Quotes: Creator Backlash

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    Film — live-action 

I used to produce movies. In the 80s. Kind of like action films, sexy stuff. One critic called them 'European.' I thought they were shit.
Bernie Rose, Drive

    Literature 

The Cabalists who celebrated this mysterium,
This vast creature, named it Golem.
Perhaps there was an error in the word
Or in the articulation of the Sacred Name;
In spite of the highest esoteric arts
This apprentice of man did not learn to speak.


The rabbi watched it tenderly but
With some horror. How (he said)
Could I engender this laborious son?
Better to have done nothing, this is insanity."

    Music 

If you could ever find it in your hearts,
if you could ever think to find some sympathy,
never ask us to play this song,
or that song about our pants, or our kitty doggy.
Never ask us to play 'Godzilla' or 'Shut Up'
or that song we haven't written yet about that time we did some stuff
Five Iron Frenzy, "Never Ask Us to Play This"

    Newspaper comics 

Binky the Clown: Heeeey, kids! Wanna see Binky do a magic trick? Well, forget it! I'm not spending another minute in this stupid clown suit! I am an actor! But, noooo... Too short, they said!
Garfield: Third time this week. He's lost it.

    Web original 

I'd like to take a look back at the different segments that came together to make this one of history's worst anythings ever... The first is Actor Indifference. Nearly all of principle actors from the film are here, and none of them are good enough at their job to hide how much they hate that fact. Harrison Ford in particular will read the lines but you can kiss his ass if you think he's going to try. If Kanye West's agent booked him on Hee Haw, he'd perform with more enthusiasm. And for this reason, each segment's Actor Indifference will be measured in Angry Han Solo Heads. The more you see, the less people cared.
Seanbaby, "The 7 Most Baffling Moments in The Star Wars Holiday Special"

A camouflage sports car with a tank-like turret flies over a hill on a San Francisco street. As the car soars through the air in slow motion, thereís an insert shot of Bill Cosby in the driverís seat. Cosby, I should note, is looking very bored. Get used to this. In fact, most of this movie could be summarized as 'Cut to Bill Cosby, looking bored.' Iíd say he was phoning it in, but thatís something of an overstatement. Itís more like heís smoke-signaling it in.

Striking Distance is a by the numbers cop thriller done so many times by (Bruce) Willis it is almost a genre in itself. Willis actually went on record apologizing for this movie sucking but really its not that bad. It is more a generic thriller you stumble on one boring night and you watch instead of the paid programming for that giggling dumbbell that looks like you are jerking off. If anything, Bruce should apologize for North.
Miles Antwiler on Striking Distance (1993)

There's a line even [Joel] Schumacher won't cross, and that line is defending the existence of Batman & Robin. Schumacher spends the entire commentary track by himself repeatedly and earnestly apologizing for what he did. No stars to get in the way. No producers. Just an hour and a half of Schumacher pretty much going "God, I am so sorry — I just ... nipples? What the fuck was I thinking? Send me your address. I will pay you your money back." There are very few clever anecdotes, precisely zero joyful reminisces — just a few feeble defenses that quickly give way to shameful apologizing... Take note: Moments of self-awareness like this are rare in Hollywood, and they exist only briefly, like mayflies, before being utterly obliterated by a mountain of cocaine.

If you need proof that we seldom get to define our own legacies, just look at the Google rankings... The Bob Hoskins movie we all probably rate the highest takes third place to a video game adaptation he hated, and a Peter Pan sequel most audiences did. Also his turn as Odin in Son of the Mask. Really?

Among the filmís many problems was the fact that Adrian Paul wanted nothing to do with it. He hated the way Endgame had turned out and refused to go back to the dead horse that was Highlander. So the producers went back to Christopher Lambert, hoping to bring him back into the series somehow despite the fact that they had killed off his character in the last film in order to make it easier to go forward using Adrian Paul instead. Lambert refused or, based on how his negotiations with the TV series went, probably just asked for way too much money, knowing his demands wouldnít get met. So the producers had to go crawling back to Adrian Paul, because they desperately wanted one of the iconic MacLeods in the film. In order to bring Paul onboard, they gave him an executive producer credit... Adrian Paul would later go on record prior to the filmís release and say that The Source missed the mark. Thatís insanely rare for a lead actor to do in promoting his own movie. It is really that bad.
The Screamsheet on Highlander: The Source''

Dakota Johnsonís face is the face I make when Iím about to gobble down a Triple Steak Stack and a Cinnabon iced coffee from Taco Bell.

Jamie Dornanís face is the face I make an hour later when all that Taco Bell has attacked my bowels in a bad way and Iím a fart away from letting it all go and thereís not one available toilet nearby...Itís as if thirty seconds before that picture was taken, Jamie Dornanís assistant told him that his puppy was murdered, Betty White is in jail for doing it, Orange Is The New Black was canceled, a reboot of Showgirls starring Ariana Grande and Meghan Trainor was announced, Andy Capp Hot Fries filed for bankruptcy and he found out that he just lost a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to GEICO. Itís like he got the worst news ever all at once and then had to pose with her.

This was probably the exact moment when he realized that every magazine will call him ďFifty Shades of Grey star Jamie DornanĒ for the rest of his life!
Michael K., "Jamie Dornan's 'Why Me?' Face On Glamour"

Let's undertake a thought experiment. Imagine that—rather than paper and ink—each of those books were composed of: a look of unabashed contempt; a single embittered sigh; an explicit request that audiences not see the film adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey, vocalized by one of the movie's main stars. Imagine one hundred million pained expressions, one hundred million eyes rolled, one hundred million uncomfortable pauses that peter out into one hundred million dead silences.

You have imagined the press tour for the upcoming film 50 Shades of Grey...The most glaring problem with the press blitz—currently several months underway, though the film will not be released for another two weeks—is also the most damning for the upcoming film: Simply put, romantic leads Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan do not like each other. They dislike other things as well—the press; sex; the film in which they are starring—but it is clear their distaste for each other is the most keenly felt of all.
Kelly Conaboy, "50 Shades of Sigh"

It's difficult to find fault with (Roger) Moore personally (he can be so charming and amusing), but it's also difficult to not notice his self-observant standoffishness; his bemused contempt for the part. That kind of attitude is deadly for television... (he eventually got that way with The Saint and Bond, too, for that matter). It's pretty clear with this first episode that he's not suited for either the role, or weekly TV.

Look at how bored [Robert] Beltran sounds in the first scene spinning out the same sort of nonsense as usual. This is a man who has just come back from a Trek convention and has slagged off the show for not giving him anything to do in an age. And who can blame him? He might not be the world's greatest actor but this is exactly the kind of repetitive monotony that can drive the weakest of performers to speak out.
Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "Good Sheppard"

It's hardly a 'hidden' reason considering how vocal Kojima was about it, but Old Snake is a reflection of Hideo Kojima himself. He's apathetic because Kojima is apathetic; he's tired because Kojima is tired; he gave up on his philosophical idealism because Kojima gave up on his philosophical idealism (in regards to the Metal Gear series at least). Every major characteristic of Old Snake can be traced back to Kojima's own feelings about the series and his fans. The fact that Snake wants to get it all over with so he can die in peace is exactly parallel to Kojima's desire to end the series so he can move on without restrictions... I can't help thinking this is why he allowed a total Westernization of the controls as well; just blend in and hope for the best.

    Web Video 

Gabriel: Peter Molyneux has become self-aware.
Yahtzee: Ah yes, a recent quote from Peter Molyneux in which he described Fable III — exact word — a "trainwreck."
Gabriel: Alright, so here's the problem: He's become self-aware, but he's just going hyperbolically in the other direction.

Once I looked the whole thing through, I just thought 'Oh, man. It's exactly what I thought it was gonna be, but I'm glad no one's ever gonna see it!' Because I thought he was never gonna be able to sell this to anybody.... 'I'm paroled now. That's in the past, and I'm moving on.'
Mark Hannon on Samurai Cop

    Real Life 

I shrivel up every time someone mentions Star Wars to me.

If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that special and smash it.

There were a lot of 'voilas' and 'Gallic shrugs' with strains of the Marseillaise on the soundtrack... mostly great stunning cliches to demonstrate their overwhelming love of La France and la gloire. The result was purest chloroform. The picture ran for nearly three hours and at the gala American premiere the principal star in the audience was former vice president Richard Nixon, the only time I ever felt compassion for him.
Gore Vidal on the making of Is Paris Burning?, Point to Point Navigation

You know, it's funny how wrong an artist can be about his own work. The one composition of Tchaikovsky's that he really detested was his 'Nutcracker Suite', which is probably the most popular thing he ever wrote.

When you make a movie like Ishtar, the audiencesí expectations can be exceeded, but they canít be disappointed. This one disappoints all around... I cannot imagine that anybody who worked on that movie left it feeling that they did their best work. I didnít.
Paul Sylbert, production designer on Ishtar

... in terms of that film I was embarrassed. I was ashamed of the work, and I was grateful that I had the power to contain it all, and never let anyone see it. It was bad, bad, bad. It could have been wonderful, but I slipped up. I didn't quite get it and I didn't quite have enough sense to find out why I'm doing it and maybe there would be an answer.
Jerry Lewis, when asked if he'd ever release The Day the Clown Cried

Gene and I were on the Carson show once, following Chevy Chase, who had just promoted his Christmas release, °Three Amigos!. We chatted a little, and then Johnny said, 'Roger, what's your least favorite Christmas picture?' We were looking directly at each other when he said that, and I noticed an almost invisible expression flash across his face. I knew what the answer was, and I believe in that second Johnny did, too. I paused. '°Three Amigos!' I said... After the show, Chevy appeared in the door of my dressing room with a poker face. I was at a loss for words. 'I don't think it's so hot either,' he said.

The less said about Superman IV, the better.
Christopher Reeve, Still Me

I'll tell you the last time I really cried was at the premiere of Batman & Robin They were real tears because I realized that that might be the end of my career and I might have brought down the franchise along with it.

A lot of people hated Alien≥, but no one hated it more than I did.

... maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system, including alien productions we've never seen.

Fuck it. It is what it is. Fucking trees, man. The plants. Fuck it.

I am so ashamed of this movie that I have completely left working there off of my resume. On behalf of the many artists that have had the dubious distinction of working on this dumpster fire, I apologize to all of humanity for our part in this.
Vader Hater, an anonymous animator who worked on Food Fight.

I didn't want anything to do with a group of obsessives who paid to get together to talk incessantly about a TV show that had been cancelled. It wasn't logical...
William Shatner, on his reluctance to attend Star Trek conventions

The first Star Trek movie that I saw was Generations... And since then I've seen a few Next Generation episodes that I liked, and a couple of Deep Space Nine. I'm waiting for a good Voyager episode. I hope one comes up soon.
Robert Beltran on his Star Trek: Voyager experience

In my opinion the worst Doctor Who story ever written. (As an author I am entitled to say that!)

I had friends come from my job at News Corp who just had to see this ECW thing, and they were evacuated with the rest of us...I was so embarrassed going back to work that Monday; that I'd actually invited people who came down from New York who had to see this. And it was just—he had this bloody guy hanging half-dead down from the rafters, with girls crying and screaming and running out, and then we got evacuated 'cause people were getting asphyxiated 'cause there was a horrible smell. It was humiliating. It was awful. It was just so awful. So awful.
Joey Styles on ECW accidentally setting its own audience on fire

If you thought you were sick of the memes, I was sick of it way ahead of you. For instance, cake. I've had enough cake jokes.
Erik Wolpaw, writer for Portal

Congratulations, you've just bought our worst album!
Elvis Costello, in the liner notes to a reissue of Goodbye, Cruel World.

There's not enough money in the world to get me singing 'Because We Want To' again.

OK, the time has come for me to cease singing Nothing Compares 2U. The first principle of the manner in which Iím trained as a singer (Bel Canto) is we never sing a song we donít emotionally identify with. After twenty-five years of singing it, nine months or so ago I finally ran out of anything I could use in order to bring some emotion to it. I donít want audiences to be disappointed coming along to a show and then not hearing it, so am letting you know here that you wonít. If I were to sing it just to please people, I wouldnít be doing my job right, because my job is to be emotionally available. Iíd be lying. Youíd be getting a lie.
Sinead OíConnor

I don't understand why [my M.U.G.E.N website] still hasn't died even now. They mock me by denying me access to it (I never figured out why, and I don't really care anymore), and then not getting rid of it even after all these years. Ugh, I wish this relic of my past would fucking die in a fire already...
BB Hood (not that one), a MUGEN creator.

This cartoon is pretty old. It was the first cartoon we ever made. Homestar is not very funny and neither is Strong Bad. They are mere shadows of the men they have become. This cartoon has not been on the site for many months, but we have had several requests (from our Dad) to put it back. So here it is. Consider yourselves warned.
Marshmallow's Last Stand's "FBI Warning".