' bumbling do the rest.

* ''Series/WhiteHousePlumbers'': The main thrust of the miniseries is emphasizing how incompetent mess the infamous criminal conspiracy was. The gang screws up their attempt to covertly surveil a political target by trashing his office. After getting back into the party's good graces with some blatant witness tampering, they fail in their first two attempts to break into the DNC headquarters, bungle their third attempt, and get caught in their fourth.

** On the way to the Paleto Bay heist, the protagonists (and their hired backup) reminisce over their first heists, and it turns out that Michael was the only one of the three who ''wasn't'' one of these at some point. Franklin's first job, planned out by Lamar, would have netted them a combined take of $2K, but a dye-packet went off and ruined both stacks. Even worse was Trevor's first job, which went very similar to Ryder's robbery of the Pizza Stack above, except he didn't get away with it and spent six months in jail because of it.

** There are also Vikky and Vance, a pre-war petty-crime duo styling themselves as a Bonnie and Clyde-like duo, except not nearly as competent or famous (at least before their deaths, when they drove through a completely unrelated shootout). And then there are Pauline and Sammy, two extremely small-time crooks styling themselves after Vikky and Vance (thus copying two copies) who want to gain infamy by robbing all the casinos on The Strip. With Vance's never-fired gun. Against all of The Strip's combined security.

** ''Film/RockNRolla'' gives us a comedic and a dramatic example. The comedic example is Johnny Quid's druggie friends, who steal the priceless (both sentimentally and because it costs millions) painting Johnny is guarding in his pad when he's not looking and sell it in a hole-on-the-wall pub for fifty pounds. The dramatic example is , who is so embroiled on being a FemmeFatale that she seemingly did not bothered to do just that tiny bit of extra recon of her target (Yuri, a [[TheMafiya Russian gangster) to recognize that painting (or, for that matter, that getting it stolen is Yuri's biggest BerserkButton) and so accepts the painting from One-Two and puts it right in her living room, where Yuri finds it and kills her [[GoryDiscretionShot in a matter better off not seen by the audience]].

** ''Film/TheLadykillers2004'' were certainly not the best of crooks, either. Even in [[Film/TheLadykillers1955 the original,]] for that matter.

*** The nihilists also try to get ransom money without actually having the person they're trying to get the ransom for (the Big Lebowski's TrophyWife Bunny). One of them allows her toe to be cut off in order to send the Big Lebowski a FingerInTheMail and pretend it's Bunny's.

* ''WesternAnimation/VeggieTales'': In the ChristmasSpecial, the silly song "Oh Santa!" features a bank robber trying to rob a bank...mistaking Larry's house for one.

[[caption-width-right:343:[[FighterMageThief A balanced adventuring party.]]]]

* ''World's Dumbest Criminals'', later ''Series/WorldsDumbest'', is a [=TruTV=] documentary show about... well, ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin.