Quotes / Dumb Muscle

"An enormously muscular guy who cannot hold a conversation about anything other than weight-lifting and protein shakes. Gets upset very quickly when he cannot complete his own sentences and thoughts. Can be found at nightclubs wearing shirts that are 10 sizes too small (if at all). They are by far the most closely related human beings to that of apes, chimpanzees, and other primate. They are evolutionary hindered and are less capable of following directions than my dead hamster."

— Urban Dictionary

"Leno asked Hogan if he had any Presidential campaign issues ("flat tax brother"). Leno asked him what the flat tax should be. Hogan stuttered before coming up with 16 percent. When Leno asked him how he got that number, he stuttered again and mumbled something about 16 percent being higher than 15 percent."

— Dave Meltzer on Hulk Hogan's 1998 Presidential run

"It's never a wise idea to entrust a new, hopelessly complex offensive scheme that requires lightning-fast decision making and surgically precise execution to someone with the brainpower of Michael Vick. Michael Vick needs a playbook just to reheat soup."

— Drew Magary

"I am Holly, the ship's computer with an IQ of 6000 — the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers."

— Holly, Red Dwarf

"I think he's a few rounds short of a full clip. But there's no getting over those powers of his."

— Nick Fury regarding Thor, Ultimate Avengers

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... [sniff] Maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

— The Heavy, Team Fortress 2, "Meet The Heavy"

"My voice gives me Super-Strength!"

— Tristan, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series

"Well, he's dumb but he's tough
And he likes to shoot stuff
And he don't give a damn what you think
He spends his days turning wrenches
And his nights chasing wenches
And he'll happily kick in your teeth
Oh, he'll happily kick in your teeth"

— Marian Call, "It's Good to have Jayne on Your Side"

Piccolo: [summing up a team of misfit minions] And that would make you no doubt the big, tough, stupid one.
Dorodabo: You take that back or I'll kill you!
Piccolo: Alright, alright, you're not tough.
Dorodabo: That's better!
Gohan: Wait, didn't you—
Piccolo: Give him a minute.
Dorodabo: [several seconds later] HEY!

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged: Lord Slug

"Me Brock Lesnar
Here comes the pain
God built me strong
Forget to give me brain"

— John Cena mocking Brock Lesnar

"He's big! And stupid! That's a bad combination!"

— Josh, Drake & Josh

"Da Sergeant-Major asked me what my job was an' I said it was to, uh, do what I was told. He said I was a genius and gave me another medal. I likes da Imperial Guard!"

— Nork Deddog, Ogryn Bodyguard, Warhammer 40,000

Svend Karlsen: You think this is very smart?
Magnus Samuelsson: I think this is really stupid. It's freezing cold, wearing a t-shirt, lifting a two hundred kilo stone, but then again, if it were really clever, we wouldn't be strongmen, would we?

— "World's Strongest Arms"

Batroc: Why is it that ze "muscle" in an operation always have to be so stupid?
Klaw: The Rhino fought the Hulk and walked away. God help us all if he had a brain.
Batroc: Good point!

— Black Panther

"If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough
When you get knocked down, you gotta get back up
I ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer but I know enough, to know
If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough!"

— The Smut Peddlers, "If You're Gonna Be Dumb"

Sasuke: So this guy was one of your biggest rivals?
Mikey: Well he's not so tough anymore.
Kin: He's kinda stupid too.
Raph: That doesn't even come close to describing Hun!

— Teenage Jinchuriki Shinobi

"Masato isn't an idiot... He's a muscle idiot! You leave the muscle part off and his idiocy will vanish along with it!"

— Riki on Masato, Little Busters!

"I judged you might be good for something more than brutalizing peasants. I see I overestimated you."

— Tywin Lannister, Game of Thrones

"I wanted the Mountain to chase us, which he would've done, because he is, as you say, a mad dog without a strategic thought in his head."

— Robb Stark, Game of Thrones

"Why is it that the dumb ones always turn out so large?"

— Frank Castle, Punisher: P.O.V.

Nova: No offense is intended by the following statement, but out of all of you I trust him most. The motivations of an unrefined brute are by far the easiest to predict, and from those predictions ascertain his actions, or redirect his focus.... Demonstration. KEN, THAT BOULDER JUST CALLED YOU AN IDIOT AND INSISTS IT IS STRONGER!
[Nova points to a random rock. Ken looks really angry]
Ken: Well, fuck you, Boulder!
[Ken runs over and tries to suplex it.]

—We Are Our Avatars

"Kira rides more swiftly and strikes more truly than any other dekhara here. If only she could learn to think as swiftly as she rides, and speak as truly as she strikes."

— Tasuni, Path of Exile

Metallic metaphors work best on Nick. Iron sinews... heart of gold... mind like a steel anvil... attention span of lawrencium-258.

— Schlock Mercenary

Alex: You think so slowly that by the time you've opened your mouth, I've had time to hear the sentence twice.
Onyx: See how fast you think when I split your head open.
Alex: Right, brutal violence. Your go-to solution to every problem. It ever occur to you this is why Richard has been passing you over? He needs someone whose CV doesn't start and end with "sociopathic killing machine."

— Bound

Easily the brains of the group, Grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things. Also ale.

— Critical Role

Caboose: I can carry it.
Tex: I guarantee you'll need two people.
Tucker: No, it's true. He's got crazy strength. Church and I think it's God's way of compensating.

— Red vs. Blue

"You may be as dumb as hog fat, but you're as strong as an ox."

— An overseer to Kunta Kinte/Toby, Roots (1977), Part 3

"...he is both an intolerable buffoon and a shockingly competent warrior, and I am begrudginly happy to have him with me."

— Azra Livbar, Defender's Quest, in a journal entry on the berserker Slak

Tannis: Get off this ECHO frequency, you protein-guzzling buffoon! I'm trying to convey—
Mr. Torgue: THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES. APOLOGIZE.

— Borderlands 2: Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage

"These muscle-bound types are all so predictable. They pump themselves into a righteous steroid frenzy, thinking power is the answer to all problems. They actually believe their granite fists can gain for them what their puny intellects cannot. It is much like dealing with a child. A half-ton child but a child nonetheless. And this infantile berserker is backed by almost unlimited might. But it will benefit him little. In the end, the mind always proves to be the most powerful muscle."

— Thanos on dealing with the Champion of the Universe, The Thanos Quest

Shockwave: I've siphoned your cerebral circuitry to push additional power to combat-related functions. Frankly, I'm amazed you can even talk. 98.7% of your re-design is dedicated to the total destruction of your enemy.
Grimlock: Lucky you.

— Transformers: Fall of Cybertron

"Oh, you's a corn-fed fool with a lot of muscle mass."

— Bullhorn on Thug #1, Black Dynamite

Queen: She also said that she admires all those muscles. It's a pity that the biggest one is between your ears.
Hercules: What?! That's unfair; there's nothing between my ears!

— Hercules Returns

Prince: Father, what is it with this guy?
Doctor Man: I created him for power. Take no account of his stupidity.

— Choudenshi Bioman

Variabeauty member: Sorry, kids, but if you think you're getting any further, then you've thought wrong.
Beat: Joke's on you, pal; I ain't thought a single thing since you started talkin'!
Fret: ...Somehow that still sounded intimidating.

— NEO: The World Ends with You

"That's the problem with demons. The major ones are too hard to control. And the minor ones? Uff. Dumb as bricks."

— Batwoman to La Dama on dealing with demons like Abaddon and Morax, Catwoman: Hunted

"We took some few casualties, but my deeper regret is letting Yotsuyu slip through my fingers. That bodyguard of hers may be a half-wit, but he's a mean bastard on the battlefield."

— Rasho Mastbreaker, Final Fantasy XIV Stormblood, regarding Grynewaht pyr Arvina

"If anyone is truly a big lug, Strong Mad is. This guy is dumb and strong, and that's pretty much the definition of a lug. One time, his brother Strong Bad asked him to pick up this one car. And so he did, but it was the wrong car. See? Dumb and strong."

— Yearbook Character Page, Homestar Runner

"EGGS (12) and BISCUITS (13) are morons. But they are dangerous morons."

— Homestuck

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