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Comic Books
Clerk: Stop! The cameras! The security cameras have seen you! If you kill me, you'll get caught! HA!
Johnny: Now that would be something, though it's unlikely. You see, I never get caught. Not even if I tried. I don't think it's possible but let's not go into that.
Johnny: Now that would be something, though it's unlikely. You see, I never get caught. Not even if I tried. I don't think it's possible but let's not go into that.
Fan Fiction
"I think it was only the sheer ridiculousness of the situation which prevented me from tracing a sword and killing someone in embarrassment. I wasn't certain if that someone would be Kazehana or myself, but at least the outrageousness of the scene kept SOMEONE from dying, that much I was certain of."
Absent: Okay. Let me reiterate. Your four foreign friends came all the way to your college to surprise you; all of you were inexplicably turned into Pokemon; you found a cruise ship with psychic abilities hidden behind your administration building; one of your friends pressed a button that brought you to a dimension filled with living representations of foreign languages... and you saved my life.
oghond: Yes.
Absent: (after a pause) That's so stupid I have no choice but to believe you.
oghond: Yes.
Absent: (after a pause) That's so stupid I have no choice but to believe you.
— SOSchip, Chapter 3, "A Coder on Board"
Film — Live-Action
Police Officer: Hey you! Where are you going with that elephant?
Bowers: Elephant? What elephant?
Bowers: Elephant? What elephant?
— Billy Rose's Jumbo
Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.
— Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Madeleine: Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Avenue.
Arthur: If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
Arthur: If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
— Inside Man (sure she wouldn't)
"Whilst we've been going on with our respectable lives, those with sick and depraved minds have been building their armies and constructing their story. A preposterous story that will redefine history and dazzle the world with mind-blowing special effects. I think you know what I'm talking about, ladies and gentlemen. That's right: MOTHERFUCKING SPACE NAZIS in a film called Iron Sky."
"I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam."
— Harry Hart to a bigot woman in Kingsman: The Secret Service
"It's so overt, it's covert."
— Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
"I can do anything I like! I'm eccentric!"
— Donald Sinclair, Rat Race
"The city is flying, we're fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense."
"Hail Hydra."
— Steve Rogers, Avengers: Endgame, convincing several undercover HYDRA Agents to give him the Mind Stone.
Literature
"Run before you walk! Fly before your crawl! Keep moving forward! You think we should try to get a decent mail service in the city. I think we should try to send letters anywhere in the world! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely."
— Moist von Lipwig, Going Postal
"The trunk of the car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can."
"There was every reason to believe I was heading for trouble, that I'd pushed my luck a bit far. I'd abused every rule Vegas lived by — burning the locals, abusing the tourists, terrifying the help. The only hope now, I felt, was the possibility that we'd gone to such excess, with our gig, that nobody in a position to bring the hammer down on us could possibly believe it [...] When you bring an act into this town, you want to bring it in heavy. Don't waste any time with cheap shucks and misdemeanors. Go straight for the jugular. Get right into felonies. The mentality of Las Vegas is so grossly atavistic that a really massive crime often slips by unrecognized."
"Given two possible approaches to any problem, Cayleb will always opt for the more audacious one."
— Earl Grey Harbour, First Councilor of Charis on his monarch, Safehold
"You'd be surprised by how many things we get away with that fall into the category of unlikely."
"You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."
— Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"They looked at the parchment, then at us, then to the parchment again. It was fake, of course. I'd known it would be pointless to try to forge something that would pass muster, since we had no idea if invitations like that even existed and what they would look like if they did. So I'd gone the other way and made it a ridiculously obvious fake. It was even signed 'the King of Winter', since none of us knew what his actual name was. I could see the nobles wanted to immediately call us out on it, but they hesitated. I smothered a grin. It was just like dealing with Praesi. It was a transparent lie, so naturally there had to be something they were missing. Was it a trap aimed at them, perhaps? A true invitation made to look like a fake so they would offend and give pretext for execution?
"'This is a false invitation,' the first fae to have spoken finally said, tone wary.
"My companions stirred, preparing for a fight, but I’d bluffed with thoroughly empty hands often enough to know not to react.
"'Aleban, don't be obtuse,' the Marchioness laughed. 'Of course it's true, look at the signature.'"
"'This is a false invitation,' the first fae to have spoken finally said, tone wary.
"My companions stirred, preparing for a fight, but I’d bluffed with thoroughly empty hands often enough to know not to react.
"'Aleban, don't be obtuse,' the Marchioness laughed. 'Of course it's true, look at the signature.'"
"Ma'am, your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police."
— Gus, The Fault in Our Stars
Live-Action TV
Ron Swanson: Never Half-ass Two Things, Whole-ass One Thing.
"Inexperienced operatives give up their cover ID under pressure. Experienced ones play it harder."
— Michael Westen, Burn Notice
"Well, I was on my way to this gay gypsy Bar-Mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought, "Gosh! The Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Führer." Who's with me?"
— Mels to a group of heavily-armed Nazis, Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"
"There's a line in the sand, right, and you can't even see the line in the sand. You're actually out of sand into, like, tropical tundra regions."
— Dara Ó Briain regarding Frankie Boyle, Mock the Week
Beck: ...You juiced my pizza.
Cat: Why chew what you can drink?
Cat: Why chew what you can drink?
— Victorious, "Robarazzi"
Hey Bob!
Is this as bad as you feared?
It doesn't count as
Slander!
'Cause it's way too weird
We made up these anecdotes
They're silly and insane
We could go on and on and on
And on and on and on and on
But we will stop this song, who knows, we may have fried your brains
SO EAT!
SHIT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!
YOW!
— John Oliver and an ensemble of performers tell Bob Murray where to shove it in the middle of Times Square, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Worf: Sir, may I say your attempt to hold the away team at bay with a non-functioning weapon was an act of unmitigated gall.
Kevin Uxbridge: Didn't fool you, huh?
Worf: I admire gall.
— Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Survivors"
At first the Germans didn't shoot at him. I think they couldn't quite believe what they were seeing.
— Sergeant Carwood Lipton regarding Lieutenant Speir's infamous run straight through German lines in Foy, Band of Brothers
Music
"And if you have to cross thin ice, then cross it in a dance!"
Radio
Arthur: ...It's alright officer, this is all a dream. Ask him. He was in it!
Policeman: Dreamy, eh? Account for the dressing gown, would it?
Arthur: Oh, no. The dressing gown's just a hallucination, you see. It's what I was wearing when the Earth was demolished to- Eugh, eugh, eugh! I've got a bone in my beard! Eughh! I've got a beard! Eughhhh! Tell you what I'll do, I'll be the one over there passing out. How about that? Good idea? (Collapses)
Ford: Officer, my name is Ford Prefect. I was born six hundred light years from Earth near Betelgeuse. I am a researcher for The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Policeman: Bit old for student pranks aren't we, sir?
Ford: That is Arthur Dent. He's from Earth, but has been stranded in your Prehistoric era for a while.
Policeman: Yes, well... er, just... Don't let it happen again! (Leaves hurriedly)
Policeman: Dreamy, eh? Account for the dressing gown, would it?
Arthur: Oh, no. The dressing gown's just a hallucination, you see. It's what I was wearing when the Earth was demolished to- Eugh, eugh, eugh! I've got a bone in my beard! Eughh! I've got a beard! Eughhhh! Tell you what I'll do, I'll be the one over there passing out. How about that? Good idea? (Collapses)
Ford: Officer, my name is Ford Prefect. I was born six hundred light years from Earth near Betelgeuse. I am a researcher for The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Policeman: Bit old for student pranks aren't we, sir?
Ford: That is Arthur Dent. He's from Earth, but has been stranded in your Prehistoric era for a while.
Policeman: Yes, well... er, just... Don't let it happen again! (Leaves hurriedly)
Stand-Up Comedy
So a Chicago police officer walked down the stairs and got to the bottom in the basement, and looked out into a sea of drunk toddlers yelling "Fuck da police" in his face. But he was almost impressed! He was like "woah..."
— John Mulaney, "The One Thing You Can't Replace"
Theatre
Chater: You insulted my wife in the gazebo yesterday evening!
Septimus: You are mistaken. I made love to your wife in the gazebo. She asked me to meet her there, I have her note somewhere, I dare say I could find it for you, and if someone is putting it about that I did not turn up, by God, sir, it is a slander.
Septimus: You are mistaken. I made love to your wife in the gazebo. She asked me to meet her there, I have her note somewhere, I dare say I could find it for you, and if someone is putting it about that I did not turn up, by God, sir, it is a slander.
— Arcadia
Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are!
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you've got no talents?
Razzle Dazzle 'em...
And they'll make you a star!
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are!
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you've got no talents?
Razzle Dazzle 'em...
And they'll make you a star!
"Now look here, Smithers. They's two kinds of stealing. They's the small kind, like what you does, and the big kind, like I does. Fo' de small stealing dey put you in jail soon or late. But fo' the big stealin' dey puts your picture in the paper and yo' statue in de Hall of Fame when you croak."
—Brutus "Emperor" Jones outlining this trope to his lackey, The Emperor Jones
Video Games
"When the remarkable becomes bizarre, reason turns rancid."
— Cheshire the Cat, American McGee's Alice
Marcus: Control! This is Delta! We are continuing toward the objective on a Brumak—
Anya: You're what?!
Marcus: We're riding a Brumak!
Anya: You're what?!
Marcus: We're riding a Brumak!
— Gears of War 2
"The end of days is here. That's it for the race... unless we win. But we're not going to just barely pull through... We are going to massacre them! We are going to decimate the dark spots. Why? Because it's the least likely outcome! Because it's impossible! Because we have no business doing it! You go too far, and reality snaps like a rubber band. Then we're flying! Our laughter will shred the dark days! That's the only sensible way to face oblivion, Jack. If the world dusts out, my gapped grin is the last thing they'll see."
— Daimon Kiyota, The Secret World
Xigbar: You were able to go back in time to just before your home became a Sleeping World, only because a past version of you already existed there. And I can see, in the past, you already met [Ansem]. Yup, he was there then to make sure you ended up here now.
Sora: (completely disbelieving) That's ridiculous!
Xigbar: It sure is. It's too perfect. Who'd ever believe it? Which is why you idiots never saw it coming.
Sora: (completely disbelieving) That's ridiculous!
Xigbar: It sure is. It's too perfect. Who'd ever believe it? Which is why you idiots never saw it coming.
— Kingdom Hearts 3D [Dream Drop Distance], revealing the Big Bad had everything planned out ten years in advance
Webcomics
"I just surfed a Robo Dracula from the moon, so all y'alls can just take it."
Senator: Mr. Acting-President, do you know why you're being impeached?
King Radical: I'm sure it's not my various legitimate businesses in Cumberland, Maryland.
Senator: It is not about your empire of crime, no.
King Radical: Is it because I turned the whole city into a giant ghost-fueled robot?
Senator: No, that's... not illegal.
King Radical: I'm sure it's not my various legitimate businesses in Cumberland, Maryland.
Senator: It is not about your empire of crime, no.
King Radical: Is it because I turned the whole city into a giant ghost-fueled robot?
Senator: No, that's... not illegal.
"You ever try just throwing something at a guy with a hostage? Of course not, who the hell does that? But that is exactly why it works every time."
— Detective Kamina, DOUBLE K
"It was like teabagging a bear cub in front of its mother. The sheer audacity of it is the only thing that saved him."
— Sven Bianchi, Questionable Content
"The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them."
— Aubrey, Something*Positive
MH: Eighteen Charisma is as high as you can get, though. Any eighteen stat in a regular human should be, like, freaky high.
JH: Max, I truly believe that you could stab me in the face, turn to the cop who saw it happen, smile, tell him we were rehearsing for a play, and he would believe you for at least six seconds.
JH: Max, I truly believe that you could stab me in the face, turn to the cop who saw it happen, smile, tell him we were rehearsing for a play, and he would believe you for at least six seconds.
Web Original
But Jesus Christ, you don't know what you're missing... in that, I just saw the film and I don't know what I'm missing. Dolittle is one of the most baffling films I've seen in recent years. [...] Everything from the writing, the acting, the editing, the cinematography, I have no idea what this film was trying to do or be. On the surface, it looks like a harmless kids film. But the experience is like having a bedtime story written by Tim Burton's Willy Wonka read to you by Joe Exotic. It's a rainbow of madness producing colors you'll regret you now know exist. It's a one-of-a-kind dumpster fire that has to be seen to be believed.
"It's not hard to read stuff like this and think, 'Maybe Tipper Gore had a point.'"
— Wil Forbis
on GG Allin, Interesting Motherfuckers
on GG Allin, Interesting Motherfuckers"The premise of this movie is so bad and weird I almost have to respect it."
"I have re-read that answer at least 10 times and I'm not sure if that's Madonna being shady or truthful. On the one hand, that sort of sounds like how I would imagine Madonna would call someone a boring basic bitch. On the other hand, it sounds like Madonna being self-aware enough to realize that her hard-core commitment to crotchless leather panty couture might be a bit much for the White House. I'm going with shade, if only because Shady Madonna is my favorite Madonna."
"If you saw a naked warrior dancing naked while dodging bullets in the tune of Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive', you'd respect the guy for the sheer audacity of the act."
— aaa, Fundies Say the Darndest Things comments section
Queen Elizabeth II: Well, well, well. If it isn't Allie. Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own.
Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I'd keep your bed warm during the Blitz.
Queen Elizabeth II: Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful...
Alucard: Ah, shut up you old hag, I'd still wreck you like Diana.
Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I'd keep your bed warm during the Blitz.
Queen Elizabeth II: Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful...
Alucard: Ah, shut up you old hag, I'd still wreck you like Diana.
"Fetus in a bowl of jello. And people said Game Freak was out of ideas..."
— YouTube comment on Duosion from Pokémon Black and White
"Whenever given a choice of options, always pick the crazy one. Nobody ever plans for crazy."
"There's some shit that you are willin' to do in a fight [that] if I'm not willing to do that shit, you got it. Like, if I'm like, 'Man, I'm gonna beat your ass! I'mma kill you, nigga!' And the other motherfucker's like 'Ah! Don't make me suck your dick!', like, I'm confused, like 'What the... wait, what?!' He won that fight. I am not gonna go anywhere near this dude, even if I've got a knife, like, he has that shit one hundred percent of the time."
"Of course, The Hunt for Red October was all about a Russian submarine that was so quiet that no one could hear it, but you know what? If you could make a submarine fly then no one would believe it. Like, you can imagine the scene at NORAD, as they see a submarine flying on their radar system, and they'll say 'That must be a glitch! That can't be a real thing!'"
Silver: I'd like to be in the friendzone! I'd like friends!
Mephiles: It's not as pleasant as you'd think. They don't treat you like a friend; they treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory for these women, but unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect.
Silver: Well, I'm not a gamer, so maybe they'll respect me!
[Beat]
Mephiles: That just makes you a beta cuck.
Mephiles: It's not as pleasant as you'd think. They don't treat you like a friend; they treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory for these women, but unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect.
Silver: Well, I'm not a gamer, so maybe they'll respect me!
[Beat]
Mephiles: That just makes you a beta cuck.
"Ultimately, the host pointed out to all three psychics that the whole thing was made up and pressed them for an explanation. [...] The third, the guy who forgot his glasses, decided to argue with the guy who made up the story about the truthfulness of the story. Because when you've dug yourself into a hole that deep, the only option is to keep digging in the hope that you can escape to China."
"Okay, so, bringing a staff into the [boxing] ring is ridiculous, he isn't even trying to hide it! At least Aran had decency to hide his flail down his pants!"
Bumbles McFumbles on Hoy Quarlo.
Cleophoebs: Why does every topic with you always lead to genocide, concentration camps, violations of human rights, eugenics, war crimes, nuclear attacks, totalitarianism, misanthropy, mass sterilization, reforming the ethics of sex, and some tangent about Bowl's desire to have sex with muscular men?!
Bowl: Because we're French Baguette Intelligence. We discuss what no one has the balls to talk about so we can remind people of why these things are never talked about. And the reason is that no matter what, it will always lead to Bowl hooking up with your father.
Bowl: Because we're French Baguette Intelligence. We discuss what no one has the balls to talk about so we can remind people of why these things are never talked about. And the reason is that no matter what, it will always lead to Bowl hooking up with your father.
Western Animation
"Sometimes, crazy works."
— Optimus Primal, Beast Wars
"But knocking over Florida is against the law! ...I think."
— Muriel, Courage the Cowardly Dog, "The Clutching Foot"
Real Life
"Crime, once exposed, has no refuge but in audacity."
— Tacitus, Annals, Book XI Ch. 26
"In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom."
— J. G. Ballard
"If you can hijack a plane with a pair of tweezers, then frankly, you deserve that plane."
— Ed Byrne
"Always go too far, because that's where you'll find the truth."
"l'Audace, et encore l'audace, et toujours l'audace!"
(Audacity, still more audacity, always audacity!)
(Audacity, still more audacity, always audacity!)
— Georges Jacques Danton, when asked what it would take to preserve revolutionary France
"To see [The Producers] for the first time in 1968, when I did, was to witness audacity so liberating that not even There's Something About Mary rivals it."
"Fortune favours the audacious."
— Desiderius Erasmus
"The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one."
"Watching the film is like sitting at a dinner with a teen-ager who believes that, if he swears long and loudly enough, he will shock the grownups into accepting him as one of their own."
— Anthony Lane, review of Deadpool in The New Yorker
"When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take—choose the bolder."
— Field Marshal William Slim
"The enormity of their crimes proved their safeguard."
— Gabriel-Nicolas de la Reynie on the perpetrators of the "Affair of the Poisons".
on the perpetrators of the "Affair of the Poisons"."The more we do to you, the less you seem to believe we are doing it."
"The first time I ever met him, I was 15, and I was an extra on Bad Boys 2. We were shooting this club scene, and they brought me in, and I was wearing a stars and stripes bikini and a red cowboy hat, and six-inch heels. And they took me to Mike and he approved it. And they said, ‘You know, Michael, she’s 15, so you can’t sit her at the bar and she can’t have a drink in her hand.’ So his solution to that problem was to then have me dancing underneath a waterfall getting soaking wet... So that’s sort of a microcosm of how Bay’s mind works."
—Megan Fox on Michael Bay
"[T]hat quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan."
—Leo Rosten, The Joys of Yiddish, on "chutzpah."
"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."
