Funny / Protectors of the Plot Continuum

  • "They needed to be hosed down." (A humorous joke by indemaat.)
  • Stormsong and Skyfire tend to get caught up in these, both the Gay Weasel Sketch, and "Why is it glittery?!". The "Rape Jar", also. (Links NSFB.)
  • Jay and Acacia leaving a Sue to die in the video for Ich Will.
  • "Don't ask questions, just grab that penis!" (Not safe for work or sanity.)
  • The Stylistic Suck in Rena and Shay's missions, which, to comply with rules, weren't "found" badfic, but were written by Rena and Shay's author.
    "It was night-time. The birds were asleep. The stars shone black in the sky. Under regular circumstances, 'stars shining black' would have been impossible; however, in this world, anything could happen."
    "erthstrype loked up at Psilophyta. 'd00d u safed me!111' He said."
  • One particularly dreadful Pirates of the Caribbean 'fic had a character declare that a dress "makes me look a thinner." The effect of these Exact Words on the story led to a burst of hysterical laughter from the agents present and what is probably the only charge of "causing a chemical solution to wear clothes" in the history of the PPC.
    • In that same mission is the following exchange:
    Suicide: It's just getting interesting, albeit in a car-wreck-reminiscent way, and you chicken out of the Duty? What does that make you?
    Ithalond: Isildur?
  • "My name is Salina Rose, and I AM A PIRATATE!" Also:
    "Uh, when the hell did that happen?" Leigh pointed at the naval ship that had just appeared next to the Pearl. "And why is it tied to us?"
    Jira shrugged and ducked as an English cleric flew over her head. "Because the author doesn't know the difference between Loose and Lose, nor does she know Canon from Cannon."
  • In "Gorillaz In The MST", Agent Kestrel threatens Murdoc Niccals if he does anything wrong like so:
    Kestrel:One false move from yew, sir, one word outta yore mouth wot I don’t like, an’ I’ll cockblock yer by kickin’ it til ye ‘ave a falsetto wot’d make Justin Bieber jealous. Any questions, dearie?
    Murdoc: Erk.
  • Sandwich!Stu in With A Side of Chips and a Soda.
    "Anyway, you are charged with deliberately poor writing, wanton cruelty to punctuation, violation of the laws of physics, violating the laws of chemistry, violating the laws of biology, being ridiculously over-powered, misusing Hammerspace, creating minis, abuse of the word ‘chopper,’ annoying PPC agents, and being an abomination against nature due to being a sandwich that walks like a man. [...] Nameless bit character," Laura said to the trembling woman. "You are charged with being a nameless bit character, for aiding and abetting a Stu, and for having a grasp of reality so thin that you have no problem with a giant sandwich."
  • Ring Child, which has the misspelling 'a hord was blown'. There happened to be a very large number of goblins nearby at the time.
    • Later:
      Nume:[Charging the Stu]...Opening the Doors of Durin, causing Frodo to sprout a fro, causing unspeakable things to happen in Moria, ...Yup. Ahem, I know damn well I'm leaving charges out, but those are the important ones.
      Suicide: You forgot "mass goblin sex".
      Nume: I said "unspeakable things in Moria". Unspeakable, as in should not be spoken of ever again.
    • Ilraen's diary during The Plague. Especially the 20x repetition of "I will not steal my partner's underwear."
  • The ending of the mission where Redd and Jill take on one of the horrors perpetrated by Ultamite Nineball, in which Jack and the Death of Rats argue over the soul of God Mode Stu Zain. "Sister Vanity will like him a lot."
  • Any time Kirill and Zug are on a mission.
  • Agents Maria, Mark, Cadmar and Miah going on a trip around Europe.
  • The discussion of what to do with Snoofles of Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen: "Well, we can't exactly kill it, can we? Wouldn't be very politically correct. Besides, it's a panda that actually wants to have sex. Which is more than most actual pandas can say right now."
    Mordecai (hanging onto the top of a car): Why didn't we use the Remote Activator?!
    Jack the Hunter (same predicament): You're the one with a functioning psyche!
  • "Great. The world is ending, reality is falling apart, but don’t worry because I have a rubber chicken that will make it all better. Thank you very much."
  • One of the forbidden weapons on the Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In The PPC list, among some more usual things like "minigun" and "Wave Motion Gun" is "sack full of adamantium power doorknobs". I think that speaks for itself.
  • When tackling Rainbow Factory, a Warhammer native is explaining how to use plastic explosives to the other Agents on the mission.
    Kilroy: “Put somewhere you want to disappear. Push shiny buttons. Run like Horus is after you. Blammo!”
    • From the same mission, Caroline tells a mini-Discord:
    “No chaos– oh. Oh, no, never mind, mini. In fact, all of these ponies would like to have inverted wings. Wouldn’t that be funny?”
    • The mini complies eagerly.
  • Mittens and the Radioactive Moss Creature wind up destroying a crash dummy while killing a really hideous Supernatural Sue. Mittens says that the tech department is going to be mad. The RMC says they didn't have a choice, "Unless the Flowers want a Glittery Woman who haunts the roads, luring unsuspecting canons to their deaths."
  • One fic had a typo in which the R was left out of the phrase "endless stretch of ocean". The universe reinterpreted "stetch" as "stench".
    • And then it reinterprets the "Hemlic" maneuver as "Hemlock".
  • The same Agents that handled that mission also handled a Pirates of the Caribbean fic chock full of Malapropisms. Highlights include "gems with insulting lines", Norrington being "under the influence of a powdered wig", and a character who "often kept her bosom neatly tied".
  • In Eris Discord, Agents Mervin, Hyde, Snape, and Sands are assigned to kill off all Snape-obssesed Sues before the release of Deathly Hallows. The group is in despair, considering the sheer number of Sues, until they hit upon the perfect idea - using Snape as bait to lure the Sues together and let them kill each other off. Cue one hilarious scene of Snape being hung from the ceiling in a harness, screaming, cursing, and flailing, while the Sues engage in a death match underneath him. And when Sands thinks that things are sounding too calm, he kicks Snape out again to get them worked up. Then, there's the snarky descriptions of the various Sues themselves.
    Goddamn!” Mervin shouted, eyes widening. “Did you see that, Hyde?!”
    Hyde looked appalled. “Unfortunately, I did,” she said shakily. “I didn’t know Sues could do that.”
    “That was…” Mervin checked her files. “Ariah Morrigan. She’s a badly written goddess—I suppose badly written goddesses can do that…”
    “Not all of us present are blessed with the gift of sight, you inconsiderate twats,” Sands said irritably.
    “Her vagina just ate someone,” said Mervin. Sands whooped in appreciation.
  • One of the missions takes on noted squickfic Draco's Christmas Cuppa, available here. It has its moments, but chief among them is during the climax. So to speak.
    • Also, Doktor Trollenfisch's ignorance of human anatomy. "Zer head is zer bit on zer top vhere zer face goes, ja?"
  • This moment occurs between two missions by two different authors. In Valon Vance and Kala Jeng's seventh mission, a discussion of sphinxes includes a mention of Rashida Mafdetiti, a sphinx agent by another author.
  • PPC Mythbusters.
    "... well, that's me wrong."
  • Valon strikes again, with the aid of Miguel Correa and Ami Seeker.
  • What do you get when you take a Skarmory, drop him in a Dora the Explorer crackfic, and get him doped on too much Suebuprofen? This mission. That's what.
    Despite Ripper’s attempt to get him to snap out of it, though, he was still imagining Dora suddenly shouting something in eldritch tongue, followed by tentacles emerging from her orifices to molest wildlife.
  • After fleeing the horror entitled Subjugation, Suicide and Dio hid out in Azeroth for several years, running a weapons shop in Stormwind City. Imagine a deranged Scythian-Spartan Death Seeker and a reformed Legomance Sue as fairly successful businesspeople!