"Charlie Brown must be the one who suffers, because he's a caricature of the average person. Most of us are much more acquainted with losing than winning. Winning is great, but it isn't funny."
— Charles Schulz
"Sometimes, I'm afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."
— Charlie Brown, Peanuts
"Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"
— The Coasters, chorus to "Charlie Brown" (and no, the song is not about that Charlie Brown)
"No one ever listens to what I'm saying!"
— Sammy (Allen Covert) from Adam Sandler's Respect
That's life, I can't deny it,
Many times I thought of cuttin' out, but my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shaken come here this July,
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
Many times I thought of cuttin' out, but my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shaken come here this July,
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
— Marion Montgomery, "That's Life"
"Nuthin' goes right, I just can't fight it
Eastern Airlines thanked me for flying United!
I got some money, what did I do?
I bought some quicksand, the deal fell through
My car broke down, I called Triple-A
They left the car and towed me away!
I can't take it no more, I'm getting too old
I called suicide prevention, they put me on hold
Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall
I'm always up against the wall
(Whasamatta Rodney?)
Ahh, I don't get no respect at all"
Eastern Airlines thanked me for flying United!
I got some money, what did I do?
I bought some quicksand, the deal fell through
My car broke down, I called Triple-A
They left the car and towed me away!
I can't take it no more, I'm getting too old
I called suicide prevention, they put me on hold
Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall
I'm always up against the wall
(Whasamatta Rodney?)
Ahh, I don't get no respect at all"
— Rodney Dangerfield, "Rappin' Rodney"
"'The only reason I was born was that rats had chewed on Mother's douche bag, or so she told me.' This is an essential starting point to the Nina story."
— Gore Vidal, Palimpsest
"The Giants are an aunt's house you dread visiting. Every time the Giants come onto my television, the screen magically reverts to standard definition...Every time I think of them, all I think about is Billy Crystal telling Bruno Kirby that he's getting a divorce. That seems like a Giants fan thing to do. Let's go to the game and we can talk about how Helen never loved me. Oh, and Eli will throw a pick."
— Drew McGary
, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"
, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants""A History of American Farming by Peter Fox: who had a very rough time getting out of bed this morning and didn't eat breakfast and who pinched his left thumb in his gym locker and lost his favorite pencil in the library and whose day got even worse when..."
— Peter Fox, FoxTrot, writing his essay for a 'sympathy grade' (which takes up several pages)
"Boy, i have just had enough with this. This man is the MC, of his own show. His name is literally in the title of it, and he gets BITCHED BY EVERYBODY! Listen, when you think of this show, you think of Pingu! When you think of this show, you think of the noot-noot guy! SO WHY IS THE NOOT-NOOT GUY GETTING PWNED?! By everybody?!"
Actually, the crawling awkwardness starts with the introductory fiction. It's about an overweight computer nerd with glasses, bad skin, and bad hair - and everybody picks on him! There's even a pair of pictures with him looking all sad. Aww.
Gandhi would have kicked this kid's ass.
Gandhi would have kicked this kid's ass.
"It's the story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop."
— Sugar Kane, Some Like It Hot
Claret: And what valliant deeds did your employers do?
Nodwick: They valiantly fed me to a hydra, sundered an ancient seal with my head, and spoiled an evil wizard's spell by substituting my nose for one of the spell components. Huzzah.
Nodwick: They valiantly fed me to a hydra, sundered an ancient seal with my head, and spoiled an evil wizard's spell by substituting my nose for one of the spell components. Huzzah.
Fran: Where's Manny?
Bernard: He's not here.
Fran: Well how can I find him?
Bernard: You could become a terrible event and happen to him.
Bernard: He's not here.
Fran: Well how can I find him?
Bernard: You could become a terrible event and happen to him.
"Why is it always me?"
— Neville Longbottom, Harry Potter
"Hey, c'mon, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightning rod of hate!"
— Colin Mochrie, Whose Line Is It Anyway??
"Sometimes, I think I was born to be picked on..."
— Moses Sandor, Tales of Legendia
"Nobody likes Milhouse!"
— Dewey Largo (the music teacher), The Simpsons
"I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe'."
— Moe, The Simpsons
"But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him."
— The Colour of Magic (describing Rincewind, of course)
"If you're going to probe anyone, probe Chris!"
— Dan, after he and Chris are taken by a UFO, Dan Vs.
"Wow. Even my dreams hate me."
— Jerry, Code Monkeys
It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world.
— Pokemon Fire Red's Pokédex entry for Magikarp
"I think somebody rubbed all the sixes off the dice he throws."
"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs. Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!"
— Jack Sparrrow to Joshamee Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Wh-Why is everyone ganging up on me? It's so unfair... It's just that... I fell in love with Ragna the Bloodedge...
— Noel Vermillion when all the other female characters gang up on her over Ragna in Rachel's gag ending, BlazBlue: Continuum Shift
Why can't I do anything when it really counts!?
— Zorne Sepperin, RosenkreuzStilette
"He hath been most notoriously abused."
— Olivia on Malvolio, hanging a lampshade at the end of Twelfth Night
"Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?"
— Squidward Tentacles, SpongeBob SquarePants
"I lead a cursed life!"
— Yosuke, Persona 4, finally realizing that he is this trope
"Am I cursed...? Did I insult a gypsy or something...?"
— Yosuke, after Operation: Up Close and Personal ends in a wrecked scooter, Persona 4 Golden
Teddie: Wowee, Sensei! That was amazing! Don't you think so, whatsyourface?
Yosuke: Dude, why can't I be 'Sensei'?
Teddie: Because you're comic relief.
Yosuke: Dude, why can't I be 'Sensei'?
Teddie: Because you're comic relief.
"You know, at this point, I should really just accept that nobody anywhere respects me, shouldn't I?"
Hank Pym: You can take over from here? You? Tony Stark? Mister Fought-against-Cap-in-the-civil-war, shot-Hulk-into-space-and-caused-World-War-Hulk, gave-the-Skrulls-everything-they-needed-to-invade-Earth. You're taking over? Come on, give me one good reason why—
Iron Man: Three words. You're. Hank. Pym.
Hank Pym: Hey, come on!
Iron Man: Three words. You're. Hank. Pym.
Hank Pym: Hey, come on!
— Mighty Avengers, issue #23
"In Cleveland, it's not a matter of what will go wrong, but when it will."
"Okay, you don't like me! We get it!"
— Allon, Space Tree episode 43
"Your life will be filled with disappointment."
— Robbie Shapiro while reading a fortune cookie, Victorious
Why is it that lately, all I want to do is cry?
"I'm always the fall guy!"
— Knuckles the Echidna, Sonic X
This is Luigi's table. It's fashionable, but not very functional. Like Luigi!
— Mario Party 4, description of Luigi's table in the Present Room
"'Champion Gear-Carrier For All Your Gear-Carrying Needs' is a pretty wordy synonym for 'Chimp Derriere, Lord of the Butt Monkeys', but I suppose it looks better on a desk plaque."
The day had only just begun, yet it was apparent that all the world was aligning to scheme against and completely fuck over Jaune Arc.
— The fic Dreamscape, describing Jaune's reaction to being found in a bed with his best friend by his other friends
, describing Jaune's reaction to being found in a bed with his best friend by his other friends"Thundering typhoons! Everything happens to me!"
— Captain Haddock, The Adventures of Tintin
"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
— C-3PO, A New Hope
"You exist solely for gags."
— Tomoyo Sakagami to Youhei Sunohara, CLANNAD
Every single day I gotta clean up the kitchen!
Bowser's screaming at me saying scrub all of the dishes!
And Junior's a gremlin, he's a monster I live with!
That's the reason why I quit, 'cuz I just reached the limit!
The struggle is real, I need a new job! I worked as a plumber and I once was a cop.
I shot a black guy and I planted a gun by his leg.
I quit the plumber job 'cuz I got poop on my head!
Worked at a call center but it got on my nerves!
They were so rude, that's not what I deserve.
And a security guard at a pizza place, the monsters came alive when you stayed too late!
Had to quit Bowser, He treats me like a slave, always make me watch his brat, but I barely get paid!
But I hate these other jobs, I don't know what to do!
(Dude, your life sucks!)
(Toad, you don't have a clue!)
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I kinda wish that I was white!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I kinda wish that I was white!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I wish that everything was right!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I wish that everything was right!
Bowser's screaming at me saying scrub all of the dishes!
And Junior's a gremlin, he's a monster I live with!
That's the reason why I quit, 'cuz I just reached the limit!
The struggle is real, I need a new job! I worked as a plumber and I once was a cop.
I shot a black guy and I planted a gun by his leg.
I quit the plumber job 'cuz I got poop on my head!
Worked at a call center but it got on my nerves!
They were so rude, that's not what I deserve.
And a security guard at a pizza place, the monsters came alive when you stayed too late!
Had to quit Bowser, He treats me like a slave, always make me watch his brat, but I barely get paid!
But I hate these other jobs, I don't know what to do!
(Dude, your life sucks!)
(Toad, you don't have a clue!)
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I kinda wish that I was white!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I kinda wish that I was white!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I wish that everything was right!
Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,
I wish that everything was right!
— Chef Pee Pee, SuperMarioLogan, "Chef Pee Pee Quits (Part 6)"
Who gets stuck with all the bad luck? No one but Donald Duck!
— The end of the post-1947 Donald Duck theme
"If I had a dime for every time I got my ass kicked, I might not be in crippling debt!"
— Krillin, Dragon Ball Z Abridged note
"Are we laughing at Yamcha? Because I'm always up for that."
— King Kai, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
"Nobody screws Yamcha but life."
— Bulma, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
"I've been blindsided by my son, reamed by the IRS, rejected by my lover, betrayed by my friend, molested by a truck driver, cast out by my mother, and rained on by God. And this isn't even the worst day of my life."
— Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men
This planet hates me.
Shirley: Guys! Did you know that I actually have a civil against the bitch who stole my husband?
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: Because she's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost.
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: Because she's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost.
"Surely I am the fool of fools on the par of no other! I am no better than that stupid coyote or that crazy duck! Look at me! Look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated, and alone."
— Dexter, Dexter's Laboratory
[Blackadder picks up the cat and kicks it into the air]
Baldrick: Oh, sir! Poor little Mildred the cat, what's he ever done to you?
Blackadder: It is the way of the world, Baldrick. The abused always kick downwards. I am annoyed, and so I kick the cat, the cat [loud squeak] pounces on the mouse, and finally, the mouse—
Baldrick: Argh!
Blackadder: —bites you on the behind.
Baldrick: And what do I do?
Blackadder: Nothing. You are last in God's great chain. Unless there's an earwig around here you'd like to victimize.
Baldrick: Oh, sir! Poor little Mildred the cat, what's he ever done to you?
Blackadder: It is the way of the world, Baldrick. The abused always kick downwards. I am annoyed, and so I kick the cat, the cat [loud squeak] pounces on the mouse, and finally, the mouse—
Baldrick: Argh!
Blackadder: —bites you on the behind.
Baldrick: And what do I do?
Blackadder: Nothing. You are last in God's great chain. Unless there's an earwig around here you'd like to victimize.
— Blackadder the Third
"Go ahead... laugh. I'm used to it."
— Batbilig Chinzorig,note Quelf
So let me sum up the ways in which my life sucks right now: I've had a bunch of extra responsibilities dumped on me for no extra pay, I've had to move out of my home because my wife's violin tried to murder me, morale is in the shitter because of the disaster in Leeds, and for the piece de resistance, they made me wear a suit and sent me to be grilled live on TV, because we don't have the budget to hire a public relations fixer!
Yeah, it all sucks, but I suppose it could be worse. At least this time my line manager isn't trying to sacrifice me to an elder god. But it's still only May, so I suppose there's time for that to change...
Yeah, it all sucks, but I suppose it could be worse. At least this time my line manager isn't trying to sacrifice me to an elder god. But it's still only May, so I suppose there's time for that to change...
To say our heroes are cursed would be underselling it. At least curses usually have a chance of being lifted in some way.
You know, as I look at these stone walls, basically I realize that, ever since leaving Lothering, it's been one long case of me stumbling into chaos. My success is only down to two things: my incredible skill that allows me to survive it, and that sometimes when I trip, I find myself landing facefirst on a gold ingot.
— SF Debris reviews Dragon Age II
"Since conquering Stilwater, the once small-time street gang has evolved into a media empire.
A Saints movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE...
Well, who gives a fuck about Pierce?"
A Saints movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE...
Well, who gives a fuck about Pierce?"
— Saints Row: The Third opening text crawl
Eddie O'Hare considers himself to be the unluckiest man in the entire cosmos. And, bluntly, he's got a damned fine point.
— Colony
"If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer."
It occurred to Rimmer that nothing really nice had happened to him since his death. You'd have thought that dying in itself would be bad enough. You'd have thought a person had the right to expect that death would be just about the lowest point in that person's experience. But no. Since he'd expired, things had got progressively worse.
Perhaps... Rimmer's eyes began to widen... perhaps he'd died and actually gone to hell! For a terrible instant, it made horrible sense. It would be hard to imagine that anything but the devil's own gnarled, hairy testicles had spawned a creature like Lister. The grinning little gimboid admitted he didn't know who his parents were.
— Red Dwarf: Backwards
"The things I do for love..."
— Courage the Cowardly Dog, bemoaning the perilous situations he's always put through to save Muriel
"Your very existence is grounds for a whole genre of jokes."
— Cegorach to Magnus the Red, If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device
"On you, little man, I don't want to waste much time; you've been pushed around all your life.
You've been pushed around by your mother, and your sister and your brother.
And if you were married... you'd be pushed around by your wife!"
You've been pushed around by your mother, and your sister and your brother.
And if you were married... you'd be pushed around by your wife!"
— Dr. Facilier to Lawrence, The Princess and the Frog
Bugs Bunny: I'm tellin' ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner Brothers say that you were their best duck.
Daffy Duck: Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get the laughs. It's all "Hoo-hoo! Yuk-yuk!" and then "BAM, WHAM, BLAM!"
Bugs: And your tail is on fire.
Daffy: Exactly my point! And—
Bugs: No, really, your tail's on fire.
Daffy: YEOW! [runs around hollering while Bugs laughs]
Bugs: Daff, you're accident-prone.
Daffy: [extinguishes tail] Ugh... what am I even talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot and people love you.
Daffy Duck: Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get the laughs. It's all "Hoo-hoo! Yuk-yuk!" and then "BAM, WHAM, BLAM!"
Bugs: And your tail is on fire.
Daffy: Exactly my point! And—
Bugs: No, really, your tail's on fire.
Daffy: YEOW! [runs around hollering while Bugs laughs]
Bugs: Daff, you're accident-prone.
Daffy: [extinguishes tail] Ugh... what am I even talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot and people love you.
"Just too much to ask to cut me one break, is that it?"
— Sazh Katzroy, Final Fantasy XIII
"You have a real talent of getting your ass kicked."
— Lila to Cassel, White Cat
"Why, whenever something's going on, it's always on my balcony?"
— Jack Manifold in response to Niki being imprisoned on his balcony by the Schlatt administration, Dream SMP note
"Okay, I guess I'm just this entire family's toilet paper."
— Jerry, Rick and Morty, "Look Who's Purging Now"
"The man is a psychic magnet for tragedy!"
— Carnage on Spider-Man, Spider-Man: The Trial of Peter Parker
"God fucking damn it, leave me alone! There's an anti-bullying rule!"
— Joko, SMPLive
Dick Dastardly: What?! Why is it always me!?
Penelope Pitstop: 'Cause the viewers at home think it's funny!
Dick Dastardly: Gosh, kiddies. You don't want to see your old Uncle Dicky savaged by a pack of wild gorillas, do you...?
Viewer: I kinda do.
Penelope Pitstop: 'Cause the viewers at home think it's funny!
Dick Dastardly: Gosh, kiddies. You don't want to see your old Uncle Dicky savaged by a pack of wild gorillas, do you...?
Viewer: I kinda do.
"One nightmare after another!"
— Sebastian J. Cricket, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio
