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Funny: The Weekenders
  • In "Best", Tino visits the sloth exhibit at the zoo when he's depressed about not winning any yearbook superlatives:
    Tino: I might as well be that sloth! I have done nothing memorable in my entire life! I am the sloth! The sloth is I! I am one with the sloth!
    Lor: He's losing it...
    Tino: What will I be remembered for? What will be my legacy?
    (cuts to a dream sequence, where the kids are at their middle school reunion as adults)
    Girl: I just love your fabulous new line of shoes, Mr. Descartes!
    Guy: Tish, your book on advanced astrophysics was positively gripping!
    Other Girl: Lor! Congratulations on winning the quintathalon at the Mars Nanosports Games!
    Adult!Carver: Hey, Tino!
    Adult!Tish: Hey, what have you been up to?
    Adult!Tino: Oh, big stuff! Big stuff! Lots of heavy deals goin' down...
    Adult!Lor: Still selling nonstick muffin pans door to door?
    Adult!Tino: Yeah... But, hey, I sold a muffin pan to President Shvenderman! And there he is now!
    (we see Adult!Bluke being escorted by the Secret Service)
    Adult!Bluke: I've been President for months! When do I get my white horse?
    Secret Service Agent: That's White House, sir...
    Adult!Bluke: Oh. Can I have another cookie?
    (the dream sequence ends)
    Tino: Ah! I can't let this happen! From this day forward, I will start my life anew! I will no longer be a nobody! I will focus all my energies on getting voted Best..."Something" next year! And let it be known: I will never eat muffins again!
    Zookeeper: Hey, get down off that wall! You're panicking the sloths!
    (Tino looks over at the sloths and sees them staring at him blankly)
    • When Tino is fretting about what award he will get in the yearbook.
    Lor: No, Chloe Montez always wins that one.
  • "To Tish":
    • Carver keeps calling Tino "pumpkin pie".
    Tish: If I call Tino "Pumpkin Pie", pretty soon everyone will doing it.
    Tino: Don't sweat it. This kind of thing never catches on.
    Carver: You tell her Pumpkin Pie.
    Tino: DO NOT!

    Carver: Pumpkin Pie is right.
    Tino: You are teetering on the precipice with that Pumpkin Pie thing, my friend!!!
    Carver: Precipice? Man, you are dishin' the Tish.


    Carver: I know exactly what you mean Pumpkin Pie.
    Tino: Enough with the Pumpkin Pie! Man! It's like your saying "Tino, please put these chili fries down my pants!"

    Carver: Alright, do your "Final Thoughts" thing, Pumpkin P—
    Tino: DESIST!
    • Tino's "chili fries" line is especially memorable, since the Disney Channel used to have a promo bumper that used a snippet of it completely out of context, making it sound like Tino was excitedly asking Carver to dump chili fries down his pants.
    Tish: I'm going home before I'll say something I'll regret.
    Lor: Like what?
    Tish: Like you're a bunch of insensitive guttersnipes.
    Carver: She definitely would've regreted that.
    Tino: Oh yeah.
    Lor: Good thing she didn't say it.
    • Then that bit where it's even caught on with her favorite television show.
    • This exchange:
    Carver: Ah, she's being too sensitive. I mean, it's not that annoying...
    (Frances comes walking down the sidewalk)
    Frances: Tishy Tishy Tishy Tishy, Whoo-whoo! Tishy Tishy Tishy Tishy, Whoo-whoo!
    (beat)
    Carver: It's that annoying.
  • The Awful Weekend has this gem:
    Lor: I heard the dinosaurs are SO realistic, you can't tell the real ones from the robots! (pause) Ooohh...
  • The Talent Show:
    Tish: I don't have a jealous bone in my body!
    Carver: Um, do you have any jealous internal organs?
    Tish: NO!
    Carver: Tish, you're the only one who can help Lor. You have all the qualifications: talent, creativity and the desire to tell people how to run their lives.
    • Lor repeatedly saying "Cantaloupe" instead of "Antelope" when singing "Home on the Range".
  • Dinner Party:
    • Tish wants to have a "sophisticated dinner-party", which the others are trying to get out of:
      Lor: Now, all we have to do is let Princess (Carver's dog) lick us on the lips. We come down with some kinda "dog flu" and have to go to the vetenary E.R! It's foolproof.
      Carver: I think I'm gonna pass on this, for the obvious reason THAT I'M NOT INSANE!
      Tino: Guys, why don't we should just go, as a favour to Tish?
      Carver: Yeah, maybe we should go...
      Lor: Monkfish liver pate!
      Carver: I'm kissin' the dog!
    • Tino: I think I had konnichiwa in a sushi bar.
    • Lor: I'll go get chairs! I think there's some in Mexico!
    • Bluke turning up to the magician's cape to the Dinner Party. Which still have doves in it.
  • Tino's face disappears right before Carver says "Guys! Tino's broken." in "Cry".
    • This exchange:
      Tish: Our best friend is turning into a robot!
      Lor: And not even a cool laser-blasting robot! More like a...fire hydrant with legs.
    • When they're trying to get Tino to crack up and show emotions:
      Carver: Tino! I heard on the internet that Chum Bucket just broke up!
      Tino: Whatever.
      (Lor comes over holding a newspaper)
      Lor: Tino! A bunch of baby dolphins got trapped in a fishing net!
      Tino: Whatever.
      Tish (weeping): I spilled my Chug-a-Freeze!
      Tino: Whatev...okay, that wouldn't be that sad, even if I had emotions!
      Tish: Of course it is! I ruined a twenty-dollar blouse!
      Tino: Whatever.
    • Later:
      Lor: Hey, T! Fractal Man could beat up Captain Dreadnought!
      Tino: Whatever.
      Lor: Scooter the Happy Pony could beat up Captain Dreadnought!
      Tino: You're probably right.
      Lor: A small bundle of twigs could beat up Captain Dreadnought!
      Tino: One never knows.
      Lor: GAH!
      Carver: You know what? Forget you, Tino! I never really liked you anyway!
      (Tino holds up a piece of paper)
      Tino: Nice try. But you left your script on the coffee table, Olivier.
      (Tish reads from the script)
      Tish: "Fogret you, Tino. I never rooly liked you...omiwag"?
      Carver: My handwriting's getting better, don't you think?
    • Later, at the end of the episode:
      Tino: And Captain Dreadnought could beat up Fractal Man, Scooter the Happy Pony, a small bundle of twigs, and...your daddy! Oh, yeah! How you like them apples?
      (beat)
      Carver: Why did we want his emotions back?
      Tish: I cannot recall.
    • And earlier on when Tish is trying to comfort him over crying in class.
    Tish: I think it's great that you appreciate Shakespeare enough to publicly disgrace...yourself
  • "Good thing you don't want to be cool, rich and popular!" note 
  • An episode where everyone resolves to make friends outside the group gives Tish an Imagine Spot where she and Frances dance around in a field singing "I like pointy things!" over and over.
  • Tino's mother trying to make a necklace out of beads (and failing):
    Mrs. Tonitini: My bead crafts class is Thursday and if I don't show up with something they'll start calling me "Ten Thumbs Tonitini" again.
    Tino: Bead craft ladies can be so cruel.
    Mrs. Tonitini: There, it's a pretty necklace.
    The beads all fall out
    Tino: You want me to leave now so you can say bad words?
    Mrs. Tonitini: That'd be great, thanks.
  • When Carver comes home to relieve Lor of babysitting his little brother.
    Lor: This is not a child. This is a 10 on the Richter Scale.
  • Tino and his friends meet his mother's boyfriend's daughter Moira and she's wearing Tommy Hugo shoes.
    Carver: Ssh, I'm picturing our children.
    Tino: Snap out of it, man!
    Carver: Now I'm picturing our children's shoes.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt's absolutely random appearance in "My Punky Valentine" where she tries to get Tino to develop a crush on her, Carver gives her a dollar to get the bus home and she pops up at the end begging to close the show.
    JLH: Later days...(giggling) I sound like such a dork.
  • Lor imagines herself as a research scientist.
    "If I combine these two solutions there is a 74.6% chance of blowing up the Earth and a 26.4% of making intelligent cheese"
  • The gang tries to tell Tish her new hair is awful without telling her, here are the ways.
    • A note written by Carver...
      Tish: (reading the note) "Tish, you are making a big mistake with your...frog"
      Tino: How could she have gotten 'frog' out of 'hair'?
      Lor: I thought you said your handwriting had gotten better.
      Carver: It has gotten better. 9/10 words were readable.
      Tish: Frog? Of course! My science project! (looking over her analysis) How could I have made a mistake?
    • A phone call to Tish's house.
      Tino: (putting on an incredibly fake British accent) Hello, I wonder if you might deliver a message to your daughter. (beat) My name is of no consequence.
      Tish's Mom: Tishy, old woman on telephone wants to purchase your hair. I say no thank you and good day to you ma'am.
      Hangs up
      Tino: (still in British accent) Hello? Hello? I shall report you to Scotland Yard!
    • "Tish, your hair is the pits!"
  • "Broken":
    • Lor: (to Tino) You have pretty good posture for someone without a backbone.
    • This dialogue:
      Lor: Say Carver, let us see if you can read my mind. I am thinking of a number between 1 and scooter.
      Carver: No idea. Let's see if you can read my mind.
      * beat*
      (Lor groans and gives Carver her chili cheese fries)
      Carver: Exactly right. Tino, can I borrow your napkin?
      Tino: No, you may not! Because frankly, I have no idea what condition it'll be in when you return it!
      (Tino walks away with his napkin. A confused Carver looks at the girls who just smile nervously)
    • When Tino imagines what would happen if he reminded Carver to fix his scooter for the parade.
      • (Scenario 1)
      Tino: Carver, you forgot to fix my scooter!
      Carver: For the love of Heaven, stop nagging me! I hate you! You're just like my sister!
      • (Scenario 2)
      Tino: Uh, Carve? About the scooter-
      • (Scenario 3)
      Tino: I hate to bother you, but, have you gotten around to my scooter, yet?
      Carver: I said I'd fix it in time for the parade, and I will! ...Next year's parade! (evil laugh with organ music playing in the background)
      Mrs. Tonitini: Did you just go to that pink place in your head again?
      Tino: This time it was blue.
    • Rather than just fess up to Carver, Tino gets devises a plan:
      Tino: *clasping his hands and grinning evilly* I'm going to go down to the parade and give him dirty looks. Really, really DIRTY LOOKS!
  • Tish's love poem in "Crush Test Dummies".
    Tish: "My love is like a paramecium, it divides and reproduces. It's covered with wriggling hair-like cilia and full of high-protein juices."
    Lor: Uuuuhh... uuuhh..
    Tish: What part didn't you like?
    Lor: The part where you were talking.
  • Carver's response to Tino in the Father's Day episode. Tino's feeling emotional, and calls him on the phone in the middle of the night, starts talking, gets no response from him, until:
    Carver: Can't talk now. So tired I smell colors.
  • From the episode "The Invited":
    Tish: I guess I'll just...go to the bathroom.
    Carver: Surprisingly, the law no longer requires that you announce it to everyone.
  • From the episode "Dixon".
    • This line:
    Dixon: You know, I heard the only works of man that can be seen from space are the Great Wall of China, and you trying to get me together with your mom.
    • Later:
    Tino: Mom, I don't know if you noticed, but I was sort of trying to force you and Dixon together earlier.
    Mrs. Tonitini: Huh? Really. Gosh, I didn't notice at all, because my head was encased in a block of wax.
  • "Radio Free Carver":
    Tino: Tish is right, Carve. You have to get back on the horse that threw you.
    Carver: It didn't just throw me. It kicked me and trampled me, and left me broken and bleeding in a shallow ditch at the side of the road.
    Tino: Wow, colorful.
    • Later:
    Tino: This is a little game that my mom and I play when I obsess about stuff too much.
    Lor: Dude, when are you not obsessing about stuff too much?
    Tino: Ok, so we play it a lot. It's called "The worst thing that could happen".
    Tish: Sounds cheery.
    Tino: And here's how it goes. You ask yourself 'What's the worst thing that could happen?' over and over, until you realize that the stuff you're imagining is so dumb that it isn't even worth worrying about. So, Carve. Imagine the worst thing that could happen if you went back on the radio.
    Carver: Well, I could go in. Totally choke. Really bad. Get suspended from school, get kicked out by my parents, hop a freight train out west, get arrested for being a hobo and end up on a chain gang with a guy named Lenny who calls me George and keeps talking about the rabbits.
  • "Lor's Will":
    Lor: So, where's Tish?
    Tino: She...got stuck in the toilet.
    Carver: Lost in a flood.
    Tino: German measles.
    Carver: Dot ate her car.
    Tino: Joined the Dixie Chicks and moved to Nashville.
    Lor: Guys, next time could you agree on a lie before you come in?
    Lor: But what about my leg?!
  • "Laundry Day"; Lor has left her entire family's clothes at a Laundromat despite Tish's many objections.
    Tish: Lor, shouldn't we be heading back to the Laundromat? Your family's clothes have been sitting there for hours, what if someone takes them?
    Lor: Ah, they'll be fine! Quit worrying!
    Tish: Oh, I am doomed to be like Cassandra: predicting future disasters but never believed by others!
    Lor: Cassandra Merten from math class?!
    Tish (Clearly annoyed) Nevermind!
  • Most of "Party Planning", but a few moments stand out.
    Lor: There's a clear difference between focused and deranged!
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