18th Nov: We've switched servers and will be updating the old code over the next couple months, meaning that several things might break. Please report issues here.
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?
If it takes a millennium to boil you away,
That's .00083 percent in a day
And not that I'm now suggesting you try it
But you lose pounds faster on the Atkin's Diet
You do get dissolved, that seems pretty plain
But it happens too slowly to cause any pain
What was sold as a torture unspeakably cruel
Becomes a long dip in a big heated pool
h4t JUST occurr3d to m3 r3c3ntly.
wuz op3n1ng th3 m34l v4ult to m4k3 4 fr34k1n
ghost sn4ck wh3n 1 wuz l1k3. SH1T!!!!
—Latula Pyrope, Homestuck act 6 intermission 3.
Gabe: How can you say the Wonder Twins was about incest? I mean, just because he turns into water, and then she turns into an elephant, and then... Then they... They... Oh My God. And the monkey! Where does the monkey fit in?
[Zoidberg's underwater house has just burnt down]
Zoidberg: Nooooooo! My home! It burned down! How did this happen?
Hermes: That's a very good question.
Bender: [Retrieving a lit cigar from the ashes] So that's where my I left my cigar.
Richard Castle: Perfect place for a murder. No one can hear you scream.
Kate Beckett: No one can help you carry the body up the stairs either.
Richard Castle: Maybe somebody marched Donny at gunpoint down to the river and killed him there.
Kate Beckett: If he had a gun, why would he use a bottle [to kill the victim]?
Richard Castle: Don't ruin my story with your logic!
— Castle, "The Last Call"
"Wait a second... if the pit is bottomless, how exactly are you going to fill it with water?"
"By the time you figure out what was wrong with that, it won't matter anymore!"
"I was standing in the lobby of this hotel just minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said, 'Sir, could you please move? You're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't going to run. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit...Unless you're a table."
— Mitch Hedburg
"I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but wonder how creatures without arms could make such a device. Or tie up my friends."
—Antimony, Gunnerkrigg Court
Seppel: "Wait a minute! What was Professor Utonium doing making little girls in the first place?!"
—Arfenhouse Teh Movie Too
"I see now that my plan didn't make much sense."
— Noah, The Missing Lynx
"Wait a minute. How did they open the car door?"
—Rimmernote , Red Dwarf
Melvin: It makes sense, if you think about it!
M: No, it doesn't.
"The longer we stand here, the more people are going to question how a fisherman with no engineering background was able to build a sophisticated talking fish robot."
"But he delivers it in such a homespun, likable way that you're already halfway home before you realize, 'Hey, that made no f@#$ing sense!'"
—Jon Stewart, on one of Rick Perry's statementsnote
"I still raised the point, 'But why didn't Norman go after Spider-Man if he was able to? Why would he just pick up and go off to Europe after suffering his worst defeat? Wouldn't he be totally out for Spider-Man's blood after that?' The response I got was, 'We'll figure that out later.'"
—Editor/Writer Glenn Greenberg on The Clone Saga
"When the lights go on, Ben sees a horde of hundreds and hundreds of Spider-man clones, all in cute little matching Spider-man costumes. You know, where did the Jackal find time or resources to mass-produce the costume? For that matter, where are all these Spider-men using the bathroom? I hate to think the answer might be 'in the corners of the room.'"
—Topless Robot, "The 13 Dumbest Spider-Man Stories.. Just From The Clone Saga"
"If you think about it, Spider-Man not only made a deal with the devil, he came out of it pretty damn good! He gets his aunt saved, his buddy comes back to life, his identity is secure, he still gets to have had a long-term relationship with a damn supermodel back then, and fool around with kinky sex-addicted catgirls now... basically all Satan gets is the thrill of blinking some bridal photos out of existence. ...Um, ouch?"
"Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective...it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen never hit anyone important."
"Why would the Prometheus crew agree to go on a four-year mission when they're not even briefed on what the mission is until the mission starts? What if the mission involved a gang-bang?"
"Wait a second, if their mission is to proliferate their DNA through procreation, why is there a gay guy in the group?!"
— Linkara on New Guardians
"It's charming until you realize how many hidden cameras this guy must have set up to get all this footage."
David: We then discover Sharon Stone has been given superpowers by the beauty cream when she yells at George until he slaps her.
Chris: Nothing about this makes sense, but this makes a special kind of anti-sense...Catwoman and Sharon Stone then have this big karate fight, which makes sense because Catwoman used her cat powers to beat the living hell out of four gigantic armed robbers in the first half of the movie, but that’s okay because Sharon Stone has an invulnerable face and neck. Twenty-eight writers.
"What also confuses me is that we have Marty's great-great-grandparents, one of which looks identical to his mother, a Baines. They produced William McFly, who in turn produces Arthur. Arthur then has George, who marries Lorraine, who has three kids, one of which is Marty. Lorraine, of course, was a Baines. So in order for Marty's mother to resemble Marty's great-great-grandmother on his father's side means either William or Arthur - most likely William - had a child which then went on to marry a Baines, who in turn married back into McFly family. ...So, the Back to the Future universe had incest even before Lorraine tried it on with her unborn son. Confused? Me too. Let's look at the train crash. YEAH!"
— MikeJ, Hang on a Second
"There's an awkward scene in The Daleks talking about the TARDIS food dispenser and how it makes energy bars that taste just like the real objects. And it made sense, except for being really stupid and pointless and tedious. But here, the ship, quite frankly, goes a bit mad, starting early in the episode with a long shot in which we can clearly see that the food dispenser has separate buttons for water and... milk. This is absolutely fantastic. Because of course alien species love bovine lactation. Of all the liquids in time and space, they pick water and bovine lactation. Which is clearly about making tea. I mean, that, right there, is the end of any claims that Doctor Who might somehow, if you think about it long enough, make sense. No. Doctor Who might somehow, if you think about it long enough, drive you very productively mad."
— Phil Sandifer, "The Edge of Destruction"
Claire opines that people will ask questions about the crash, but Bennet informs her she's mistaken, and no one's going to know a thing. An ominous whistling accompanies this declaration, and when Claire, dread in her voice, asks what he did, he answers by looking to the sky, from which a missile appears and blows up the plane. I hate to argue with such a dramatic display, but if someone were going to ask questions about a mysterious plane's mysterious landing, I'm not sure an ensuing mysterious explosion would get them to go about their day like nothing happened. But I could be overestimating people's average intelligence and curiosity."
Chris: The government wants to figure out how to turn Clark’s powers off and on, which is fine. That makes sense and follows logically. But to accomplish this, they have “turned off neural pathways” so that he can’t access his powers, which.. What? Does Clark have to THINK about being invulnerable to make it happen? ...Hell, even in the Zatanna episode where Clark didn’t even know he had super-powers, he still had them!
David: Haha, that’s a good point! He should just be walking around destroying everything in his path, like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Hugging Lois and she comically pops open. The episode ending with Ollie mercy-killing Clark with a Kryptonite arrow.
"The episode starts with Lex complaining to his campaign manager that Jonathan Kent is neck and neck with Lex... Lois says 'Look! We're about to put out about eighteen million dollars worth of advertisement! Isn't that great!'
Jonathan, dutifully ratcheting, replies, 'Yeah! Shore is, puddin'! But how's we all affordin' that there telly vision?'
Lois: 'These aren't the droids you're looking for!'
Jonathan: 'I will take you to Jabba now. I am a good worker, and will be rewarded.'"
"It's a lot like the iron boots in modern 3D Zelda games: you have these 200kg boots in your inventory; you're swimming in water; you open the menu and choose to put the boots 'on'; you sink to the bottom of the water. Are the boots only heavy when they're on your feet? (Maybe they're magical.)"
—Tim Rogers, on Ikaruga
"I think people heard about Kevin Costner drinking his own distilled pee in Waterworld and ran for the hills... nobody wants to see the guy from Field of Dreams drinking his wee-wee. I puzzle over it myself. If he has a machine that can distill urine into drinking water, why can't he just purify sea water? After much thinking, I finally decided that he prefers warm drinks."
"It gets rather childish at some points in the movie that I can pick apart these supposed 'geniuses' with my high school science education. Take for instance when the astrophysicist hits the hull of the ship with a hammer and goes 'HA! Here is basic physics ladies and gentlemen! If this ship were so super strong then why does my hammer chip the paint. This proves something!' Um, no. Strength is not something that is always attributed to rigid inflexibility. It all depends on what you need the material to do. Many materials are incredibly pliable yet strong at the same time. Kevlar (for example) is strong to ballistic forces but not to others. You can’t just lump in hard=good and hand me this crap as basic physics."
"I can't believe it took me eight months to realize this, but the mom there can't be giving the engines all she's got! She's on the BRIDGE. She needs to be in ENGINEERING!"
—YouTube Commenter Darthkoolguy on a Burger King Star Trek tie-in commercial