"We own this night, just as we own the fear that runs in your veins. You may think your numbers protect you, but we shall feast upon your souls before the dawn!"
— Kilarq Tongueblade of the Lacerated Eye, Warhammer 40,000
"A Catholic vampire doing UV tanning.... No respect for traditions!"
— Cobra, Space Adventure Cobra, "Magic Doll 1"
People have different standards when it comes to arguing what is and isn't a vampire...
"For one thing, rewriting the rules is just good storytelling. Upending conventions lets you surprise the audience. You thought garlic was going to ward off the boss vampire? Sorry. You planned to kill him with that little piece of sharpened wood? Good luck. These days, you'll see vampires slapping crosses out of the way more often than shrinking in fear. Variations on the vampire rules also make for some clever plot twists."
— Christopher Beam, Slate magazine.
Announcer: In fact, for the town boasting the allegiance of the King of the Night, I've hardly seen any vampires on the charts! Of course, it is daylight. They'd probably all turn to ash!
Louie: This guy is clueless! We don't burn up, we just get really really bad sunburns, really easily!
Edmund: Eh, No... Sometimes you catch fire.
Louie: Sometimes we catch fire.
"I'm a Hungarian-American with an inherited medical condition."
It was upon the field of battle at Clamorga that the mighty Captain Moriar fell, defending the ridge against the despicable Eldar. Many were his wounds and the Sanguinary Priests were at a loss to heal him. And so it was that Moriar was interned within the sarcophagus of the Furioso Dreadnought built by Brother Morleo, as were Belaphon, Dario and Amaretto before him. Upon gaining his strength, Moriar was struck by visions of Sanguinius, his own near-death state triggering the Black Rage. Immortal now in his adamantium shell, Moriar survived the Black Rage, hungering for battle and death. The Red Thirst grips him, and the revered Brothers of the Armourium have modified his armoured suit so that he may partake of the vital liquid and be restrained when not in battle.
"The nice thing about vampires is that if someone says, 'No that's not how vampires work,' you can say, 'Yes, it is,' and then, nobody is right."
"Before folks swear off sunlight, they should know the basics, which would be easier if the rules didn't change in every film, book and TV show."
"A vampire drinking wine on a private jet, flying to Rio de Janeiro in broad daylight? The stories got everything wrong."
— Pip Bernadotte, Hellsing Ultimate
Kristen Stewart: You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?
Robert Pattinson: Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
When the thirst comes upon me so fiercely that I can't recall my own name, when the searing Eye of the Day scalds my flesh, or as loneliness shrouds the vacuum where my soul used to reside, I wonder if I am as invincible as I pretend.
— Blaesing (Dim Triad member), Dungeons & Dragons supplement Librs Mortis
"Contrary to popular ignorant opinion, even vampires love the sun and the sea."
— Alisa, The Day Watch
Homer: ...where he discovers he's a ([[beat]]) vampires.
Patty: Vampires like these (points to a group of books), or those (points to another group of books), or these guys? (a third group of books)
Professor Frink: So many vampires, with the fangs and the capes and the medals. Nobody knows how they earns them.
— The Simpsons, "The Book Job"
Crichton: You're a vampire.
Maldis: I admit it: I feed on death. But don't we all? Some eat plants, some meat; I consume the life essence itself — preferably medium rare.
Crichton: Why don't you just kill us? Why all the foreplay?
Maldis: Death is the main course: all this is the appetizer.
— Farscape, "That Old Black Magic"
Darren: What other vampire powers do I have? Can I turn into a bat?
Mr. Crepsley: What? No, that's bullshit.
They're not literally vampires. Sunlight, garlic, crosses, none of that applies. But we call them vampires because they're ageless super strong monsters that feed on the blood of the living.
— Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo and Other Strangeness
Jack Crow: You ever seen a vampire?
Father Adam: No I haven't.
Jack Crow: No... Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters.
— John Carpenter's Vampires
There's no real trick to huntin' vampires: you don't have to hit them in the heart with a wooden stake, or cut their heads off. They don't have to be buried in sanctified soil. You just have hurt 'em real bad: eventually, they stop movin'. They invented the myths themselves- made them sounded harder to kill than they really are- except the one about sunlight, that one's true. Stupid motherfuckers didn't realize all they'd have to do was dress better...
— The Hunter, The Secret World
I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is.
— Two Best Friends Play Vampire Rain
Peter: Hey, is The Count a vampire?
Brian: What's that?
Peter: Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em?
Brian: You're, you're asking me if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Brian: No, they've never done that.
— Family Guy, "Family Guy Viewer Mail #1"
Stephanie stifled a gasp [...] These weren't the vampires she'd seen on TV; these weren't sexy people in long coats and sunglasses. These were animals.