Series / Bargearse

The picture on this page is nice and all, but where the bloody hell are me donuts?!

Bargearse is a Gag Dub of Australian cop drama Bluey (1976), made by the comedic team of the Australian comedy show The Late Show (1992) (not to be confused with David Letterman's show of the same name.)

The dub focuses on the title Detective Sergeant Bargearse, his sidekick Glen Twenty, and their escapades both in and out of the police department. The main emphases of the dub are fat jokes (at the expense of Bargearse), Toilet Humor, and Breaking the Fourth Wall. Originally run in two- to three-minute segments on The Late Show, it has since been compiled for release on DVD at a complete length of thirty minutes.

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Tropes:

• Adventures in Comaland: When Bargearse is sent into a coma, he has his favorite dream about raining chocolate donuts.
• Captain Obvious
  Nurse: We've run some tests, doctor. What do you make of this? (hands him a clipboard)
  Doctor: Hmm... hmmmm... it's definitely a clipboard.
• Chain-Link Fence: Christopher Skase is cornered and arrested by Bargearse when he runs into "the oldest trick in the book: the out-of-focus fence!"
• Curse Cut Short: When Bargearse is woken up in the McDonald's drive-thru, he manages to say, "What the f—" before the employee asks for his order.
• Does This Remind You of Anything?: Most of the songs on Bargearse's album are allusions to his gassy tendencies, like "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "Love is in the Air."
• Donut Mess with a Cop: The episode "Where's My Bloody Donuts?" has Bargearse investigating the theft of ten dozen jam donuts from his lunchbox. He even dreams about donuts.
  Da Chief: "According to this report you've eaten over 64,000 donuts in the first five episodes alone!"
• Double Take: When Bargearse realizes he forgot his fries at McDonald's.
• Driven to Suicide: Bargearse decides the only way to end the series is to get into his car, fart, and light a match.
• Electronic Eyes: Given to Bargearse after his coma; they have the ability to track targets as well as separate vegetables from donuts.
• End-of-Series Awareness: With tragic results for our hero.
• Fartillery: Bargearse's farts explode when lit with a flame and help boost the speed of whatever car he's in.
• Fat Bastard: Bargearse. He's even referred to as such by Det. Twenty, and later Ann Bourke.
  Bargearse: My order's simple: a shitload of dim sims.
  Twenty: That's a lot, even for a fat bastard like you.
• Gag Dub
• Gasshole: Bargearse.
• Gilligan Cut: "...I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"
• G-Rated Drug: A group of smugglers dealing in "Pure, Grade A, 100% Bolivian brown velour tops, extra small" and extra large green lapels to go with them.
• Hitler Cam: Twenty is questioning a midget informer. In exchange for the information he's given, he agrees to make the midget the cameraman in the next scene. Cut to Hitler Cam.
• Hypocritical Humor:
  • In the first episode, when Ann leaves the room.
    Bargearse: Did ya see that? She was mentally undressing me.
    Twenty: Jeez, that'd take a long time, Sarge.
    Bargearse: Hey, that's enough schoolboy humor!
    Twenty: Oh, sorry.
  • Ann corrects Det. Twenty when he sits down with his back to the camera. After proclaiming her expertise in the matter, she proceeds to sit down with her back to the camera in the same way.
• Impossibly Tacky Clothes: It's the '70s, so this trope abounds.
  • Beginning with Det. Twenty's new tie that he got from Al Grassby. "Even he refused to wear it anymore!"
  • Later, the police crackdown on tackiness in and out of the department.
    Tackily-Dressed Woman: They're cracking down on bad fashion in this series.
    Tackily-Dressed Man: Aw, shit.
• Informed Ability:
  • Bargearse takes up songwriting in his spare time, though most of them are covers of already-popular songs, and one simply changes a few lyrics.
    Bargearse: Don't break my arse, my bargy-wargy-arse/I don't think my pants could understand...
  • When Bargearse is awakened after his coma, he is given robotic augmentation that is never used (apart from finding fatty foods at a buffet table).
• It Was All Just A Dream: Bargearse threatens action against Twenty unless he surrenders his donuts... until Twenty wakes up.
• It Will Never Catch On: The ABC representative lets the cast know that the show is being replaced by Phoenix, to which Bargearse responds, "That'll never work!"
• I Was Having Such a Nice Dream: Bargearse dreams of chocolate donuts falling from the sky, ten-foot Polly Waffles, and going out with women who like bad fashion and triple chins.
• Kevlard: "Nice try, but the bullet was absorbed by my spare tire!"
• Lampshade Hanging: When they aren't joking at Bargearse's expense the characters are very likely Breaking the Fourth Wall.
• Licensed Game: Bargearse's heroics merit a game being made out of them...called Pong.
• Meaningful Name: Bargearse's arse is as big as a barge, and Glen Twenty is a popular brand of air freshener and disinfectant in Australia.
• No Fourth Wall: Everyone is aware that they're part of a TV show.
• Or Was It a Dream??
  Twenty: And the worst thing: he was in our lounge room making a complete pig of himself!
  Bargearse: (doing just that) Maybe it wasn't a dream...
• Overly Long Gag: When going out to order dim sims for Bargearse, Twenty is held up at a railroad crossing by a long train. Once it passes, he begins to cross, but is interrupted when the signal is activated again. He is forced to back up and watch the same train in reverse, to the point where he's kept at the crossing all night.
• Pixellation: The face of the ABC representative in the final episode is censored out this way. According to the introduction on the DVD, it's due to the actor not wanting to be seen in Bargearse.
  Announcer: We respect his decision, as the actor in question is one of the finest and most versatile performers currently working on the lucrative theater restaurant circuit.
• Precision F-Strike: The word "shit" is said several times over the course of the run, but the f-word is only attempted once, and cut short at that.
• Real-Person Cameo: Parodied in that some characters are referred to by who they resemble.
  • The villain in the first episode is called "Christopher Skase", due to his resemblance to the infamous Australian fugitive.
  • The introduction includes "special guests" like cricketer Graham Yallop, Australian politicians Don Chipp, Senator Bronwyn Bishop, and Kim Beazley, as well as Sonny Bono, Lenin, and "Uncle Arthur". Keep in mind that none of these characters appear in Bargearse; the only character apart from the main cast to get a mention is credited as "Geoff Harvey as Henri Toulouse-Latrec." (Geoff Harvey was the band leader on the talk show The Midday Show on Australia's Nine Network in 1993)
    Bargearse: Bloody hell! I can't compete with Barry White! See ya later darlin'.
  • "Lucky" Grills (who played Detective Sergeant Bluey) turned up in-character for an episode of The Late Show to complain about the abuse of his show.
• Self-Deprecation: Bargearse learns that he's being dubbed by The Late Show.
  Bargearse: They better not be changing our voices...
  Commissioner: They're probably dubbing over this scene right now, the rotten...
  Bargearse: If only I knew where they were!
• Shirtless Scene:
  • Twenty gets a couple of these in his bed.
    Natalie: By the way... why are you doing this scene shirtless?
    Twenty: (grins) It was either me or Bargearse.
    Natalie: Eugh! I don't think I can finish this; you put me right off.
  • Eventually, Bargearse does get a shirtless scene in the ad for his greatest hits album.
• Shout-Out: During the introductory credits, Bargearse is shown wearing a plumber's overalls and cap; he is thusly credited as "Super Mario Bargearse"
• Sound Defect: During Bargearse's fight scene with a smuggler.
• Talking in Your Dreams: Bargearse says the names of various foods in his sleep.
• Tempting Fate: Twenty challenges Bargearse's assumptions by comparing it to the likelihood of a garbage can falling on them. Immediately afterwards, a garbage can falls and they barely manage to get out of the way.
• Toilet Humor: In spades.
  Ann: Come on, Sarge, you've got to get back up on your feet! That last scene was a real turkey, and so far there's been none of the toilet humor we're famous for.
  Nurse: Bit of shusho, fat boy! It's time for you to drink your own urine sample.
  Bargearse: Toilet humour? Strap yourself in.
• Training Montage: Bargearse is forced to go jogging by his superiors, complete with "Eye of the Tiger" playing in the background. He doesn't get far; in fact, the mere act of jogging is enough to send him into a serious coma.
• Urine Trouble: Bargearse pisses on Det. Twenty's door instead of knocking.
  Bargearse: It's the Bargearse trademark. Have a close look, love; I've written me name.
• Unusual Euphemism: Bargearse aggravates a man by calling him a "polepuncher." When the man goes to hit him, Bargearse ducks out of the way and the man hits the telephone pole behind him instead. "Ha-ha! Polepuncher!"
• We Can Rebuild Him: In order to keep him alive after his exercise-induced coma, the hospital staff turn him into "RoboBargearse".

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