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Funny: Veronica Mars

From the series

  • "A PONY?!?"
  • How about Keith's poster: "She's 18, it's legal - Re-elect Don Lamb"? And the fact that he had them prepared ahead of time?
    • Earlier in that episode, when Keith goes to Cliff's hotel room (his note to Veronica: "Gone on puzzling errand"), only to find Cliff handcuffed to the bed.
    Keith: So, can I ask you a question?
    Cliff: She said her name was Daphne.
    Keith: Oh, no no. How did you call me?
    Cliff: Acrobatically. I might have pulled a hamstring.
  • Also, a particular stoner would like to inform you that he'd make a great bait! In fact, he'd be a "master bait"!
  • "They're probably up there making love. Or playing Dungeons & Dragons. Or both. At the same time."
  • "She's a hooker!"
  • This little gem where Veronica and Mac choose "Canada" when forced to participate in a country-themed dorm party.
  • Before the intro, Veronica in season one: "Yeah, we used to be friends. A long time ago." Cue: A LONG TIME AGO...WE USED TO BE FRIENDS.
  • "Annoy tiny blonde one! Annoy like the WIND!"
  • Dick in the first episode of season two:
    Dick (blurts out across the bus): Miss Dumbass!
    Miss Dumas: It's Du-mas...
  • Veronica goes to Sheriff Lamb accusing Thumper of murder.
    Lamb: But he's got such a cute nickname!
  • From "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough:"
    Dick: Am I drunk?
    Logan: No, dude, you're just special.
    • Jackie from the same episode:
    "Lurking? You mean standing while black?"
  • Veronica's EPIC BURN of Kendall Casablancas in "Look Who's Stalking".
    Kendall: Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble.
    Veronica: Like, trouble? With a capital T, which rhymes with C, which stands for
    Keith: Veronica!
    Veronica: I was gonna say cute.
  • Logan gets a stab at Kendall too.
    Kendall: Doesn't this mean anything to you?
    Logan: It does. It means I'm getting laid. And I owe your village a goat.
    • And in another episode
    Kendall: Oh, quit standing there so smug. Tomorrow you're just gonna call me at two in the morning saying you want some company. For your information, that really doesn't satisfy me, Logan.
    Logan: Really? You always come.
  • Logan introducing Kendall to Trina:
    Rode Hard, meet Put Away Wet.
    • For Buffy fans in the audience, it was added funny AND awesome, because Willow finally got the best of Cordelia.
  • In "The Girl Next Door", Veronica is trying to track down her missing neighbor Sarah, and she thinks Sarah's friend Adam, who manages a clothing store, knows something. When he refuses to talk, Veronica calls Weevil, and he and the rest of the PCHers come to the store, generally making a mess of things. Then Veronica walks back in:
    Veronica: Guys! Remember, no white after Labor Day!
    PCHers: (in mock disappointment) Aw!
  • Weevil finds Veronica in front of the trophy case. This isn't Getting Crap Past the Radar, this is "someone's dead at the switchboard."
    Weevil: If you're lookin' for my trophy, it's back by auto shop.
    Veronica: Lube job? Or...can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
    Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims, baby.
    Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?
    Weevil: Forget it. Look, I got some information for you.
    Veronica: Finally, a Deep Throat to call my own.
    Weevil: I ain't touch'n that one.
  • "Say 'repressed homosexuality!'"
  • The Soundtrack Dissonance of Aaron beating up Trina's boyfriend to Dean Martin's "That's Amore."
  • Logan's smartass comments to Veronica when he's trying to get Veronica to help clear him of Felix's murder.
    "Pretend for a moment that your dog's life is at stake."
  • Keith wants to test whether the deputies are actually checking IDs at bars, so he sends Piz and Wallace in with fake IDs with pictures of Jon Bon Jovi and Biggie Smalls.
    "You know we don't all look alike, Mr. Mars?
  • Veronica trying to break into Keith's safe after he changed the combination, and lamenting that Keith is smart enough that there's no way to figure out the code (not a meaningful number, not written down anywhere). When she finally finds the code, hidden in the day planner, she excitedly opens up the safe and gets hit by an ink bomb. Made even funnier by Keith's enthusiasm at her falling for it.
  • Veronica's over-the-top acting at the wig store, complete with cheesy soap opera music. And when she gets caught lying, she simply turns around and walks out.
  • Madison's bug-eyed expression during the elevator ride to Alternaprom.
  • Veronica's impression of a wannabe Gamer Chick in "The Wrath of Con". She sounds absolutely Adorkable.
    Veronica: Ownage!

From the movie

  • "Logan! That girl that always follows you around is here!"
    • And later in the same conversation:
    Dick: "Hey Ronnie. Your boobs are bigger."
    Veronica: "So are yours."
    • Dick in general, really. To the point where even though he should be one of the murder suspects, given the information Veronica has at one time, he's just too damned silly for even her to consider. When Veronica brings up his possible part in the killing later on, one of the villains disregards it out of hand as if they were clearing up a minor misunderstanding.
  • What Logan has to go through in order to get the stalker girl to drop criminal charges against Veronica.
    Logan: So this is happening.
  • The Cameo. Because while everyone is six degrees from Kevin Bacon, everyone in California is only two degrees from James Franco.
    • And he's more upset about his not getting a copy of a Simarillion script than about his tablet camera being hacked.
  • Here is Rob Thomas showing an exclusive clip from the movie with a cameo from a Kickstarter backer. Can you spot it? They're the one saying "Your check, sir." All of them.
  • Veronica calls Wallace for a favor. Because he's now a teacher at Neptune. And she needs a student's permanent file.
    Veronica: It's not a current student!
  • Veronica brings some of her characteristic snark to bear against Madison at the school reunion:
    Madison: I didn't think I'd see you here.
    Veronica: Well I knew you'd be here. Tell the truth, you've been sitting in that chair since graduation, haven't you?
  • Veronica dragging out the old radio-transmitter bug, only too discover a little too late that whoops, there's actually a station on her frequency now.
    • Less funny when you realize this caused Gia to get shot by Cobb and nearly had the same result for Veronica herself.
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