As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.
Career Girl
- Ken using a Loophole Abuse regarding how many feet he should stay away from Barbie in her restraining order, which leads to a Your Mom exchange.Barbie: You know you’re not allowed within a hundred feet of me.
Ken: Yeah, but no one ever told me whose feet. 'Cause if it's like, an ant's feet, I am within a hundred feet of you.
Barbie: It's not feet. It a unit of measure.
Ken: Your mom's a unit of measure.
Barbie: That doesn't even make sense.
Ken: Your mom doesn't even make sense!
Halloween
- Barbie engages in a long list of possible characters that Yasmin is dressed as, which includes a my little pony, a Sleeps-Around-Alot Care Bear, Brooke from The Bold and the Beautiful and Marcia Brady after getting hit in the nose with a football. She also suggests a Real Housewife of Toys-R-Us, which eventually became real thing within the series.
- In the background at one point, the Sam and Mickey dolls get engaged in a catfight. At another point, Mickey falls of a piano while drunk, and is then seen sporting a bandage on her head.
- Barbie doing a Head Desk on the piano keys during The Stinger.
Call Me... Maybe?
- "I hope you have fun with your Disney whores, you son-of-a-bit--"
- She screams at him while pounding on the piano keys:Barbie: I gave you the best 50 years of my life, Ken! And for what?! I gave you four daughter—uh, no. I meant, four little sisters—crap.
- Barbie, crying and on the toilet, singing "I Will Always Love You" quite poorly.
- The ending that shows that Ken didn't receive any of her messages, as he doesn't have a phone, but Mr. Potato Head did instead.
Baby Shower
- The montage of events when Barbie was pregnant with Krissy, which includes her singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" to a bottle of beer, complaining how fat she is, eating for two, crying over Titanic, and kicking Ken off of their single bed and even blaming the pregnancy on the bed itself and donning a disguise while at the supermarket while she and Ken buy some incontinence pads. Even better, the pads are a Barbie brand and the box reads "I'm Not Pregnant, But You Might Be!"
- The Reveal that Yasmin was never pregnant and just had a bad case of gas the whole time!Barbie: Are you *bleep*-ing kidding me?!
The Meltdown
- The entirety of Barbie's, well, meltdown.
- In The Stinger, Skipper finally gets to say "Dijon Mustard" out loud in Barbie's presence. Cue Skipper laughing and clapping along to Barbie firing her handgun.
Pineapple Store
- The signs behind Anslem demonstrate some sass, such as the one asking, "If you bought a Pineapple uPad, why did you do that?", or the one demanding shoppers with no money to leave.
- This:Skipper: Everyone likes boobs, Barbie! It doesn't make you a lesbian!
Sam & Mickey's Advent Calendar
- When Ken delivers the Christmas tree, he claims wolves attacked him on the lips, so Barbie gives him a get-well kiss. Skipper then debunks Ken's story by pointing out the tree has a price tag from Wal-Mart.
- Stacie tries to give precise instructions on how to trim the tree, but Barbie just hastily adds garland, one bauble, and a bottle to top it all off. The next day, Stacie trims the tree to her own liking, but she and Barbie fight over who should put the star on the top. They end up breaking the star, so Barbie carries out a "backup plan": dress Krissy as an angel, and place her on the top of the tree.
- Barbie giving Yasmin a Time Bomb disguised as an early Christmas gift on December 16. The very next episode reveals that Yasmin had somehow survived the explosion.
- Barbie giving Yasmin a Yellow Snowcone on December 17, much to Stacie's disgust.
- Barbie shoos away some carolers by pretending to mistake them for trick-or-treaters.
- Barbie mistaking Santa Claus to be a burglar, and attacking him.
Krissy's Christening
- Ken prepares the christening so efficiently and thoroughly, that Barbie awards him, "10 dad points". Ken cheers that he only needs 60 more for... a sticker.
- When Barbie asks who would like to become Krissy's godparent, no one raises their hand, except for Yasmin. While she loudly begs Barbie to pick her, Barbie calls everyone else out on not volunteering, then arbitrarily picks Mrs. Potato Head instead.Barbie: You're the Godmother. Congratulations.
Mrs. Potato Head: I'm Jewish.
Barbie: Oh, no one cares. Jesus was Jewish, no one would have turned him away from being a Godparent. Get up here.
Yasmin: Jesus was not Jewish.
Barbie: Yeah, he was.
Yasmin: If Jesus was Jewish, how come he got a Mexican name?
Barbie: See, this is why people don't pick you. - Barbie's hallucinations of a possessed Krissy could humor viewers who recognise them as such. When the other "little sisters" hear about them, they recall some other nonsense Barbie worried about while drunk, such as the toaster spreading rumors about her.
Road Rage
- Barbie making Skipper get them ice cream.
- Barbie getting into a physical fight with an adjacent driver after a Your Mom exchange. Cue the black eye.Barbie: Your mother must've been a whore because you drive like an asshole!
Driver: That doesn't even make sense! - The cause of the traffic jam? Barbie's stretched limousine, parked upside-down across six lanes, which couldn't be towed away because it was filled with hundred of liquor bottles.Barbie: Sh-*bleep* Skipper, drive!Skipper: I can't!Barbie: Put your foot on the gas, Skipper!Skipper: I can't, Barbie, there's a car in front of u-(vroom-SMASH!!)
The Barbie Cooking Show: Episode 1
- Barbie being stopped from even trying to practice her knife juggling.
- Barbie crying over the "On Top of Spaghetti" song.
- Barbie impatiently screaming at the oven: "COOK! Why'd it take so long it's not even done just COOK! COOK!!"
- Barbie asking a crew member if he would like to have sex with her.Guy: No.Barbie: Real quick.Guy: No.Barbie: REAL QUICK!
- Barbie doing a "turkey dance".
- Skipper being called in to deal with her "big sister".
- Barbie demonstrates why she can't drink cooking sherry, which Ken says makes her hallucinate.Barbie: But I can't go, because the lipstick truck hasn't arrived, and I've got a date with a blue dinosaur!...Why is the room filled with ants?!
- As it turns out, this is not the first time that Barbie put baby Krissy in the oven.
- Barbie and Ken having sex on-air.
The Return
- Skipper recording the whole ordeal. Ever after Barbie tells her to stop.
- Barbie threatening Skipper.Barbie: So help me Skipper. I will friend you on Facebook!Skipper: Oh please no.Barbie: And then, on your birthday, I'll post a baby picture of you on your timeline.Skipper: Oh God, please no!Barbie: And I'll write a huge paragraph about how much you mean to me, and how fast you've grown, and the promising young woman you've turned into!Skipper: Oh please Barbie, Anything but That!Barbie: Talk!
Home Alone
- Barbie's various Failure Montages of putting up the tree, making cookies and egg nog and trying to invite various people over to hang out with or having a sexual tryst. The latter instance happens after she gets out of the bath, and yes she is naked during the montage, albeit with a large "Censored" bar over her body.
- Barbie's "gift" is a clever one: she does a surprise makeover of Skipper's room into an overkill of pink decor, rainbows and worst of all, pictures of herself. The ending says it all:Skipper: (offscreen in her room) Barbie, what did you do to my room?!
Barbie: (laughs) Merry Christmas, me! - Upon going to meet up with the family in the cabin, it appears that the moment will end on a happy note, but it gets subverted:Barbie: Also, pass me the baby. Not because I missed her, but I like the smell of babies.
Ken: Merry Christmas, Barbie!
Barbie: Shut the *bleep* up!
The Barbie Cooking Show: Episode 2
- Chelsea having to be hauled off to the ICU thanks to her Plot Allergy to almond powder. Bonus Black Comedy points for Barbie thinking that Chelsea is just faking it.
- Krissy falling off the kitchen counter and crashing onto the floor. Twice.Barbie: (the first time) Honestly, who didn't see that coming?!
Barbie: (the second time) No. She definitely won't work out. - Katniss and Bella Swan adding squirrel meat and human blood, respectively, to the cake mixture. Barbie is understandably grossed out.Barbie: Why don’t I know any normal people?!
- Barbie doesn't even give Yasmin a chance to be her co-host.Yasmin: Ello!Barbie: No!
- Barbie and Ken having sex on-air again, despite Deborah's warnings.
- Barbie, by herself, declaring that she won't touch any of the wine bottles. Cue Gilligan Cut.
Flying High
- The Running Gag of Barbie and her story being interrupted by her prisonmates, causing Barbie to get increasingly impatient as time goes on.
- Barbie pretty much defying every single rule that her family told her to follow.
- This:Pilot: (over the intercom) Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be landing in 10 minutes time. If you have any goods to declare–Barbie: (over the intercom) –You should declare them to the small Hispanic woman sitting in Seat 24G, as long as the goods that we’re referring to are your penises! She’s a skyway prostitute. Enjoy your descent everyone, your descent into her vagina! HAHAHAHA! PEACE!
The Attic
- During The Stinger:Yasmin: (watching Barbie's old Betamax videos with the "little sisters") I like your kindergarten dance concert, but my favorite is where you're a baby and you poop on your momma's white pantsuit, and she tells you that "you'll never amount to anything". So funny!Barbie: (to Ken) Let's go to Home Depot and buy a mallet. I'm smashing that Betamax player when they go to sleep.
Barbie's Book Club: Part 4
- Barbie singing new takes on songs from pretty much every Disney Animated Canon musical with a royal female lead. (Ironically, Beauty and the Beast provides one of the few exceptions.)
The Babysitters
- This:Stacie: (on the phone) Oh thank Christ! Barbie, please tell me you’re coming home now!Barbie: (on the phone) What? No, we’re still on our way to the goddamn hospital! Traffic is horrific ‘cause some idiot crashed a Twinkies truck on the highway, and people are abandoning their cars to fill their purses with loot! Ken, put your seatbelt back on and sit down! You do not need to engage, you need a blood transfusion! *bleep*, I hate my life! Anyway, is everything okay there-Ken, I am not *bleep*ing kidding, I will leave you on the road and turn back home so help me! I gotta go, talk soon. PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON!! (hangs up)Stacie: Barbie! Barbie!! Son of a Hufflepuff!
- Margaret bottle-feeding baby Krissy gin in an attempt to soothe the latter's teething gums.
- Margaret's reaction to Mexican food.
Furniture Shopping
- Ken does not handle The Reveal that Yasmin is actually only 16 years old well at all.
- A man mistaking a display toilet for a real one, much to Barbie's and Yasmin's disgust.
Blizzard
- Barbie tried peeing on the snowed-in wheels, but she ran out of pee, so she tries to down a huge slurpee.
- This:Chelsea: Yeah, good idea, I'm freezing my balls off here.Stacie: You don't have balls Chelsea.Chelsea: Thank you, Captain Obvious!
Awards Show
- Barbie hijacks the In Memoriam reel to share a song that she wishes the DAG nominated for Best Song: "Touch My Boat", from the Finding Nemo-themed porno Grinding Nemo, which translates several of the Pixar movie's most famous quotes into innuendo and pick-ups.
Barbie's Failed Screen Tests
- Barbie imitating the Bond theme song with a real gun. Said gun turns out to be loaded. And Barbie ends up accidentally shooting the camera.Director: Please leave right now.
The Ken Cooking Show
- Ken bombarding the audience with his theme song:I DON'T BAKE CAKE!
I ONLY MAKE STEAK!
I DON'T MAKE PIE!
'CAUSE I'M A MACHO GUY!
I'M KEN!
I'M KEN!
THE MANLIEST OF MEN!
SO SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTHS BEFORE I SING THIS SONG AGAIN!
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!
IT'S THE MANLY COOKING SHOW WITH KEN! - Ken going off on a tangent about garnishes.
- Ken being unable to bring himself to slaughter a live pig.
- At one point, he brags about not being a Dad after making a "Dad joke", only for Chelsea to wander onto the set:Chelsea: I knew it!
Ken: Oh, no! *yelling to someone off-camera* I told you, I needed a closed set!
Chelsea: *tearfully* I knew it! Who is it then? Is it the Red Power Ranger?! He's got anger issues like me! *runs away crying*
Ken: Daddy's kidding, my little gumdrop! Go line up your teddies! We're gonna have a tea party later, okay? You wanna do my hair?! Are we still filming right now?! - Ken's Minor Injury Overreaction to getting hot oil splashed onto his chest.
- Ken accidentally cutting his hand with a sword that he used to chop vegetables.Ken: AAH! I'M HURT! I'M HURT AGAIN OH GOD THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD! (Screams Like a Little Girl) HOW DID YOU KNOW I CAN'T HANDLE LARGE KNIVES I MEAN I GUESS IT'S A LITTLE OBVIOUS SINCE I CAN'T HANDLE LARGE SPOONS EITHER!! UGHHHHH, THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD!!
- The return of Deborah after Ken and Barbie drink:Ken: Deborah!
Barbie: Deborah!
Ken: De-boo-rah!
Barbie: De-boo-rah!
Deborah: How many cooking shows do we have to cancel because you keep getting drunk and making fools of yourselves on air?
Dreamhouse Dinners
- Barbie spends episode #3 trying to repeat an incident in which Krissy attempted to say, "duck", but accidentally dropped an F-bomb instead. When Krissy says different words, Barbie becomes so frustrated, she substitutes "duck" for F-bombs. Only after Barbie leaves, does Krissy close out the video with a (bleeped-out) Precision F-Strike.
Tommy
- Ken's follow-up to Barbie's explanation to the "little sisters" for hating Tommy:Barbie: He's the biggest dick I've ever known, and I have known so many dicks, more than most women.
Ken: Listen, at some point in adulthood, everyone ends up with a sibling they no longer speak to, or about. I have one, Barbie has two, and someday in the future, yours will most likely be Stacie.
Stacie: Not shocking. - Tommy's crying/complaining about his life problems, including his belief that his girlfriend, Paprika, broke up with him because his penis is too big and how he was disqualified from a competition due to his urine testing positive for horse tranquilizersnote and how he believes that it was the Russians that tampered with it instead.
- He repeatedly calling Yasmin "Yamsin".
- This exchange when Barbie is trying to force Tommy and Yasmin together:Barbie: Uh, she's leaving! Tommy, fix it!
Tommy: Uhh, I don't mind small breasts!
Yasmin: Well I do.
Tommy: Did you call my pecs small? Are they small? Ken, stand up so I can compare.
Yasmin: Also, your hair is too tall.
Tommy: WHAT?!
Yasmin: Why are you wearing a chain like a seatbelt?
Tommy: How many muppets did you kill to make that vest?
Yasmin: Jafar called: he wants his beard back.
Tommy: You know what those giant lips would be good for?
*Yasmin slaps him*
Tommy: OW! I was gonna say lip liner!
Training Tips with Tommy
- His repeatedly insulting the audience and the fact his four VHS tapes cost $199.95 each (and every subsequent episode has the price keep getting lower).
- The "Tommy Temper", which is a way to motivate yourself to exercise:Tommy: [whilst punching an exercise dummy and grunting] The liberal media! The price of Chai Lattes! That women can vote!
- He displays that he owns a boombox and a Nokia phone and claims it's because he likes to play the game Snake and not because he can't afford anything better.Tommy: Please order my tapes! Please! [sobbingly with tears streaming down his face] Please!
60
- Barbie literally breaks the fourth wall!
16 and Pregnant
- At the gender reveal party for Yasmin's and Tommy's baby, Barbie gives out penis-shaped lollipops and vagina-like cupcakes, much to Yasmin's disgust. Tommy makes things worse by getting a lollipop and a cupcake, then suggestively sticking one into the other.
Return To Horseback Mountain
- With Ken apparently unable to deliver Bad "Bad Acting", Barbie instead trades lines with him for one scene, complete with her calling him, "Barbie," and him calling her, "Ken." Lisa Felicia decides to keep this take in the final film, confusing the duo until they figure out Mattel's Failure Gambit.
- Barbie and the nurse, Sinead (the same one from "Surgery") torture Yasmin with singing songs from the former's "Push Playlist", including "Push It", "Born This Way" and "Baby". Then the rest of the family join in with singing the latter.
- Tommy's ridiculous beliefs that pulling a hamstring and being kicked in the crotch are more painful than giving birth.
- Barbie then singing "Circle of Life" while Yasmin is giving birth.
Quarantine
- Barbie torments a socially-distant Yasmin by pretending to beg for a hug, until Yasmin cries that she can't come in.
- The Running Gag of Barbie showing up in a Winnie the Pooh outfit that consists of a bear head, red half-shirt and no pants. They even blur out her bottom half everytime!
Mugshot
- The montages of Barbie's crime sprees.
