Western Animation: Golan The Insatiable

"I am Golan the Insatiable! God-lord terrible of Gkruool! Crusher of wills! IMPREGNATOR OF THE UN-IMPREGNABLE!"
"Do... you wanna' come over?"
"Sure! Take me to your castle, little boy!"
— Golan and Dylan's first meeting

Golan the Insatiable is an animated series that premiered on Fox's ADHD block on January 11, 2014, and is based on stories written by creator Josh Miller that first appeared on the website Something Awful and executive produced by Matt Silverstein and David Jeser, who previously worked on Drawn Together.

It stars 6-year-old goth girl Dylan Beekler and her best friend, the titular demigod warlord from the Gkruool dimension banished to Earth by a rebellion. Golan is always looking for ways to conquer the town of Oak Grove, Minnesota in addition to returning to Gkruool.

After having 6 11-minute episodes on the ADHD block, a full-fledged 6-episode 22-minute series premiered on Fox in May 31st, 2015. You can see the trailer for that here.

This show contains examples of:

  • A Boy and His X: In this case, A Girl and Her Demigod.
  • Adapted Out: Mainly Dylan's father.
  • Affably Evil: Golan is surprisingly fun to hang around, despite being a blood-thirsty warlord demigod. The Beeklers treat him like one of the family.
  • Alien Blood: In "Winter is Staying" when Carole runs over Golan with her car he bleeds purple blood, even though he had red blood in an earlier scene.
  • Alpha Bitch: Mackenzie B
  • Anything That Moves: The traditional Gkruoolian memorial involves a gang bang with (and possibly eating) the remains. This is not limited to sentient creatures as Golan was more than happy to do this with a turtle. Also, his favorite part of murder is raping the remains.
  • Asshole Victim: Mackenzie B and her Girl Posse.
  • Black Comedy: Oh, does this show ever run on this. Even more so for the new show.
  • Brick Joke: In "Golan the Impregnable," Golan throws a keg at the rock quarry party. Later, on the night of the pre-coming dance, it falls on Keith and puts him in a persistent vegetative state.
  • Creator Thumbprint: This show contains lots of Black Comedy and intentional Negative Continuity, just like Drawn Together, another show by the same creators.
  • Crossing the Burnt Bridge: In "A Pox on Your Pox", thinking she's leaving to live in Golan's homeworld, Dylan confesses to her family that she really does love them and then she has to suffer the embarrassment of going back to them after that when the portal doesn't work.
  • Disappeared Dad: Mr. Beekler isn't in the 2015 episodes due to Golan serving as a Parental Substitute.
    Carole: She doesn't have a father.
  • Drugs Are Bad: Parodied in "Shell Raiser". Golan starts smoking pot and this is treated as bad...because the pot smoking is keeping him distracted from killing people.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: In the pilot, Golan cringed when he learned the mean girls that he and Dylan just killed were children.
    • Golan will not deny someone a kiss goodbye, as he is not a monster.
    • Golan is equally embarrassed about smoking pot, but more because it causes him to screw up more.
    • On Gkruool, all things is entitled to life...until they're old enough to smile. Then it's open season. For this reason Golan decides against Abortion, but has no problem murdering every guest at his party.
  • Eye Scream: How did Dylan get those black marks under her eyes? Kieth who had become Dylan's father figure after her real father died of Robot AIDS was seduced away from her by her sister, the trauma of this caused her to claw apart her bottom eyelids.
  • Family Relationship Switcheroo: In "Shame on Pee" Alexis' most embarrassing secret is Dylan is really her daughter.
  • Fish Out of Temporal Water: Though Golan appears to have been living on Earth for a while, as nobody seems afraid of him unless he gets really mad.
  • The Fun in Funeral: The episode "Deer Uncle Gerald".
  • Getting Crap Past the Radar: It's honestly remarkable that the 2015 series is on pre-watershed network TV, given that it's one of the darkest TV comedies since It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and literally opens one episode with a gag about a family accidentally burning her infant child for warmth after surviving a car wreck.
  • Hartman Hips: Carole. Also, pretty much every adult and teen in the series, even the men
  • The Hedonist: Golan. He's called "Golan the Insatiable" for a reason.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Golan may be a tremendous Jerk Ass, but he does care about Dylan at times (in his own twisted way).
    • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: Dylan is also the only person he cares about. Made more explicit in the 2015 series, where he's even a Jerk Ass towards her a lot of the time.
  • Large Ham:
    • Golan whenever he's excited, since he is an inter-dimensional demigod warlord.
    • Dylan hams it up whenever answering one of Golan's demands (or just interacting with anyone she doesn't particularly care about), but because of her age it ends up being more cute than imposing.
  • Minnesota Nice: Played straight by every adult in town except Mackenzie B's mom.
    • Invoked multiple times an episode.
  • Negative Continuity: In the 2015 pilot Mackenzie B loses her hand and she and her friends and her mom are implied to have died, but in the next episode they're all fine.
    • In "Shame on Pee", Alexis confesses that she's Dylan's birth mother, but considering Alexis is 17 and Dylan is 9, this is unlikely to be canon.
    • According to "On Golan Pond" the dad died, but in the very next episode it's said he walked out on the family.
  • Never Learned to Read: Dylan is revealed to be illiterate in "Dylan Crushes Reading". All those spells she cast never worked right because she just followed the pictures. Also, her tutor mentions that his brother killed himself because he was too ashamed of being illiterate, and that his suicide note was a bunch of frowny faces.
    • Averted in the 2015 series- while Dylan doesn't like reading, she's still capable of it.
  • Parental Substitute: In the 2015 series, Golan is more or less put in the role of Dylan's father figure, including trying to have sex with her mother (he does).
  • Perky Goth: Dylan has her moments of this.
  • Scars Are Forever: According to a flashback in "Golan the Impregnable", the black markings under Dylan's eyes are not make-up, but rather scars from her clawing at her face in anger.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: Mackenzie B to Dylan in the 2014 episodes. In the 2015 episodes she's a bully and more deserving of what punishment she gets.
  • The Starscream: In the first episode of the 2015 series, Golan goes back to Gkruool the moment he's able to, only to find that his former acolyte has taken over and supplanted his throne, leading his former subjects in laughing at Golan behind his back.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike: When Dylan makes a mace out of rubber bands, her mother tells her that "rubber bands are only for bunching asparagus". Golan later claims the same is true in his realm.
  • Suck E. Cheese's: Pepe Roni's.
  • Tome of Eldritch Lore: How Dylan was able to summon Golan.
  • Torches and Pitchforks: Parodied in the first episode of the main series. The "mob" is actually trying to welcome Golan, carrying torches so that it won't get too dark at night for him and pitchforks because a farmer was just doing some farmwork at the time.
  • Tsundere: Dylan acts like this towards Swingley, a mentally-disabled boy with a broken arm, mostly because he's too dumb to be properly intimidated by her. Unfortunately, Swingley finds a boyfriend by the end of the episode.
  • Villain Protagonist: Golan and Dylan