Shit our teachers say.

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I came across this saying from a teacher in the building I was working at:

"You are what you teach."

It certainly explains some people I've met in various schools, particularly in lower grade levels...

My "main" teacher in high school once told me to not run off crying in the middle of the school day so damn often. Emphasis on "so damn often".

Also, my English teacher had crazy double standards going on. For example, when I made a presentation about a novel I was reading, she was utterly baffled by the concept that a female character wanted to actively kill someone. And she's an avid fan of A Song Of Ice and Fire, which has more than a handful of female characters who are murderous and hateful for much lesser reasons than the one in the novel I was describing.

We're reading Their Eyes Were Watching God in my supposedly Honors English class, so my teacher starts reading the opening lines to us:

"Listen Cole, why the heck are you building a laser for?"

My English teacher was talking about the song "Hurricane" by Bob Dylan when she said, "You guys probably wouldn't understand Bob Dylan."

I'm sitting there, actually knowing the song and rocking out to it.

edited 10th Apr '17 5:29:39 AM by Scarecrow4774

i have a theology teacher who says the darndest things

He once labelled "the homosexual lifestyle" as toxic. also pretty much insinuated aids was their punishment.

He once said the greatest struggle for life in the modern age wasn't any of the violations of human rights, the modern slave trade, or general racism, but abortion.

edited 10th Apr '17 6:31:56 AM by mrsunshinesprinkles

My computer science teacher is always saying "I am nice guy". He says it when he holds class during a tornado watch, when he fails half the class on an exam, and when we're begging him to reschedule a test

ugh, my Theo teachers were the same in high school

edited 10th Apr '17 6:24:37 AM by Xopher001

So far, my US History teacher has been a veritable goldmine of history-based sarcasm. A few highlights of head:

His first lines to the class

On wartime influence on American culture.

After I bring up condoms during a lecture on The Roaring '20s. It's less NSFW than it sounds, I promise.

On Moshe Dayan

On Bing Crosby

On "The Good Wife's Guide"

"Sorry I'm not really good at...math" -my math professor, Ph D and department head, while trying to demonstrate an equation on the board

School was a while ago for me now but:

Substitute English teacher we had for a while ~ "My name is Mr Adu. Which is nothing to do with Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, HAHAHAHAHA!"

And a history teacher who recreated barbarian invasions by stealing everyone's pencil cases, then the Romans by marching up and down the room with a ruler going "Chop. Chop. Chop."

edited 7th Nov '17 7:13:02 AM by Ulysses21

That sounds an awful lot like my current history teacher.

My history teacher yesterday: "I swear, if I hear you say Osomatsu one more time....

I had to yell "Osomatsu" upon leaving her room.

edited 7th Nov '17 9:51:54 AM by arimothereindeer

My 11th grade chemistry teacher basically preached sermons. I'm pretty sure this was illegal, and I know he upset more than one student to the point of tears, but I never said anything because I was afraid of gaining an "anti-Christian" reputation in a small southern (US) town.

They're both the same teacher, jumping back and forth from Texas to Massachusetts at inhuman speeds!

He also had this gem on Halloween:

My screenwriting teacher once told a story of when he met a rich and famous writer at a writing convention. The guy apparently made a joke at the teacher's expense and was overall a pompous douche.

It was a small infraction but my teacher got more and more angry about it over time. Luckily, he began writing a novel about crime writer in New Orleans. The douche was written in as a wealthy politics guy having a nice time in his hot tub when the killer came up, strangled him, and kept his head underwater until he stopped moving. Then my teacher never got mad about him again. His point? "The best thing about writing is that you can kill off the people you don't like and no one will ever know."

I've also found a novel of his at a thrift store about Nashville's human trafficking underground. It's wild.

Sounds like a great teacher.

My history teacher said that we may or may not be writing mock articles for The Onion. That sounds cool and weird at the same time.

I like your lavender hair, Clipboard Fox 22. It's the same color as the head of the sperm in this diagram. — My Bio Professor

"my heart is cold and dead, much like justin beiber's career." that was my LA teacher. she... tries too hard.

So, it’s been a while since I posted here. I think I had a teacher this semester who said shit that could top everything else here. At the last lecture he gave, he openly boasted about how he, a 55 yo man, was more attracted to younger women, and that it was an inevitability for all guys that their wives should just put up with

"DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!" - my fifth grade teacher

A humorous example. On the first day of school in 11th grade, one of the first things my environmental science teacher said to the class was:

"Guys, just don't be dicks. I've been saying "Don't be d... jerks" the whole day and I'm getting tired of it. Don't tell anyone I said this."

He was definitely one of the coolest teachers I had in high school, and it was his first year teaching at that time.

My teacher when I was 9-10 was mainly a decent teacher, but she had one punishment that sucked!

It was called "Time In", and it involved having to stay behind for X amount of minutes after the bell (whether for morning break, lunch break, or to go home) went for an infraction like talking in class.

And the worst part is? It wasn't just the student who messed up who got punished, it was the entire class (with the exception of a group called the "Kids On Task" who had done particular good actions and thus were rewarded by not having to partake in Time In.) So not only did I feel annoyed when the teacher said my name before adding minutes to Time In, I felt guilty since I knew I was burdening my classmates as well.

We had one sub teacher who changed the punishment so that only the student who did the wrong thing got given Time In, reasoning (quite rightly IMO) that it wasn't fair to punish the whole class for one student's misdeed. Let me tell you, she was the most popular substitute we ever had!

Oh yeah, I hate when teachers punish the whole class for something one student did, it’s really unfair.

But speaking of nice teachers doing something uncharacteristically mean, one time, my Spanish teacher was a bit harsh. So me and my group had just finished a presentation, and a boy in the back said, “Go, team!” The teacher somehow misheard this as “Hit ‘em, team!” (That’s not even close!) She then scolded the guy, and he stomped out of the classroom in a rage.

I remember when I was 10 or 11, and my teacher got angry with us and threatened to force us to learn cursive by making us write the names of My Little Pony characters. As a big MLP fan I got very upset.

Another time he told us that we should never start a sentence with the words "and" or "then" and drew a picture of And and Then in jail underground.

one of my history teachers fucking hated William the Conqueror because of how he changed the english language

she went on a lesson-long rant during our unit on the Battle of Hastings on how dumb it was that we had to replace the former, rather okay Anglo-Saxons era English with the fucking inbred excuse of a language that Modern English is just because of him

she was a good teacher and pretty chill but that just really stood out for me

Edited by ThatAsianInTheCorner on Jul 4th 2023 at 3:10:08 PM