History Main / FriendsAreChosenFamilyArent

* In ''LightNovel/AccelWorld'', Haru is close to his friends Taku and Chiyu, and considers the rest of the reborn Nega Nebulus to be his TrueCompannions, but hardly ever sees his mother. Kuroyukihime is in a similar situation, as [[MinorLivingAlone it's revealed early on that she lives by herself]] [[spoiler:as a result of threatening her older sister with a box cutter after said sister manipulated her into killing Red Rider. Her parents kicked her out of the house after the incident was caught on camera, and it's implied that they weren't all that close to her before that]].

** Amber's relationship with her father is ''violently'' negative, to traumatic effect for some of her friends.

** TNG also brings this up when Will Riker's father, Kyle, shows up on the ''Enterprise'' after years of the two not speaking to each other.
---> '''O'Brien:''' You choose your enemies, you choose your friends, but family? That's in the stars.

* In ''Webcomic/{{Shortpacked}}'' (from which ''Dumbing of Age'' [[UltimateUniverse draws some of its characters]]), one of Robin's lifelong goals was to live up to this, as her family life growing up wasn't particularly happy. [[http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1984 Spelled out here.]]

* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius:'' Agatha definitely has this dynamic with her maternal side of family ''sans'' Theo, the other WhiteSheep. The paternal side is just as bad, but because her missing father and uncle are last two Heterodynes before her generation, it's not mentioned much.

* In ''Webcomic/{{Shortpacked}}'' (from which Dumbing of Age draws some of its characters), one of Robin's lifelong goals was to live up to this, as her family life growing up wasn't particularly happy. [[http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1984 Spelled out here.]]

* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'': Agatha definitely has this dynamic with her maternal side of family ''sans'' Theo, the other WhiteSheep. The paternal side is as just bad - but because her missing father and uncle are last two Heterodynes before her generation, it's not mentioned much.

* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'', Agatha definitely has this dynamic with her maternal side of family ''sans'' Theo, the other WhiteSheep. The paternal side is as just bad - but because her missing father and uncle are last two Heterodynes before her generation, it's not mentioned much.

** Both Becky [=MacIntyre=] and Joyce Brown are in the process of breaking away from Christian [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] upbringings to more broad-minded world-views, making friends with non-fundamentalist fellow college students in the process, which leads to serious friction with their still-fundamentalist families. Whereas Joyce is on a long, hard path of change, so that her relationship with her family is ''merely'' difficult and complicated, Becky breaks away radically, coming out as lesbian and abandoning creationism -- and her father responds by bringing a shotgun to the college.

* ''Webcomic/GoGetARoomie:'' The normally rather chilled Lillian gets downright neurotic, even paranoid, when her mother unexpectedly visits.

* A famous joke from [[GermanHumour East Germany]] playing on "official" terminology for the USSR in East Germany:

[[folder:Jokes]]

** The title character is very good at making friends with all different kinds of people, but his relationship with his only close living relatives, the Dursleys, is very bad. (His parents loved him deeply, but they're dead.) This doesn't reflect badly on him, though; they're shown to abuse and bully him in the early parts of the series, when he's still a child, but he doesn't retaliate (much) even once he becomes aware of his magical powers. And according to WordOfGod, [[spoiler:he and his cousin Dudley do develop a normal cousin relationship as adults.]]

* ''ComicBook/GreenArrow'' has serious relationship problems with his son Connor Hawke. It's complicated.

* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'', Agatha definitely has this dynamic with her maternal side of family sans Theo, the other WhiteSheep. The paternal side is as just bad - but because her missing father and uncle are last two Heterodynes before her generation, it's not mentioned much.

** The title character is very good at making friends with all different kinds of people, but his relationship with his only close living relatives, the Dursleys, is very bad. (His parents loved him deeply, but they're dead.) This doesn't reflect badly on him, though; they're shown to abuse and bully him in the early parts of the series, when he's still a child, but he doesn't retaliate (much) even once he becomes aware of his magical powers. And according to WordOfGod, [[spoiler:he and his cousin Dudley do develope a normal cousin relationship as adults.]]

* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'', Agatha definitely have this dynamic to her maternal side of family sans Theo, the other WhiteSheep. The paternal side is as just bad but because his missing father and uncle are last two Heterodynes before her generation, it's not mentioned much.

A character in some work is generally shown positively; they have friends, with whom they are in varying degrees funny, loyal, generous, or just nice. But then, one of their close blood relatives shows up -- probably a sibling or parent. And suddenly we see a different side to the character; snappish, or abrasive, or vain, or painfully unhappy, or downright hateful. Their friends may well be puzzled.

FamilyOfChoice avoids this problem by having "family" actually be chosen friends -- though once somebody is committed to a FamilyOfChoice, they may feel unable to drop them despite a breakdown in the friendship, bringing this problem back into play.

** This trope is [[PlayingWithATrope played with]] when it comes to Beatrice in ''Literature/{{Overenskommelser}}''. It is {{averted|Trope}} with her cousin Sofia, who is one of her best friends. But when it comes to her uncle Vilhelm and her other cousin Edvard... Well, let's just say that they are evil abusive sociopaths.

* Clea in ''Comicbook/DoctorStrange'' takes this trope to new levels. Well, she is the hero's lover, while her relatives are a DimensionLord and a HumanoidAbomination...

** This trope is [[PlayingWithATRope played with]] when it comes to Beatrice in ''Literature/{{Overenskommelser}}''. It is {{averted|Trope}} with her cousin Sofia, who is one of her best friends. But when it comes to her uncle Vilhelm and her other cousin Edvard... Well, let's just say that they are evil abusive sociopaths.

** Both Becky [=MacIntyre=] and Joyce Brown are in the process of breaking away from Christian fundamentalist upbringings to more broad-minded world-views, making friends with non-fundamentalist fellow college students in the process, which leads to serious friction with their still-fundamentalist families. Whereas Joyce is on a long, hard path of change, so that her relationship with her family is ''merely'' difficult and complicated, Becky breaks away radically, coming out as lesbian and abandoning creationism -- and her father responds by bringing a shotgun to the college.

* ''Franchise/HarryPotter'' is very good at making friends with all different kinds of people, but his relationship with his only close living relatives, the Dursleys, is very bad. (His parents loved him deeply, but they're dead.) This doesn't reflect badly on him, though; they're shown to abuse and bully him in the early parts of the series, when he's still a child, but he doesn't retaliate (much) even once he becomes aware of his magical powers. And according to WordOfGod, [[spoiler:he and his cousin Dudley do develope a normal cousin relationship as adults]].

Alternatively, the family may be recurring background characters, in which case, the problem probably does lie largely or entirely with them, or the lead character will end up looking unsympathetic. They may be anything from minor nuisances to recurring antagonists to PureEvil. If they're all evil, this makes the foreground character a WhiteSheep; if they're not that bad really, the hostility becomes a significant character flaw -- which may just be a way for the author to save the foreground character from being too much of a paragon. Whether relatives-by-marriage come within the scope of this trope may depend partly on whether the character considers the ties of blood to extend that far, but it can be as difficult to avoid ObnoxiousInLaws as to avoid blood relatives if your ''spouse'' feels obliged to be loyal to them and you want your marriage to survive.

SiblingRivalry may be the original source of the conflict (when the characters involved are siblings, of course), but people mostly grow out of that, or don't let it make them look too bad; this trope can kick in when a good person lets sibling rivalry turn toxic. TheGloriousWarOfSisterlyRivalry or a CainAndAbel situation can generate this trope if either or both of the siblings looks nicer when out with friends and not engaged in the conflict. AbusiveParents can of course be an excellent reason for not getting on with one's family; merely AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents can also trigger the trope if they don't let up on the habit when their kids leave home. If the problem is a seriously DysfunctionalFamily, an ArchnemesisDad, or an EvilMatriarch, the character may get [[WhiteSheep special credit]] for getting out of that mess. Conversely, a dark version may arise when an AntagonisticOffspring finds allies.

SiblingRivalry may be the original source of the conflict (when the characters involved are siblings, of course), but people mostly grow out of that, or don't let it make them look too bad; this trope can kick in when a good person lets sibling rivalry turn toxic. TheGloriousWarOfSisterlyRivalry or a CainAndAbel situation can generate this trope if either or both of the siblings looks nicer when out with friends and not engaged in the conflict. AbusiveParents can of course be an excellent reason for not getting on with one's family; merely AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents can also trigger the trope if they don't let up on the habit when their kids leave home. If the problem is a seriously DysfunctionalFamily, the character may get [[WhiteSheep special credit]] for getting out of that mess.

* This trope is something of a theme of ''Webcomic/DumbingOfAge''. In particular, both Becky [=MacIntyre=] and Joyce Brown are in the process of breaking away from Christian fundamentalist upbringings to more broad-minded world-views, making friends with non-fundamentalist fellow college students in the process, which leads to serious friction with their still-fundamentalist families. Whereas Joyce is on a long, hard path of change, so that her relationship with her family is ''merely'' difficult and complicated, Becky breaks away radically, coming out as lesbian and abandoning creationism -- and her father responds by bringing a shotgun to the college.

* ''Franchise/OnePiece:'' It's a running gag at this point that Luffy hardly even ''knows about'' his family, let alone their infamous reputations, while he shows the utmost care for his friends..